Emotional Numbness- Prayers, Help!

[gloriousday2006]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE religious OCD intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

 

[rockytopva]

I have never been married. I took care of my grandparents and ailing mother and the woman of my age had no use in helping me bear my burdens.

For ye had compassion of me in my bonds, and took joyfully the spoiling of your goods, knowing in yourselves that ye have in heaven a better and an enduring substance. - Hebrews 10:34

I believe the key is faith, hope, and trust that the Lord will see you through and we have in heaven a better and a more enduring substance.

 

[weallknowfrogsgoladida]

I do know how you feel! I am experiencing much the same due to abuse and trauma. It is horrible! Its like an invisible wall. I dont have the answers but I do have evidence that God hears my prayers despite the fact that I often feel distant and unloving towards Him and others. I just keep asking Him to heal me. I remember reading a story online about a guy who was healed of schizophrenia. The change in his before and after photos of his face was amazing. He said he got down on his knees everyday and kept asking until he saw change.
Jesus has delivered me from Intrusive thoughts. Continuously take those thoughts captive - 2 Corinthians 10:5. God bless

 

[tryintogrow]

Hello Glorious,

As a survivor and overcomer of emotional atrophy, I may be able to help you.

But I must ask a question. Are you here to blow off steam and get a little sympathy, or are you here to change? I don't want to spend my time writing a whole manifesto for someone who loses interest.

 

[gloriousday2006]

Hello Glorious,

As a survivor and overcomer of emotional atrophy, I may be able to help you.

But I must ask a question. Are you here to blow off steam and get a little sympathy, or are you here to change? I don't want to spend my time writing a whole manifesto for someone who loses interest.

I whole heartedly want to overcome this. If you have suggestions I would love to hear them. As I mentioned I am usually extremely emotional and then this occured.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I would seek help for OCD if I were you so you can live a better life ...not one bound by fear.

 

[tryintogrow]

First of all, let me start with this. There's nothing Jesus can't heal us from. After many years of being stuck in emotional death (that's the only way I can describe it), I finally had enough. I went to prayer and reminded Jesus that He raised Lazarus from the dead. I boldly (but respectfully) claimed Lazarus for myself. If He could resurrect Lazarus' entire body, He could resurrect a dead part of me. That prayer was a turning point in my journey. Jesus responded by showing me constant references to Lazarus. Every time I fought for it, I'd see a Lazarus reference within a day. It became our thing. I didn't 'feel' better for a while yet, but He confirmed that He heard me.

There is NOTHING He cannot heal.

Let me ask you a few other questions. What sort of backsliding was involved? You don't have to confess gritty details, but I'm wondering what sort of trauma/damage may have resulted from it. Think of mental damage the same as physical sickness. If sin puts us in a bad situation and we get the flu, it's great to repent, but then we'll still need medicine for the flu. Repenting is only the start. It doesn't necessarily repair cognitive damage.

Also, when you say you had obsessive intrusive thoughts, what sort were they? Unwelcome blasphemies? Taunts that you weren't really saved? Were the obsessive thoughts related to your backsliding, or were they just random attacks against your faith?

Finally, have you ever gotten counseling?

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE religious OCD intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

I am praying that God heal you and help you every day.

 

[ripple the car]

Yep, it's incredible how many of us on CF suffer from the effects of abuse, trauma, and mental illness.

I'm convinced that behind every psychological issue is a spiritual problem. It may not be a problem with you but, in other cases, a problem with Satan attacking you. Many of us suffer from intrusive thoughts. I am convinced that this is 100% Satanic.

Pray. Cling to Christ, and do not give up. He never gives up on us. He is merciful, loving, patient, gracious, just, and incredibly powerful. And He died on a Cross for us.

Many prayers help me especially, but there is a little, tiny pamphlet that helps me the most.


The Way Of The Cross by St. Alphonsus Liguori

 

[tryintogrow]

You have been given plenty of advice, my dear. There's no different answer. You'll change when you're ready.

 

[gloriousday2006]

I am praying that God heal you and help you every day.

Thank you so much. This means more than you know!

 

[gloriousday2006]

First of all, let me start with this. There's nothing Jesus can't heal us from. After many years of being stuck in emotional death (that's the only way I can describe it), I finally had enough. I went to prayer and reminded Jesus that He raised Lazarus from the dead. I boldly (but respectfully) claimed Lazarus for myself. If He could resurrect Lazarus' entire body, He could resurrect a dead part of me. That prayer was a turning point in my journey. Jesus responded by showing me constant references to Lazarus. Every time I fought for it, I'd see a Lazarus reference within a day. It became our thing. I didn't 'feel' better for a while yet, but He confirmed that He heard me.

There is NOTHING He cannot heal.

Let me ask you a few other questions. What sort of backsliding was involved? You don't have to confess gritty details, but I'm wondering what sort of trauma/damage may have resulted from it. Think of mental damage the same as physical sickness. If sin puts us in a bad situation and we get the flu, it's great to repent, but then we'll still need medicine for the flu. Repenting is only the start. It doesn't necessarily repair cognitive damage.

Also, when you say you had obsessive intrusive thoughts, what sort were they? Unwelcome blasphemies? Taunts that you weren't really saved? Were the obsessive thoughts related to your backsliding, or were they just random attacks against your faith?

Finally, have you ever gotten counseling?

Thank you so much! I believe that is amazing advice. I also believe that Jesus can transform all things!! Nothing is impossible for God!!! Please keep praying for me...I desperately need it.

I have had all of the intrusive thoughts that you mentioned. As well as thoughts that I have sinned worse than anyone. I had such a severe reaction to them. I couldn't even believe it was me...because it was so opposite to myself. It was constant, intense panic. That is when all of the depersonalization happened and emotion numbing after a month or so of it.

 

[gloriousday2006]

I do know how you feel! I am experiencing much the same due to abuse and trauma. It is horrible! Its like an invisible wall. I dont have the answers but I do have evidence that God hears my prayers despite the fact that I often feel distant and unloving towards Him and others. I just keep asking Him to heal me. I remember reading a story online about a guy who was healed of schizophrenia. The change in his before and after photos of his face was amazing. He said he got down on his knees everyday and kept asking until he saw change.
Jesus has delivered me from Intrusive thoughts. Continuously take those thoughts captive - 2 Corinthians 10:5. God bless

Thank you for your reply! I will pray for you too. It is like an invisible wall between my thoughts and emotions. I am going to keep asking as well. Nothing is impossible for our beloved Savior.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE religious OCD intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

Are you on any meds?
Are you in therapy/counseling?

 

[gloriousday2006]

I not on any medication currently for anxiety. I do take bp medicine and thyroid medicine. I am worried about having a hard heart because I currently can't feel emotions. I sit here right now and feel numb. It is the first thing I think about when I get up. It is like I couldn't feel my emotions no matter what. I do not like this at all.

I worry about having a hard heart. I do not want to have a hard heart. I want to have a soft heart. Are heart and emotions the same thing? I always felt emotions before this happened. I want to serve the Lord. I want to be a true Christian. I have always felt my emotions and even so sensitive to feel others emotions.

 

[dysert]

I am watching this thread with interest. I am an emotional stone too. It doesn't bother me too much (after all, I have no emotions), but it's bad for the marriage. So if someone knows the secret of gaining emotions I'm eager to learn it.

 

[gloriousday2006]

I am watching this thread with interest. I am an emotional stone too. It doesn't bother me too much (after all, I have no emotions), but it's bad for the marriage. So if someone knows the secret of gaining emotions I'm eager to learn it.

I always have had emotions in the past. I was someone who could cry at the drop of a hat and pick up on what everyone was feeling. I always felt everything. I don't want to be emotionally numb like this. I feel trapped.

It was after the extremely tense anxiety and panic from religious OCD type stuff where I couldn't function that this happened. It was like all of my worst fears were in my mind, and regret over past sin, to the point where I couldn't even believe it was me. It was so opposite of everything I stand for, of everything that is me, of my pure love for the Lord. I was having such severe panic that it was like I just almost shut off. I want my emotions back. I want to love others. I want to follow God above all.

I hope you get an answer as well. I will pray for you too. I feel like there is numbing cream on my emotions. I want to feel.

 

[dysert]

I always have had emotions in the past. I was someone who could cry at the drop of a hat and pick up on what everyone was feeling. I always felt everything. I don't want to be emotionally numb like this. I feel trapped.

It was after the extremely tense anxiety and panic from religious OCD type stuff where I couldn't function that this happened. It was like all of my worst fears were in my mind, and regret over past sin, to the point where I couldn't even believe it was me. It was so opposite of everything I stand for, of everything that is me, of my pure love for the Lord. I was having such severe panic that it was like I just almost shut off. I want my emotions back. I want to love others. I want to follow God above all.

I hope you get an answer as well. I will pray for you too. I feel like there is numbing cream on my emotions. I want to feel.

Thank you.

It sounds to me like your numbness is circumstantial. By that I mean that it's been brought on by a series of unfortunate circumstances that have since subsided. I think this means there's hope for you. If circumstances brought on the numbness, then the lack of such circumstances will hopefully return you to your previous condition. Hold on to that hope.