Emotional Numbness- Help!!

[gloriousday2006]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

 

[Kenny'sID]

Right off I'll tell you this is a new one on me, and hope someone here can relate.

I do want to add a couple of thoughts though.

One is obvious, in that you are on the right track with your love of God, and hopefully the right track to healing.

Two concerns this, and things like it:

I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Don't worry about it, you cannot and you don't have to take it all back...arrangements were made a long time ago to deal with that, as what you did was expected. Also, it seems to me you've done what you need to to take advantage of those arrangements/get forgiveness.

I'm reluctant to offer any real advice onn the main subject, so I'll just leave it at ...forgiving yourself is important...very important. Forgive and move on, it's all any of us can do, and that could play an important role in your situation here.

 

[Norma gray]

Hello,
WOW I'm sad for you but i now know I'm not the only one with unwanted thought going through my head and i am searching as well like you! I wish i new the answer but I'm stuck.

I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

 

[gloriousday2006]

Thank you for the reply. This has been extremely difficult. I will pray for you as well.

 

[Norma gray]

I know it is extremely difficult and thank you i will pray also! only if you new the horrible unwanted thoughts i have about God which i know it's OCD but i am still ashamed because i don't want God angry at me even though I believe he truly understands everything we are going through but the douts are still real and i am working on it my friend and threw God all things are possible Amen

 

[Norma gray]

I'm sorry i have a thing about not remembering everything at once or i would have said this the first time LoL butt i had severe panic attacks at one time for so many years and as I got older some of the bad one's went away for now of course with the help of diazepam or i would be worse if I didn't have it to take but i rarely take it anymore whoooo I'm so grateful for that! And many times i felt the weird feeling i had done exactly what I was doing before i did it and i was so scared but it's something in our bodies that causes it to happen so please keep your head up and always remember there is hope and God has got this even if we don't see it at the moment ☺

 

[Chaplain David]

Hi,

As I mentioned in the last thread I posted in, counseling has had good success helping people with the type of things you've mentioned.

I recommend that you find a licensed counselor who is also a Christian and meet with them. Give the person and process a chance to work in you and reassess after a time.

Above all, try to trust the Lord and that He will provide the people, services and other things that you need to prosper. Participating in work that helps lift others up is also important.

I'm praying for you and also invite you over to the Ask a Chaplain Forum if you want to discuss anything with us.

God bless us all. I'm confident things will get better.

 

[gloriousday2006]

I want to thank everyone for their prayers. I had a break in the numbness yesterday and was able to cry and praise and worship with my whole heart. It was beautiful and amazing. I am feeling numb again today, but I know God is with me and I am thankful that God does not base my salvation on any qualities of my own but on his faithfulness and truth. I love my Lord Jesus and will follow Him no matter how I feel. Please keep me in your prayers for healing from OCD, depersonalization, and to give me a soft compassionate heart.

 

[Gluttonous Winebibber]

I want to have a soft heart.

Sounds maybe like that's why God numbed you (if what you said is true). Some people can't handle the crazy upsets in the world, because that's what it is, crazy. Honestly I kind of feel the same as you, except I didn't get numb, I got angry, angry enough to look for some answers to what haunts me. And yes, it sucked for a lonnnnnnng time. But if you are numb to these problems then maybe that just lets you focus on the positive things of God, because even if you have all the answers to the craziness, people still won't listen to you if they don't want to. Charity is the best antidote.

 

[Yasmany Salamanca]

Hi I'm struggling myself too with this. I came across this post and hope it helps.
The Challenge of Awakening a Numb or Checked-Out Heart

 

[Michaela Edens]

I’m literally going through this right now. Almost exactly. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I spent my days delving into every other religion besides Christianity and feeling like I was understanding the keys to the universe. And then one day I read my Bible and read about the unpardonable sin and freaked out thinking I had committed it. My feelings didn’t go away until one day I felt I was possessed by some entity. I think it scared me so much that I lost all feeling. I too was a very emotional person. But this post gave me so much hope. Thank you for sharing. You helped me believe that I still have Jesus’ love even if I can’t feel love.

 

[fakh05]

Hello,


I am going to explain my situation and see if there is anyone who has been through something similar. This has been extremely difficult, and extremely challenging. I believe in Jesus. He is my Lord and savior. I love Jesus and I desire a relationship with him above all things. In fact, I think there is nothing more important than Jesus. I do not care about the riches of this world, but above all want a relationship with my Savior. I was baptized in 2014. I went through a period of backsliding that I wasn't even fully aware of the extent. I am very ashamed of this. I have repented and wish I could take it all back.

Month 1:
I started turning back to the Lord whole heartedly after a period of serious backsliding. Prayer journaling, worshipping, and reading the Bible. I was having SEVERE intrusive thoughts and extreme anxiety. To the point where I couldn't eat, lost weight, severe panic attacks, couldn't work or function. It was like my world drained of color. I whole heartedly repented of my sin. I went through feelings of guilt and severe condemnation. When I would have the intrusive thoughts it felt like ice being poured into my chest.

Month 2:
I believe I experienced an episode of depersonalization where I felt I was coming out of my body. After then, my emotions have numbed considerably. I am still feeling detached from my emotions. It is almost like I am trapped behind glass. I know how I want to feel about things, I know what I think, but I can't feel my emotions. Even when I look at old pictures, I can't feel the emotional connection that I would normally have.

I am usually an extremely emotional person who feels everything. This is particularly terrifying. I want to feel my emotions. I think the same, but cannot feel my thoughts. If I do feel emotions it is dull compared to how I would normally feel them.

Above all I want to serve the Lord. This has been so extremely traumatic. Has anyone experienced this before? I would love to talk to someone who has come out on the other side of this. The whole purpose of life is to get to Jesus. I believe we were made by and for God.

I want to be a compassionate, kind hearted person who serves the Lord. I do not want to be numb. I want to have a soft heart. I will continue to seek the Lord no matter how I feel. I cannot live without Him and can do nothing apart from Him. I do not want to ever be separated from Him, and I know I am a terrible sinner in need of a savior. I will keep seeking.

I had dealt with a different type of OCD in the past, but never to this point. Please prayers, hope, and encouragement

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