emotional disconnection..

[vigilantsoul]

I know nearly all of my posts consist of me in need, but it really is this way for me and three of my sisters.

I had to be the bearer of bad news about my auntys last hours of life to my mother( her sister). I consoled her and sat with her for a long time before she turned her abuse on me.

She will not let a comment my sister made to her about her age go, my sister has said sorry, but I am the kick bag for mums hurt and she will not forgive.

She also went on to say she sought 6 men to have sex with so she could have my sister, so she really is the chosen one, and I am really just a product of her marriage.

I expressed my hurt and feelings over how she makes me feel, and she mimicked me in a condescending tone and told my husband to take me home and look after me. Like I am incapable.

Another sister of mine is psycologically bullying our mother and has brainwashed her against her three daughters.

It is making me unwell physically and I am really sad, cause this narcissistic sister is spreading lies about her sisters to the wider family, and mum holds this narc sister on some golden pedastal. It really is disordered, and I have to let go, I know mum will not last more than 3 years. Had my sister left our frail mother out of her drama queen life, mum may not be such a bitter and hateful soul. What daughter lumps all her lifes woes on an aging mother, a narcisistic one, she is using mum to hurt us, and its working a charm.

Mum even get hateful on me, when she finds out I go and see my other aunties, (jealousy)

I have to let go of my mother and she is still alive. I hope I dont have any regrets but she has been a bitter person for alot of years now and her love really is conditional.
Her regime- and she will love me.
This regime feels like I hand them a stick and they belt me with it.

I really am at a loss, it feels really really bad, I have to disconnect from my mother.

 

[LaBarre]

Vigilantsoul,

My heart goes out to you. For what it's worth, I think you are making the right decision in disconnecting from your mum. It's obvious that it breaks your heart, but it's also obvious that your mum and your family are making it impossible to have even half of normal relationship. Healthy families take care of each other, and find ways to deal with their disagreements with respect. Yours doesn't. Which is too bad because I sense that you would like to be able to do that. But it takes two to tango. They have to cooperate with your efforts. This is a sinking boat and the passengers are refusing to help themselves.

Since your health - physical and emotional is at stake here it is definitely time to pull away and take care of yourself. That is the mature and adult decision. It doesn't mean that love your family any less.

Please don't feel guilty over this.

Again, my heart goes out to you. I went through similar situation years ago; my mother was dying of cancer, and as the eldest daughter, I was expected to care for her. But doing so meant being in constant contact with the father, uncles, and cousins that abused me. My soul was dying right along with my mother. I moved a thousand miles away, and didn't give anyone a way to find me. I did see my mom right before she died. I went to counseling, worked on my self esteem and how to have healthy relationships, and have over the last 3 years, been able to re-connect with a couple of family members.

I would do it all the same way again. I'm a very different and happy person compared to what I would have been if I had stayed in such a dysfunctional environment.

May God help you while you take control of your life and safety.

LaBarre

 

[Criada]

That is hard, sweetie, but you are right to set boundaries and stick to them.
Families can be very painful to cope with.
I hope that you can do what you need to to keep yourself safe and at peace

 

[annrobert]

I am sorry you are hurting and having these troubles.

we can always pour our hearts out to God and cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us.

We can ask God for wisdom and understanding and knowledge and He will give it liberally.

people cannot order us around and vise versa

if needed a person can take an extended break and ask God to heal our hearts and relationships

and lead us in the Way everlasting

help us to forgive from our hearts

be kind and tenderhearted

give us inner strength and courage


and fill us with peace and love and joy

help us stand up for what is right while still esteeming others as better than ourselves

I am sorry for your pain, sometimes family is tough

 

[RuthD]

I understand about having negative relations with family.
It is very painful and fruitless. You have made the right decisions about what to do. Your self esteem was most likely hurt and it will bounce back the more you and God work together. We sometimes must (for our own sanity and wellfare) put distance from people who hurt us and also we often have to disconnect entirely for as long as needed to heal. If you have not already gone I suggest you also work with a therapist as God works through them, too. I totally know how your situation feels. I was in the same type of thing for many years until I learned to detach emotionally and sometimes physically from those who were emotionally abusing me. I wish you the very best!

 

[vigilantsoul]

What beautiful heartfelt responses and I am very sorry for seeming ungreatful but bouts of depression keeps me unmotivated. My mother is well and recovered from her broken hip and diverticulitus and I have not seen her in a year. I can't and I decided this with a very heavy heart and if she passes, I have weighed up what will destroy me more; her hate and dissaproval of me, because I have not succumbed to the dysfunction or her passing without me seeing her. I can't be around her, I would go right back to where I was, she is a very powerful and hateful little old lady. I am a mother of 3 and a wife and my family need be to be as whole as I can be. I am not whole just yet, but still afloat.
Healing is a very long but necessary road, I will get there some day.
I will be going to a psychologist some time in the near future.

Thankyou and God bless you all, wonderful people