Emasculation

Tamara224 · Jun 18, 2010

What's up with this?

Why are men so concerned with it?

It seems to me that every time a guy feels like he's been humbled for whatever reason, he feels as though he has been castrated. And I just don't get it.

A woman doesn't let you pay for her meal: You feel emasculated. Why? Were you planning on paying for the meal with sexual favors?

A woman shows you up in front of the boss: You feel inferior and then emasculated. Why is that?

Isn't it interesting that there isn't any similar word for women? (At least that I can now think of - if someone has some insight on this, please share). When a woman is degraded, humiliated, shown-up, or treated as inferior she doesn't complain about feeling hysterectomied.

Maybe this is just something I, as a woman, will never understand. The relationship between men and their penises is incomprehensible to women?

But... I'm all ears if any of the guys (or gals with better insight than myself) would like to shed some light on this phenomenon....

P.S. I hope we can discuss this like adults. It is not, by any stretch of the imagination, meant to be an insult to men. I am honestly bemused and seeking insight into the male mind. Kthx.

leothelioness · Jun 18, 2010

Not to sound emasculating or anything P), but men have very fragile egos. Just how they are I suppose. But, I agree there is a difference between being humbled and being emasculated. Just as there is a difference between being humbled and being oppressed for women.

Keri · Jun 18, 2010

Ohhh geez.

*rolls eyes*

As I said in the "obey" thread, MEN NEED RESPECT. Most women don't "need it". So of course we're not going to react the same.

When a man is disrespected, it affects many different emotions. It's the way God wired them.

And a thread like this is not helpful in building men up. Men won't react out of love to women who disrespect them by putting them down like this. Putting them down for the way they react to be putting down?! Come on. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

This is my .02cents. I'm done.

Tamara224 · Jun 18, 2010

Keri said:
Ohhh geez.

*rolls eyes*

As I said in the "obey" thread, MEN NEED RESPECT. Most women don't "need it". So of course we're not going to react the same.

When a man is disrespected, it affects many different emotions. It's the way God wired them.

And a thread like this is not helpful in building men up. Men won't react out of love to women who disrespect them by putting them down like this. Putting them down for the way they react to be putting down?! Come on. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

This is my .02cents. I'm done.

Well, I'm very sorry that you read this thread as a put down to men.

It's not. It's an attempt to understand something that honestly has me bewildered.

I get that men want respect. I respect many many men.

I want to try to understand why they feel that lack of respect has anything to do with their penis.

Inkachu · Jun 18, 2010

The word "emasculated" to me doesn't mean "castrated" (as in, the physical body part is useless/defunct), it means "stripped of being masculine". Like, you're not allowing them to be a man, by not allowing them to be strong, in charge, the achiever, the provider, the hero. Frankly, I LOVE that about men, that they want to be that way inherently. I guess the female counterpart would be "efemulated"? Is there such a word? lol

I do believe that our "everyone is equal" philosophy nowadays is a two-edged sword. It's allowed people to break out of rigid gender roles that were, frankly, unfair, especially to women. But acting as though the genders are not completely, utterly, and totally separate and different is just as, if not more, damaging to our society. I do believe every person is personally responsible for their own contribution to the world around them; a lot of women have run wild with wanting to be "just like a man", a lot of men are acting more womanly than I ever have in my life. I'd love to see a redefining of gender roles once more...maybe we can get it right next time...or at least somewhere close to it.

And the whole "my genitals are my entire identity" thing that men have...my best explanation is that it's because boys are taught from boyhood that this thing between their legs is the source of everything that makes them boys, and if they aren't weilding it constantly in one way or another, they're borderline girls. Odd how women don't seem to worry that, if our vaginas aren't constantly being lauded and admired, we're somehow going to stop being female. I dunno, it's all ridiculous to me.

Fremdin · Jun 18, 2010

I need respect. I work hard. I'm smart. I'm talented. I'm not any of those things for no reason. It's more emasculating to coddle a man than to work hard and better him on occasion. What good does it do anybody to walk on eggshells and live down to expectations just because of their fragile ego? It isn't fair. I don't get to win games because it might hurt my feelings and make me feel like less of a woman if I lose. Why should a man?

Tamara224 · Jun 18, 2010

YouTube - Respect

CrusaderKing · Jun 18, 2010

All you have to do is watch sitcoms and commercials to see how men are regarded. The dads are the dummies and the moms have all the brains and solutions. For some reason, that's funny. But women would be up in arms if the reverse was the norm, but I digress.

Is emasculation a problem? Of course it is. There's a big difference between simply competing with women for employment and making compromises in a relationship with actual emasculation. When men are regarded as inferior and treated as such, that's emasculation. When men are constantly made to feel guilty about being men, that's emasculation.

It's not a problem of ego. I think it's most important that people respect each other and avoid all this garbage.

white dove · Jun 18, 2010

leothelioness said:
Not to sound emasculating or anything... but men have very fragile egos.

That is very true. We do, too.. but we react differently to it. I think we as women tend to look inward; we take things and internalize them. Men seem to take things and it sort of "hits the fence"; some stuff comes through, but there is this resistance to it. If they are challenged, they are conditioned to stand their ground. Any poke at their "manhood", even if it has absolutely nothing to do with it is taken as such.

Tamara224 said:
A girl thinks you're stupid: You feel like she cut off your penis. Why is that?

I love that lol. But, I think more accurately, it would be: A woman proves her point quite well. Rather than admiring that and respecting that she may have won a debate over you, you as a man feel as though she has castrated you (in front of your peers, no less).

Men are conditioned to be leaders. That's just how we roll and how we have been rolling. Because of that, men are conditioned to feel as though they are superior at most things. Most things. Little girls are taught to play with baby dolls and play dress-up. Little boys are taught to build things and play sports. For the majority of our family's lifespans, it has been like this. So, it does make sense how most men (who have not really been able to shake those old, rigid - and inaccurate - systems) would react in such a way when challenged.

Dent · Jun 18, 2010

I think you have to understand that it is symbolic of being a man and all that that entails. It is kind of like the ‘badge’ that lets you into the best club in the world. It is a club that places importance on things like power, wealth, virility, athletic ability, talent, wisdom, competition, and dominance. For some men, demonstrating a deficiency in one of these areas is like ‘revoking’ the badge you use to get into the club. For these men, it is am important, core piece to understanding ones place in the world, how one should act, and who one is. Removing the symbol of that is not trivial. It is not right – it is not wrong – it just is (for some men).

Fremdin · Jun 18, 2010

Inkabink said:
The word "emasculated" to me doesn't mean "castrated" (as in, the physical body part is useless/defunct), it means "stripped of being masculine". Like, you're not allowing them to be a man, by not allowing them to be strong, in charge, the achiever, the provider, the hero. Frankly, I LOVE that about men, that they want to be that way inherently. I guess the female counterpart would be "efemulated"? Is there such a word? lol

I do believe that our "everyone is equal" philosophy nowadays is a two-edged sword. It's allowed people to break out of rigid gender roles that were, frankly, unfair, especially to women. But acting as though the genders are not completely, utterly, and totally separate and different is just as, if not more, damaging to our society. I do believe every person is personally responsible for their own contribution to the world around them; a lot of women have run wild with wanting to be "just like a man", a lot of men are acting more womanly than I ever have in my life. I'd love to see a redefining of gender roles once more...maybe we can get it right next time...or at least somewhere close to it.

And the whole "my genitals are my entire identity" thing that men have...my best explanation is that it's because boys are taught from boyhood that this thing between their legs is the source of everything that makes them boys, and if they aren't weilding it constantly in one way or another, they're borderline girls. Odd how women don't seem to worry that, if our vaginas aren't constantly being lauded and admired, we're somehow going to stop being female. I dunno, it's all ridiculous to me.

There isn't a word for de-feminized because society, in general, views feminine traits as weak or subversive. And vaginas should be celebrated, don't you think? Vaginas bring life into the world. That's a powerful thing to be nurturer and bringer of life. I love and respect men, but I am empowered by my role as a woman and by my genitals. Because they are awesome.

Tamara224 · Jun 18, 2010

CrusaderKing said:
All you have to do is watch sitcoms and commercials to see how men are regarded. The dads are the dummies and the moms have all the brains and solutions. For some reason, that's funny. But women would be up in arms if the reverse was the norm, but I digress.

Eh.... I haven't seen any women up in arms over "I Love Lucy" reruns.

Is emasculation a problem? Of course it is. There's a big difference between simply competing with women for employment and making compromises in a relationship with actual emasculation. When men are regarded as inferior and treated as such, that's emasculation. When men are constantly made to feel guilty about being men, that's emasculation.

It's not a problem of ego. I think it's most important that people respect each other and avoid all this garbage.

Sure, okay. What I'm trying to understand though is a little deeper than that.

Again, I reiterate that I am NOT trying to make men feel less than they are. I want to understand. So please bear with me and let's not turn this into a gender war thread.

I want to understand why feeling inferior to women makes you feel like less of a man. How does that effect your manhood?

broken_one · Jun 18, 2010

I think the best explanation for women would be if you were married for 15-20 years, totally in love, and one day he just up and leaves and runs away with his younger, more attractive secretary.

It's not the same circumstance, but the feeling is pretty close. It's like putting a man into a child's box.....it isn't very nice. You're forcing a guy to be like "wait, what? Is she trying to put me down or something?". And then we get upset.

leothelioness · Jun 18, 2010

white dove said:
That is very true. We do, too.. but we react differently to it. I think we as women tend to look inward; we take things and internalize them.

This. A thousand times, this.

Fremdin · Jun 18, 2010

CrusaderKing said:
All you have to do is watch sitcoms and commercials to see how men are regarded. The dads are the dummies and the moms have all the brains and solutions. For some reason, that's funny. But women would be up in arms if the reverse was the norm, but I digress.

Is emasculation a problem? Of course it is. There's a big difference between simply competing with women for employment and making compromises in a relationship with actual emasculation. When men are regarded as inferior and treated as such, that's emasculation. When men are constantly made to feel guilty about being men, that's emasculation.

It's not a problem of ego. I think it's most important that people respect each other and avoid all this garbage.

The reason that the reverse of those commercials you described would be upsetting is because, by and large, for the most of the past it's how society saw women, as stupid and inferior. Emasculation is a definately something to be avoided but men are never going to be truly subjugated the way women have always been. It will always be their world. And women's little victories, as long as they don't come from an abusive or hurtful place, shouldn't lead to feelings of emasculation

leothelioness · Jun 18, 2010

Fremdin said:
There isn't a word for de-feminized because society, in general, views feminine traits as weak or subversive. And vaginas should be celebrated, don't you think? Vaginas bring life into the world. That's a powerful thing to be nurturer and bringer of life. I love and respect men, but I am empowered by my role as a woman and by my genitals. Because they are awesome.

And this.

Tamara224 · Jun 18, 2010

broken_one said:
I think the best explanation for women would be if you were married for 15-20 years, totally in love, and one day he just up and leaves and runs away with his younger, more attractive secretary.

It's not the same circumstance, but the feeling is pretty close. It's like putting a man into a child's box.....it isn't very nice. You're forcing a guy to be like "wait, what? Is she trying to put me down or something?". And then we get upset.

Sorry broken, I'm having trouble following you. What is it that is like putting a man in a box? What is forcing a guy to say that?

Maybe I'm just being dense today, but I feel like I missed something...

AuburnMeg · Jun 18, 2010

Tamara224 said:
A woman doesn't let you pay for her meal: You feel emasculated. Why? Were you planning on paying for the meal with sexual favors?

This is my favorite. If you don't let a man pay for the meal, then you're not letting the man be the man. If you do let him pay for the meal, then you're clearly only with him for the monetary benefits.

Ah, stereotypes.

Dent · Jun 18, 2010

Fremdin said:
There isn't a word for de-feminized because society, in general, views feminine traits as weak or subversive. And vaginas should be celebrated, don't you think? Vaginas bring life into the world. That's a powerful thing to be nurturer and bringer of life. I love and respect men, but I am empowered by my role as a woman and by my genitals. Because they are awesome.

I can understand that. They are awesome. But, how empowered do women feel when they can not have children? That sense of identity and empowerment might be lost, right?

Inkachu · Jun 18, 2010

CrusaderKing said:
All you have to do is watch sitcoms and commercials to see how men are regarded. The dads are the dummies and the moms have all the brains and solutions. For some reason, that's funny. But women would be up in arms if the reverse was the norm, but I digress.

Well put! I HATE this, and therefore, I don't watch sitcoms. Most TV shows in general are trash. Unless it's a nice nature documentary, then I'm glued

Emasculation

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