eloping

[plum]

To be perfectly honest, my boyfriend and I want to just elope one day. The only down sides to that route that we can see are these:
not everyone could be there
some folks might be sad we didn't make a bigger "to do" about it
selfish note: gifts. might not get any

but we're non-traditionalist and would really rather not have the long drawn out preparation period. all those frilly details hold no attraction to me. So we'd like to have pre-marital counseling, get some nice things to wear on the day, warn our families, and then just throw a huge party later on after the honeymoon for the reception. simple, lovely, personal, special, and non-traditional. ah well. who knows if it will happen that way.


any thoughts about eloping?

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i'm like you. i don't really want to have this big stressful event to plan for or worry about. i wouldn't really like to elope though because i want some family there. i don't think that eloping is quite a good idea. yeah it does eliminate stress but it can make some people pretty sad. i wouldn't want people to be sad when i get married. my boyfriend and i are probably going to have a small wedding with just family (about 60 people) and then a party at my parents' house. that way our family won't feel left out but we dont have the stress of planning a huge fancy wedding or a reception.

 

[kiora]

whenever i have heard of people eloping - I have heard that it has ended in tears, but that doesn't mean that it isn't the right thing to do i would go with your heart it is your day and no one elses, do what makes YOU happy

 

[MN John]

I have read that there are five common reasons for eloping:

Less money.

Less time.

Less stress (planning).

More fun.

More unusual.

I'd be game, as long as we were ready for it.

 

[seamonster]

My husband and I had a tiny wedding with JUST our parents. We were only engaged for 2 months and wanted to hurry up and get married. So that our family & friends don't feel too left out, we're having a big reception in a few months so that they can all greet and congratulate us.

 

[Living4Him03]

I think it's all about what the two of you think is best for you as a couple. If you don't want the hassle of a wedding, elope! You can always have a reception when the two of you get back from honeymooning to include those who could not come. Also, to be honest, I think some people would rather send a gift than go to a wedding...and if they truly care about the two of you, they will send a gift or money. If you are registered at several different places, people can just mail gifts or get you a gift certificate online...or you can tell them in a note or card you send that the two of you would prefer donations towards your honeymoon instead of getting presents (My fiance and I are planning to do that). Eloping has it's benefits, just make sure the two of you are doing what you want to do for your wedding, not what everyone else tells you you should do to make them happy. It's just not about them. Sure, they are part of your family, friends, etc. and you care about them, but ultimately it's about you and your boyfriend.

 

[~Nikki~]

We were only engaged for 3 months, but after the first month of the engagement we were pretty keen to elope rather than go through the stress of booking everything etc.

And then when we were at the local registry office getting the legal preparations done, we saw a couple coming out of the registry having just got married and they looked miserable (not that ALL registry office weddings are miserable), and it convinced us to carry on with our church wedding.

My mum also said that the wedding day is not just about us, but it's for everyone else too...all the people who love us and want to share in the beginning of our life together, who want to show their support, and want to celebrate with us...so really we did it for everyone else as much as ourselves. We ended up with a fairly low key wedding and reception where we only invited family and our closest friends (there were only 60 guests to the reception, though if my husband's extended family had been in England there would have been about 200! If we'd got married in his home country it would have been BIG!) Anyway, we had a lovely day and ended up being glad that we'd shared it with others...

 

[FaithfulServant]

I am always confused by everyone who complains about wedding planning being so stressful. I've been planning for two months now and I think it has been such a blast! It's all so exciting and for the first time in my life I am the one interviewing people and not the other way around! Lol, they have to impress me if they want my business So far I've booked the caterer, photographer, invitations, done the registry (which was soo much fun!) and the florist. Now I am taking a roadtrip with a girlfriend of mine and meeting up with the 4 other bridesmaids to spend a few days in Dallas and go dress shopping (mostly for their dresses, maybe a little bit for mine).

We are renting a hotel room together, and what is more fun than a group of girls shopping for two days straight and making margaritas in the hotel room, haha? I was never one of those girls who had ever thought about my wedding one day and dreamed about a dress, etc. But now that I get the chance to, it's something so amazing that I would never give up.

So, before you decide to elope, consider that planning a wedding might actually be FUN. I'm sure there will be some stress down the road, but for the most part, my friends who have been married said it's all about your attitude. The bride can make it fun or she can make it a nightmare.

 

[plum]

thanks all for your input! everyone has their own personal views and experiences to add to the boiling brew of things.

since he and his family live in California and me and my family live in Michigan (and Canada, but near enough)... we're going to have to think of some way of involving both sides of the country. we'll probably marry in michigan, have a party here... then go to CA and party there. who knows. we just won't be rich and won't want to plan forever.

 

[sparkypunkette]

i want to elope...or just have a really really low key wedding. i want to get married this summer...but so are a million other friends....and there weddings are gonna be big. I want small and intimate...and yes...donations to a honeymoon sound amazing to me. My bf already has a house..and tons of things we would get for our wedding...honeymoon is where its at. i am thinking just a cake reception is that wierd?

 

[FaithfulServant]

i want to elope...or just have a really really low key wedding. i want to get married this summer...but so are a million other friends....and there weddings are gonna be big. I want small and intimate...and yes...donations to a honeymoon sound amazing to me. My bf already has a house..and tons of things we would get for our wedding...honeymoon is where its at. i am thinking just a cake reception is that wierd?

A cake reception isn't weird at all! They are usually reffered to as dessert receptions on the invitations I think. Two of my friends have been married within the past year and had dessert receptions. They just had punch, cake, cheesecake,etc. One had a chcolate fountain in which you could dip all kinds of fruit in it.

 

[Cordy]

My husband and I agreed that if we were to do it again, we would elope. Actually, this is exactly what we do if we did it again:

We have our own little wedding ceremony/elopement. We might consider bringing immediate family, if they would be open to it, but if not, just go on our own. Then we would plan a wedding “party” where we would have all the fun of a reception. We would plan “our” wedding the way “we” want, and avoid all the stress and craziness that comes up with everyone trying to input on how a "proper" wedding should be. Then give the reception to "them" so they could do what they want with it because it wouldn’t matter to us, since we already had "our" time.

 

[JustLiz87]

To be perfectly honest, my boyfriend and I want to just elope one day. The only down sides to that route that we can see are these:

not everyone could be there
some folks might be sad we didn't make a bigger "to do" about it
selfish note: gifts. might not get any

but we're non-traditionalist and would really rather not have the long drawn out preparation period. all those frilly details hold no attraction to me. So we'd like to have pre-marital counseling, get some nice things to wear on the day, warn our families, and then just throw a huge party later on after the honeymoon for the reception. simple, lovely, personal, special, and non-traditional. ah well. who knows if it will happen that way.


any thoughts about eloping?

I really think that your reasons for wanting to elope are good ones. It sounds like you would be doing the right thing for you two as a couple especially in light of the distance between families. I'd say just take a few pictures of you two on the day of your elopement and have a party after the honeymoon where everyone could come (presents and all) and celebrate you as a couple. Or have two parties considering where your families live. I think that if you two feel you would be happy with it, then go for it. You could still have a fun party like a reception without the stress of planning a big "to do".

 

[Linnis]

Our families made it very difficult, each had demands etc So we planned it, spoke to a pastor, made sure it was a day mostly everyone was free and told them a week before hand. "We're getting married here in a week at 6pm, we'd love for you to attend." Take it or leave it.

Most of my husband's family didn't show because "I was knocked up" and that's why the wedding was "so quick" and my family didn't show because some of his family was there. The 27 people who we're there, we're whom we wanted there and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So I didn't elope but we we're close.

 

[lacedinlavender]

I'm a lot like you. I've told my boyfriend that when we get married, I definitely don't want to have a big elaborate wedding that everyone and anyone--even people we don't know--can attend. I want a very low-key, intimate wedding with only our closest friends and family members in attendance. Joe and I both have large families but to be quite honest, neither of us want people we haven't seen since we were five years old at our wedding. So our guest list probably won't have more than 50 or 60 people on it.

I can't imagine myself ever really eloping, though. I do want to share my special day with other people, specifically those closest to me. I've always dreamed of having my perfect wedding dress and my perfect wedding, and I really look forward to planning out all the little details and making invitations and all that jazz. It excites me a lot.

Jen

 

[NewCovenant]

I'm an independent minister, and have worked in the wedding industry for several years. I've performed more than 50 wedding ceremonies, and more than 3/4 of them have been at these small, intimate ceremonies that most would call an elopement. I've never had anyone tell me that they had any regrets about doing it this way.

Eloping can be beautiful and romantic. Not all elopements are "run away and nobody knows." An elopement can (and should) be exciting, fulfilling and joyful. It doesn't always mean you go to Vegas and have Elvis perform the ceremony.

You can have an intimate wedding ceremony with very little fuss and fanfair; you can still have your wedding dress, and he can wear a tux; you can have your rings and cake and everything you want. You can do anything you want -- the beauty of doing it this way is that you're doing it on YOUR TERMS. There's a wonderful book called, "Let's Elope," by Scott Shaw that is available at any bookstore, Amazon, and probably Half.com. Get it, and look for some fresh ideas. If you get stuck, PM me. I've been doing this for years and don't mind giving out free advice.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

Kenny and I were thinking about doing it that way. We always liked the romantic, whimsical, idea of it. Although that may be because we're the flighty type to just run away on some whim to see what's out there. I do like your idea with the party after. If you're able to, get married on a cruise ship (dinner cruises are pretty low price and don't last long) and then have the reception somewhere else.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

A cake reception isn't weird at all! They are usually reffered to as dessert receptions on the invitations I think. Two of my friends have been married within the past year and had dessert receptions. They just had punch, cake, cheesecake,etc. One had a chcolate fountain in which you could dip all kinds of fruit in it.

You mean a fondue fountain?

 

[lacedinlavender]

Eloping can be beautiful and romantic. Not all elopements are "run away and nobody knows." An elopement can (and should) be exciting, fulfilling and joyful. It doesn't always mean you go to Vegas and have Elvis perform the ceremony.

You can have an intimate wedding ceremony with very little fuss and fanfair; you can still have your wedding dress, and he can wear a tux; you can have your rings and cake and everything you want. You can do anything you want -- the beauty of doing it this way is that you're doing it on YOUR TERMS. There's a wonderful book called, "Let's Elope," by Scott Shaw that is available at any bookstore, Amazon, and probably Half.com. Get it, and look for some fresh ideas. If you get stuck, PM me. I've been doing this for years and don't mind giving out free advice.

When someone says that they are going to elope, I always picture a highly secret affair where it is only the couple that knows where they are going and what they plan to do, not a ceremony that is essentially a small wedding, you know?

How big have some of the ceremonies that you have performed been?

Jen

 

[NewCovenant]

I've performed ceremonies with wedding parties of all sizes. Some have been just the couple and myself (S.C. doesn't require any witnesses) in the little chapel I had in my home, and others large church and hotel weddings with 200 guests.

The meaning of the word "elope" has sort of evolved in the last 15 or 20 years. Any uncoventional ceremony with just the couple or a small number of guests, a courthouse wedding, a Justice of the Peace ceremony in the home with just your parents... Any of these can be considered "eloping" these days.

You might look into cruise weddings. A lot of them offer a free wedding ceremony when you book a honeymoon cruise, and it includes champagne, cake, photos... They have excellent packages.

Also, consider a small destination wedding. No matter where you are, there is bound to be a local "tourist" area. Maybe you can find an inn or Bed & Breakfast. You can invite your folks, your closest few friends, have small, intimate reception. Then folks can either go home or spend the night, but YOUR honeymoon is built in.