Eloping?

[septemberskies]

I've always wanted to elope... i never cared for the ideal of even a small wedding, I just want to jump the broom because it would be hard to wait when you have the person you love.

Now afterwards like a month or two later I would hold a tiny wedding for the families. I would kinda like the original date we were married to be kept secret because i always thought it was more romantic in that way.

Just out of curiousity, i wanted to know would you like to elope? or would you prefer a (big or small)wedding?

 

[shainamsu]

my husband and i wanted to elope, but didn't b/c the family would freak out. looking back, the wedding was not NEARLY as fun as it was supposed to be, and neither of us had a very great time -- since it was all for our families, we didn't really care how it turned out and basically let them plan the whole thing. we came out of it married, which was the whole point, so it wasn't too big of a deal. i just wish that we had eloped like we'd originally wanted to.

my advice -- if you want to elope, DO IT. your family will get over it, trust me. a wedding that you don't really have your heart set on IS NOT WORTH IT.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i wouldnt mind eloping. i think my ideal wedding would be a small one though like just family with a brunch reception or sumthin

 

[Boss_BlueAngels]

Well, my girlfriend and I have spoken about this. Part of both of us want to elope, but will end up having a small wedding only with family/close friends.

I certainly can see the advantage to eloping though... but whatever the case, it's between the two of you.

 

[AngylBelle]

Eloping is a great idea and my beau and I almost settled on doing this ourselves.

We decided in the end to have our parents, his bro and my sis attend our legal marriage ceremony...and that would be our wedding. We want them to feel apart of our committment to God, but at the same time, I HATE the idea of following in traditional fashions...especially when it is stereotypically something that is expected of a woman. I just plain won't do it! Therefore, no "wedding." We are using the money we've saved to go on an awesome 2 week honeymoon in Europe (maybe). When we come back our parents are throwing us a beach bbq/luau for all our family and friends to come to. We are deeming the theme "Hawaiian" and dressing everyone up in grass skirts and coconut bras (even the guys!)! We are having a pig roast, a hula contest, swimming, etc. It is going to be a blast!

I will say that his parents were horrified when they learned we weren't having a traditional ceremony and all that other hoohaa (no offense to you girls who like that stuff!!). They got over it eventually when they realized their opinions had no clout. Here we are being nice enough to let them witness our vows and they were complaining! Let's just say it wasn't my nicest moment. Thank the Lord that my parents are go-with-the-flow and are only concerned with our happiness.

Anyway, you musn't ever make decisions based on the opinions and wants of others...ESPECIALLY family, when it comes to a marriage. I posted this in another thread: a marriage is between you, your hubby, and God, and you need to enter into it in that fashion. Are you parents and in-laws and siblings and cousins going to have a decision in if and when you have kids? Where you buy a house? What job to accept? I hope not...they are entitled to have an opinion, but all these things are ultimately up to you and your husband...and so should the way you enter into your marriage. The two of you are in control of you happiness and will always hold the reins...the family, if you let them, is just along for the ride!

I know I probably sound like such a mean person in this post but I totally mean it in the most respectful manner. I just know how interfering family can be and don't want anyone to be pushed over. They will learn in time that your life is your life and sometimes it takes them a while to let go. How you get married is a great first step. Do what makes you and your S.O. happy...if entering into marriage lead by God, it doesn't matter how or where you get married. It will be beautiful and blessed no matter what.

 

[septemberskies]

my husband and i wanted to elope, but didn't b/c the family would freak out. looking back, the wedding was not NEARLY as fun as it was supposed to be, and neither of us had a very great time -- since it was all for our families, we didn't really care how it turned out and basically let them plan the whole thing. we came out of it married, which was the whole point, so it wasn't too big of a deal. i just wish that we had eloped like we'd originally wanted to.

my advice -- if you want to elope, DO IT. your family will get over it, trust me. a wedding that you don't really have your heart set on IS NOT WORTH IT.

That's what i ultimately want to avoid, having this huge wedding that for 1. Cost an arm and a leg (can you say debt) 2. Both sides are calling the shots and 3. I don't really want in the first place.

I really don't want to hurt my family (or his) but i don't see what the big deal is... maybe cuz i'm not a parent i don't understand but i'd thought eloping is way better then a $50,000 ceremony.

Most people who marry the second time around regret having the wedding they did and marry down at the courthouse or on vacation(which i think is great).

All the planning and hype is stressful... i think and its better to have fun with it.

 

[SqueakyGerbil]

The current plan is basically eloping to Las Vegas and then having a reception after the fact (currrently thinking at the one year mark) for all the family.

My sister and her husband had to be choosy when it came to inviting friends to the ceremony when they got married because they had a size limit at there dream ceremony place because of our (my sister & my) family. Out of 100 spots, 20 were the grooms family, 20 were friends of the bride & groom and the remaining spots where my sisters family (and there were still fights about people not being invited).

 

[septemberskies]

Yah, invitations can be quite sticky... you can't invite one person without sending out one to another. First it's favorism, then your the bad guy, and then it can turn into an out and out war between family members & friends.

A small simple wedding of lets say 30-50 people can easily expand to 200+ because you "don't want to leave out anyone", it's just another hassle of weddings i think.

 

[AngylBelle]

I just went back and read your O.P. again and wanted to add that I like your idea of keeping the marriage date a secret! That is almost too adorable for words...it makes me want to elope again, lol.

 

[Miss_Music]

i have a problem in this area... i definately want a small wedding, nothing flashy just me, my man and all the people that are important to us. the problem is that i have a big family and that my entire church is important to me (well over 250 people!! thankfully, my BF and i go to the same church!). while i'm not engaged (YET ) i think i may have figured it out. i can still have a simple wedding if i just have it in a BIG church and then have a reception afternoon tea in a park somewhere. then i can have everyone there but with minimal cost and stress. right??

hmmm... maybe eloping is a better idea...

 

[livingondreams]

I want to have a small, intimate wedding. DF and I both have large families, but most of our relatives are from out of town and likely won't be able to make it to our wedding, so that's not too much trouble at all. We also attend a small church so I don't think we will have any problem keeping our wedding and reception small.

 

[Sojourner<><]

I totally want to elope! And it's a big relief to know that it's not just a guy thing. I'm totally in love with my gf and I'm so ready to commit... it's just that the thought of everything having to be so darned formal and passing security clearance with the soon-to-be father in law put a real damper on my excitement level. Is it just me or does the thought of eloping seem more romantic than doing everything the old fashioned way?

 

[Sojourner<><]

I would definately feel guilty if I didn't do something for my family after the fact...

But really I don't want my marriage to be about my family, I want it to be about me and my wife. I won't be thinking about my family on my honeymoon so why does the marriage have to be about them?

But, I totally agree that something should be done for them....

I know... I'll get them a postcard!

Sianara suckers!

ok that was a joke you can laugh

I mean it, I wasn't being serious

 

[Sojourner<><]

I don't mean to sound depressing but my family IS depressing... and I dont want to have a depressing wedding.

However, the cool side of my family that I might actually have fun getting married around would probably get a kick out of my crazy eloping stories anyways...

 

[Linnis]

People think the idea of marrying with a few witnesses is oh so sweet but in reality it's not. Don't get me wrong I loved my wedding BUT I wish my family would have been there.

 

[Angeldove97]

My boyfriend and I have thought about eloping... just because we have two big families and it would be a difficult wedding to plan... not to mention a lot of money. My mom also suggested it might be good to just get eloped... later on a wedding with our family members could be decided upon. But my boyfriend's mom would kill him if he did that lol. So it doesn't seem like a likely option.

But we still have a few years to decide if we're going to get married... the subject seems pretty definite, but we're both in college. We were planning on getting engaged my senior year (which means we'd be dating for two years) and then wait another year before we're married... at least anyways. We both want to be secure enough in our jobs before we get married too.

 

[Linnis]

If your fasmilies are both huge limit the wedding to just the important family(parents,siblings,grandparents) or make the Ceremony for everyone but the reception which usually costs a fortune, make just for the close family.

 

[Oblivious]

We didn't elope per say (since everyone knew about it) but we did get married in Vegas, which we had planned. The day after our "wedding" we drove to CA and had a very nice reception with our family. It was really nice.

 

[septemberskies]

We didn't elope per say (since everyone knew about it) but we did get married in Vegas, which we had planned. The day after our "wedding" we drove to CA and had a very nice reception with our family. It was really nice.

The reception ideal sounds pretty good to me.

 

[SqueakyGerbil]

Every person I know who has ever eloped had a reception for everyone after the fact. Though I think it's more on how the eloping is handled then the actual eloping itself.

Aaron's dad eloped when he got married last and it *really* hurt Aaron and his brother. Aarons brother found out when his dad came to see him at the hospital with the step-mom and Aaron's brother noticed the rings. Aaron found out when his dad called to get computer help and then just threw in "oh ya I got married last week. If he had actually came to the boys and said "yah we are getting married and we just want it to be a very private ceremony" then I think it could have stopped a lot of the problems that happened afterwards.