'ello

[jynx]

'ello, I am new to this area of the forum boards.

I was dx'd bipolar in '93...and well...here I am! I haven't had "flare" in several years. I have my moodswings, and what nots, but I haven't had sleepless nights like these in about...three years??? I am not sure what has triggered it all...and it's starting to tee me off. I can't trust any judgement calls at the moment because I know... I know I am manic. Ugh. You won't here me utter that in real life. I am super woman! I can homeschool five kids, run a house, two small businesses and rangle a 32 yr old husband that has the motivation of a flippin snail! Bipolar disorder? Noooo I can handle that. (Psst, I can't right now... it's kickin my can) It's been three weeks with very, very precious little sleep. I am headin straight for the looney bin, I know. I KNOW. I am seeing things again. Lack of sleep, I am sure. blah blah blah. I am currently highly agressive and easily aggitated...like a draino bomb BOOM! And I holler and snap someones head off for something stupid. I keep waiting for this to level out. It always has in times past. I am begingin to wonder if I am under too much stress that I can not "level out" on my own.

SOOOooooo would ya mind praying for me? Theres more to it than just what I've put down in print here, but I don't know you all very well and I don't want to run off any potential friends.

Honestly, I am okay with having bp for the most part. I gave up on praying that God would heal me, and just accepted that this is how He has it set up to use me. I spent the better part of my adulthood questiong why why why WHY ME??? I've stopped asking why and started asking how. How are You going to use me. When? Where? Not that I've gotten defined answers or anthing. I've just changed my tone of...umm...complaining? LOL. I have some very dark moments but just as dark as it gets for me, I swing wildy in the other direction. Prior to having my brood, I made over 9 attempts on my life.ugh. stupid really, but the pain was sooo much. i just wanted it to STOP. eh, found somewhat better ways to cope now. I was younger then, and hurt bad and confused and the adults in my life were...ummm...sick. I've been fairly stable since 2000. It's just been since the birth of my last son, Aaron, that things have spiraled wildly outa controll.

My formal dx is BP rapid cycler, PTSD, OCD. Recovering alkie/addict. Abuse surviovor. Rape survivor. Pretty garbbled up inbetween the ears really, but for the most part I am high functioning... but there have been long stretches of time where I don't think I'd qualify as the lowest of the low functiong. I don't particually want to go their again...but it feels like I might be sliding that way rather quickly..and unexpectedly..this time.

yup. manic. I could type all night long. I am gonna lay down and rest some, hopefully get some sleep...if not..rest. **blah***

Look forward to meeting you all.

 

[Soulwings]

Ooh welcome to the boards, Jynx. I have to admit, your post made me smile, and I like that. Seems like you are one that can find the humor in bad things - a very good attribute to have!!

I used to have those manic bursts too; I am bipolar type II and so rapid cycle pretty easily but lately I've been calmed down a lot. Are you in counseling and/or see a psych? bc I think that medication would be a very handy thing here (I am not saying that meds fix everything, but they do help balance out moodswings if you are on the right one for you)... being in the place that you are right now doesn't sound very healthy... and I hope that you can find something that will work for you soon.

Have you ever tried yoga? for me, it's helped a lot - I don't do it much anymore but I have books on how to do athletic yoga, so it gets me limbered up, sweaty, and completely exhausted by the time I am done. (I know that you don't need any more exhaustion right now, but it does help bring focus and inner peace, so that may help you relax and be able to get more rest.) Are there any ways that you've found to get out that manic energy? (Writing seems to be a big one; if you want to PM me, I'm here to listen! )

A little about me so I don't sound completely weird here... I've been dxed bipolar type II for nearly 2 years now (I think), have attempted suicide twice (so we are on the same page here, somewhat), am a self-injurer, have been hospitalized three times within 6 months due to suicidality (of course)... blah and that's not even all of the "medical" stuff!! Sexual assault survivor... my first psych thought PTSD although I have not been officially dxed (other dxes came first, heh) (I have seen 7 psychs, am on my 8th but I think I will keep her as she is a treasure!!). Journalling fanatic (this is where writing as a coping mechanism comes in), poet (this is where me missing my hypomania and depressive episodes comes in - lack of creativity now that I am relatively stable!), love to read (another coping mechanism)... I could go on and on but I think that that is enough about me.

So we have some in common. Some. Kudos to you, though, for being able to homeschool even when you are going through difficulties! and function so well... I am glad, though, that you can admit that you are not doing well - you can seek out support and help here, but what about in real life? Do you have much of a support network?

You have been through a lot. Once again... kudos to you, bc you have so much going for you, and so much behind you. Even if you are "garbled up between the ears" D) you seem to be handling it pretty well. I know that you don't feel like you are, but by understanding that you may need more help now than you have had in the past few years is a huge step. And being able to function with all of that behind you - the rape, the addictions, the ensuing pain - that is amazing, indeed.

Hang in there, and PM me anytime.

 

[Alive again]

'ello, I am new to this area of the forum boards.

I was dx'd bipolar in '93...and well...here I am! I haven't had "flare" in several years. I have my moodswings, and what nots, but I haven't had sleepless nights like these in about...three years??? I am not sure what has triggered it all...and it's starting to tee me off. I can't trust any judgement calls at the moment because I know... I know I am manic. Ugh. You won't here me utter that in real life. I am super woman! I can homeschool five kids, run a house, two small businesses and rangle a 32 yr old husband that has the motivation of a flippin snail! Bipolar disorder? Noooo I can handle that. (Psst, I can't right now... it's kickin my can) It's been three weeks with very, very precious little sleep. I am headin straight for the looney bin, I know. I KNOW. I am seeing things again. Lack of sleep, I am sure. blah blah blah. I am currently highly agressive and easily aggitated...like a draino bomb BOOM! And I holler and snap someones head off for something stupid. I keep waiting for this to level out. It always has in times past. I am begingin to wonder if I am under too much stress that I can not "level out" on my own.

SOOOooooo would ya mind praying for me? Theres more to it than just what I've put down in print here, but I don't know you all very well and I don't want to run off any potential friends.

Honestly, I am okay with having bp for the most part. I gave up on praying that God would heal me, and just accepted that this is how He has it set up to use me. I spent the better part of my adulthood questiong why why why WHY ME??? I've stopped asking why and started asking how. How are You going to use me. When? Where? Not that I've gotten defined answers or anthing. I've just changed my tone of...umm...complaining? LOL. I have some very dark moments but just as dark as it gets for me, I swing wildy in the other direction. Prior to having my brood, I made over 9 attempts on my life.ugh. stupid really, but the pain was sooo much. i just wanted it to STOP. eh, found somewhat better ways to cope now. I was younger then, and hurt bad and confused and the adults in my life were...ummm...sick. I've been fairly stable since 2000. It's just been since the birth of my last son, Aaron, that things have spiraled wildly outa controll.

My formal dx is BP rapid cycler, PTSD, OCD. Recovering alkie/addict. Abuse surviovor. Rape survivor. Pretty garbbled up inbetween the ears really, but for the most part I am high functioning... but there have been long stretches of time where I don't think I'd qualify as the lowest of the low functiong. I don't particually want to go their again...but it feels like I might be sliding that way rather quickly..and unexpectedly..this time.

yup. manic. I could type all night long. I am gonna lay down and rest some, hopefully get some sleep...if not..rest. **blah***

Look forward to meeting you all.

Welcome to this subforum. Saying a prayer for you as I type. Not for me to say, but have you thought of calling your doc for some med adjusts??? This illness is so unpredictable, I have worn out my reasoning trying to figure out what lead to this episode or that!~SIGH!!! Know that we do not scare off easily! We are very supportive and nonjudgmental. We respect that you know your body and how your swings go better that any one else, but we are also not afraid to say. . .have you considered. . . ? As we can relate. It can be a real challenge sometimes dealing with an illness that impacts our emotions and thoughts-the very things we use to reason with. KNow we are hear to listen, pray and support! Praying this will level without a severe mood dump for you. That you will get peaceful sleep.

Alive again

BTW I can even relate to trying to deal with a DH that has the motivation of a snail (or better example here is a slug or perhaps even a ROCK at times! )

 

[jynx]

I don't "do" meds. Not that I am opposed to the universe being heavily medicated I've just tried 'em all and know it isn't the right move for me. I know people "say" they've tried it all after only being on four or five different types of medications...but I can honestly recite all the old school and new scholll meds I've been on and every combo and it covers everything except haldol. I sway towards the hollistic side of things. I have found foods that trigger swings...and after being throughly tested by an allergist found that those foods I am allgeric to, but not allergic to medical standards. The ELSA test put a slew of foods in the 8 and 9 catagories with me, and you have to have a ten to be offically dx'd as having an allergy to it. Soooo I elminated those foods...which makes my diet very ...interesting? Then I try to get out and walk three times a day for a half hour a piece. Keeping myself, my kids and my home on a schedule has helped emensly. Between all of that, and avoiding my emotional triggers (and we all know that isn't always possible), I've done half way diecent for the last seven years.

Being a self proclaimed book worm I spend most of my *me* time engulfed in a book. I love to garden, bake and do nature things. I am on a kick trying to identify most of the plant around our creek and their natural uses. It's fun.

I dont' have a tdoc, or a pdoc. Not interested in going their again either. I've had serious breeches of trust with two seperate tdocs. It still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Yup, humor. If I can't find something to laugh over I will sit here and cry. Crying doesn't accomplish much, other than watering your face. Find the good in it, laugh over it, then make a move to make it better. *blah* that is me in theory. Not to say I don't cry over things. Or that I am one of those self righteous know it alls. I am not. Truly, I aint. I've just dealt with sooo many losses, sooo much pain and way too many disappointments....and I know if I dwel on it all I won't have a life worth living anymore. As long as I have breath inside me I have the chance to grow, a chance to change things for the better for me and my family, and a chance (however slight it might be) to be happy again.

I have been a SI'er in the past. Currently God is working with me to alter that behavior choice... not that I am completly healed of that pain... it has just been... a while... since I've gone that route. It's difficult to talk about, 'specailly on a Christain web site, because I am not a typical c*tting SI person.

Sometimes I look at what I have to do to stay within the "normal" perimeters of life and wonder if I didn't have to exsepend soo much energy on trying to be functionally normal....if i was just a normie to start off with... then all this detrmination, this energy, these resources... could have been focused in on doing something great..... Evidently God has a greater plan and it isn't for me to see. (A lame cover up statement to cover some serious resentment right now)

*blah*

My snail hubbie... *sigh* he is a good man. I love him dearly... he is my soul mate...buuuuuutttt.... I don't need a snail right now, I need a normie, or a superman (that would be heaven sent). we have a major finacial and health crises brewing at the moment and he sorta just...?shuts down? under stress. i am not gonna be able to pull us through this mess by myself this time...because my physical health is shot all to heck in a handbasket and I am becoming more seriously ill by the day. Docs can't figure out what is causing it and now some of my major organs are begining to shut down in defense of what ever is attacking my body.

I did sleep last night...and I have an iteresting story to tell...but I have a 11 month old that is an unhappy camper this morning. gotta run. Thanks for listening to me yak.

((((souwings and aliveagain)))))

tc

 

[Alive again]

Ah dear one, I like you already. If we lived near each other I would invite you over and we would bake of sew or garden and laugh at the kids antics and have a great time getting to know each other and talking about wonderful books. Do you like to talk about such concepts as does light have mass? I love to talk about things that stretch my wonder, for lack of a better way of explaining it! We would have to avoid that grump about the hubby topic. Sounds like our life are also in a similar area when it comes to finances and hubby's. My hubby and I actually got quite a bit accomplished yesterday. But he is still on good boy behavior after are last blow up where he actually hurt me. I hope this good boy behavior stick around a long time without just feeding his anger back into another blow up.

Praying for whatever is happening to you physically. Believe me I can relate to food triggers, emotional triggers etc. I am thankful that you have such a handle on your body and make up.

 

[Soulwings]

Jinx - I agree with Alive Again - I do like you already. You will be a great addition to the group here on the board. (I hope that doesn't sound too hokey... )

I am a bookworm as well... books are the only way I can really and truly get out of my head. My semester just finished (I am officially a senior in college now!) and it is summer, and my job doesn't start til next week (tutor on campus) so I am taking advantage of the time and reading. Things aren't going great in my head so books are my antidote. I also enjoy nature; used to be a bio major and have competed in state & national forestry and wildlife competitions (and live in the middle of nowhere) so I have much time to enjoy plants and animals and figure out what's what.

Makes sense why you don't trust T's and psychs. It is hard to "believe in them" when no meds have worked out and trust has been breached. I don't fully understand the holistic side of things, nor the food allergies (although it does make sense that some foods would trigger moodswings), but if it works for you then go for it!!

SI is always difficult to talk about, but I understand what you mean... there are many different ways of SI'ing and not all are sharable or understandable or "safe" to talk about. (I am the typical cutter, for the most part.) I am glad that you are fighting it and seeking to be healed... in time, hopefully things will improve.

I hope that things get figured out physically... sounds like you are not in a good place right now with that. I will be praying about that, and about all that you are going through.

My fiancé is like that as far as humor goes... he always manages to find something to laugh about, bc otherwise I do believe he would be more depressed than he used to be. (He and I have both been through depressive phases, only mine is bipolar-related and his was a passing clinical depression. And he is no longer super-depressed, unlike me... heh.) I wish that I could find the humor in more things, and use it to my benefit, but I can't (or won't/don't), so that's that.

Looking forward to hearing your interesting story! and am very glad that you got some rest.

Must go, lunch awaits. Take care.

 

[jynx]

Wow...so I read through my last post and saw all the typo's....<cringe> and all those typographical errors were AFTER I had re-read the post and corrected a trunk load of spello's!!!!!

Beware! SPELLING IMPAIRED!!!

It doesn'thelp that my two year old has broken my glasses and I am currently without my eyeballs!!!!!!

I'm laughing my fannie off. My husband left about an hour ago to supposedly go mushroom hunting. This slightly teed me off, after all, it IS mother's day. MY DAY. but eh. whatever. at least he's going out and doing SOMETHING. He comes back to tell me he was curbsailing in Oxford (the college town just north of our place). He said he couldn't afford a mothers day gift, but the yahoos in Oxford were cleaning out their apartments after the graduation cerimonies...and he was searching for the perfect mother's day gift...... a piece of furniture off the curb. BTW most of my house has come from yardsales or off the curb on trash day. We take broken or used items and remake them into interseting pieces of furniture. Its like a furniture jigsaw puzzle.

ALIVE! Ooooh my gooodnessss! yes yes yes! I love to ponder, debate, discuss intellegentlly things outloud. Not in anger, not in a know it all give you a raspberry cuz i'm right and the universe is wrong kinda way. My hubbie is more of an introspective type personality and I miss not having someone who thinks outloud! Here's a good one for us....

Why, oh why, do all the people who would make terrific friends live 500+ miles away?

Maaaaaybe its because such dyamic personalities emit such a pull (sorta like a magnet) that its impossible to reside in close proximity? *giggle*

Its funny to see you live in the pacific northwest. Last week I was looking into Oregon State University's online school for their Enviornmental Science Degree program. I was seriously considering enrolling this coming fall.

Ooooh you sew? I have this large box of fabric I am itching to do SOMETHING with. I went out and found a sewing machine at half price in Goodwill for only 12 bucks! Now I am set for a project. I even set up a huge dinning room table to piddle on and lay everything out.

I'm thinkin a wool plad ...crazy quilt? mmm..dunno yet.

My heart is broken. This year the garden space that had been promised to me was unpromised. I had my heart set on a garden this year sooo deeply. sorta bummed out over it all.

BTW coffee sounds heavenly at the moment.....

I am currently obsessed with simlie faces, is it evident?

Dunno. Gotta go do the family thing. MIL house. ugh. A a real life lesson in patience and holding your tounge

It has been interesting chit chatting with you!!! I am insearch of some nurishment...1.) cuz I am hungry...2.) cuz I need something to chew on at MIL house in place of the invisible muzzle i must put on in her presence. *pooh*

tc

 

[jynx]

As I was resonding to Alive, you were typing to me also! *giggle*

Forestry degree? GET OUT!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY?

Ok...now I'm freakin out.

As I was telling Alive, I was looking into enrolling in the Enviromental Science Degree program (online of course) at Oregon State University.

SOooo I'm thinking now maybe I have found what God wants me to do... There have been toooooooooo many ummm.....hints? for me to ignore.

This is way kewl!

So what are you currently burried in? A Sci -Fi? A plant book? A western? I loved to read it all. I don't discriminate. I am a true book lover. I have had to shelve my books until I get a pair of replacement eyeballs. My lovely two year old played a little tooo hard with my last set. She is soooo goofy. I was laying down trying to get her to take a nap. So she takes off her shirt, puts my bra on and pulls her shirt overtop it all. I wish I'd had a camera. I big underwire boofoo on a little wiry girl with a Christmas turtle neck on and a pair of pink strechy shorts. It truly was a sight to behold.

Oh!!! That funny story!!!

I forgot. maybe if I take a nap it will return to me? It was something hallirous for sure. now i've forgotten it. lately i've forgotten everything but where the toilet is. its weird. i normally have this air tight memory. i know it is in part to the manic phase i've voyaged through but this is sooo different than anything other manic phase i've trampled through...and i've been through MANY many MANY manic trips. I am beggining to worry it has more to do with what might be physically wrong with me than the mental side of things....

bummer

ah well.

in search of nurishment!!! <stikes the superman pose...one hand held high in the air with the cape flappin behind her>

tc sweetie. nice chattin with you this morning!!!!

 

[Soulwings]

Forestry really is intriguing (actually, not a degree, just a very large interest; I switched majors after God sent me a few hints that bio wasn't for me). I competed at a state forestry competition and ended up going to nationals... following in my sister's footsteps. It was a pretty amazing trip and I really did enjoy it. That was back in... 2004 I think?

I think that an environmental science degree would be fascinating! Definitely look into it more... I think that if you think that God is sending you hints, you should take those hints and make something of them. From what I've read, it sounds like you'd be pretty good at it, since you (normally) have a very good memory and like to tackle things headfirst (and think out loud... ).

Speaking of those questions... actually - wow - that question that you posed Alive is a wonderful one for me! bc my fiancé and I actually met on here, CF, and he lived 1200 miles away at that point. We got engaged in '06 after meeting each other once (for a week, though), and are getting married next June. But I understand what you mean - I have so many close friends that I've met on here that are so far away! England, Indiana (okay not so far), Texas, Cali, New Zealand, Australia... the list goes on. I wish I could meet all of them - that is a dream of mine I guess - but I don't know if it will ever happen. Seems like it's a lot easier to make friends online than it is in real life, at least for me. What about for you? do you have many close friends offline?

Hmm what am I currently buried in... journals of a poet (Sylvia Plath, don't know if you've heard of her), a Jodi Picoult book (not sure if you've heard of her either; she writes novels on cutting-edge sort of things, suicide, euthanasia, divorces, etc., very fascinating take on life), The Plague by Albert Camus... that is a very intriguing book as it is somewhat philosophical (existentialist?) and somewhat of a "what is the point of this book?" type of book... if that makes sense. I enjoy reading nearly anything - mysteries, classics (Austen, the Bronte sisters, Conan Doyle, Poe, Sinclair Lewis, Upton Sinclair [The Jungle], Dickens, George MacDonald, many many more), "cosy" books (there definitely should be a category for these - Jan Karon, L.M. Montgomery, C.S. Lewis...), Christian devotionals/Bible studies (Michael Card, Warren Wiersbe, C.S. Lewis, Max Lucado, George MacDonald)... the list goes on and on and on and on!! I don't read much sci-fi and I don't think I've ever read (m)any Westerns, probably read a few when I was younger but lately my interests have grown into the aforementioned books. (Sorry, I could go on forever about books and things.)

Are you much into journalling? bc that is probably my most fanatical of hobbies. That and writing poetry. Book collecting falls in there somewhere too. I write a lot - online journal(s) and am on my 18th (?) paper journal right now. I've been journalling for over a decade.

I enjoy sewing as well although I haven't done it in awhile. I also enjoy making fleece blankets and pillows - the crazy quilt sounds wonderful, wish I could help! I've always wanted to quilt but never had the time to just sit down and do it. So I've done smaller quilting projects, my latest a quilted fleece pillow using the fabric left over from the blankets that I've made (I think the current count is 8 or 9 blankets and 3 pillows).

I hope that you get a new pair of "eyeballs" soon! I wear contacts and have many replacements so I don't worry too much about that, except when I play racquetball or tennis - always a little worried about the ball hitting my face, but am too cocky to wear goggles - go figure!!

That story about your two year old is adorable. I can imagine how cute she was... I'm not much for kids but sometimes they really strike a chord in my heart.

Enjoy getting nourishment. Take care of yourself and keep smiling!!

And I really do enjoy this back-and-forth chatting. It's so nice to connect with someone, been awhile since I've been able to do this.

 

[jynx]

Current books are on companion planting, small container planting and the back to basic cooking (grinding your own flour, whole foods ect.) Tis spring, and spring is the time for planting. I am also reading some intereseting books on teaching children. I homeschool, and my middle son has a learning disability, but is exceptionally intellegent. Tryin to figure out ways to reach him...

The winter time is when I settled down to live in the fiction section. I love to read. I once found this 4 foot long TUB of books at a yard sale for $7.... I sat down and in three days had made a fort of books around my comfy chair and read them all, cover to cover. (mixed new fiction books...not even a crease in their covers!!!)

I am goofy about my books though. I read the first page, then the last page....and if I can figure out the plot between the first and last pages, I don't read them. I find most of the books to be sooo predictable. I like genuine authors, who write new and different things. Not the same old plot line with different characters and settings.... I'm just weird about that I guess.

I am not much on remembering what authors are who, but I remember the contents of what I read like a photograph. I spent one entire summer as a teenager in the library, my goal being to read the entire young adult fiction section. I nearly suceeded until my hilter mother figured out what I was doing, then i was "sensored" out of the library.

I EDIT everything in my books. At one time it was quite the obession. I found that most authors don't have a serious grasp on English Grammer. Not that I can spell, but I'd go back through the books and see where sentences could be re-written better, and where grammar mistakes, tense misktakes ect were.... I had to stop reading for a bit because it was absurd LOL!!!

I used to journal. A certain person in my life found one of my journals and used it against me...long story...and I gave it up. Another trust issue. used to love wrtiing short stories and poetry. I was seriously considring starting a mommy journal for my kids to read when they have kids, or when they grow up. You know, all the cute things they did, all the mommy trials, tribualitioins and joyful adventures... a humorous accumilation of things that have happened over the years....

come to think of it... I think maybe I should go ahead and start one now that we are homeschooling. hmmm.....Thanks for the inspiration!!!!!

I'm curious, I've never met someone with a background (however short a stay in it) in forestry. What was it like? What were the people that were in the that field like? Where did you go from the forestry program? you probably worte about it and I have forgotten already. How did you know that God was calling you on to something else? My college journey is an interesting one too...I'll have to share it sometime...but currently I am waiting for hubbie to clean out the mini van so I can go scavenge for furniture!!! ;P

The mother in law visit went better than expected...and the food was better than expected! JOY JOY!!! I came home without a migrain or my teeth clentched in rage. Thank you God!

Offline firends? I am not online that much.. it just so happens this weekend I've had a moment...but true to life friends? I have one. She is a homeschoolin mom of four (I have five) and her likes are along the smae line as mine. Between homeschooling and homesteadin though, she doesn't have much time to socalize. I don't make real life friends easily. I think different. I behave different. I have a lage family...some people don't "jive" in a social setting with five kids.. though I have to admit they are great kids...and that isn't just because they are mine, but non the less, they are KIDS and they are almost always with me. I prefer it that way...I have different religious belifes, but I have the basic Christain standard set of morals. It makes things complicated in real life. Online it is easier to share only the things you want to share and hide the offending parts...well not HIDE, just not reveal them.

Like.... I am paranoid in large socail settings and it shows. I think that is my bigest downfall when it comes to meeting people in person. I act weirded out and it scares people off. I am loud, and the filter between my brain and my mouth doesn't work well. Online I can re-read and sensor the things my good sense filter forgot to remind me wasn't appropriate to say...*giggle* Not that I am being fake online, I just have the opportunity to rephrase a comment that might have otherwise come off as offfending when I said it the first time? I am not rhude, really, it's just that stupid "socailaization filter" doesn't work... **blah***

I'd love to have a one or two more people in real life that were good friends that has similar interests as I did so that I didn't feel so isolated all the time. I really need to work on that mouth filter and that paranoid twitch thing...lol... but... eh, then i wouldn't be Jamie the super human mouth!

The car is clean, and there is perfectly good furniture sitting on the curb in Oxford screaming for a new home. I must be off! ta ta for now!

tc

 

[Soulwings]

None of your reading idiosyncracies sound particularly... idiosyncratic to me, actually. I mean, I, too, hate "repetitive" books, although often I will read most of the books that one author has written just because I like the different characters and his/her way of writing, even if the plots aren't that dissimilar. I guess I don't really compare my books that much, though, otherwise I would probably get more frustrated with the authors that I choose and have chosen in the past. (Not saying that I would regret the classics authors, though - they are rarely similar!! )

Wow! a 4' tub?!? That is crazy!! and lucky. Were they good books? *drool*

There is an annual library booksale here, GIGANTIC, at least for this little town!! I splurge there every year and found a fantastic amount of good books there this year (although I have to admit, while most of the ones that I bought were in between $0.50 and $2, I spent more than $7 total. But I definitely look forward to reading them... it is summer so I am freeeee, free as a bird. ...well, okay, so maybe just kind of. But... I am going to enjoy my time with my books as much as I can!!

ACK the editing problem!! That bothers me so much. My mum is an English teacher, and my dad is pretty good with grammar etc., and I was homeschooled (!!), so I got all of that. I am very picky with how I write, and usually sound a bit stilted online as I don't usually go for much slang and sometimes avoid contractions. However, I do have my moments of bad grammar just like everyone else... I am not perfect. But yes, I do edit books and tend to avoid much of the recent Christian fiction out there since the authors are sometimes less than stellar at what they do... that annoys me to no end. Conversation in books should be believable. Romance should be kept to a minimum. Heh. Just a few pet peeves there.

Ahh, the trust issue comes up again. I haven't actually had that problem (yet!) bc I have been lucky enough to have a family that respects my privacy (although in the teen years there for awhile my parents were very hesitant to encourage me to journal, until they learned that it was cathartic for me rather than ruminatory), and a fiancé who realizes just how important journalling is to me. It is my hobby.

Of course, I do have a few other hobbies - music (I play violin, viola, and piano) - and I enjoy shooting with Jarrod. And kayaking and hiking and biking. Nearly anything outdoors (I am not too much into gardening but have been known to raise some mean peppers )... and tennis, racquetball, and weightlifting on the side, when I can get to the campus gym and courts.

Do you have any pets?

Forestry - the people that I've met are wonderful, and I'm sad that I've not stayed in touch with them any longer than I have. They loved what they did, mostly rugged men with a sense of humor, good with teens (I was one at the time that I met them), intelligent conversationalists, had wonderful stories to tell. I learned a lot from them, about botany (pre-freshman year and freshman year), different types of forest clearing, insects and fungi that attack trees, tree measurement, compass work, pacing... (you are forcing me to work my memory, which is NOT airtight! )... I am sure I will think of more eventually!!

Well, the reason that I switched my major was bc I was hospitalized three times in freshman year, due to the stress of - guess what?! - my science classes. I ended up getting a medical withdrawal from my second semester freshman year, after being unable to complete the work that was required of me, even with extensions. That was a bad summer... the summer I got out of the hospital (two hospitalizations in May), went to Oklahoma for a visit with my youngest uncle, and then came back home (Pennsylvania) to find out that my parents had scheduled me an appointment at an ED clinic. So I got treatment, 10 weeks of it. By that time, no one was encouraging me to go back to the stress and horror of chemistry - which, of course, I would have to retake - and were in fact encouraging me to move onward and choose another major. So I figured that that was like God putting His hand in the small of my back and propelling me away from my bio major.

Blah. So here I am, a fifth-year senior who is going into her third year of being a psych major (with a minor in nutrition).

Hmm I live online, so I projected that onto you and figured that since you have been so swift at replying this weekend that you must be online a bit. It's hard for me in public too, although I don't scare people (I don't think)... I just have a difficult time talking with others and relating to them, bc I am so scared that I am going to do a social faux pais... online, while I too can edit things, I am also the "real me," and since people don't know me face to face, they can hurt me less. I try not to be too trusting online, but it's hard sometimes.

How old are your kids? and how long have you been homeschooling them? I was homeschooled from first to eighth grades and again in 11th (9th and 10th were at a private high school near us - BIG MISTAKE). 11th grade was parttime college, freshman year of college was senior year of high school for me... so I am all mixed up.

Did you get any good furniture?

 

[jynx]

My kids are 12,9,8,2 and 11 months. This is their first year being homeschooled. Yah, through the week I am not online as much becasue of the kids and homeschooling. So it will take me longer to respond to posts and emails M-Th. We do a four day school week. You really liked being homeschooled that much? I sometimes worry my kids will hate me for it when they get older. They love it right now...

Yup, it was a four foot long tupperware TUB full of books and they were awesome!!! We have bi-annual books sales at our local library too, and it is all dontations...take a box and donate what you think they are worth... I live for that booksale!!!!

I too play a slew of instruments. Piano was my first love, then came the flute, piccilo, organ, auto harp , saxaphone, clarinet.... I'd truly LOVE to play a stinged instrument. My dad was a cellist? (dunno if that is spelled correctly or not) and my grandpa played the mandoline, and the other grandpa played the fiddle, but somehow the stringed instrument tallent escaped me. I can play just about anything else you put in my hands though.

I hike, fish and...stay out of the water!!!! I am H2O paranoid. I can swim to save self, but that is it. and what lurks beneath the water...ugh...*cringe* i've been bit by a turtle before. A LARGE turtle, it almost took my pinky toe completly off for a miday snack. *ugh* My hubbie does the kayacking (Heavens knows that aint spelled right at all)

Music,books and the outdoors are my thearpy. without any of those three I'd loose what little sanity He has allowed me to retain.

Yes yes YES! I found two dressers. One of wich was an antique. The doors were busted up into slats, but the dresser body was in top notch condition! Sooo I am going to make a shevling unit outa the dresser body and use the busted up dresser door fronts as the interior shelves. Then I have fouind these mental baskets online at lowes that I can put on the shevles and use as "drawers" to pull out. The top shelf (the smallest drawer of the dresser) I am just going to re attach the door front to with hinges so that it flips down and make a shelf inside it to stuff crudola into. I will sand it down to smooth out the roughies and recoat it with a dark stain. I like the idea of the metal baskets contrasting with the dark wood.

The other dresser was a lameo lamanate one, but it was in good condition and the baby needs something to put his clothes into.

I have creative urges. Uncontrollable creative urges. My mother once told me that highly creative people were extremly sexual people? Something about creativitiy and sexual drive stemming from the same place in your brain? anyhoo she said that it was one or the other. I've found it true. Sad but true. Creativity = no love life in the bed. Love life = zero creative urges. How odd. I really need to research her info a bit more....before I go to be tonite *giggle* cuz I really want to make that shevling unit. but wasn't one of the great painters or was it a writer(??? ) that staved off love making for the benefit of his art/writing? My brain is fuzzy tonight and Aaron keeps screaming. Teething. ugh.

That is okay to say here, isn't it? I mean the sex stuff..

eh. I've found most (and I don't like making blanket statements) churches / christian groups dance around sex like it was a dirty word. I am shoving that soap box back under the bed.

Annnnd I've been scoping out my living room.... I have the itch to make a custom shelving unit(after all I can't find anything to fit that space at Goodwill or sittin on the curb as of late) and I've been making sketches. I will drive hubbie nuts-o with huny do's this week.

No pets. NO PETS!!!! well.... we do have two goldfish. Rey and some other wrestlers name. Rey Mysterio...and ummm.... lemme think....Jeff Hardy! I don't do well with animals. My house resembles a human petting zoo as it is... hubbie on the other hand is an animal magnet. animal lover. animal freak! He attracts strays like no tommorow...and he likes fixing em up and finding homes for em....so i've had to put my foot down on the fur hotel. I clean up poopy bottoms all day...cleaning up after an injured dog too...well... that kinda over extends my poop quotent for the day.

I gotta run. I need to take care of family things...hubbie is standing over my shoudler and pestering the heck outa me.

bye! see you Friday!

 

[Soulwings]

Ooh the furniture sounds definitely interesting. I'd love to see pictures, but picturing it in my mind works pretty well! I'm glad that you enjoy that - and I had not heard about the sex & creativity thing - I have only heard of creativity & bipolar/mental instability. Interesting! and I hope that it doesn't matter that you mentioned it; you're right, a lot of Christians do treat any discussion on sex as a bad thing, even if it is harmless and not in depth. Heh.

Creativity - oof. I write and write and write and write... that is my creative outlet. Crafts - well, I am okay doing stuff with my hands like hemp, sewing, that type of thing - but I am much better at expressing myself with words. That's where journalling and poetry come in!

Pets! Hmm, your hubby sounds more like me... I don't truly attract strays, but I have never met an animal that doesn't get along with me. I have two sheep, a (dairy doe) goat, a rabbit, a cat, two dogs, two fish, and a hamster. I think that's it... The hamster lives in my room and is the cutest thing ever. I can't imagine not having (m)any pets, but it makes sense that you don't have anything other than fish, with five kids of varying ages.

Homeschooling - first year, wow! Is it difficult for you? seems like it would definitely be a challenge bc of the wide range of ages that you have to handle. It was just me and my sister - who is three and a half years older than I am - only sibling - so it wasn't too much for my poor mum to handle. I enjoyed it, although it did get a little tedious, being at home so much. But high school SUCKED, and I wish that I had never gone... I needed to get out of the house then and needed to socialize more, but high school is the wrong time to do it. I made I think a total of 2 friends in 2 years of being in that high school... not a good experience. A lot of stuck up people.

But yes, I did love it. I think I learned a lot, and didn't miss out on much at all. In fact, I am a lot different from most people my age; I am very conservative (well, okay, maybe just conservative, not very) - never been drunk nor high (nor had the opportunity, although I don't think I would have taken it had I), never had sex, not living with my fiancé... basically stuff that is just different... and thankfully my friends are like me, so I don't get pressured. Of course, I have been a cutter and had an ED and all of that mental health stuff, but that wasn't from peer pressure or by example. It just happened. I think you understand that?

Yep, cellist - that is my dream, to learn cello. I don't have that many dreams, but that is definitely one. A passion. I love music. I play around with dulcimer and recorder and pennywhistle, and would love to learn sax, clarinet, flute, and bagpipes. My mum knows how to play clarinet and has one (a beauty!) and my sister knows flute and has one... but I haven't had the opportunity to teach myself. Yet.

Jarrod (fiancé) is trying to find hobbies to share with me - ones that we can create together. Scubadiving was a possible one... I am not that fond of being in water... I love kayaking and being on top of the water, but being in it and submerged is a different thing. But we'll see. If he likes it maybe I'll give it a shot. That's another dream for the future, though. For now, due to fiscal reasons, we both will remain landlocked.

Well, I am going to go curl up with a book somewhere, just relax and enjoy the afternoon. Just got back from the library - a Martha Grimes and a Nicholas Sparks, since I am in the mood for murder mysteries and romance/cosy books, in that order. What a combination....

Take care and write when you can!