eating disorder causing problems

[Little Miss Shy]

Hi

Am not a parent so don't know if I should really be in here but oh well...I would like some advice from some of the mum's in here!

I love my mum so so much but I'm causing her so much stress and worry and it hurts so much that I am causing her pain.

I have an eating disorder and depression, I also have diabetes. I've been skipping my insulin and it makes me so ill. My mum is a nurse so she knows exactly how dangerous this all is, and she can't handle the worry. I feel so guilty for being the cause of so much misery in her life.

We never used to argue at all, but since things got worse with the ED and diabetes control we argue practically every time we see each other (i'm away at uni), I want more than anything for things to be ok between us again.

She said that she feels like a rubbish mother because I'm hurting so much and she can't fix it. But I feel like the worst daughter ever because I can't make her see that it's not her fault and there is nothing more she could have done to prevent this.

It's so hard and we both get so frustrated with each other and feel terrible for what is happening to my family because of me. I'm trying to recover, I'm trying to get better but it's a real struggle.

I don't even know really what I am asking here. I guess just do any of the mum's here have experience with this type of thing, I really want to be able to understand it from my mum's point of view, cos I feel like she doesn't understand where I am coming from, but if I could understand what she is thinking then maybe that would help me to get her to understand how it is for me.

 

[BeanMak]

I am a mom who has been in the same place that your mom has been in. My oldest has/had a problem with drug use, anger management, and depression. It wounds a mother to her heart when her child is hurting.
BUT what you are struggling with, and what he struggled with is illness, not bad parenting, not neglect on your mom's part. Until you both can get past the guilty feelings that come with depression and illness, recovery is difficult. If we have made mistakes in the past, we need to acknowledge them and then give them to God. THEN GIVE THEM UP! Holding on to this guilt is a horrid way to live. The arguements you are having are coming from this guilt, your mom's is feeling guilty that she has failed you, her guilt about not having control over the situation, your guilt about not having control over the situation, and your guilt about HAVING control over the situation- control that comes from eating disorders. Please, instead of arguing, pray together. Pray for forgiveness of past wrongs, pray for healing.