Drowning

[Living for Him]

I am stuggling. I am angry and I am sad. My brother collapsed on Saturday at work ,on the Wright Pat AFB in Dayton Ohio. After he was rushed in by EMT's, they did an emergency scan, and found a large mass in his head. After a MRI, and hour later, they found a mass the size of a golfball,wrapped around his brain stem.IN-OPERABLE were the words we then heard.This same brother, the only boy out of all 6 of us, was told 3 years ago while expecting their first child that she had spinabifida, that she may have brain damage, and might never walk. Thre  years later, with double shunts in her head, a feeding tube, glasses, a wheelchair, a full body brace to sleep in, and a teacher teaching her sign language cause she'll never be able to talk with her voice, my brother had come to term with the fact that he could never make his daughter well, so he just loved her more.And more every day.

Why? Why is this happening? I want to almost shake my fists at God and say"why are you letting this happen?" I know in my heart,that Gods will is perfect, but it doesn't feel that way right now.Selfishly, it's so easy, and feels so natural to tell that to someone else, when it's their loved one suffering! And it's so much easier to accept and to believe!

I've never in my walk with God, doubted and been afraid like I am today.And yesterday,and I'm afraid-tomorrow. I've never felt this anger, and I know it is wrong, but I can't help it right now.

I need advice, help, scripture,prayer.Wisdom.Experience.Reminded. Someone remind me what this is all about please.

Lori

 

[AngelAmidala]

I felt the same way when my family found out my dad had prostate cancer. I have pages upon pages in my journal questioning why God was doing this, in addition to everything else bad he had done to my family over the last few months. I denied that there was God.

I will pray for you and for your family. But especially for you as you deal with all this.

 

[Blessed-one]

it's hard, even when God says everything from Him is good, and that there is a purpose in everything...

i'd encourage your reading some truly inspiring autobiographies, and the bible of course, of how people face difficulties and how God carries them through it (remember GreenEyedLady's loss?). From your post, i get the lesson of practising love to others, like your brother's love for his daughter.
i'll be praying.

James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in everything.

Matthew 5:4
Blesed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Job lost everything, he complained to God and felt very angry, but at the end he ended up having more than he had before.

 

[Sharky]

it hurts. I've experienced it. Once my mother was in hospital because she tested positive for a pap smear test on some deasease that could cause cancer is untreated. You have to remember that God is still God. He will weep because this is happening but that is all because we were the sinners in the first place. Christian or not, everyone suffers.

Down here (in this life) we will suffer pretty much the same beatings as a non christian would. The only different is an eternity difference but i won't want to go through that. Rest assured we're praying. God knows exactly how you feel and i'm sure you're on the brink of getting an uzi and climbing a clock tower but keep your faith in Him. We will pray for you and all of us will support you in this hard time. We all suffer but in the end, we'll be in heaven for eternity and there'll be nothing to worry about except to jump for joy.

 

[Living for Him]

Originally posted by Sharky
Down here (in this life) we will suffer pretty much the same beatings as a non christian would. The only different is an eternity difference but i won't want to go through that.

Thanks for the reminder.I know all of this, in my heart, but I guess for some reason I need to hear it again and again.I've never felt this grief before, sometimes it's overwhelming.I find myself just starring off into space, then I find myself, holding my baby and the tears just streaming out of the corners of my eyes, and I've had a couple of times, where I'm just sobbing.

Yes, I can remember and do remember GEL, on a regular basis. I can remember trying to imagine,closing my eyes ,and imagining what she must be feeling. I guess now I see it through her mothers eyes and now my mothers eyes, and me a sisters eyes.

James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in everything.


That is a very good scripture ,thankyou.

I will pray for you too,AngelAmidala. That will make me feel better I am sure.

Love to all, Lori

 

[GreenEyedLady]

*sigh*
I have not yet questioned the Lord. I feel like if I do that it will make me become angry. Maybe I am just avoiding that right now.
What I do know is that satan is the reason for death and suffering. He is the one who temps us to think, "Your Lord is NOT a loving God"
Things are getting worse especially between my husband and me. The spiritual warfare that is going on in my house is unbelievable.
I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!
Why then is this allowed to happen to us? Well.....I don't remember God being the one who took everything away from Job. I don't remember God being the one who tested and tried Job. It was all satan. What I do remember is that God's love allows us to be free, to live and make the choices we make under whatever circumstances. I know that God does bless us, He gives us what we need and is there to carry the wieght we cannot carry.
Anger is not a bad thing. Any emotion is NOT a bad thing. What is a bad thing is allowing it to intoxicate your life. Allowing the bad, the trials, the evil to intoxicate your very being.
At times I feel shame. Because I know that there are times where my faith has failed. My faith has NOT been in full trust of the Lord. I try to aviod that. I try really hard.
I hope that you are ok. Sometimes we as humans think we ca handle it all, when we just need to take off our bags of wieght and let HIM carry them.
GEL

 

[Living for Him]

GEL.You make me feel so ashamed. I know you are suffering so much more then I, and I know this because I am the mother of 5.And they are my life. Thankyou so much for your words, and I am sorry about the strife in your family right now. I am praying two-fold for you and yours now.

Godbless you, and your courage and your strength, you are an inspiration.

Lori

 

[VOW]

To GEL:

Please, please....find a Christian counselor and you and your husband attend a few sessions. Both of you have normal fears and angers and disappointments over your loss. It's natural to turn against the one who is closest to you. Many relationships do not survive the loss of a child, and it's truly nobody's fault, it's just that the pain is too intense.

For the sake of your other two children, find someone to talk to, someone who has the professional understanding and can guide you out of this dark period of your relationship.

You also might want to check into "Candlelighters," a self-help group for parents who have lost children. Gathering with people who truly KNOW what you are going through is often the best medicine.

And of course, stay with your campaign to inform the world of the dangers of miniblinds!

You are in my prayers,
~VOW

 

[GreenEyedLady]

I have counclers.
I have a pastor.
But I cannot force my husband to do what he does not want to do.
I just have to loosen the leash so to speak and let the Lord deal with him.
Thanks for your support
And don't feel ashamed. We are ALL weak, but in the Lord we are made strong...ONLY in the Lord.
Everyday I pray for the holy spirit to get me thru the day ahead of me. That all I can do right now.
GEL

 

[VOW]

To GEL:

Unfortunately, society has taught men that they must be strong, they must not admit weakness, they can prevail no matter what. I pray God gives you strength for both your husband and yourself.

One person I truly admire is John Walsh, of "America's Most Wanted." He and his wife suffered the most devastating loss of all, and the two of them picked themselves up from the depths of despair and have been fighting ever since for the protection of the children of this nation. It has been the only way they could survive, to work for the missing and exploited children who have no advocates.

I hope you and your husband can bond together as advocates for other children as well.


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[ZiSunka]

I need advice, help, scripture,prayer.Wisdom.Experience.Reminded. Someone remind me what this is all about please.

Twenty years ago, when my mother died from heart attack and my baby niece died, and my nephew was born profoundly deaf, I felt the same way. I felt powerless, angry and sad that so much was happening to my family.

Now I am going through similar circumstances with my dad, who will probably lose his feet. I have prayed and prayed in faith and fervency, but my father's feet are no better. The only thing I can do is accept that God is allowing it all because a greater good will come out of it. Even if he allows my father to die, God's plan is for some greater good to come out of it. I don't know how or why, but I cling to that knowledge and to faith in a God who has never been untrustworthy with me before.

The only thing that helped was this verse: "We know that God works all things (even this) according to His plan, for the good of those who are the Called." Romans 8:28   My mom used to say it this way:  "Everything that happens, happens for the best, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time."

God doesn't usually give us explanations in this life time.  But one day, we will be able to see things more clearly.  Now we are looking through a dirty window, but then we will see face to face, and will know as we are known.

Even this is according to God's plan for good, even though it seems like the worst possible thing.

 

[VOW]

To Living for Him:

Your brother and his family will be in my prayers. This must be an agonizing time for all of you, and it's not surprising that you can be angry with God.

Don't let that upset you, though. God's shoulders are strong enough, He knows the pain you are enduring, and He understands.

One thing I have noticed in my darker hours: sometimes it feels like God is a zillion miles away, and that distance is very painful. Truly, though, He is right there, holding your heart in His hand. When the clouds do finally begin to part, you will see the Glory of God again, and it will warm your very soul.



Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[psycmajor]

lambslove

Oh dear. What's wrong with his feet?

 

[GreenEyedLady]

Sounds like your dad and my mom are in the same boat.
Mom's feet are real bad too. Diaebetic???
My father died the same way and mom is on the same road.
Its a sad and long way to die. I hope your have been talking to your dad about salvation and the Lord. I did alot with my dad. I told him what the bible said about heaven. I was there when he died right in front of me.
I remember struggleing with my mom, who is catholic, she kept saying...go to the blessed virgin...anmd I keep saying....NO go to Jesus....it was crazy.
I worried about where he really went until I had a dream. He is there..in heaven.
GEL