Drinking too much

[Bellicus]

For some years now I have started the weekends on thursdays, and I get drunk on thursdays, I get drunk on fridays, and I get drunk on saturdays. Then I have no real need for alchohol on sundays, mondays, but on thirsdays and wednesdays I am really started to feel tensed and started to look in the calendar what day it is to check if thursday is coming soon, so maybe I get get started drinking soon again. I am living with my girlfriend and our 2 1/2 year old kid, and I only drink after he is in bed, but I guess I am addicted to it. There has been some weekends or even a couple of holidays ( I don't get along with her family very well) that I am home alone, and then I am drinking every single day. Maybe I take a day of break, but thats just really to feel better about myself.

I became a christian maybe 4-5 years ago, but lost the faith after about 2 years. Then I was smoking pot every day for more then a year. And I guess I am drinking cause I won't allow myself to smoke pot anymore. Something in my head says pot is sin, but alchohol is OK. I know Pot is less addictive and less harmfull to the health, so sometimes I am thinking about maybe moving out and start smoking again just to prevent myself from becoming a alchoholic.

I don't really know what to do. You can give me all the bible-verses you want, but still I have it terrible inside, and I need more then just the every day life, I need something to take me away from reality.

I am on my last bottle of beer now, and I know those 4 days are coming.

 

[ww2pigeon]

And what do you want?
If you stop drinking and and start smoking how is that not addiction?
All you will be doing is changing seat on the titanic.
If you are drinking that much and are feeling the way you are, you are probably already an alcoholic.
You have talk about changing everything around you, but you haven't said anything about getting Help and changing yourself. The problem is you not your situation. If you want help call A.A., Call a church for a 12step recovery group. In fact I believe there are some links to recovery information on this forum. If you want help you need to take the frist few steps. There is a part of you that know that, other wise you wouldn't be reaching out. Now just pick up the phone, be part of the solution, rather than live in the problem.

I will pray you find the courage to take the frist few step toward a life of recovery. In Jesus Name, Amen.

 

[YourBrotherInChrist]

Some things you didn't address in your post:

How much alcohol do you drink on your "drunk" nights?

Is your alcohol use causing you any health problems? Any job problems? Any interpersonal problems, with your girlfriend, or her family, or your family, or anyone else?

Alcohol and pot use do not improve the problems you are having with the reality of everyday life. If anything, they make it worse. All they do is help you temporarily avoid these problems.

So what is the problem with your everyday life? How do you imagine your life will be in five years?

How has your life changed since your son was born?

 

[TheMainException]

Bro, I know...bible verses don't do squat to help addiction. They make for worse feelings and then another bottle in hand. Been there...I'm young, but I've been there. I tried to quit a couple times, all on my own. It didn't take long before someone said "let's go out" and in my soul, I wrestled, but only for a few seconds before I was out again...then the days would pass, and I'd be drinking gin out of a water bottle. I only quit by the help of God and a close friend. I changed my whole life and lifestyle and got myself out of the situations. I don't hang out with drinkers and the friends I know who drink are respectful to my desire to stay clean and don't invite me out or drink in front of me. You need to get help. You can't do it alone. You need friends to help you and an outside source to pull you up and give you support. I ran back and forth between being drunk and being high, and sometimes both. I always had it under control, only drank when I didn't have class, only got high when I'd have the room to myself. But then I couldn't say no. I couldn't stop, I had to have it all those times. And I slowly began to realize WHY. I was in so much pain. I was depressed, anxious...feeling horrible. The alcohol took away the ache inside of me for a while (It was a physical ache, some serious pain caused by anxiety)...but then I couldn't drink enough to make it go away, so I'd drink more. A couple shots wasn't cutting it. You need to figure out what makes you need it...what makes you need to drink or smoke. I think you should get a counselor...help you to understand what makes you tick and why you can't stop and how to help you stop. Also, get yourself into AA or another program. But I'm going to say this...if you don't want it...you won't do it. You have to really want it. I remember not completely wanting it...I didn't take all the necessary steps, didn't finally lay down and ask God for help. I hung out with the same friends, kept the pot around, kept the liquor around....I was stupid and just really was just scared about getting caught for something...but i wasn't ready to stop. You have to be ready and you have to get all the help possible to truly get clean.

 

[Bellicus]

Some things you didn't address in your post:
How much alcohol do you drink on your "drunk" nights?

8-10 bottles of beer normally. Probably more alcohol when I got vodka. I drink this in about 4 hours. I don't get cheerfully and uncontrollable drunk anymore with loss of balance and problems with talking and walking, like I used to be when I was younger, it is more like a higher state of consciousness where I don't care anymore, but just live in the moment. If I drink more I just get a head-ache, and if I drink even more I feel sick and tired.

Is your alcohol use causing you any health problems? Any job problems? Any interpersonal problems, with your girlfriend, or her family, or your family, or anyone else?

Not really. Only problem is that it cost money. Here in Norway alcohol is pretty expensive. like 55$ for a big bottle of vodka or 20-25$ for a sixpack. But It don't really affect economy in a major and harmful way.

Alcohol and pot use do not improve the problems you are having with the reality of everyday life. If anything, they make it worse. All they do is help you temporarily avoid these problems.

I know

So what is the problem with your everyday life? How do you imagine your life will be in five years?

My problem is mentally with stuff I've been trough and just locked mental problems. I am on disability because of mental problems. I have no idea what life will be in 5 years, probablly wont have changed much.

How has your life changed since your son was born?

My life in it self haven't changed much, other then that I love him and want the best for him, and I got a lot of practical things that needs to be taken care of because of him, and I always try to keep the apartment look like clean, there is constantly something that needs to be cleaned and to be fixed or taken care of. Usually I get really stressed in the days, because he have problems with eating and problems with talking, that's one of the good things with the alcohol in the weekends, when he is sleeping, then I got no worries and can put those worries away for a while.

You need to figure out what makes you need it...

I've been talking to doctors, psychologists, Christians etc and I know what makes me need it, and the problem won't go away. It is incurable.

I visited a christian meeting tonight, and they invited people to come to be prayed for, but I didn't go, cause I knew that God want me to live a life in pain. I have no lack of faith in his powers. He is as real to me as anything else. But this is life for me, I am not meant to be happy like most people.

 

[ww2pigeon]

That is sad, that you believe God would do that to you. I will pray that my God Jesus Christ will Claim victory over your God. Because Jesus Christ has paid in full for all of us.

In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.(John 7:37)

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11: 28-30)

Lord I ask you to come on to this man and show him that you have already suffered and dead for his sin and his pain. That he needs not take up the cross you have already carried. In Jesus Name Amen.

 

[Bellicus]

ww2pigeon: The majority of people that ask for something in prayer, never gets it (at least not on earth). If you open your eyes, and look around in the forum, you will soon find that I am nothing unique. There are so much suffering among Christians that it breaks my heart and God don't do anything about it.

I don't got another God then you, I am just honest. God is not a magic slot-machine that fulfills our needs. God don't treat Christians different from others. He let it rain over good and bad. He makes no difference. We all got problems in life, then we get sick and die. That's how life is. And I just can't take it. I think I got more to struggle with then most people, and sometimes it just want me to give up.

 

[ww2pigeon]

OK I get it, your mad at God, You've lost your faith. There have been many just like you, you are not quine. If you want to stop drinking and you really want help, take yourself to a 12 step fellowship and continue to go regularly for 90 days. At the end of that 90 days, if it isn't doing anything for you, Stop going. At least you can come on here, and tell me what a bunch of HEWY it is.
I look at it this way, if you take God out of the equation, and look around you still have reason to fight, you got your son to fight for. If you love your son, 1/2 as much as love my daughter, you would be willing to go to any lengths see him learn to fight the good fight.
I have been there, I have lost everything and when I thought I couldn't lose anymore, I did, I LOST ME. I cried out to God, yet he wasn't answering, I lost faith and landed into a 12 step fellowship. I am 24 years sober and Nobody promise me it would be easy, but I wouldn't have missed the ride for anything. Thanks to that fellowship and God I do have a life money can't buy. What do you got to lose and I know you have everything to gain. And for the record, I am one of God's miracles. God Bless in His Name.

 

[Bellicus]

No, I haven't lost my faith. Why would you say things like that:
I will pray that my God Jesus Christ will Claim victory over your God.
OK I get it, your mad at God, You've lost your faith.
Talking like I am no Christian, or that I am even having the wrong God? What is your meaning with this?

You haven't been listening at all. I have been praying to God myself and had others to pray to God for me (In addition to all sorts of doctors and psychologists), but God don't help with what I need help with. So what can i do? I'm not angry, just sad really. Why would the bible tell that God takes care of his children, when he don't really care at all? He quickly answers prayers when I ask to come closer to him, He likes thanks and worships, but when it is something I need I only meet a wall. If he gave me a healthy mind I could stop drinking, start working, be a normal person, even be happy.

I don't know what you mean with 12 step fellowships, I'm not even sure if there a AA here, and I don't think I belong in places like that. It's pretty normal for Norwegians to get drunk every weekend. I just read in the news that only 10% are non-drinkers. It's just a thing Norwegians do, not the drinking culture as they got south in Europe with wine for the food, instead everyone are drunk every weekend, the only difference with me is that I got that Thursdays too, but I could skip that one if I wanted I guess.

My main problem is still with my mind. I've been too deep down into the darkest places of the mind, and I don't know how it could ever get healthy again. It is pretty hard to live as a Christian, having a faith that should give peace, but instead I can't hardly go out the door because of anxiety.

Some of the hardest things with being a Christian like this, is that some Christians say things that fill me with hope, but then there is no hope, and then other Christians say that things are not that easy and I just have to accept that there is no hope as long as I am living. The only good thing that will happen in this life, is that it some day ends and I hopefully can forget all about it and live in a better place.

 

[TheMainException]

I think I may finally be beginning to see the picture here. And you sound an awful lot like I did about six months ago...I'd resigned myself to being depressed for the rest of my life, and I'd just better get used to it because God wanted me to be in pain for the rest of my life. I truly believed that. I had no doubt in my mind that my depression was what God wanted. I'd spent 7 years crying out to God, I'd SI'd myself away from death, drank myself into blackouts, waking up to puke in my shoes, done robo to "explore my mind," (ended up throwing up one time for about four hours...that was fun), did oxycodone, (that made sick too, guess I took too much again...took it four times...each time increasing the dosage...must have forgotten that it gets worse each time), smoked pot until i passed out (only did that once, it was too much of a waste of good pot)...basically, I've tried a lot of stuff to get myself out of my own head. It was a long hard struggle...and I was like a rabid dog who's life was being saved and I had no clue...I just kept biting at whatever got near my mouth. I wasn't hungry, I was in pain and couldn't take it. I was under the delusion that God wanted me to be in that terrible pain...he wanted me to suffer, that maybe I'd be able to help people better because I was suffering, because I was incurable...that I suffered from a depression that was untouchable...an anxiety that didn't respond to antipsychotics or antidepressants, but wasn't bad enough to get barbituates (that I would have abused anyway).

There is hope...but it's easy to not have hope...most people don't have hope. It's too hard to have hope...it brings you up and most of the time lets you fall down. Hope it dangerous...but it's not faith. Faith is similar...easier to break down though.

In pigeon's defense though, you DID say you lost your faith in your original post. But maybe you haven't completely lost your faith. It still seems to be partly there...there's something there anyway, causing you to ask questions and seek understanding.

So you know what is causing you trouble..and no one can fix it. It can't be fixed, can't be cured, can't be treated...and God wants you to suffer. That's right...Jesus Christ, the man who never turned away a single person for healing wants you to suffer your whole life through. Makes sense, sure...if you're drunk while thinking that. It doesn't make sense...so why think that? I thought it for a long time, I don't look down on your for thinking that...it does make sense when he never heals you...but it doesn't make sense when you look at what he's done.

If you really think he won't heal you, go back to smoking pot...at least then you'll still have your liver twenty years from now and you can watch your son grow into a fine young man and get married. But if you have the slightest feeling that he might help you, get sober, get christian help, and FIND A WAY to get out of the darkness. Pray in the times you drank...did you ever pray that much? Not many people do...read the Word, pray, spend the drinking time with God. The darkness can't win if you don't let it. The darkness is pretty strong...i know, it's pretty universal, pretty awful...and darn evil. It's like having a skunk up your nose...strong enough to pass you out and make you vomit or just plain do something you wouldn't normally do. the darkness makes people do things they wouldn't normally do...and often they do it for reasons that make little sense to other people. It makes your thoughts spiral downwards and makes you feel horrible about yourself. It's fluid in your lungs, and you might be able to cough it out, but letting the doctors give you medicine might work better. (it's a metaphor,...God's the doctor, reading the word and praying brings about the medicine...sometimes it's slow to work). I've had answers to my prayers. It's taken 10 years for one prayer to be answered...but it was answered...and is being answered. it took 7 years for another prayer to be answered. Some prayers come quick, some slow...I'm waiting to see how long the other prayers I've prayed recently take to happen. The time in between seems to be speeding up...10, then 7...who knows...maybe sooner or later, I'll get a prayer answered as soon as I ask it. God will answer your prayers...he is listening.

 

[Bellicus]

Yeah, I guess you are right TheMainException, I used to be totally insane (not metaphorical) when I accepted Christ the first time. I never thought I would figure out what reality is again, but now I got the feet on the ground. When I became a Christian I would see flies flying past me, spiders crawling up the walls, but when focusing on them they would disappear, then I were looking in the mirror the face used to change into demon-faces, just swirling around. I would feel like I were floating outside the body, that my feets were placed under the floor, when I closed my eyes I would see dead, bloody faces, and all my thoughts were just chaos, I had no control over any of them. But most of that is gone now. I am better in lots of ways, but still I feel like the source of all the problems are still there. And thats where I meet the wall. Feels like lying in the mud, and I get lots of love and attention, I get washed clean, get new clothes, but still I am down in the mud and all I want is really to get out of it. And thats the point where doctors and christians can't help anymore. I've told my life story to many people, but there is nothing to be done. And that's the point when I start wondering why I write any of this at all. Why waste words.

 

[ww2pigeon]

Bellicus
Aug 16, 2008
I became a christian maybe 4-5 years ago, but lost the faith after about 2 years."
Aug 18, 2008
ww2pigeon: The majority of people that ask for something in prayer, never gets it (at least not on earth). If you open your eyes, and look around in the forum, you will soon find that I am nothing unique. There are so much suffering among Christians that it breaks my heart and God don't do anything about it.
I don't got another God then you, I am just honest. God is not a magic slot-machine that fulfills our needs. God don't treat Christians different from others. He let it rain over good and bad. He makes no difference. We all got problems in life, then we get sick and die. That's how life is. And I just can't take it. I think I got more to struggle with then most people, and sometimes it just want me to give up.
__________________
This is what makes me believe you have lost faith. I don't know of any other God then mine, his name is Jesus Christ and he answers my prayer regularly. Sometime quickly sometimes slowly. I have to remember that God's time is not my time. And that because he is my Father in Heaven, sometimes the answer is NO. Sometimes there is more that needs to be done in a situation, then just what I pray for. God maybe looking for me to do something different. One time it took 20 years for him to answer one of my prayers. I am bless and very thankful he answered. But once it was answer I understood why it took 20 years. It was a big request, the task was huge. I am in awe to thing what he had to do to answer that prayer.
I would be surprised if there wasn't A.A. in Norway. Get on the net go to the Alcoholic's Anonymous Web Site. Inquire about A.A. in Norway. If you look at the top of this form You will see Sticky: Alcohol Recovery Links, click on it, see what is out there. If the pain of being in it, is greater than being out of it, I am going to make a move to get out of it. All you have to so is take action, faith without works is dead.( Jame 2:20)

 

[YourBrotherInChrist]

I don't know what you mean with 12 step fellowships, I'm not even sure if there a AA here, and I don't think I belong in places like that. It's pretty normal for Norwegians to get drunk every weekend.

With all that alcohol abuse going on in Norway, shouldn't there be even more treatment opportunities available?

Hjellestadklinikken is known for being the birthplace of Motivational Interviewing.

My problem is mentally with stuff I've been trough and just locked mental problems. I am on disability because of mental problems. I have no idea what life will be in 5 years, probablly wont have changed much.

You haven't really given any reasons why you want to try to quit drinking. Do you have any?

Is it possible that you are missing some better way to deal with your problems because you are spending so much time being drunk?

 

[BobW188]

I have just sent you the website and email address for AA in Norway. Contact them. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking.

You seem to be going to some pains to overlook that at least two people who've responded to you have been where you are now. Make that three people, now. Add my 24 years to ww2pigeon's and you have 48 years of sobriety.
You're putting away 8-10 beers in the space of four hours, or vodka, four nights a week, and you wonder why you have mental problems? It's called cause and effect!

You've already taken AA's first step. You've admitted that you are powerless over alcohol and that your life has become (or is becoming) unmanagable. Contact AA and learn about Step Two: [We] came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Simple question: Do you want your boy to have a drunk for a father?

 

[Bellicus]

I took a test with 12 questions, if i would have answered yes on 4 or more of them I would have a problem, but I only answered yes on 3. So I guess this is something God can help me with. Just a sin.

ww2pigeon: I forgot to mention that I am a christian again, I just were off the faith for a couple of years, but I'm getting back to God more and more. I visited a church last Sunday and I'm planning to go this Sunday too. Hoping I can live like a christian, but there's so many things that seem to hinder me.

 

[ww2pigeon]

Mark 4:9
And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.
Mark 4:12
That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.

 

[TheMainException]

bellicus...that fact that your insanity seemed to strike when you first accepted Jesus makes me think that you are not insane at all, but that Satan wanted you to think you were and wanted you to think you were meant to be crazy. I don't think you're crazy...I think what you have is a spiritual attack by the great deceiver himself. Alcohol can make these things worse while simultaneously making you think that it is making them better (or maneagable). I don't think there is such a thing as wasting words. Something will come of your writing...it is not for naught. It's like you are trying to conduct a life saving experiment so it can be used on real humans to save their lives...but you keep missing something, it doesn't match quite right...and then, finally, you hit the right combo and you start saving lives...for you, you keep telling the story, keep writing it over and over, sharing what's happened to you and where you're at, and people respond, but you don't get the right results yet...and then, one day, bam...it happens, something clicks inside of you, someone says something at a time when you are highly reactive, and results occur...healing takes place and you begin the road back to sanity and christianity.

Nothing we can say can change your mind. I can babble on and on, but what you need is encouragement. What needs to happen is a change in your spirit. When that happens, you'll be ready. You need to throw your entire being into this...you need help, your entire will, and outside and inner reasons to stop drinking and not only stay sober, but also live a good life. Make lists if you have to...lists of reasons to quit, reasons to keep drinking, reasons to go to church, reasons to stay home, reasons to cry out to God, to write on here, to not say anything, to go to AA, whatever lists you need...weigh the options if you aren't ready to decide...if the bottle's pull is too strong. Just because most of the country drinks doesn't mean that you should do it too.

 

[BobW188]

You are one answer away from being a drunk...in your opinion.

When I lived in our State of Kansas, AA ran ads that read, "If you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to quit, that's ours."

Do you want your boy to have a drunk for a father?

 

[Bellicus]

No beer today. I've been sitting and denying a strong urge to go buy some beer for the last couple of hours, my armpits are moist with sweat and its not hot here now. Here in Norway it is forbidden to sell alcohol after 20:00, and now it is 20:24, so no possibility of beer today.

So my plan is to continue this. No beer on Thursdays, church on Sundays, and I also got plans to start working 50%, just need a talk with my doctor about medicine support for it first. Are going to need some benzodiazepines for that, and something to sleep on the days before work.

So I hope you guys that has been following this thread can pray on that, so I can get something done with my life instead of just watching it pass away.

 

[TheMainException]

That's awesome to hear Bellicus...that's quite the start...now you've got to stick to that...don't waver...stay strong.