drawing comparisons

[Evening Mist]

I know that comparing my 2 kids to each other is not healthy for them. They are individual and unique kids, and their skills and struggles should not be contrasted against each other. It would only create an atmosphere of competition and preoccupy them with the need to make everything "even," which is definately not realistic or even best for them.

That said, it is *so* difficult for me to avoid comparing them in my head. When one always cleans up his messes and then some, and the other fights me tooth and nail over everything I ask him to do. When one occupies his time and creates own fun, and the other needs his hand held 24/7. And so on. I appreciate and feel frustrated by different things in each of them, and when all is told, I like them both enormously for different things. But it is still so hard not to constantly think, "The older was talking by now." or "The younger sleeps better."

How do you treat each of them as an individual in your own heart?

 

[Didymus]

how old are they ? both boys right ? it will come in time as they get older and their personalities develop more and they find different intrests. and there will always be some comparrision. even an only child get compared to cousins or neighbor kids and classmates.
I am a twin--hence my handle--and we were *always * compared and worse my mother told everyone we were just alike when we very obviously weren t. My twin is a female but we are faternal.
I can t compare my girls because one is a teacher and was an honer student and the other is mr and will never have self-sustaining employment.

 

[Beckijhn]

That's a hard issue. My daughters look a lot alike to the point that one will do something and someone who doesn't know them will talk to the other about it. I don't see it THAT much but I guess others see what we don't.

My two contrast one is a packrat/neatnick the other is a slob and collector of particular stuff (not everything). One is dramatic - extreme ups and downs, the other hides her feelings to an extreme. One is so meticulous about appearance, how the chores are done, etc. The other wears whatever and carries it off well and skates on whatever she can.

I notice the differences a lot but I try to celebrate the up sides to them. I don't vocalize anything like 'why aren't you like....'. I just giggle or rage about it in my head! ~smile~

 

[Didymus]

I hope you don t make them dress alike or be in the same clubs. My mother used to do that . She was really hurt when she found out how much we hated it. She had no living siblings so she had no concept that we didn t even like each other a lot. and still don t really

 

[Beckijhn]

Didymus - I get your name now. I just found out that it means twin and you are a twin. How cool is that ? (of course it's obviously something you already know LOL)