Down Day/Vent

[bshaw96]

Today is definitely gonna be a down day. I have really got to get a less stressful job. Im on call this weekend and the phone started ringing at 6 am and looks like it's gonna keep ringing. I feel pressured to stay b/c I make very well, and no other job will pay this well and w/o it, our family would be in a bind. Im sitting here just crying b/c Im so frustrated with the job, these darn mood swings up until a couple of weeks ago, I had always hoped would stop. I try talking to my husband, but he seems so distant. I guess he's just immune to my moods at this point, and when I really need him, he's just doesn't notice it. It actually seems as if he's constantly frustrated with me, and with reason I guess. The kids are whining and arguing already and I just wanna scream. When will these meds kick in? Ive been on Lamictal 2 weeks now, if anything, Im worse, or I just notice it b/c now Im in a down swing, don't know. I just feel sooooo alone. I so desparately want someone to understand. Just one person to know I don't do this on purpose. I try so hard to fight it. I follow up with my doc Tuesday, definitely gonna mention all this to her. Well, thanks for listening, it's cathartic to get it out. God bless.
Tracy

 

[Alive again]

Know we are here, and oh yes, we do understand, if you doc appt wasn't Tuesday, I would tell you to call him. My best advice, is tell your doc the good, the bad and the ugly,also research and learn about your disease and utilize your doc as a resource to help you on this journey. Do not be afraid to try other meds until you find the right one for you!!! It may take time, but you will find the right one and things will level out for you. Along this journey, don't forget to watch for the Blessings and care of God. It is a journey of growth and grace and it will be for you family as well. I have had to be very clear with my family (because my most embarasssing symptom is uncontrollable anger) of when my anger and frustration is ramping up, so they can have the earliest warning possible to be very careful around me. After several blow ups ,and one night in a hotel, one 44 oz coke dumped over my hubby's head, and some other smaller incidences and the help of our marraige counselor, my hubby understands better now and we are doing much better at honoring each other's stop signs. Blessings and prayers!!!

 

[wonderwaleye]

While I had a really good laugh on Alive again's actions to teach those around her to be considerate of her disease, there is really some Wisdom to understanding what MUST be done to be able to live with yourself.


Beshaw96 you know in your heart and mind that you cannot keep going the same way your going.


Even after you get your meds right they will only be good for a certain level of stress.


You may well even have a hard time getting the right meds because of your constant changes in stress levels.


You must treat this disease as you would having your hand cut off. You do not have a choice in the matter if you want to have any quality of life.


I thank GOD I am retired. For I know for a FACT if I was required to work in my profession I just couldn't do it!


You must have FAITH in GOD that things will work out in the family if you don't continue in this job.


Other wise you to will finally do just like your friend Alive again and start teaching lessons.


Only some lessons are to drastic to recover from.


This is very a very serious disease your dealing with. It can be a life or death decision you make.


If you are to take care of your husband and children you will need to be strong enough to do what is needed.


You must consider that no matter how you try to explain this to them they have no real idea what it's like.


There are times we have no choice but to take matters in our own hands no matter what anyone thinks.


DO IT NOW!!!!!!!


I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I HURT BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH AND THE CHOICES YOU MUST MAKE.


Remember that this storm will only stop when you decide to walk in the sunshine.



TO SHARE GOD'S LOVE WE MUST REMEMBER:



XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and move to the O ) ( then feel who is around you )

 

[My_Sojourn]

Bshaw, Wanderwayley thought my thread, Brain Abnormailites
would be helpful to understand that this is really more like a neurological disease, and behaves a certain way and responds to drugs a certain way also. Drugs do make the symptoms go away for the most part but you have to find the right med and the right dose and give the med a chance to work because it will.


---------
Yes, it does make more sense that anti-seizure meds would help all this misfirings, as I see it anyway.

My bipolar friend read this and figured this is saying that there are apparent "deficits" in one area that are compensated for by other anomalies: more signaling and faster, due to reduced size/fewer cells, higher cortisol level compensating for ATP deficit... She has a very good understanding of the biochemical aspect of the brain and emailed me this explanation, but I am still trying to learn.

I have heard there is a "kindling effect" with bipolar disorder. I don't know if it's true, it's just a theory. It says that the longer bipolar goes untreated, a person can get worse with more rapid cycling and harder to treat because :

Demitri and Janice Papolos, in their excellent book The Bipolar Child, describe this model as follows:

"... initial periods of cycling may begin with an environmental stressor, but if the cycles continue or occur unchecked, the brain becomes kindled or sensitized - pathways inside the central nervous system are reinforced so to speak - and future episodes of depression, hypomania, or mania will occur by themselves (independently of an outside stimulus), with greater and greater frequency."

I couldn't post the link. I hate to quote something from another web site without giving the sourse. But you can do a google search on "kindling effect bipolar"

We can control this but we need our meds.

 

[Alive again]

Oh those weren't on purpose lessons, they are embarassing memories that were part of my journey in learning that I had an illness, what it was and what it means for my life, including my stress triggers. Then Ilearned how to speak honestly about my feelings and began accepting my illness and learning much healthier coping mechanisms..

 

[wonderwaleye]

Oh those weren't on purpose lessons, they are embarassing memories that were part of my journey in learning that I had an illness, what it was and what it means for my life, including my stress triggers. Then Ilearned how to speak honestly about my feelings and began accepting my illness and learning much healthier coping mechanisms..

Dear Alive again

Ohhh dear I hope you didn't think I thought those were on purpose.


We are bipolar so we understand what a person might do under stress and mania.


The reason I called them a lesson is that is what it was to all concerned.


This is why I am real concerned about bshaw96



XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and move to the O ) ( then feel who is around you )

 

[enchantedscribe]

Bshaw, Wanderwayley thought my thread, Brain Abnormailites
would be helpful to understand that this is really more like a neurological disease, and behaves a certain way and responds to drugs a certain way also. Drugs do make the symptoms go away for the most part but you have to find the right med and the right dose and give the med a chance to work because it will.


---------
Yes, it does make more sense that anti-seizure meds would help all this misfirings, as I see it anyway.

My bipolar friend read this and figured this is saying that there are apparent "deficits" in one area that are compensated for by other anomalies: more signaling and faster, due to reduced size/fewer cells, higher cortisol level compensating for ATP deficit... She has a very good understanding of the biochemical aspect of the brain and emailed me this explanation, but I am still trying to learn.

I have heard there is a "kindling effect" with bipolar disorder. I don't know if it's true, it's just a theory. It says that the longer bipolar goes untreated, a person can get worse with more rapid cycling and harder to treat because :

Demitri and Janice Papolos, in their excellent book The Bipolar Child, describe this model as follows:

"... initial periods of cycling may begin with an environmental stressor, but if the cycles continue or occur unchecked, the brain becomes kindled or sensitized - pathways inside the central nervous system are reinforced so to speak - and future episodes of depression, hypomania, or mania will occur by themselves (independently of an outside stimulus), with greater and greater frequency."

I couldn't post the link. I hate to quote something from another web site without giving the sourse. But you can do a google search on "kindling effect bipolar"

We can control this but we need our meds.

I have to say I think there maybe something to this. I read in another thread you wrote about this and you mentioned a neurological doctor and ms and things. I have been diagnosed with bi-polar for about 5 years but have shown symptoms since I was about 13 or 14 and I'm 40 now. I am now losing the use of my arms and legs. They do not know what is causing it. I have severe nerve damage, in both my arms and legs. So they are sending me to a neurologist. I have been on disability since 2003, it has been very hard for me, but God has supplied my needs according to His riches in Glory. The illness was to hard for my husband and we divorced several years back. I blame myself because I was always sick. He tries to still help me as much as he can. I just gave him everything in the divorce because I knew I wasn't a good wife. Not like I wanted to be. I used to be in full-time ministry and then my illness just took over. I was in a severe car accident 2 years ago, but I didn't have the problems with my arms and legs until just about 4 months ago so they do not think it is related to the accident. However, I truly believe this is my year for healing. I have been praying and pressing in to the Holy of Holies and have been sick for so long it is time for my miracle. It just has to be. But I will not go off my meds until God
shows me undoubtly I am healed because at least my Bi-Polar meds are pretty much doing their job. Now I just have to find out what is going on physically. I just wonder if it does have to do with what you mentioned about the neurological thing. That's weird my doctor is sending me to one this next week. Please pray for me. It's even becoming hard for me to type.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dearest Enchanted scribe


I can feel you pain and it brings sorrow to my heart.


" I just wonder if it does have to do with what you mentioned about the neurological thing. That's weird my doctor is sending me to one this next week. Please pray for me. "

Dear leave this to the doctor and don't try to second guess. You have enough to deal with.



NEUROLOGICAL problems can come about for many reasons. One very serious one is the narrowing of the arteries in the brain.



Take your mind off of what is not known or yours to find the answer and
concentrate on what things you must do to deal with this.



Should you need to get the equipment that will allow you to use the computer, GET IT.



Do what ever there is to do to keep your mind active.




IT IS WITH DEEP LOVE I ASK YOU TO REMEMBER:




XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and move to the O ) ( then feel who is around you )