Hello. I'm a 15 year old male who has been having overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and depression about my salvation. I was born into a Christian house, but it wasn't until I was 12 or so that these fears and doubts set in. For the past 3 years they have dominated my life.
I am unable to feel sorrow for my sins. I know they are wrong, but I feel nothing. I fear I am self-righteous, I don't think I love God, I'm not sure if I have saving faith, I'm pretty sure I'm hard hearted, and I'm pretty sure the only reason I'm trying so hard to be saved is that I'm scared of Hell.
I know salvation comes from trusting Jesus, but so many people say that you have to be sorry, that you have to repent of all sins, etc.
I pray that God gives me Godly sorrow and helps me with all of these problems and that he gives me faith, but nothing happens. I feel like God isn't listening and doesn't love me nor does he want to save me. I feel like he is playing some sick joke on me by showing me how condemned and hopeless I am, and showing me the way out, but he won't provide me with the means to get there.
I see all these stories about former prostitutes and murders who have an instant conversion and love Jesus and hate sin. Why is it so easy for them?
Even as I type this now I feel like I am sinning by telling you people instead of God. But I don't know what to do.
I'm tired of waiting for God to give me Godly Sorrow and regenerate me. I have been waiting for years now. I know I deserve hell, but I still don't want to go there.
Any advice would be appreciated.