Don't want does NOT mean can't have

[seaflower]

Does anyone else have the problem that when people ask you when you're having kids, and you say you don't want any, they immediately respond with "oh, there are treatments for that!" Or "pray and God will help you get pregnant!" I always have to reply back with "I said DON'T, not CAN'T. We do not wish to bear young." Then I get really weird looks.

 

[Rebekka]

No, but people have prayed for me to change my mind (please don't!), or, in case they're atheists, said "You will change your mind", and all the other bingos.

 

[127.0.0.1]

If people did that to me, I'd probably just ignore it.

 

[Rebekka]

Can't you change your username back to what it was, 127.0.0.1? It's hard to type, and I like to refer to people with a name that I can actually pronounce in my head.

I didn't know you were so left-wing, by the way! (Rare for Americans.) Or is it sarcasm?

 

[127.0.0.1]

^
Well, I ended up changing my name, mainly for identity reasons, I use the other name on a lot of other sites, I didn't really want to link the two so much.

As for the whole left-leaning thing, no it's not sarcasm and yes, it is incredibly rare, for Americans to be Socialists.

btw, if 127.0.0.1 is too hard to type, you can also call me, loop-back, or localhost

 

[Rebekka]

Oh OK.

I'll call you Numbers. That's biblical.

I don't vote for the socialist party anymore but used to, and they still have my sympathy. And from an American point of view, I am extremely socialist. Y'all think Europe is socialist, well, we have a right wing government now (which still is socialist in American eyes), and I'm even far left for a Dutch person.

This is me.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Alot of people define themselves by their ability to breed the same way as some people to by their vocation. I fell so sorry for those people (speaking of user names) who id themselves as so & so's mom, billybobs nana, or even joe's wife,...

They have built their WHOLE life being somebody's something instead of being them.
If you suggest this is not something you would NOT like to do-THEY take it as a personal assault (without even knowing it). You are telling them what they did (& this is the most important thing they FEEL like they will ever do) was no big deal to YOU.

This is why you have people with "empty nest syndrome" (can't deal w/not being a mommy anymore-no life) or 80 year olds referring to their 50 year old as my "baby" girl (complaining b/c they are still having to take care of the "child" who is now an alcoholic/drug addict etc. & they just don't know what's going to happen to the "child" when they die).

The point is stand your ground-guilt free, but have some compassion for them as well. That's why you ignore it if you possible can.

 

[Diane_Windsor]

We're in a similar boat. I come from Inferilityland, and people ask us the same questions. We also get the same responses. Gee, there are treatments available? Why didn't I ask my infertility doctor about that!

As if a couple's personal decisions are anyone else's business. Does anyone have some good responses to these types of questions?

 

[Audiomechanic]

As if a couple's personal decisions are anyone else's business. Does anyone have some good responses to these types of questions?

Could always turn it on them:

You: "So, do you run marathons and do triathalons?"
Breeder: "Oh HEAVENS no. I've got <insert physical problem here>"
You: "You know, there's treatments for that!"

Or:

You: "So, do you enjoy bathing in tubs full of poisenous snakes?"
Breeder: "WHAT?! Why on EARTH would I do such a thing! I can't stand snakes!"
You: [smile at them until it clicks in their heads]

 

[Rebekka]

We're in a similar boat. I come from Inferilityland, and people ask us the same questions. We also get the same responses. Gee, there are treatments available? Why didn't I ask my infertility doctor about that!

As if a couple's personal decisions are anyone else's business. Does anyone have some good responses to these types of questions?

Ugh, I hate it when people give unsollicited advice - it's usually worthless and stupid - as if you haven't given it any rational thought before (whatever the problem is). It's an insult to one's intelligence!

I can't imagine what it's like to have fertility problems.

 

[Elliemare]

I have gotten that response to some degree. I've had some assume that I'm unable to have children, some that just give me that look of pity as if I'm infertile and others that I have to drill the point home, "No, I don't WANT kids"!

What gets me is that so many cannot fathom, not wanting kids at all. I just don't get it? I don't want to go bungee jumping either and I know a whole lot of people who would be totally on board with on that one, but say no, I don't want kids and they look at you like you just said, no I don't want to live anymore!

 

[Langley]

We don't want any kid and when people ask me that i say "I had my willy cut off which makes it now impossible to have kids"

That usually gets a response of "Oh" Never be afraid to shock people if you can!