Don't think I can make it through this

[confusedbutloved]

It's been three weeks since my divorce and things steadily get worst, not that I can imagine it getting worst. Weeks ago my 19 y/o son told me my ex had no money and no food, I felt horrible and thought the Christian thing to do would be to help, so I would cook meals and make sure I cooked enough for him and even his roommate, I bought groceries on sale also. Saturday he and a friend had a 40th bday party and I made two trays of his favorite food for my son to take and then things came crashing around me all over again. Just when I thought I saw glimpses of the man I fell in love with years ago, I found out that he had posted a picture of himself and his new lady love on facebook, my heart felt like a knife had gone through several times and just stayed there. I felt so stupid and used, I was cooking for him and basically providing catering services for him and his new girlfriend. It's made me feel like he never cared, I feel like I was so inconsequential in his life. Shortly after I moved out he said he was being treated for depression, he went for a week and then dropped out, my young adult kids felt sorry for him and now are furious with me that I am hurt by the fact that he has moved on. 10 years of my life, 10 years of loving and taking care of this man, my kids and I have had such horrible arguments because in three weeks since our divorce I haven't "moved on". I told my ex how hurt I was, he doesn't care of course i feel used and stupid and just like i never mattered. i don't know how to move on, i'm in divorce recovery classes but it's so hard, i prayed and prayed that he would get better as he got help, he just moved on to the next woman, I think about her in what was my home, and yes, I hurt when I think of the likelihood that she is what was once my bed with him. I dont' think I have the strength to move on, to go on sometimes. I feel alone, so so alone. I feel like I have no place in this world, not even in my apartment, i feel like my kids have turned against me as he was the one being "treated" for depression. I get down on my knees and pray, I cry day and night, I'm unraveling and don't see an end to this pain I'm feeling in my heart. I need prayer, where is my God, where is my Savior, I've been calling out to Him and still I'm all alone.

 

[McScribe]

You're not alone, but I know it feels like that. Remember that God is with you now; God is with us even when life feels like Hell; the Bible promises that. It may be hard to hear but you are more than the sum of things that have failed in your life. So the devilish lie is that because your marriage failed that you are a loser, and cannot turn to God while things are not figured out. This is not true. The truth is that you are still God's beloved and God still wants to hear from you. Sometimes it takes a big effort but even praising God for things that have little to do with you reminds you in your heart of God's goodness and enables you to open your heart to Him in prayer.

 

[If Not For Grace]

don't know how to move on

Weeks ago my 19 y/o son told me my ex had no money and no food, I felt horrible and thought the Christian thing to do would be to help,

Offer the 19 year old a JOB. You value is not in service (That's a work's mentality)
The christians I know believe one of the reasons you work is in order to eat, but I digress.

You have every reason to feel dissapointed, but no reason to stay there unless you just want to be miserable. You can't do anything about the past, & believe me it
hurts to have been used, & you were! But who wants to be married to someone who is only there to use you. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

You will get better but like any injury it will take time. (If you broke your leg would you expect to walk on it tomorrow?) Make every effort to keep the mind busy til you get better. Start with affirmations-daily-by the third day I promise you will feel better.

Are you working?
Do you have a dog?
Make an effort to get out of the house and go somewhere!
Say 3 positive things about yourself-now write em down!
Use scripture
"This too shall pass"
remember the calendar cures alot, you are here for help & that is a good sign you are at least willing to help yourself. I know you can do it!
It's not going to be easy, but IT IS Doable (I love that word, don't you ?

 

[nikkey76]

Sometimes God allows us to go through a period of alone time so that we completely depend on Him for our happiness.

 

[PintoBean]

You can get through this. God is mighty, powerful, and has plenty of mercy for us, FOR YOU. You are very kind to help someone who's hurt you. He will be judged on his actions, it's only your actions and motives that you have to worry about. I'll pray for you. I know how you feel.

 

[iambren]

I really,really hurt for you; your pain just seeps through everything you write. This may be hard but think of it this way--his girlfriend may be a blessing in disguise because it will keep you from going over, feeding him, trying to KEEP that bond in some way.

There is no easy way. It may take you 1-2 years before you're healed over this. Be patient with your self and the process. God can bind your wounds and give you an even brighter future...feel for you, have been there.

 

[nikkey76]

I woke up today angry.I need to reflect and come to terms with what happened in my marriage.I am divorced now and have no desire to get back with my husband. I get so angry at him sometimes as I try to maintain a friendship with him for our son's sake. He feels free to share with me all the details of his current dating relationships and how he is serious with. I welcome this only because I want to know who my son is being exposed to, I hate the idea of my ex just letting any kind of woman around our son. I also think he is seeking my approval ( he knows many times his judgment is way off when it comes to some women )

I have prayed to God to release me from hating him for being normal and living a normal life. I hate myself sometimes for pretending to be happy for him. I am happy that he can move on , because I know that's what is best for him , but I am stuck with no one and no way of reaching out to any one. I want what he has and I am jealous because he broke something wonderful and fundamental in me through his abuse and now I am left holding the pieces. I never discussed this with him because I know how he would react and I don't want to get hurt more than I already am. I feel like the woman at the well. Hurt, broken , unwanted, and undeserving. I know God is there and he will help once I know how to let go and release this to him.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Nikkey - my ex announced a serious relationship with his now-wife less than a year after our divorce was final...which means they were probably dating for some time before that. She moved in with him almost immediately after he told me he was dating someone.

He announced it to me with such glib satisfaction that it made me wonder if I was supposed to be bothered by it. I have offered him congratulations for various announcements he has offered up to me about his relationship with her, but honestly I don't really care one way or the other. I hope he is happy b/c I don't harbor bitterness or resentment towards him about how he failed in our marriage. But, I certainly don't care about the details of his life.

I would caution you to create a boundary with regards to the details of your ex's personal life. You can be civil/friendly without actually being his friend. Your communication should be almost strictly regarding your son together and any aspects of your life or your ex's life that influence/impact your son. Nothing more, nothing less if there is still hurt there and healing that needs to take place.

Have you considered a divorce recovery group to help you with the healing process?

Once you are through the healing process, you will feel so differently about all of this. Even once I had gotten through it, I had resigned myself to being single indefinitely, but I am now very happily married to the most amazing man. I never would have imagined my life taking this turn when I was fresh out of my divorce.

Hang in there. It can and does get easier.

 

[mike70]

It just amazes me how people can be so cruel, even Christians. It's bad enough that some feel divorce is the answer for any issues, but then choose to rub it in and make the pain worse for the other person! I can't wait until the Lord comes and brings justice and harmony to this world.

 

[HazelWings]

I am so, so sorry for your pain. The circumstances of my divorce were much different, but regardless you still have to allow yourself to mourn what once was and also what you THOUGHT would be. The others have offered great advice, and I also encourage you to seek counseling so you can help yourself to learn that you DO deserve SO MUCH BETTER than that. Being a Christian doesn't mean allowing others to use you as a doormat. I'm saying a prayer for you tonight

 

[SavedByBlood27]

I woke up today angry.I need to reflect and come to terms with what happened in my marriage.I am divorced now and have no desire to get back with my husband. I get so angry at him sometimes as I try to maintain a friendship with him for our son's sake. He feels free to share with me all the details of his current dating relationships and how he is serious with. I welcome this only because I want to know who my son is being exposed to, I hate the idea of my ex just letting any kind of woman around our son. I also think he is seeking my approval ( he knows many times his judgment is way off when it comes to some women )

I have prayed to God to release me from hating him for being normal and living a normal life. I hate myself sometimes for pretending to be happy for him. I am happy that he can move on , because I know that's what is best for him , but I am stuck with no one and no way of reaching out to any one. I want what he has and I am jealous because he broke something wonderful and fundamental in me through his abuse and now I am left holding the pieces. I never discussed this with him because I know how he would react and I don't want to get hurt more than I already am. I feel like the woman at the well. Hurt, broken , unwanted, and undeserving. I know God is there and he will help once I know how to let go and release this to him.

Nikkey, I feel for you, I really do. You have to understand though that your husband is not himself right now (and maybe hasn't been). BUT that doesn't excuse you for being obedient to the Lord (as your rewards will be much in Heaven). I don't know the story, but unless he has committed adultery (no matter what he is doing, or the sin life he may be living), than you MUST stay single or pray to God to change him for reconciliation. It's not easy, but it's a command. We made a vow before God "til death do us part", God does NOT take divorce lightly. I'm praying for you both.

 

[Test All Things2]

Hello, I have been going through seperation/divorce since March 2010. I will probably see my divorce finalized in the next three months or so. My life has been a living hell for most of that time. Everthing I have worked all my life for is at risk. I have had alot of money issues.....to say the least of the greater and more painful emotional traumas.

But I offer you hope...as so many have counseled me....THIS WILL ALL PASS!

You will make it through this. Try to set your sights and your heart on things beyond this trouble you have now. That is what is helping me. I cannot focus on the immediate dangers constantly...if I did I would give up. I was almost there a couple of times, but I have toughened up to this stuff (with God's help of course).

You do need to have some fun or something positive to restore some balance in your life. Spend time with trusted friends and family. Lean on them and let their love for you be something you recognize as a good and stabilizing factor in your life right now. Ask them to be supportive to you now. Spend time with your pets, or your friends and or familys pets....as they can have a very calming effect on you. Get out and be active by bicycling, walking, gardening or any other activity you find enjoyable.

Do something to change your mood, and your circumstances in a positive manner

You have to look beyond to get beyond

And most importantly trust that God is with you in this


I could try second guessing why I am in this mess I am in all day long for the next couple of years, but it would accomplish NOTHING! It is a waste of time. God is allowing this to happen to me for some reason, and it could be to get to or help someone else. That is the conclusion I have come to. This process is probably more to help my ex break the sin problems she has, and I am sure God will restore my life again.

God won't let you down. Cry out to him and ask for the comfort of the Holy Spirit to be yours. Ask him to bless you with self-control and wonderful "PEACE". Ask him to give you the strength you need to bear up under this.

He will be there.

God help you to make it through this

 

[peacechild4]

Sometimes God allows us to go through a period of alone time so that we completely depend on Him for our happiness.

Oh my goodness this is so helpful

 

[peacechild4]

I don't think anything the other person does is going to not hurt us till we heal..
So we must protect our hearts till we know peace... I do not see any other way but to not let things in that will hurt us.. keep our minds on good things and praying always.. speaking to GOD about everything.. but then leaving it with GOD.. not dwelling on it.. your pain is real and horrid and you are brave and beautiful and precious..

Keep crying out to GOD and lean on HIM alone.. and you are wise to ask for prayers.. take the advice that helps and leave the rest.. some people do not understand..

GOD forgives for our mistakes.. soak in grace.. GODS favor on us and HIS mercies are new every single day.. great is HIS faithfulness..

Look forward.. take each day moment by moment.. each day has enough to worry about.. leave the past behind you.. do what you can and I will pray..