Don't see her much....

[dastangman]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for roughly 4 months now. She's an amazing girl, but is overly sheltered, and I understand this on one hand and I respect it, but I find it hard to deal with on the other. You see, every week we were able to see each other at least once, and usually only once, but we had a meeting on sunday so we got in some twice a week seeing each other. This was fine, once every 3 days was understandable and no problem, and even though it was at church we were still able to grasp a couple moments in the car while driving home just to talk to each other and hold hands without the interference from the outside world. I would never do anything to her that is sexually, morally, or spiritually wrong, and I know that as a parent they find that hard to believe, but now we have no time to see each other, youth group is over as well as the sunday meetings and she doesn't go to my church.
Basically for the next 3 months of summer we will not see each other, or talk unless on the phone for a restricted amount of time by her parents, which is at most about 10 minutes, and that is if her father doesn't lie that she's not home.
I've done nothing to lose their respect. I'm really unsure with how to deal with it, I don't want to end the relationship over such a small matter, but it's hard to continue when ur unable to see each other. We've tried to have group dates, but those usually fail because other couples want alone time or just don't wanna be thrid wheels and i understand that as well.
But, then even if we do getta go out on dates those few chances when someone says "fine i'll go along" it's nice just to have that queit time where it's just me and her, holding hands, and talking, and we don't worry about someone going OOOOO they're holding hands, and we don't have to feel uncomfortable spilling our guts to each other about our lives without someone poking their nose into our business. The reason I want alone time isn't for a "reason" if you get my drift, it has nothing to do with sex or making out, or anything like that.
Maybe I'm jabbering, but I understand that parents have to be leniate and restrictive and protective, but why not let us see each other just once a week to just see a movie, and let me buy her dinner, celebrate our month anniversary or something. If i was so dead set on having something happen, it would happen in the 10 minute rides home each week after youth group...I just wish i knew how to gain respect, because sadly it doesn't seem that time will even help. Please pray and help me understand what to do!!! landon

 

[findinghope06]

hello. im sorry about your situation and i will definitly pray for you.

have you thought of maybe doing something w/ her and her family? ask her if she would be okay with that and ask if she could talk to her parents about that too. this way, if they all agree to that, her parents will see that you are a gentlemen and all you want to do is get to know there daughter. this will help them to trust you more and you will be showing an interest in her family, which only can help you. you may not get your time alone together right away but after building up the trust with her family and showing them that you are commited to their daughter, they may let you guys go out together or talk longer.

Good luck w/ everything and im still going to pray for you! God Bless!!

 

[dastangman]

Yeah I went to church with them, ate lunch with them, but her dad made no attempt to really get to know me, neither did her mom. Her mom invited me to go shopping with her and my girlfriend and my girlfriend's friend, i was the only guy, but i went in hopes her mom would get to know me, NOPE, she just didn't make any attempt to get to know me. I tried to sit on the coach with her dad but he just kept watching TV.

 

[findinghope06]

Yeah I went to church with them, ate lunch with them, but her dad made no attempt to really get to know me, neither did her mom. Her mom invited me to go shopping with her and my girlfriend and my girlfriend's friend, i was the only guy, but i went in hopes her mom would get to know me, NOPE, she just didn't make any attempt to get to know me. I tried to sit on the coach with her dad but he just kept watching TV.

awwwww im really sorry. i think it will just take time then. if you keep showing that you are completely commited to their daughter and showing that you want to get to know her family, they will eventually open up. i know this doesnt sound like a fun thing but maybe talk to the parents with your girlfriend there (or maybe just talk w/ her parent that seems to really not want to let you two have time together) and just explain that you want to spend time with her and tell him/her your intentions...i know i know lol that doesnt sound like something that i would want to do but if it would help the situation, the outcome might be great. God Bless!

really i think its just a matter of time before they see you are a genuine guy and a good guy for their daughter. have faith and keep praying!!

 

[peanutbutter12]

You seem to be on the right track, but I wouldn't complain too much about not being able to see her once a week. It's been a month now since I've seen my fiance' cause she lives at the other end of the continent. Relationships take patience, so be patient and if there is something there, then it will all naturally work out for you.

Getting to know the parents is a big thing in any relationship. Get to know them, show them thatyou want to spend time with them too. When you get into a relationship with a girl, you are also getting into a relationship with her parents as well. Find similar interests and start with that. For me, hockey was the key that broke the ice with me and her dad. Now I'm starting to learn about racing *gag* so that we have something else he enjoys talking about. One thing to remember is that the father is usually silently brooding when it comes to their daughters dating. Why? Cause they know how guys think, and thats his baby girl you're taking out. So they usually mind to themselves and silently brood until they make the decision to get to know you (usually after a firm scolding by the wife). But show them you are making an honest attempt to get to know them. They will respect you more for it.

Sounds like you are on the right track, just remember that patience is the key. Know how lucky you are to see her as much as you do. I know I'd love to be able to do that. *October wedding coming soon though *

CJ

 

[invisiblebabe]

When I was 19, I had a fiance.

Before I turned 20, I had an ex fiance. Your girlfriend's parents sound rather similar to his. Guess what the primary cause of our breakup was?

Alas for parents' interference.

 

[peanutbutter12]

When I was 19, I had a fiance.

Before I turned 20, I had an ex fiance. Your girlfriend's parents sound rather similar to his. Guess what the primary cause of our breakup was?

Alas for parents' interference.

Hence why you should never be in a relationship without parental blessing.

CJ

 

[dastangman]

Which is why I want to get to know her parents, I mean it's pointless to start a relationship unless you see a future in plan that is possible with that person. But I can't continue to go without her parents trying to get to know me, because then when the time comes for a blessing from her parent's they'll say they don't know me enough. I strike up a conversation about NASCAR, her father's favorite, and I wasn't a NASCAR fan, I just tried hard to learn about it, and it was aggravating to ask him how the season was only to hear, EH IT'S OKAY, so how's Jeff Gordon doing? EH HE'S OKAY, so maybe that's the normal answer for guys, but ugh. I really have a hard time understanding how people go through long distance relationships, it puts major stress I can tell, I mean I almost consider this long distance even though I live only like 10 miles away. But then maybe that's a good thing, because do you think it's possible that previous marriage you could get "sick" of each other. I mean, maybe it's best to go slower, see each other everyonce in awhile and it's more special.
I dunno, I'm thinking of talking to my girlfriend, see if she can help me with her parent's, I mean if anyone can, it'll be his "little girl".

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

My boyfriends parents are a lot like her parents in many respects.They have started to become a little more lenient, because I have started to talk to his parents every time I see them. His dad is at least willing to talk to me, but his mom says hi and that is about it.I am starting to win her over to though. Just have patience, one day it will work out as God plans.I hope and pray everything starts going better for you two.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

Start spending more time with her dad, and worry less about alone time with her. Find out what he has interest in and spend some more time getting to know him. After all, if this works out you're stuck with this guy for the rest of your life. Good luck, IM me sometime Landon, you have my MSN addy.

 

[Scottish Joy]

Man, that's rough, Landon. I won't pretend it's not. But patience pays off, believe me!

I just noticed that you're a few years away from being able to marry this girl, even if she is "the one"... and let me encourage you, if she's as great as you say she is, hang in there!! My fiancee was interested in me before he turned 16, and he has been so extremely patient, waiting for the blessing of our parents, and here we are planning our wedding!

He didn't just sit around either- he's been working full time and saving up money while he waited. Last year he bought a house- how many young guys can possibly do that? The patient ones who use their time wisely! What he's been doing through these years of waiting only strengthens my trust in & respect for him. And my parents' too- they know he will take good care of me, and that makes it so much easier for them to let me go.

Hang in there & invest your time!!
God bless you with patience.

Joy