My son is 3 weeks old. I was with his father off & on for 5 years and we were planning on getting married... I had two miscarriages before this last pregnancy that were really hard on me. With the first one I didn't even think of anything bad happening. With the second I prayed constantly... usually more than once for that baby to be okay. With this one I didn't even pray until near the end because I didn't see the point in praying. It seemed like whatever God wanted to happen was going to happen.
I left my boyfriend when I was 6 weeks pregnant because just a couple days after we found out I was pregnant (we were trying) he told me he thought he was a sex addict and then talked about cheating on me for 2 weeks before I finally left. I was living with him in his house, 60 miles away from my family. So I moved back in with my mom and without a job. My mom had always put me down and made me feel bad about myself... when I first moved back I seriously thought about putting my child up for adoption just because she made me feel like crap and like this baby would be better off without me. Especially since I couldn't take care of him on my own. I got further along in the pregnancy and she stopped saying bad things to me. And it continued that way until the past week or two. Now she's been saying things like how I'm a bad mom. I've been praying for my son a lot, for him to be okay because I still worry about something happening to him. I feel blessed to have him and it seems too good to be true. I've prayed to be good enough for him and for God to always be with him and guide him. But now I feel terrible about myself. It's like my mom doesn't have to say much at all to bring me down after all these years of hearing it. I thought I was doing a good job taking care of him and I really still do but I don't know, she makes me doubt myself and I don't understand why she'd say the things she does to make me feel bad. I've been staying with my brother instead of her the past week and that made her mad so she's been saying more crap. She wants me to let her take my son as well.
I know this is all my fault because I should've been able to take care of him on my own. He was planned and I expected to stay with the father. He's not involved at all now. I was planning on going back to school and taking online classes so I could still take care of him. I feel like I should've stayed with my ex and just did what he wanted and put up with his crap rather than being here...
I left my boyfriend when I was 6 weeks pregnant because just a couple days after we found out I was pregnant (we were trying) he told me he thought he was a sex addict and then talked about cheating on me for 2 weeks before I finally left. I was living with him in his house, 60 miles away from my family. So I moved back in with my mom and without a job. My mom had always put me down and made me feel bad about myself... when I first moved back I seriously thought about putting my child up for adoption just because she made me feel like crap and like this baby would be better off without me. Especially since I couldn't take care of him on my own. I got further along in the pregnancy and she stopped saying bad things to me. And it continued that way until the past week or two. Now she's been saying things like how I'm a bad mom. I've been praying for my son a lot, for him to be okay because I still worry about something happening to him. I feel blessed to have him and it seems too good to be true. I've prayed to be good enough for him and for God to always be with him and guide him. But now I feel terrible about myself. It's like my mom doesn't have to say much at all to bring me down after all these years of hearing it. I thought I was doing a good job taking care of him and I really still do but I don't know, she makes me doubt myself and I don't understand why she'd say the things she does to make me feel bad. I've been staying with my brother instead of her the past week and that made her mad so she's been saying more crap. She wants me to let her take my son as well.
I know this is all my fault because I should've been able to take care of him on my own. He was planned and I expected to stay with the father. He's not involved at all now. I was planning on going back to school and taking online classes so I could still take care of him. I feel like I should've stayed with my ex and just did what he wanted and put up with his crap rather than being here...
