Don't know what to do?

[brokenman]

I posted this in another forum, but its very applicable here too.

I have been dating a wonderful woman now for about 3 months. We have both come out of a divorce (not recently) and have both learned and grown (with the help of God) from these horrible experiences.

Anyways things are really good and it is really our first "real" relationship since our divorces and our first God focused relationship. We have run into minor issues, but have dealt with them and/or are dealing with them.

One of the issues, though I don't know if I want to call it a issue, b/c it sounds so harsh, is that she keeps herself distant from me...physically (my love language is touch...which she knows) and emotionally. I am a open guy when it comes to the relationship, so I can see how I can be too up front.

I know some of this is on my side and me letting her wait to drop some walls so she feels safe to talk to me (and I am willing to wait for that). But she has voiced she is distant from me/us and doesn't know why and doesn't really want to talk about it. I don't want to make it a hot topic we discuss all the time b/c I would rather focus on the good and continue to build trust.

But I guess I need something back, some sort of reaction to something. I know I'm a guy and there are times where I need to know "everything is okay." But its more then that, just that she is okay and if she isn't or isn't happy with the relationship, we can work on it and/or if she doesn't want to be in it anymore, then (as tough as this is to say) she would feel free to leave.

I don't know if that makes sense at all, but yeah...any questions please ask! Thanks in advance.

Brokenman

 

[brokenman]

I know what I have to do...

Put a bridle on my emotions, pull back, slow down and cool out. I'm just a "all in" type of guy, wears his heart on his sleeve (a little too much) and not everyone else is like me. Continue to love her and seek God in everything.

Now its just doing all of that...

 

[SearcherKris]

Bless you!

I pray that God will give you clear direction for how you should proceed.

If it's meant to be, then God can work it out, if both are willing.

Thank you for sharing that there is life after divorce!

 

[Autumnleaf]

Was your last relationship having the same problem?

 

[littlenova]

you are missing the physical part,me too. i prayed for u. i'm sorry. maybe she is scared?

 

[brokenman]

my last relationship was my previous marriage

with this one...well, she broke up with me this previous weekend...long story short she loved everything about me but didn't love me..."something" kept her from being 100% in, i say that with " " because she says she doesn't know

I believe God played a part in it...hardened her heart, break up with me, then I feel bad... I say this because I rely on other people's love to feel love (I fully realize this now) and not God's

Now I have to figure out how to be sustained by God's love b/c I can't count on people's

 

[HuntingMan]

I know I'm a guy and there are times where I need to know "everything is okay."

Boy that can be the death of a relationship if the other person isnt very empathetic.
When dating I literally had a young woman drop me like a sack of potatoes over wanting to know if everything is 'ok' or not.

It may not be the case, but this can make you seem far too needy and dependant to a woman, especially if shes already dealt with a lot of stuff in a previous relationship.
A lot of women like a man whos sure of himself, not arrogant, but strong and not running around asking her if everything is 'ok'.
I know it stinks because as a man myself I want to know if anything needs to be worked on on my part, but I know a lot of women who simply dont do too well with being asked about it a lot...even if its unspoken but shows in the way you act.

Its a crazy circle sometimes because women seem to want someone to 'talk to' in a man, but it does seem like its more about what they want to talk about because the only woman Ive ever met that actually seems to be ok with me wanting to know if everything is 'ok' is my wife and even she has her limits with it. But then when they find a man who DOES want to talk to them its the old 'can we be friends' story.
Ive concluded that many women need two men.
The first is the tall dark mysterious stranger rogue type who keeps them guessing about everything.
the other is the friend who they can talk to about anything....purely platonic...a guy they can cry to when the first guy breaks their hearts.


Id guess that what you might do is find a hobby. Get your mind on something else for a while and try to not worry so much about the relationship. If you have something that is occupying your mind then maybe the emotional neediness ("is everything ok?") wont shine thru so much and she will have enough space so that she can develope her side of the relationship more without feeling crowded or coerced.

Overcoming the 'is everything ok' thing is like pulling a limb off for some of us men....oddly tho if a woman was smart she'd latch onto a guy like that because this will be the guy who will be much less likely to put her on the backburner for his own interests later on.

Its kind of peculiar but the very characteristics that a lot of women like about some men are the very things about a man that make him worthless as a spouse, a friend and a life companion.

The tough independant rogue types that need to be "tamed" are bad marriages just waiting to happen because 9 times out of 10 these types of guys are selfish egotists who dont really care about the needs of anyone but themselves.
For some reason a lot of ladies are attracted to these men who WONT communicate at all.

5-10 years down the road when he has refused to be 'tamed' she feels alone in a shell of a marriage with this stranger sleeping in the bed next to her who she just wishes would ask her one time...."is everything ok".

Its enough to make a man pull his hair out...