dont know what to do

[DoesAnybodyHearHer]

I haven’t really posted anything like this before, but you’ve probably seen me around.

Anyway for as long as I remember I have been really badly bullied and then when I moved to secondary school then bullying got physical. When trying to tell teachers what was happening none of then believed me and so did nothing about it until year 10 when it came to a climax and she bought in a knife to try and harm me (she didn’t succeed) it was at this time that the teachers suddenly became aware of what had been happening (better late then never). She was then put on sick leave so she could get the help that she needed, and I was left to struggle on. During that time I started self harming and being really suicidal, but still didn’t talk to anyone because I was too scared. When she came back I was told to go and see her, so we were shoved into this tiny room with no teachers and no help if I needed it and was made to sit there and talk to her, I have never been so petrified in my entire life there I was alone in this room with a girl who had made my life hell for five years.

Anyway I thought I had dealt with it and had moved on but over the last 18months it’s been really haunting me, she moved away to college so I don’t see her but I am still scared that I will see her if I go out and I always seem to be thinking about what she did to me and asking things like what if I had moved schools? Or what if I’d made someone believe me earlier? I replay things over and over in my head and it drives me crazy.

Don’t tell me just to get over it because it’s because of people saying that that I have given up talking to people. My youth leaders are trying to help but they have no idea what is going on in my head … no one does!!! I don’t want to go and see a counsellor or anything because I would just find it way too frustrating and they will probably just tell me to get over it or ignore me like all my teachers did. I’m fed up of all my friends relying on me to help them out with their problems when I have enough of my own.

So now I really don’t know what to do or where to go from here. Prayers or advice would be much appreciated.

(sorry it's really long and kinda all over the place)

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

I reccomend doing stuff that will make you happy try to find stimulation, something that will cause you to want to do something for fun.

Sincerely,

Thomas

 

[restore]

It is trauma feelings........
U need some healing and deep understanding of yourself.

 

[Akathist]

I don’t want to go and see a counsellor or anything because I would just find it way too frustrating and they will probably just tell me to get over it or ignore me like all my teachers did.

I think that you are not being fair to counselors here. They are trained to help people deal with tramas and teachers or youth leaders in churches are not.

I think the very thing you need is a trained counselor. I don't know if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but if you do, there are people trained to help you recover from it.

I am so very sorry that they put you and her in the same room together. I was appalled to read that. I think it would be normal to have trouble trusting after teachers did that. But, remember, counselors are trained about such matters and teachers are not. Don't lump them all in together.

It is normal to question things like "What if I had"... etc etc. That is perfectly normal.

You are the victim of a crime here. She tried to harm you. We have a section of Recovery just for victims of crime. I think it might be good to move this thread there. Let me know if you want it moved or not.

 

[Akathist]

This thread was moved here from General Struggles at the member's request.

 

[zsepthenne]

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
It's hard to feel normal or sane when someone is/or has abused you. I don't know all of what happened, but when you are victimized on a continual basis it takes a toll.
I would guess you have PTSD, but I'm not a dr. just a survivor of my own things. Your pastors can't help if they don't know what is wrong, hun. NONE of my counselor's have ever told me "to get over it", if they had that would've been the end of our therapy!