Don't know quite what to do....

[SeekingSoul72]

I don't quite know where to begin with this, but just to say that I am at a very confusing time in my life. I need help. This is the first time I've admitted that to anyone, even myself, but it is now true. I have been a practising Wiccan witch for nine years, and I am now finding myself feeling..empty. Spiritually empty, lost, and confused. I have also been finding myself being drawn to watch ministries where as before I would condemn them. Everywhere I turn is a convenient reminder of Jesus and Christianity. Let me give you a bit of a background on my Christian difficulties..

I grew up with an extremely overzealous Christian mother with mental problems..seriously, I am not just saying that...she has severe mental problems. She forced me as a child to practically LIVE in church, forced the Bible down my throat all the time, and just warped the idea of Christianity for me to such an extent that I HATED it and wanted no part of it. Now this may seem whiney to you, but I can assure you that if you knew me as a child as some people did, you would know that I was miserable and went through a lot of emotional turmoil with my mother.

To make a long story short, I began to search for an alternative faith path. I knew there was some Great Force in the universe, but I refused to believe in my mother's God and let her think that she "won in converting me". This is when I found Wicca. At the time I felt like I had found what I was searching for, as I have always been psychic, knowing things before they happened, sensing things that no one else knew. I have seen ghosts and had spirits communicate with me since I was a child. So, I felt like I fit in with this newfound faith.

Nine years later, I am at this point. I feel desolate inside. Where I once felt the power of my deities, I now feel nothing....my soul feels like a desert. The only time I feel comfort is when I watch the Joel Osteen ministry on TV, and it never fails to bring me to tears. I don't know what brought me here, I guess I felt "led" to come here. I don't know exactly why I am coming here and spilling my guts to perfect strangers, but I feel as if I need to..have to. I feel as if my soul is dying, and I am powerless to stop it.

Any advice, prayers, words of encouragement you could give me, I would really appreciate it.

 

[Lilli]

Hi there Seeking Soul,

You are now experiencing what it feels like to be pursued by God. You are His child and he wants to be in fellowship with you. He loves you and wants you back now.

I have a similar story to yours. We can talk about it if you want - but I don't want to post it here with all the younger eyes on the Forum. Do you have a Bible? If so, start reading John & Psalms and just ask God to lead you. If you don't have a Bible - PM me your address and I'll send you one.

I would recommed that you find a non-denominational church (or any church) and call or go talk to the pastor. God will lead you to the right place - he will - because I am praying for that.

I am available to "talk" anytime. Feel free to IM or PM me.

Lilli

 

[holo]

Hey, in all your pain you should be happy this is happening, because it means God still wants you.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, I was raised in christian religion myself and rejected it more than one time. All my searching for peace (esp. through drugs) brought me nothing but numbness. And I've felt many times that I can't go back to the religion I used to have.

But thank God, I didn't have to.
It turned out Jesus is quite different from christianity sometimes.

You haven't found peace because, quite frankly, it's not there. It only comes from God. He's been waiting for you all this time. His arms are open. He has freedom for you, freedom from whatever lies you've bought into, freedom from drugs, freedom from emptiness and even from distorted christianity.

He know your mind, but I'm sure He'll appreciate it if you plead your case to Him. Talk to people, but don't forget to talk to Him.

You're on your way home!

 

[crossrunner]

I will be praying for you sweetie.

A few words if I may...
I believe that this sudden interest in things Christian is the Holy Spirit nudging you. You are being called to make the decision for Christ. Now let me tell you this truth in love: we are called to follow Jesus....not to follow flawed humans (as we are all flawed). You have been damaged by the relationship with your mother and you are equating a Christian faith with her. Look upon Jesus only. He is your role model. He is perfect in every way and will not let you down.
If I may be bold to say that you have been searching for a long time for a way to fill the emptiness of your life and you have attempted to use wiccan to do so. Nine years later, you have come to realize that this is not fitting that empty hole in you. Now Jesus, who has been waiting patiently and lovingly, wants you to come to Him. He will fill that void.
Do me a favor...if you have a Bible, please prayerfully read the gospel of John. Read what Jesus is about. Pray to the Lord that He will give you focus and wisdom as you read and tell Him about your pain and your emptiness. I will pray too that you will find the peace and joy and healing that you are seeking. Lotsa love, dear!

cr

PM me if you have any questions!!

 

[SeekingSoul72]

Thanks everyone for all your kind words..you all are telling me exactly what I suspected was happening..it's like someone is deliberately reminding me constantly of Jesus and the Bible...it's all TOO much of a coincidence to actually BE just a coincidence.

I talked to my mother today and asked her to get me a Bible. Thankfully, she did not do what I expected, she didn't embarass me or do the old "I told you so" or "oh goodie, you're finally converted" bit..she just agreed to get me one. So I will take it from there...I feel too spiritually weak and confused to make any huge decisive decisions on a spiritual path right now, so I am going to read the sections of the Bible that you all suggested and take it from there.

I want to thank you all for treating me with such kindness. I was afraid at first to come here, as I was used to being shunned and persecuted by Christians...they all thought I was a "drug-using devil-worshipper" which I certainly am not. I'm otherwise a normal, married, 32 year old stay-at-home mom from New Jersey..I'm just spiritually confused. I'm glad that I could come here for advice and be so warmly received.

I will most likely be around here every so often, especially if I have a question concerning something in the Bible..I hope that's ok? Also, I do have one question, something I've always wondered about...which version is the better version of the Bible..the KJV or the NIV? My mother swears the KJV is the only "true bible", but my Catholic husband says his Catholic Bible is the only way to go..who's right, or is anyone right?

 

[New_Found_Faith]

I don't quite know where to begin with this, but just to say that I am at a very confusing time in my life. I need help. This is the first time I've admitted that to anyone, even myself, but it is now true. I have been a practising Wiccan witch for nine years, and I am now finding myself feeling..empty. Spiritually empty, lost, and confused. I have also been finding myself being drawn to watch ministries where as before I would condemn them. Everywhere I turn is a convenient reminder of Jesus and Christianity. Let me give you a bit of a background on my Christian difficulties..

I grew up with an extremely overzealous Christian mother with mental problems..seriously, I am not just saying that...she has severe mental problems. She forced me as a child to practically LIVE in church, forced the Bible down my throat all the time, and just warped the idea of Christianity for me to such an extent that I HATED it and wanted no part of it. Now this may seem whiney to you, but I can assure you that if you knew me as a child as some people did, you would know that I was miserable and went through a lot of emotional turmoil with my mother.

To make a long story short, I began to search for an alternative faith path. I knew there was some Great Force in the universe, but I refused to believe in my mother's God and let her think that she "won in converting me". This is when I found Wicca. At the time I felt like I had found what I was searching for, as I have always been psychic, knowing things before they happened, sensing things that no one else knew. I have seen ghosts and had spirits communicate with me since I was a child. So, I felt like I fit in with this newfound faith.

Nine years later, I am at this point. I feel desolate inside. Where I once felt the power of my deities, I now feel nothing....my soul feels like a desert. The only time I feel comfort is when I watch the Joel Osteen ministry on TV, and it never fails to bring me to tears. I don't know what brought me here, I guess I felt "led" to come here. I don't know exactly why I am coming here and spilling my guts to perfect strangers, but I feel as if I need to..have to. I feel as if my soul is dying, and I am powerless to stop it.

Any advice, prayers, words of encouragement you could give me, I would really appreciate it.

I was a practicing wiccan, but only for a month or so. I will pray for you, and PM me if you need to talk. God Bless you for seeking the truth.
Sean C.

 

[holo]

Since you're already online, check out www.biblegateway.com.

It has loads of translations, and great search features.
But most of all, it is God who reveals His word and His will to us - thankfully it doesn't come by our own efforts and it doesn't depend on our intellects or bible versions.

And don't be afraid of being weak, because in our weakness, He becomes strong.

 

[Scholar in training]

I will most likely be around here every so often, especially if I have a question concerning something in the Bible..I hope that's ok?

Sure, you can ask questions whenever you have them.

Also, I do have one question, something I've always wondered about...which version is the better version of the Bible..the KJV or the NIV? My mother swears the KJV is the only "true bible", but my Catholic husband says his Catholic Bible is the only way to go..who's right, or is anyone right?

I don't know if either is "better", but there are certain advantages to both. The KJV is rather poetic because of the language style. The NIV is written in modern language and thus (in some ways) is easier to understand. I would recommend either of them, and perhaps as a supplement, a dictionary that defines Greek words used in the Bible, so you can better understand the meaning of each passage.

God bless.

 

[Ave Maria]

I was a practicing wiccan, but only for a month or so. I will pray for you, and PM me if you need to talk. God Bless you for seeking the truth.
Sean C.

I was also a practicing Wiccan except I was for about a year. SeekingSoul, let me let you know that there is hope. Jesus Christ founded the Church and the Church is there for hurting souls. I would urge you to talk to a priest as soon as you can. He can more than likely help you with your struggles. Also, RCIA will be starting this late Summer or Fall. Please go ahead and take those classes and learn about Catholicism. In it, I am sure you will find the truth. Meanwhile, you may want to talk to a counsellor about your troubles. If you can, talk to a Christian counsellor. You are in my prayers.

 

[chunkofcoal]

Seeking Soul,
I was into the "New Age" lifestyle for a long time. I call it being out in the back 40! But when the Shepherd calls, we can hear Him, if we are willing to listen. It sounds like He is calling to you (that is happening to a lot of people right now!) and that is a blessing! Pray, read the Bible. Take one day at a time. Sometimes we have to let go of our ideas of what a "Christian" and "Christianity" is, and look to see what Jesus was all about. You will be in my prayers!
May God bless you and lead you in the right direction!

 

[Sketcher]

I will most likely be around here every so often, especially if I have a question concerning something in the Bible..I hope that's ok? Also, I do have one question, something I've always wondered about...which version is the better version of the Bible..the KJV or the NIV? My mother swears the KJV is the only "true bible", but my Catholic husband says his Catholic Bible is the only way to go..who's right, or is anyone right?

I like the NIV. If you're stuck with a Catholic Bible, go with the NAB. Both are easy to read at least the NIV is pretty accurate. The KJV is hard to read and understand, that's why I don't recommend it.

 

[heron]

The Biblegateway site that holo suggested can be helpful in picking what translation you like, as you can pick from 20 translations (plus languages)...or you can just use whatever you get.


KJV- has the thee's and thou's. Translated in the time of--King James! (New King James is contemporary, but translated from several updates of the original KJV, not the Greek/Hebrew)

NIV- has a nice study version, with maps and cross-references. Very normal language and, as said, close attention to accuracy

RSV, NASB- similar to NIV

Living, Good News, The Message- paraphrased in contemporary language to reach young people, light readers.

Amplified- takes the Greek and Hebrew, and offers a few definitions withing the verse so you get a better sense of what it's saying.

http://www.judeministries.org/Bible/versions.htm gives more detailed info.

Some examples
3 His clothes became dazzling white, whiter than anyone in the world could bleach them. NIV

3 His clothes shimmered, glistening white, whiter than any bleach could make them. -The Message

3 And his raiment became shining, exceeding white as snow; so as no fuller on earth can white them. -KJV (New King James is contemporary)

3 And His garments became glistening, intensely white, as no fuller (cloth dresser, launderer) on earth could bleach them. -Amplified Bible

3 rad li vin klere tou blan. Pa gen lesivyèz sou latè ki kapab blanchi konsa. -Haitian Creole Version

Mark 9:3

I wouldn't fuss over it.

 

[MinDach]

have seen ghosts and had spirits communicate with me since I was a child. So, I felt like I fit in with this newfound faith

Since you know there is a Spirit world, you have seen it and felt it, then you must know they is another side to it, every thing in this world has the direct opposite,
( Light/Dark) ( Good/Bad) God is a Spirit, you have been messing around in the Spirit world for a long time, you have been dealing with evil spirits. If you want to find God, then you will find him in the man, they call Jesus Christ. Open your self up to him, and find life, instead of Death. Wishing you the best on your search.

 

[dia_liom]

Praying that God will move in your heart, and that you'll find the answers, and the peace, that you're looking for.




I use 3 different Bibles. NIV, 21st Century KJ and New Living. NLT is a very easy read, but I think some of the modern versions simplify things a bit too much. 21st Century KJ leaves the 'thee' & 'thou' in there, but does drop some of the more archaic terms. Not an easy read, but I enjoy it for a change of pace. My church uses NIV, and I think I prefer that one myself. Still, it's your decision- whatever you're comfortable with. You can check some translations out at www.esword.com, and even download different versions, plus some other 'helps'.

 

[Brinners]

I can also relate to your situation. I am also 32 and have been a praciting Pagan for 16 years, the last 8 of those being a solitary Wiccan.

I've been struggling with my faith for the last two years and have gone back and forth from trying to learn about Christianity (I was baptized as an infant but never learned much more about the Christian faith until recently) to Wicca and back again.

It's a frustrating road because I want to know God, and I want to put my Pagan past behind me but when I think i've finally done it, I get reeled in again somehow and for some reason.

I'm doing my best to learn all I can, and to figure out just how to let it all go with OUT turning back to it again. It's so difficult but I know what I want and what God wants, so i'll keep on keeping on.


Blessings,
Brinn

 

[King of the Nations]

Hi Brinn,

It's a frustrating road because I want to know God, and I want to put my Pagan past behind me but when I think i've finally done it, I get reeled in again somehow and for some reason.

I'm doing my best to learn all I can, and to figure out just how to let it all go with OUT turning back to it again. It's so difficult but I know what I want and what God wants, so i'll keep on keeping on.

Why are you struggling so much? Do you know? Is the nature of the struggle primarily intellectual? Emotional? Can you put it into words?



Greg

 

[Brinners]

Hi Brinn,





Why are you struggling so much? Do you know? Is the nature of the struggle primarily intellectual? Emotional? Can you put it into words?



Greg

No, I don't know why I struggle so much. It's difficult to explain. I know many other ex-Pagans that have had this same difficulty. Some have been born-again for many years and they are still struggling with the desire to go back to their old beliefs from time to time. I'm not sure why, or what the reason's are, but it's difficult.

I've also noticed that most new Christians that used to be Pagan for long periods of time will do exactly what i've been doing. Being on fire for God one day and turning back to Paganism 100% the next.

That's what is so frustrating about it. It's not emotional or intellectual at all, it's just that I believed something so different than Christianity for so many years that I think that's why it is so hard to give it all up completely.

 

[King of the Nations]

If you're stuck with a Catholic Bible, go with the NAB.

I'm sure "stuck" wasn't quite the word you were looking for there....right?



Greg

 

[King of the Nations]

Hey Brinn,

That's what is so frustrating about it. It's not emotional or intellectual at all, it's just that I believed something so different than Christianity for so many years that I think that's why it is so hard to give it all up completely.

Is it that you feel "compelled" in some inexplicable way to return to the occult? Is it as if some outside "force" is making you return even though you never have the intention yourself of doing so, or does it feel more "internal", like, "Gosh, I know I shouldn't do this stuff any more, but it was so much fun or so exhilarting back when I could [insert occult practice here]?"

The way you've explained it so far tells me it's likely one (or both) of two factors at work:

1) Gen 3:6 - The "glamour" of the illusionary sense of "control" and "power" the occult offers can be a little addictive and something that is hard to reject once and for all.

Or

2) There is a demonic spirit that you've appropriated whose job it is to try and reclaim you back from Christ until the day you literally get it off your back and send it packing (or let it force you back into the occult).

Try this...
Confession & Deliverance From Specific Occult Sins

Dear Heavenly Father, I come before You and renounce all sinful, occult practices and idolatry of seeking information, knowledge, healing, comfort, identity or power from any occult, psychic or secret source.

I renounce ever reading books about the black arts, parapsychology, magic, satanic rituals, including the Sixth and Seventh Books of Moses, the Satanic Bible, books on false religions, and other satanic books and writings.

I renounce all sins of divination, including: palm reading, fortune telling, tarot card reading, tea leaf reading, the crystal ball or crystal gazing, candle gazing, Ouija Board, ESP, telepathy, horoscopes, automatic hand writing or spirit writing, astrology, water divining, the rod and pendulum.

I renounce trance channeling, consulting familiar spirits, clairvoyance, communication with the dead, séances, consulting counselors from the spirit realm, consulting wizards, ascended masters, spirit guides, wise masters, fortune tellers, witches, shamans, mediums or spiritists.

I renounce all demonic, occult or psychic healing practices, including pow-wow healing, charming to heal, pendulum healing, magic healing, psychic healing, magnetism or Mesmerism.

I renounce all use of occult power, casting spells or witchcraft, voodoo, black and white magic, Santeria and other forms of local witchcraft.

I renounce magical or occult hypnosis, metaphysics or mind science, yoga, transcendental meditation, sorcery, astral projection and soul travel, table lifting or levitation, using pyramid power, mind control or mind manipulation, amulets and charms, power crystals and religious medals. I renounce heavy metal music, satanic rock and black rock, watching occult movies and all demonic role-play games, such as Dungeons and Dragons.

I renounce all secret oaths to pagan gods as part of initiation ceremony into organization, fraternities, sororities and other organization, which practice these ceremonies.

I renounce being involved in or in contact with secret lodges or societies such as Freemasonry and their organizations, the Eastern Star, Rosicrucians, Edgar Cayce's teachings and readings, Erhard Seminars Training (EST), Scientology, Eastern mysticism, Spiritism, Christian Science, Jehovah's Witness, Mormonism, Unitarians, The Way, Unification Church, Armstrongism, Worldwide Church of God, Philadelphia Church of God, the New Age and its practices or any religion or organization of an occult nature.

I renounce and repent of ever taking part in any of these practices or organizations. I ask You Father, to forgive and restore me, in Jesus' name. Amen.

http://home.mchsi.com/~ftio/warfare-prayers.htm#specificoccult

It isn't "magic", but try it and see what happens. If it is a spirit that is compelling you, this will probably get rid of it.

Greg

 

[heron]

We haven't talked much about this yet, but having a controlling Christian background does make a difference. I watched many kids grow up in this atmosphere, where their parents were always right and the kids were inevitably wrong. Few of the kids followed their parents' paths.

The parents might appear wonderful Christians to their friends, but their efforts are based on keeping in a safe mode of acceptability with God and their friends...rather than operating out of the love of God.

It sounds like you were spending your childhood living her life at church. You needed some things of your own, silly kid things. Admitting to follow Christ would be like taking on her life again, giving in to her control and her insistence on being right. I think you sensed this, in the conversation about the Bible. If she were out of the picture, Christianity might be easier.

My parents were great for most of my childhood, and allowed us to walk with them in their exploration of Christianity. For a few years, though, their church friends convinced them that they needed to change this approach, and life at home was hell: suspicion, control, new rules, preaching to us when they already knew we were solid in Christ. Fortunately, we knew who our parents were under all that slime.

In a healthy situation, church members will step back and allow others to rise up in skill and responsibility. Mature people who are good at what they do will use this knowledge to teach, rather than control and prove their expertise. They will find needs outside the small group, and try to care for the community at large.

People who spend every waking moment at church might be doing it for safety, thrills, respect of peers, comfort, pride, greed for success, legalism, trying to gain God's acceptance. They think at the time that they are serving God with their whole heart, soul, mind and strength. A frenzied church turns into a rotting quagmire. Internally focused, it turns on itself.

God asks us to live a much simpler life, with rest and a good work ethic and love in all our interactions.
​

Father, I ask you also for freedom from controlling and intimidating spirits that had a grasp on our lives. Heal us of hurts, insults, emotional abuses, illogical teachings, and loveless "clanging cymbals." Help us see through the fog of religiosity who You really are.