I had a placement where I had a very difficult time with a supervisor. I have tried to talk about this experience and I feel as though I can no longer trust my memory and perception of the events. I'm worried that she was doing a good job, but that I was not in my right mind and therefore perceived her as being nasty when she wasn't, and not behaving well towards me, when she was.
I had a meeting with the supervisor later on, as others had told me she had some positive feedback to give about me, and she then failed me in every area of performance. In particular she said that I had upset other people in the team by my responses to their offers to help. But I only remember having difficulties with one person, and I just remember feeling irritated that she kept trying to manage me and organise me when I just wanted to get on with things myself - her managing me was knocking my confidence. i don't remember any problems with anyone else. She also didn't believe me that the reason I was nervous when I was trying to do a piece of work was because I was worried about her watching me and because I didn't really know what I was doing and didn't feel confident. She said it was because I had problems in my personal life and had had a bereavement.
I've just stopped being able to trust myself, and i keep on going over and over this experienec with this supervisor and trying to work out what was happening. I'm worried that I was 'mad' at the time and therefore any vioews I have of the situation are invalid.
In another placement with another supervisor I started to feel anxious and not be able to bring things to supervision and was frightened of what she migt say about me, and yet she was a really good supervisor. I found it really hard to trust though, and began to feel nervous of bringing things up with her. I can't help thinking that maybe it is just all me. This second experience made me think that perhaps my problems in my first placement were all me - the supervisor was just a normal supervisor but she couldn't cope with someone as 'mad' as me.
I'm frightened because I've always been good at helping people and listening to their problems and empathising, and at the moment, I can't do this. I have so many of my own issues that I am worried that when I listen to clients that I might misunderstand or focus on certain things that they say because they are more personally relevant to me, and end up messing with their heads. that's why i have come out of work for a while - I am afraid of doing something wrong with one of my clients - of misperceiving what they are saying to me and doing something wrong as a result. I've been off sick from work now for 6 weeks (I've been training to be a clinical psychologist), and am due to be off for another month at least.
I don't know what God would say about all of this. I don't know whether perhaps i should keep clear of psychology, get myself a bit more emotionally stable and then rethink - at the moment, i am struggling to know God's will. But i do feel calmer after having posted this, so perhaps all I need is to get things off my chest.
I don't know how I am expecting anyone to answer this post, but I'll be grateful to anyone who has a go
Maharg
I had a meeting with the supervisor later on, as others had told me she had some positive feedback to give about me, and she then failed me in every area of performance. In particular she said that I had upset other people in the team by my responses to their offers to help. But I only remember having difficulties with one person, and I just remember feeling irritated that she kept trying to manage me and organise me when I just wanted to get on with things myself - her managing me was knocking my confidence. i don't remember any problems with anyone else. She also didn't believe me that the reason I was nervous when I was trying to do a piece of work was because I was worried about her watching me and because I didn't really know what I was doing and didn't feel confident. She said it was because I had problems in my personal life and had had a bereavement.
I've just stopped being able to trust myself, and i keep on going over and over this experienec with this supervisor and trying to work out what was happening. I'm worried that I was 'mad' at the time and therefore any vioews I have of the situation are invalid.
In another placement with another supervisor I started to feel anxious and not be able to bring things to supervision and was frightened of what she migt say about me, and yet she was a really good supervisor. I found it really hard to trust though, and began to feel nervous of bringing things up with her. I can't help thinking that maybe it is just all me. This second experience made me think that perhaps my problems in my first placement were all me - the supervisor was just a normal supervisor but she couldn't cope with someone as 'mad' as me.
I'm frightened because I've always been good at helping people and listening to their problems and empathising, and at the moment, I can't do this. I have so many of my own issues that I am worried that when I listen to clients that I might misunderstand or focus on certain things that they say because they are more personally relevant to me, and end up messing with their heads. that's why i have come out of work for a while - I am afraid of doing something wrong with one of my clients - of misperceiving what they are saying to me and doing something wrong as a result. I've been off sick from work now for 6 weeks (I've been training to be a clinical psychologist), and am due to be off for another month at least.
I don't know what God would say about all of this. I don't know whether perhaps i should keep clear of psychology, get myself a bit more emotionally stable and then rethink - at the moment, i am struggling to know God's will. But i do feel calmer after having posted this, so perhaps all I need is to get things off my chest.
I don't know how I am expecting anyone to answer this post, but I'll be grateful to anyone who has a go
Maharg
