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[LottyH]

How did I overcome depression? Its kinda hard to describe in a couple of lines as life's been a real journey and I've learnt lots of painful lessons on the way.

But maybe two of the turning points were: One when I started to challenge every thought that popped into my head. Two when I put my own wants, happiness on the back shelf and stopped making it a priority.

I'm really reluctant to submit this reply because it not a full explanation of what's happened inside of me! But I also don't want to bombard you with a long reply either. If we continue to chat it may be easier that way.

This explanation isn't great - I've put more details in my blog if you are interested. It may or may not relate to your situation, you can decide.

http://www.christianforums.com/blogs/u328059/

 

[knw1991]

What's going on sweetie? Talk to us about it, there are many people on this forum that really care about you

hi LottyH sorry i havent been online for a while. im sorry i didnt respond sooner to your posts. Im still feeling empty inside because this memorial weekend i went to the beach and saw many couples. it made me feel lonely and empty.i dont even like hearing love songs or any song that talks about relationships but thats almost impossoble to avoid. i feel betrayed and rejected. my life is so boring. while others are settling down into marriages or dating and following their dream, i feel like my life revolves around school and pain. soon i will be graduating and i know i should be happy and in a way i am, but i feel patheitc that i still havent met anyone in college. isnt that when most people meet their significant other? i feel like i'll just be alone forever.

i dont see myself ever finding love because im too shy plus im emotionally wounded. on top of this i dont know what path to take with my life. i am trying to pursue being a physician assistant but whenever i tell a guidance counselor at school about this they tell me i should pursue being a doctor because if i dont i'll regret it in the future. when they tell me this initially i realize that they could be right but as time goes by i dont feel a passion for being a doctor.

im not sure what to do. i feel alone and confused about my life. i have loved ones that i can spend time with but in my selfish heart its not enough. every other area of my life seems empty.

 

[knw1991]

This is strange so I had to tell you.. I woke up suddenly this morning thinking of you and also David Bussau. I've read David's autobiography and he is THE MOST inspirational person, his life story has made a huge impact on my life. Both his parents rejected and abandoned him when he was a toddler yet his adversities is what drove him to achieve everything he's done. Here's a little snap shot of his life if you're interested

Signs of the Times - Article - David Bussau Creates Opportunity

thank you for the link. it touches my heart that you thought of me. thank you for rememebring me and your prayers.
i will read the article when i leave work at 5.

thank you to everyone here at cf that has been praying for me. i really appreciate it.

 

[knw1991]

This explanation isn't great - I've put more details in my blog if you are interested. It may or may not relate to your situation, you can decide.

http://www.christianforums.com/blogs/u328059/

thank you for the link if you feel it can be explained in another way, im open to which ever way you choose to explain like through PM.

Thank you

 

[Spunkn]

How are you doing? Still doing okay?

 

[LottyH]

hi LottyH sorry i havent been online for a while. im sorry i didnt respond sooner to your posts. Im still feeling empty inside because this memorial weekend i went to the beach and saw many couples. it made me feel lonely and empty.i dont even like hearing love songs or any song that talks about relationships but thats almost impossoble to avoid. i feel betrayed and rejected. my life is so boring. while others are settling down into marriages or dating and following their dream, i feel like my life revolves around school and pain. soon i will be graduating and i know i should be happy and in a way i am, but i feel patheitc that i still havent met anyone in college. isnt that when most people meet their significant other? i feel like i'll just be alone forever.

i dont see myself ever finding love because im too shy plus im emotionally wounded. on top of this i dont know what path to take with my life. i am trying to pursue being a physician assistant but whenever i tell a guidance counselor at school about this they tell me i should pursue being a doctor because if i dont i'll regret it in the future. when they tell me this initially i realize that they could be right but as time goes by i dont feel a passion for being a doctor.

im not sure what to do. i feel alone and confused about my life. i have loved ones that i can spend time with but in my selfish heart its not enough. every other area of my life seems empty.

I felt lonely and unhappy before I got married and those feelings continued after I got married too. My choice of husband wasn't the problem, something needed to change inside me first. I met my husband while doing volunteer work in a Christian hostel in Israel so you can meet someone in the most unlikely places. Meeting the right person happens suddenly and without warning while you are just busy with life! I am very shy too and have had to work very hard to be sociable, but if I can meet someone and overcome these problems you can too!

Trust yourself! A guidance counsellor can guide you but ultimately you know the best decisions for your life. One regret I have is not realising that I needed to just do something with my life. I was so scared of making a wrong decision or of failing that I did nothing and wasted many many years. I could have been qualified in 3 different careers by now, instead I am in the middle of my first degree. Better late than never!!

Many people change careers several times - this can be a positive thing as it can really broaden and enrich their life where they meet different people and have different experiences. If you work as a physician assistant and later you change career in a totally different direction that's great! Its doesn't have to be a negative situation.

If I had my life again the only thing I would change it this: Instead of being miserable when I was single, I would try to see it as an opportunity to get a qualification at a time when there is no boyfriend to distract me. Believe me once you decide to get on and live your life, making the best of what you have, and live to please God, things will fall into place. I know this may be hard to believe right now - I know what its like to be in that dark pit of hopelessness when you feel nothing will ever change and that no one understands. But I pray that you will push on with your life despite having those feelings as I know you can overcome this just like I did.

 

[LottyH]

Just came across a website that deals with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which is a method that psychologists use to help people change the way they think and behave. Its meant to be extremely successful in treating depression and other mental issues. There is a free online course that comes as a pdf, if you are interested here is the link

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf

I have so much to ask you about your experience as a Christian and with church as I was reading some of your older posts today. But I wont bombard you with questions just yet as I've probably given you too much to read already!! love and hugs

 

[knw1991]

How are you doing? Still doing okay?

Hi Spunkn I'm doing ok, I've had my rought moments but I'm trying trust that God has everything under control. How are you?

 

[knw1991]

I felt lonely and unhappy before I got married and those feelings continued after I got married too. My choice of husband wasn't the problem, something needed to change inside me first. I met my husband while doing volunteer work in a Christian hostel in Israel so you can meet someone in the most unlikely places. Meeting the right person happens suddenly and without warning while you are just busy with life! I am very shy too and have had to work very hard to be sociable, but if I can meet someone and overcome these problems you can too!

Trust yourself! A guidance counsellor can guide you but ultimately you know the best decisions for your life. One regret I have is not realising that I needed to just do something with my life. I was so scared of making a wrong decision or of failing that I did nothing and wasted many many years. I could have been qualified in 3 different careers by now, instead I am in the middle of my first degree. Better late than never!!

Many people change careers several times - this can be a positive thing as it can really broaden and enrich their life where they meet different people and have different experiences. If you work as a physician assistant and later you change career in a totally different direction that's great! Its doesn't have to be a negative situation.

If I had my life again the only thing I would change it this: Instead of being miserable when I was single, I would try to see it as an opportunity to get a qualification at a time when there is no boyfriend to distract me. Believe me once you decide to get on and live your life, making the best of what you have, and live to please God, things will fall into place. I know this may be hard to believe right now - I know what its like to be in that dark pit of hopelessness when you feel nothing will ever change and that no one understands. But I pray that you will push on with your life despite having those feelings as I know you can overcome this just like I did.

Thank you so much, that was awesome advice. I was told today also by two women to enjoy being single and develop a relationship with God. I'm going to try but I'm afraid my feelings of emptiness and loneliness will return when I realize it's just me and that's it

You are right about the career thing. My heart is more toward bein a Physician assistant than a doctor but I'm afraid that I wil one day have a midlife crisis and wish I would've became a doctor. I just wish I was absolutely sure. I think my problem is that I need an identity in Christ because I keep looking to other things like relationships and careers to define who I am. This is painful I just want to get through this and be healed.


Thank you for your link you posted about the cognitive behavioral therapy. I will check it out in the morning and as for your questions about my Christian walk I will also answer any questions you have. Thank you so much for reaching out . I'm so thankful to everyone here and I'm glad that I found cf no matter what circumstances lead me here. I'm thankful to be here. I still have questions and hurts about why certain things happened in my life like falling into a depression about my salvation but my pain is making me stronger and wiser and more compassionate toward others who are suffering

 

[NumberOfStars]

I like this picture, I thought I'd post it here for you too

 

[LottyH]

Thank you so much, that was awesome advice. I was told today also by two women to enjoy being single and develop a relationship with God. I'm going to try but I'm afraid my feelings of emptiness and loneliness will return when I realize it's just me and that's it

You are right about the career thing. My heart is more toward bein a Physician assistant than a doctor but I'm afraid that I wil one day have a midlife crisis and wish I would've became a doctor. I just wish I was absolutely sure. I think my problem is that I need an identity in Christ because I keep looking to other things like relationships and careers to define who I am. This is painful I just want to get through this and be healed.


Thank you for your link you posted about the cognitive behavioral therapy. I will check it out in the morning and as for your questions about my Christian walk I will also answer any questions you have. Thank you so much for reaching out . I'm so thankful to everyone here and I'm glad that I found cf no matter what circumstances lead me here. I'm thankful to be here. I still have questions and hurts about why certain things happened in my life like falling into a depression about my salvation but my pain is making me stronger and wiser and more compassionate toward others who are suffering

Did you originally want to become a doctor? If so, are there any reasons why you've cooled off the idea? And what is making you lean more towards becoming a physician assistant? Hope you don't mind the questions

Also about getting depressed about your salvation, did this start to happen pretty soon after you were saved? I know I felt pretty inferior and inadequate when I first started going to church as I felt that everyone was so happy and spiritual and I was just so shy and unhappy. I also found reading the bible and praying very difficult and often boring. I'd always considered God as my friend, even in my childhood before I had fully committed my life to Him, but my faith seemed very insignificant compared to other Christians because I was so different to them.

Your last sentence just reinforces to me that you are such a blessing to others and I wish there were more people like you! I don't mean that I wish suffering on people, but often suffering does bear the fruit you are describing.

 

[Spunkn]

Hi Spunkn I'm doing ok, I've had my rought moments but I'm trying trust that God has everything under control. How are you?

It's good to hear you're still doing okay. Remember you can always talk to me or skype with me if you get to feeling down

I'm doing pretty good.

 

[Woven]

There is a skype support group. It's not too active at the moment, but there is usually somebody around if you're having a really hard time and just want to chat or need prayer. I'm sure you'll recognize a lot of the names from around here.

PM me if you want me to add you to the group...same goes for you Spunkn

 

[knw1991]

I like this picture, I thought I'd post it here for you too

thank you so much Numberofstars, thats very encouraging.

 

[knw1991]

There is a skype support group. It's not too active at the moment, but there is usually somebody around if you're having a really hard time and just want to chat or need prayer. I'm sure you'll recognize a lot of the names from around here.

PM me if you want me to add you to the group...same goes for you Spunkn

thank you Woven

 

[knw1991]

It's good to hear you're still doing okay. Remember you can always talk to me or skype with me if you get to feeling down

I'm doing pretty good.

Thank you so much

 

[knw1991]

Did you originally want to become a doctor? If so, are there any reasons why you've cooled off the idea? And what is making you lean more towards becoming a physician assistant? Hope you don't mind the questions

Also about getting depressed about your salvation, did this start to happen pretty soon after you were saved? I know I felt pretty inferior and inadequate when I first started going to church as I felt that everyone was so happy and spiritual and I was just so shy and unhappy. I also found reading the bible and praying very difficult and often boring. I'd always considered God as my friend, even in my childhood before I had fully committed my life to Him, but my faith seemed very insignificant compared to other Christians because I was so different to them.

Your last sentence just reinforces to me that you are such a blessing to others and I wish there were more people like you! I don't mean that I wish suffering on people, but often suffering does bear the fruit you are describing.

yes i orginally wanted to become a doctor. It was my dream career ever since the 7th grade but when i became very depressed about the salvation situation my mind became so weak. i had trouble studying and concentrating. i didnt have good study habits and i would procrastinate on studying for exams. this would cause me to cram and being so overwhelmed with the amount of information i had to understand would trigger depression. i got to the point where i couldnt imagine going to medical school for 4 years and additional years after that to become a doctor.the depression has took so much from me. i just want to know why God would allow me to fall so hard. its not fair and it hurts. this happened 2 years ago and it still hurts. my life is a huge mess.
being depressed about my salvation caused a whole bunch of thoughts to get engrained in my mind. it caused me to seek love because i felt abandoned by God. its like a chain reaction.

i chose being a PA, because i spoke to an OBGYN that i was shadowing and he told me about some of the downfalls of being a physician. i felt that being a PA would fit me more because it would only take 2-3 years to become one. i also became more set on having a family and being a PA would allow me to start one earlier and have more time for one. i always wanted one but school and having a relationship with God was my main focus before i became depressed. but after i became depressed i took my heart and mind away from God, i still had anger and hurt from what happened but i was just done with trying to please God. i thought that being in a relationship would fill the emptiness i felt.that didnt work out and now im alone again and still asking the same questions. wondering how much more pain i can take.

 

[knw1991]

Did you originally want to become a doctor? If so, are there any reasons why you've cooled off the idea? And what is making you lean more towards becoming a physician assistant? Hope you don't mind the questions

Also about getting depressed about your salvation, did this start to happen pretty soon after you were saved? I know I felt pretty inferior and inadequate when I first started going to church as I felt that everyone was so happy and spiritual and I was just so shy and unhappy. I also found reading the bible and praying very difficult and often boring. I'd always considered God as my friend, even in my childhood before I had fully committed my life to Him, but my faith seemed very insignificant compared to other Christians because I was so different to them.

Your last sentence just reinforces to me that you are such a blessing to others and I wish there were more people like you! I don't mean that I wish suffering on people, but often suffering does bear the fruit you are describing.

i dont know when i was saved. i started going to church when my mom got married at 50. my stepdad is a deacon. at the church we went to i dont remember there being an alter call. i dont remember a sermon being preached on the gospel. no one fully explained it to me. everything came together afterwards. so i dont know when i believed or if i ever really believed to be saved. thats why i feel abnormal and unwanted.

i struggled to find the way to be saved and i was also trying to figure out what God wanted and how he expected us to live our lives and how the church should function. my friend is of the Church of Christ denomination. we get along so well until she starts talking about her beliefs. she believes that we have to be water baptized to go to heaven. she doesnt believe in instruments being used in church because she says the bible says to sing and make melodies in your heart and doesnt mention instruments.. she feels that other churches try to add in things that dont belong. debating with her and her mother was tiring and it made me depressed. her mother told me that God could be using her to show me the truth, but if i keep resisting he will give me a reprobate mind. i begged God to show me the way. i searched for a while about topics like instruments in the church, water baptism, etc. then a lady at my church told me that to be saved we just need to believe that Jesus has forgiven us and he died on the cross for our sins.


i tried to believe but every step of the way there was doubt. i had doubt about crucificxion and the resurrection part of the gospel. it seems like my whole experience with Christianity has been struggle, doubt, and pain. When i finally got settled in believing the gospel, i felt like i didnt belong because i couldnt do anything right. i couldnt imagine being loved by God. my experience was similar to how you mentioned you felt. i was afraid to praise God in church. everyone else lifted their hands effortlessly but i hesitated. i struggled to pray and read the bible, it was boring to me too. i tried to be nice to people but that was very difficult, i would always mess up. i tried to control my thoughts but i would think something bad at some point.


i felt that i had to maintain my salvation but even then i doubted that i was saved. i would spend hours researching articles and watching videos about how to know if you are saved. i didnt get any assurance. so i would pray over and over and beg to be saved and to act saved. my cousin would spend the night on the weekends. she was a christian and she was the opposite of me. she had joy, and she had a love for God i didnt understand. God just seemed like someone that had an endless list of requirements for us. i felt that we were supposed to be obedient with no guarantee we would make it to heaven. she had talents like drawing, singing, and dancing. i dont have any talents, im just a good student because i study. but now my drive for studying is gone too. being around her and other christians at my school made me feel more isolated from God. i could either stay in my dorm room and be depressed and research more about salvation assurance or go to christian group meetings, only to feel left out and inadequate around the people there.

i dont mean to whine and make my life about to be so horrible because there are people suffering far more than i could imagine but its just not fair. i had good intentions to just live a life pleasing to God. now look where i am. i felt abandoned and rejected by God and my father. and now i feel rejected by another person. i have never fitted in with people. i always find at least one person i could connect with. i just feel abnormal and inadequate for people. thats why i feel no one could ever love me besides my family.

 

[knw1991]

This is strange so I had to tell you.. I woke up suddenly this morning thinking of you and also David Bussau. I've read David's autobiography and he is THE MOST inspirational person, his life story has made a huge impact on my life. Both his parents rejected and abandoned him when he was a toddler yet his adversities is what drove him to achieve everything he's done. Here's a little snap shot of his life if you're interested

Signs of the Times - Article - David Bussau Creates Opportunity

i read the story on David Bussau. thats great he was able to overcome his childhood beginnings. I like how he is enabling the poor to help themselves instead of justing helping them for a short time without giving them resources to help themselves.

 

[knw1991]

i cant make it anymore