In any minority--racial, religious, sexual, health-related, or whatever--you're going to find people who like to play the "gotcha," game. AKA, the "guess what I'm thinking," game.
Basically, they identify themselves as one thing--and that could be *anything* which may or may not be obvious when you look at them, or from the bits of information they reveal about themselves--and then, if you happen to guess the wrong thing about them, they jump all over you and get really offended, and generally prey on people's discomfort at offending one of 'them.'
It's a ridiculous and predatory game of emotional manipulation, and it isn't worth any respect.
Sure, people can have their own unique identities, or certain words might just rub them the wrong way--that's totally fine. But the compassionate and reasonable response, when that becomes an issue, is "Oh, I really don't like being called X. If you need to identify me, could you use Y instead? Thanks."
Acting like everybody should read your mind and already know your preferences is just childish.
(PS: I have my own non-obvious preferences for identity. I hate the word "lesbian." I don't like the sound of it and I don't like the stereotypical image I get in my head when I hear it. If somebody calls me a lesbian, though, I either don't say anything, or say, "I don't really click with that word--I prefer 'gay.' ")
