doing something about it

[blackribbon]

For everyone who would like to have a significant other in your life, out of curiosity, what have you actually DONE about it?

Men, when is the last time you actually asked a women to join you for some activity? And what was the situation and the result?

Women, when is the last time you made it CLEAR that you are interested in a man...either by actually talking to them or making a very obvious sign of interest like locking eye contact and smiling? What did you do and how did it turn out?

I think we maybe can learn from others situations...maybe how NOT to act or maybe learn what might actually work. Maybe we can help each other build up some confidence to try something new.

I know sitting around at home and only engaging in activities that are same sex oriented (like men attending sporting events or women doing scrapbooking weekends) isn't working for most of us. I'd like to see some pro-active behaviors both encouraged and discusses on this site. Somewhere there has to be people finding love and it not involving a dating website. Love is about relationship...real life relationships.

Christmas season is such a good time to try since there are parties to invite someone to, or plays to attend, or community wide celebrations like parades or caroling activities. It is a time to reach out to people who we don't know...so a wonderful time to search for new beginnings.

 

[exitstageright]

For everyone who would like to have a significant other in your life, out of curiosity, what have you actually DONE about it?

Men, when is the last time you actually asked a women to join you for some activity? And what was the situation and the result?

Women, when is the last time you made it CLEAR that you are interested in a man...either by actually talking to them or making a very obvious sign of interest like locking eye contact and smiling? What did you do and how did it turn out?

I think we maybe can learn from others situations...maybe how NOT to act or maybe learn what might actually work. Maybe we can help each other build up some confidence to try something new.

I know sitting around at home and only engaging in activities that are same sex oriented (like men attending sporting events or women doing scrapbooking weekends) isn't working for most of us. I'd like to see some pro-active behaviors both encouraged and discusses on this site. Somewhere there has to be people finding love and it not involving a dating website. Love is about relationship...real life relationships.

Christmas season is such a good time to try since there are parties to invite someone to, or plays to attend, or community wide celebrations like parades or caroling activities. It is a time to reach out to people who we don't know...so a wonderful time to search for new beginnings.

Thanks,Blackribbon for some positive suggestions.During the Christmas season,I do invite women to see my plays,and a coffee date afterwards. Besides,when I am doing my plays,I do not feel lonely,as I consider my cast-mates as my friends and/or my family. Last year,after a performance,one of our female cast members invited me out for coffee.

The book of Proverbs has it right.

Proverbs 18:24

King James Version (KJV)

24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.



So women,smile more,it does not cost you anything to smile.Men,including myself,do not want to go out with a sour puss.

 

[blackribbon]

Also smile without breaking eye contact...it is cute in teenage girls but in full grown women, it means that you don't want to continue the connection and is a rejection of sorts. This applies to anybody...even people who are just potential friends.

I love making eye contact with people as I walk through halls and other places where people tend to avoid eye contact. There are a lot of lonely people out there that are hungry to just have someone notice them. I often watch people's demeanor change when I smile at them and really look in their eyes...even complete strangers that I'll never see again.

 

[exitstageright]

Also smile without breaking eye contact...it is cute in teenage girls but in full grown women, it means that you don't want to continue the connection and is a rejection of sorts. This applies to anybody...even people who are just potential friends.

I love making eye contact with people as I walk through halls and other places where people tend to avoid eye contact. There are a lot of lonely people out there that are hungry to just have someone notice them. I often watch people's demeanor change when I smile at them and really look in their eyes...even complete strangers that I'll never see again.

Oh,yeah,I have seen strangers' demeanors change when I smile at them. Also,when I am talking to someone,in order for me to make eye contact,I say to myself,"What is this person's eye color?" That is just me being observant.again.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

For everyone who would like to have a significant other in your life, out of curiosity, what have you actually DONE about it?

Men, when is the last time you actually asked a women to join you for some activity? And what was the situation and the result?

Women, when is the last time you made it CLEAR that you are interested in a man...either by actually talking to them or making a very obvious sign of interest like locking eye contact and smiling? What did you do and how did it turn out?

I think we maybe can learn from others situations...maybe how NOT to act or maybe learn what might actually work. Maybe we can help each other build up some confidence to try something new.

I know sitting around at home and only engaging in activities that are same sex oriented (like men attending sporting events or women doing scrapbooking weekends) isn't working for most of us. I'd like to see some pro-active behaviors both encouraged and discusses on this site. Somewhere there has to be people finding love and it not involving a dating website. Love is about relationship...real life relationships.

Christmas season is such a good time to try since there are parties to invite someone to, or plays to attend, or community wide celebrations like parades or caroling activities. It is a time to reach out to people who we don't know...so a wonderful time to search for new beginnings.

Steps im currently taking :

1. Praying earnestly for Gods direction and wisdom .
2. I joined EHarmony and have a couple of matches im pursuing locally. Im meeting One gal pretty soon for coffee.
3. I routinely do social acitivites like weekend Karoake at Restaurants , etc.. I find a lot of Singles go to such venues.
4. Im visiting other local CHurches for a service or community event.
5. Im refusing to have an sense of desperation and am keeping occupied with friends, hobbies, events, personal interests.
6. Im working on ME , spiritually/emotionally/physically.

3.

 

[dayhiker]

I did an experiment one summer day in Hampton beach, NH. I walked the mile from one end of town to the other. I looked every person I passed in the eyes. It was crowded so it was one person right after another. Not one person looked me in the eye. It might have been 200 or more people I passed.

I agree that making eye contact is a good thing. I do it most of the time now.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

1. I don't feel as desperate as I used to feel - I'm not even sure why that is. I do have the attitude that I don't have to prove myself. I know I have to earn friendship and trust but I don't have to prove myself, if that makes sense.
2. I am more active socially. For example I am taking a Greek class rather than just studying on my own. It just occurred to me I haven't gone to a meeting of the local astronomy club in a long time - maybe I should go.
3. I am comfortable with the idea that I might not be a good match for many women.
4. I'm thinking of online dating but I'm skeptical.
5. Exercising. I have hiked more this year than I have in recent years.
6. I am mostly focused on my health/exercise, my financial health, my work, my spiritual and intellectual growth. Hoping to meet someone is down several places on my list and that is where it should be. I think my life would be out of kilter if meeting someone were the first or second thing on my list.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I am NOT DOING ANYTHING!


LOL Sorry just had to say that! Well I'm going to my friend's wedding next month, maybe I will meet someone to at least flirt with at the reception. . I go to church. I work 2 jobs. Haven't seen anyone out and about that I would want to date.
I am thinking about trying to get involved in some ministries at church that interest me like "Feed my hungry Children" or something.
That about sums it up.
Oh yeah, I forgot. Since my girlfriend told me she is a size 6! It has inspired me to try harder to lose some of this weight before I go to the wedding so....we shall see.

 

[karykay]

I do not go hunting, but for the past few years I have had a smile on my face. I did not realize it till my mother remark about it. She could not understand why people were smiling at us while we shopped till she looked at me. Must of looked like a Cheshire cat lol.

But that did not bring me a date. I am on a dating site and have tried a lot of them with no results.

I do not think I am really that interested. I think it be nice but if it does not happen, fine.

I do not think there is a match out there for me, I'm to strange!

 

[miss-a]

Oh, blackribbon, this is such a good idea for a thread. Perhaps it will get me to throw my hat back in the ring. I'd just recently come to the conclusion that my introverted little self had stepped as far out of her comfort zone as she could, initiating conversations that never went anywhere and stuff, and I wasn't going to try anymore. But I'll pray about it, and see if I should change my mind on that.

 

[blackribbon]

In the hospitals, I am given a room number and the name of my patient (or patients) and the name of a nurse. My next job is to wander up and down halls and find a nurse with that name and ask to get report on my assigned patient. This is harder than it sounds...it requires poking your head into many conversations ( getting shift handoff) and asking "Are you Nicole?" After getting a two minute rundown about the patient's situation and concerns, I then get to walk in a room blindly and say "Good morning" and precede to touch, look, and clean very intimate parts of their body while holding a conversation that includes asking them about their lives and their families. If I have done my job correctly, 8 hours later, I will often know more about their personal lives than everyone they know except the people who are closest...and sometimes, maybe even more than them.

One thing I have learned is that many people are lonely and they really aren't that hard to talk to if you just smile and actually listen to them. Learning to be friendly is step one in learning how to become more social. You don't have to become someone different like a party animal, just more open even while having one on one relationships.

Practice....while standing in line to buy Christmas gifts, smile and try to talk to the person in front of you or behind you. If you need ideas of what to say, admire the sweater they are buying or tell them how cute their child is. Smile and say Merry Christmas to at least 5 people that you do not know. Look them in the eyes as you do it. If you are invited to do something with someone who does not totally disgust you and you can manage the time, ACCEPT for a change. I don't care if you are tired, you can rest in a half hour. Invite a friend to go to an event/movie/coffee...someone you would like to get to know better but just have never actually reached out to (same sex counts).

 

[christsoccer]

For everyone who would like to have a significant other in your life, out of curiosity, what have you actually DONE about it?

Men, when is the last time you actually asked a women to join you for some activity? And what was the situation and the result?

Women, when is the last time you made it CLEAR that you are interested in a man...either by actually talking to them or making a very obvious sign of interest like locking eye contact and smiling? What did you do and how did it turn out?

I think we maybe can learn from others situations...maybe how NOT to act or maybe learn what might actually work. Maybe we can help each other build up some confidence to try something new.

I know sitting around at home and only engaging in activities that are same sex oriented (like men attending sporting events or women doing scrapbooking weekends) isn't working for most of us. I'd like to see some pro-active behaviors both encouraged and discusses on this site. Somewhere there has to be people finding love and it not involving a dating website. Love is about relationship...real life relationships.

Christmas season is such a good time to try since there are parties to invite someone to, or plays to attend, or community wide celebrations like parades or caroling activities. It is a time to reach out to people who we don't know...so a wonderful time to search for new beginnings.

Several years ago. I hung out with a woman who I was 'just friends' with (after two dates and approaching her about being more than friends) Have not asked anyone out or to join me for any kind of activity since. I live in a small town and work a lot so it's rather difficult to get to know anyone well and a lot of them just do not seem very approachable/friendly so I stick to being cordial, friendly, polite, then I continue on with my business

I will be very thankful if I ever go out on dates anytime soon and it will be a miracle orchestrated by God if I were to get married... since He and I know I cannot get anything done on my own
I also do not sense any kind of interest/attraction from any woman... and the only woman that I do feel anything for lives in another part of the country

 

[redblue22]

and practice smiling before you leave the house.

.

 

[blackribbon]

Several years ago. I hung out with a woman who I was 'just friends' with (after two dates and approaching her about being more than friends) Have not asked anyone out or to join me for any kind of activity since. I live in a small town and work a lot so it's rather difficult to get to know anyone well and a lot of them just do not seem very approachable/friendly so I stick to being cordial, friendly, polite, then I continue on with my business

I will be very thankful if I ever go out on dates anytime soon and it will be a miracle orchestrated by God if I were to get married... since He and I know I cannot get anything done on my own
I also do not sense any kind of interest/attraction from any woman... and the only woman that I do feel anything for lives in another part of the country

So what if you don't sense any kind of interest or attraction, ask anyway. Honestly, what do you really have to lose? If 'no thank you' is the answer, you aren't any more alone that you are right now...and maybe one day someone might actually say "yes".

My honest first impression of my husband was that he was a goofy looking kid. Zero interest. However, he kept coming back and somehow, he actually started getting better looking as I got to know his heart.

I think it takes a miracle from God to bring any quality relationship together. So no big deal in that compartment.

And deep breaths...two dates is not enough time to be asking about something more...take time to get to know each other...think about it, a date is at best about 7pm to midnight (with many being much shorter)...so two dates is a maximum of 10 hours together...if you watch a movie in there then start subtracting the length of the shows since there is no interaction during that time. Honestly, I'd spend more time than that to pick out a new TV or computer...it is going to take time to start feeling comfortable enough to decide to invest in a relationship.

And really, it took a few months of friendship before I noticed my husband and realized I was falling in love with him....he wasn't pursuing me at the time either....we actually were spending time together to help each other with trying to make two other people notice us. It was an odd day when we suddenly realized we were more interested in each other than the original objects of our affections....

 

[christsoccer]

So what if you don't sense any kind of interest or attraction, ask anyway. Honestly, what do you really have to lose? If 'no thank you' is the answer, you aren't any more alone that you are right now...and maybe one day someone might actually say "yes".

My honest first impression of my husband was that he was a goofy looking kid. Zero interest. However, he kept coming back and somehow, he actually started getting better looking as I got to know his heart.

I think it takes a miracle from God to bring any quality relationship together. So no big deal in that compartment.

And deep breaths...two dates is not enough time to be asking about something more...take time to get to know each other...think about it, a date is at best about 7pm to midnight (with many being much shorter)...so two dates is a maximum of 10 hours together...if you watch a movie in there then start subtracting the length of the shows since there is no interaction during that time. Honestly, I'd spend more time than that to pick out a new TV or computer...it is going to take time to start feeling comfortable enough to decide to invest in a relationship.

And really, it took a few months of friendship before I noticed my husband and realized I was falling in love with him....he wasn't pursuing me at the time either....we actually were spending time together to help each other with trying to make two other people notice us. It was an odd day when we suddenly realized we were more interested in each other than the original objects of our affections....

Except that the "no thank you" is mostly a "no" or no answer at all since it seems like I get blown off a lot.
I'll add that I feel most of the people just were not friendly/approachable, in which case, I am sure not going to pursue someone that acts like they really do not want speak to me after I have done is try to be friendly to them and try to get to know them on a casual level.
The only person I have ever dated went out with me two times in three months and I felt ignored or blown off because I would make the phone calls or the messages, and some of they would never get returned..
Any guy that can win the heart of someone he is interested in but it is not reciprocrated is very fortunate. If I tried that with any of the woman I was interested in, I'd probably be permanently ignored... or be slapped with a restraining order. All the times I have done the pursuit, I have ended up frustrated and drained of energy.Being turned down is not the tough part; it's being blown off.
Maybe that is why I do ask anyone out or seriously pursue on a regular basis; it is more energy than I have.
The person I am interested in now, when we first met, was very open and friendly (not saying she was actually interested) but at least she was kind and did not ignore me.
I am almost completely sick and tired of trying to do this on my own (which includes online dating, which was a complete failure) and will place my trust in Father God.
Because either He takes care of it for me (and I mean, He sends a friendly person who does not easily give her heart away but does not constantly frustrate me with severe or total lack of response) or one of the strongest desires of my heart will likely go unfulfilled. (praise that God does not blow off any person who seeks Him)
rant over

 

[blackribbon]

Christsoccer...I feel the need to inform you that we all feel "blown off" at times...even some of the people who look like they have millions of friends. It hurts but it just means it is time to move on.

I have no problem with you deciding that you are content with being alone and trusting God...but if you are just declaring yourself a lost cause is actually saying that God made junk that nobody could love.

My suggestion is that you may be looking for women in areas where they really don't have anything in common with you. My brother is famous for this...he picks a pretty face who is kind to him ... but never notices the women who actually hang out at the activities that he loves. He actually kind of blows them off even though I don't think he is aware that the does. I don't know where he gets his image of what he thinks an ideal relationship would look like...

Another problem I see is men who get "needy" too fast...they want to see a couple dates as a "relationship" if they find her remotely attractive. (this is also a problem for women). And you need to search your soul and decide why waiting for a return phone call is so energy draining. Time to change your game plan. Don't expect a return call. Just enjoy the evening as "one fun night with an attractive" woman...and assume that is all it is. Stop searching for a mate and start enjoying life one day at a time.

And let me give you a big hint...people on online dating services lie...they lie to make themselves feel more attractive, not necessary to fool their dates. And people talk in non-concrete terms about things that do not mean the same thing to different people. This leads people to believe that they have been mislead or lied to when really they just have different definitions and different outlooks on life.

 

[christsoccer]

Christsoccer...I feel the need to inform you that we all feel "blown off" at times...even some of the people who look like they have millions of friends. It hurts but it just means it is time to move on.

I have no problem with you deciding that you are content with being alone and trusting God...but if you are just declaring yourself a lost cause is actually saying that God made junk that nobody could love.

My suggestion is that you may be looking for women in areas where they really don't have anything in common with you. My brother is famous for this...he picks a pretty face who is kind to him ... but never notices the women who actually hang out at the activities that he loves. He actually kind of blows them off even though I don't think he is aware that the does. I don't know where he gets his image of what he thinks an ideal relationship would look like...

Another problem I see is men who get "needy" too fast...they want to see a couple dates as a "relationship" if they find her remotely attractive. (this is also a problem for women). And you need to search your soul and decide why waiting for a return phone call is so energy draining. Time to change your game plan. Don't expect a return call. Just enjoy the evening as "one fun night with an attractive" woman...and assume that is all it is. Stop searching for a mate and start enjoying life one day at a time.

And let me give you a big hint...people on online dating services lie...they lie to make themselves feel more attractive, not necessary to fool their dates. And people talk in non-concrete terms about things that do not mean the same thing to different people. This leads people to believe that they have been mislead or lied to when really they just have different definitions and different outlooks on life.

Blown off: It feels like it happens to me every time. (and this happens with females I am "just friends" with). If I moved on after every single time I get blown off, I'd probably have no friends.
I am not content in being alone the rest of my days. In fact I HATE it. I 'try' to enjoy life one day at a time. But not having a special person to spend time with gets OLD
And I do look for a woman in the activities where I am... still, zero success lately.
The only girl I went out with, I did not see it as a relationship... I only asked about the possibilty after we had been out twice.
Not seriously looking for a mate (or else I would be asking people out left and right) but then again, what about Proverbs 18:22 or Genesis 2:18?
I only have one game plan left: God Himself.

 

[blackribbon]

That is the best game plan possible.

However, I will tell you that I only have two people that I really consider my friends and I totally expect that they will go away after we graduate from nursing school because that is our main common denominator. Both friendships are relatively new and I wouldn't trust any secrets of my souls with either of them.

The only person that I had that relationship with was my husband and he died 5 years ago. Ironically, I don't think he really listened to my soul secrets but we had a deal that he just let me talk and he needed to appear interested. He loved me enough to do that even when he thought my problems were frivilous.

There are probably more than a handful of people in my life that would count me as their friends...but I know that they are one way relationships...they need me but can't or won't be available for me.

I probably let a few friendships starve to death in my grief because I couldn't be much of a friend during the first couple years after my husband died. Getting out of bed was all that was in me many days.

And EVERY SINGLE one of us on this forum has the same problem of having no one special to spend time with...and yes, it does get old. (well, Dayhiker may be the exception but he is exceptional in many ways )