Dogma

[eeventuality]

A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi were driving down the road one day and managed to get into a rather spectacular crash.

"Praise Jesus-" the priest began.

"And Moses," the rabbi interjected.

"-we're both all right," the priest finished. "I think I lost a good 10 years of my life to that fright."

"No doubt," the rabbi agreed. "I could use a drink to calm my nerves."

"So could I. Ah! I've just the thing if it wasn't broken...yes!" The priest pulled out a bottle of the sacramental wine, uncorked it and handed the bottle to the rabbi as he took out his cell phone and began dialing someone. The rabbi accepted the wine and took a long pull off of it before moving to hand it back to the priest. The priest, however, refused the bottle with a knowing smile.

"Don't you want some, too?" the rabbi asked, confused.

"Oh, certainly," the priest nodded, putting his phone back into his robes. "I'll have some after the police arrive."

 

[eeventuality]

One day, St. Patrick decided to go down to Earth from Heaven to have a few drinks. He asked St. Peter, who was guarding the Pearly Gates if he could go, to which St. Peter replied:

"All right, but you have to promise to be back by midnight. After that, I won't let you in and you'll have to spend the night at the door."

"'Pon me heart, Peter! Ye have me word!" St. Patrick agreed. Well, the saint went down to Ireland and spent a long night drinking Guinness, singing and having fun. It was past 1 A.M. when he finally made it back up to Heaven and he called out to St. Peter to let him in.

St. Peter sighed as he opened the Gates. "You lied, Patrick," St. Peter grumbled. "Next time I won't be so kind."

The next night, St. Patrick again asked to go out drinking and St. Peter offered the same ultimatum. Be back by midnight or get locked out. Again, St. Patrick was late getting home, and again, St. Peter grudgingly opened the Gates. "That's twice now, Patrick," St. Peter admonished. "You shouldn't lie."

For the third night in a row, St. Patrick asked to be let out and this time St. Peter said that he would not open the gate for certain if St. Patrick did not return on time. St. Patrick promised, once more, to be back by midnight, but as before, he was late returning.

St. Patrick knocked on the Pearly Gates until St. Peter came and stood on the other side.

"Won't ye let me in, Peter?" St. Patrick pleaded.

"No," St. Peter shook his head adamantly. "That's three times you've lied. You're not getting in tonight."

"Ach, Peter!" St. Patrick held up his arms imploringly. "Have ye no' ever told a bit o' a fib?"

"No," St. Peter glared. "Never."

"Oh, Peter," St. Patrick shook his head with a knowing smile. "Cockadoodledoo!"