Dog situation...

[jgonz]

Background:
I have never wanted a dog in the house. And I don't like cats at all. We've never had a cat, and we have 3 dogs, but they are rescue dogs and are fine outside. One of them (half black lab) has manners and I'm ok with him being in the house Occasionallly, but never when we're eating (I hate the begging for food thing). I have been clear from the Start of our Marriage what I'm comfortable with and not comfortable with where pets are concerned. DH, on the other hand, would have a house full of dogs, cats, fish, birds, whatever if it was totally up to him. Never mind that we have a small house full of KIDS.

Situation today:
We said we'd take another dog. I was ok with taking her because she had manners, was an inside AND outside dog (so she'd be fine outside like our big dog). The family she came from is military and moving to England, so they can't take her with them. She arrived last night, and everyone (except me) thinks she cute (she's very small) and wants her in the house. I said no, that wasn't part of the deal.

I went to bed at my regular time last night, but the teens and DH were up pretty late. I wake up this morning (after being up half the night with the baby) to find that the new dog has slept not only In the house all night, but In one of my teens' beds. She was supposed to be in the garage room (which has a doggy door and a heater) NOT in the house. Now she's going to get spoiled and think we're keeping her in the house!

So the kids are eating breakfast and I want her to go out (because she was begging), call her, tell her to go out, and she freaks out and pees in the kitchen. I had my 10 yr old get her and put her outside (and clean up the pee). I went to complain to DH about what happened, and he said that the former owners said she'd pee if she got freaked out, so he gets mad at ME for freaking out the dog. Then I got irritated and said she's Supposed to be outside! To which he replied that she's new here and we should cut her some slack. To which *I* said, that I never expected an inside dog, I would have never had said yes to an inside dog, and if she needs to be inside then someone else is going to have to take her. DH is now PO'd _at me_ for not being nice to this dog.

I'd like to know when the rules changed and how I got stuck in this situation. DH left for work this morning not talking to me over the stupid dog. I'm sitting here completely befuddled. And the dog is sitting Directly outside the door, hasn't even explored the backyard at all yet, and is obviously waiting for someone to let her back in. Which won't be me.

 

[overit]

"DH left for work this morning not talking to me over the stupid dog"

Well I can't help you as I'd react like your husband-as an animal lover and one who doesn't mind inside pets-I can never quite get my head around or understand people that don't feel like I do...and I'd be quite upset at them also. As for the "rules" set before the marriage-I don't know what to tell you. And personally if you're not that much of an animal person why would you agree to take in so many dogs anyway?

I think the dog is probably totally confused, scared, disoriented after being in a different home and owners poor thing. Personally I would give the dog a break and let it get acclimated to you guys, your house and gradually introduce the outdoors-the poor thing is probably miserable right now.
I can see your h and kids side more then yours honestly-sorry can't help you.

 

[Linnis]

So Dad's going to be the good one and mom gets to be the bad guy. That's an unfair place for you to be put in.


I'd personally make my DH stick to his original agreement.

I'm not into dogs/cats being in my house all over my furniture, beds either and DH knows that although I know he wants a cat someday...

You live in Texas not exactly the coldest place ever. I don't see why people think it's mean to keep a pet outside if they have shelter food, water etc. Can't the kids visit with the dog outside?

 

[Black-bird fly]

My reaction would not go over well. I'd be passing the dog along. If my husband is choosing to make an issue in our relationship over a dog the intruder(dog) would be gone.

I have had both inside and outside pets. Dogs can happily survive outside. It also sounds like it would have plenty of company so it isn't like the little thing will be lonely. FTR - I am a total animal lover but the comfort and needs of people in my lives come first.

 

[lucypevensie]

I also don't understand how someone could NOT want pets in the house, but that is beside the point. I think it is unreasonable to expect someone who does not like pets to all of a sudden become a dog lover. Not only is it unfair to you but it is unfair for the animal. I'd say you put up with enough with the outside dogs you already owned.

Family meeting time.

 

[overit]

What is the dog breed by the way? Not all dogs can be outdoor dogs...certainly my breed isn't an outside dog at all.

 

[jgonz]

I can't remember what breed she is... some sort of terrier. She did spend a fair amount of time outside with her previous owners, so she's not an exclusively inside dog.

I Do like dogs. I had a dog growing up, so I know what it's like having a dog in the house all the time. I don't think it's mean to not want a dog in the house now... my house is 1700 sq ft and we have 10 people in this family, one of whom is 7.5 months old and on the floor quite a bit. (He's learned to roll to get where he wants to go! lol)

We have 3 rescue dogs: a wire fox terrier (original owner debarked her, and she's mentally challenged), a half blue heeler half something else (she jumps the fence so we have to keep her on a chain), and our big dog (half black lab & half pit bull) who has a great personality. We live in El Paso, TX, so it's not really That cold (only at night, that's why we have a heater in the garage for the dogs).

My issue was DH's reaction.

It's been several hours now and the new little dog is finding her way around the back yard. She gets along with the other dogs fine...

 

[GolfingMom]

So Dad's going to be the good one and mom gets to be the bad guy. That's an unfair place for you to be put in.


I'd personally make my DH stick to his original agreement.

I'm not into dogs/cats being in my house all over my furniture, beds either and DH knows that although I know he wants a cat someday...

You live in Texas not exactly the coldest place ever. I don't see why people think it's mean to keep a pet outside if they have shelter food, water etc. Can't the kids visit with the dog outside?

I agree.

My reaction would not go over well. I'd be passing the dog along. If my husband is choosing to make an issue in our relationship over a dog the intruder(dog) would be gone.

I have had both inside and outside pets. Dogs can happily survive outside. It also sounds like it would have plenty of company so it isn't like the little thing will be lonely. FTR - I am a total animal lover but the comfort and needs of people in my lives come first.

I agree.


IF the original agreement was that the dog would be outside - then the dog should be outside. Either the family (teens included - not just DH) agree to the original agreement or the pets goes. You could always offer to have the dog inside and DH outside

 

[Hadassah]

I'm gonna guess she's like our terrier-poodle was. She's "Inside/outside" in so far that she slept and ate and was inside, but played outside and peed/pooped outside so long as she wasn't scared or stressed into accidents.

Some terriers get their feelings hurt more than some other breeds and will go into "submissive" pose and pee in a spot because they don't want higher voices or action taken on them. She's showing she isn't alpha and you are.

I am like your DH so, I'm not heaps of help. We had my dog for 16 years and got her when she was almost 1. She was as much a sister to me as a pet. Like the proverb about the lamb that David stole from the family and had for dinner - so was our Pepper to all of us. We all just were heart broken when she had to be put down. She was one of the first victims of the tainted pet-food.

I want another dog and DH has agreed if we can get a small one like Pepper was, even a similar breed and a cat, he's happy. He's been asking about a bird, but I do not see how we all could stay healthy in an apartment with a bird in the house. Outside on the balcony, yes. In the house, no. I've had doves before and you have to be very careful with bird poo.

Anyway. I think you guys need to come to an agreement. You are gonna seem like the bad guy any way this goes.

It takes inside dogs a long time (in my experience) to get used to living outside if their lives were mostly inside.

Problem is, your entire "pack" has to be in agreement or the new doggie will make alliances which will pit you against the other family members.

 

[jgonz]

The new little dog spent the night in the garage room, and I see her roaming around in the backyard now, so (I hate to admit it) but DH was probably right and she just needed some time to adjust.

I agree with you all~ everyone needs to be on the same page though. I'm going to be "feeilng out" the brood today...

Thanks everyone.

ETA: She still has her little doggy bed that the family passed on to us, along with special food (apparently everything else makes her sick) so we are babying her much more than our other dogs, that's for sure.

 

[peace in the vally]

Try To Think Of It This Way, The Dog Just Lost Everything His Owners, Her Familiar Territory, Her Warm Dog Bed All Of It. She Is Now In This Strange House With Some One Whom Appears To Hate Her And Probably Feels Lonly And Yes Scared.
On The Other Hand I Would Feel The Same Way As You If I Set Those Boundries And Every One Agreed And Then Changed Them After They Got What They Wanted

 

[Stan53]

If he wants the dog let him take care of it. We do have a dog and it most certainly not allowed in the house. And we wont be getting another.