Does "The Truth Always Come Out"?

EZoolander said:

...and one more thought.

You should have no expectation of privacy. Don't conduct yourself in a way that if a third party *were* to find out - would hurt your position. Whether or not she can use that tape - who knows. However - you shouldn't have provided her that kind of ammunition in the first place. You won't have privacy. Expect that anything you say can be, and will be, used against you in a court of law.

Ya know?

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EZoolander said:

Well, when I say unmerciful, I mean don't spend a lot of time worrying about the "fairness" of suing for sole custody or how she's going to appear/etc. My stance would be "You've ended the relationship under these circumstances - my emotional obligations as being a loving spouse have ended."

...and that's what matters. You are not her advocate anymore.

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5kidsdad said:

I have tried, almost without exception, to do just that. I have been 'grilled' by her, and have said little to nothing. I know it drives her crazy. In my humble opinion, nothing is her business. She keeps aking what do I have on her, and what do I want as far as a settlement. I tell her basically nothing. I did tell her that being away from her was the best thing that happened to me...sure it made her mad. I do not recall ever telling her anything else. She has a habit of calling up, and railing, ranting, and crying for, in one case, a couple of hours...there is only so much of that a sane person can take. Here, I do believe that you have to get approval from the authorities to record conversations. As far as the medical/therapy records...there is a statemnt I read in the law that states that if a patient feels that there is any chance that what they tell their physician or therapist could be brough into the open, then there is no trust there, and that there can be no real help given to the patient. Not that I am really worried, but I think it strikes of desperation on her part. We will see. I do not tell her much of anything, and when she tells me anything, I do not believe her...she has demonstrated the ability to lie about even the most insignificant thing that she is not trustworthy in any situation to me.

5kd

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EZoolander said:

Ya know - I've been thinking about 5kd and his situation this morning...and kind of how it pertains to what my own experience was when I went through my divorce years back. The long and the short of it is that he wants the truth about what's been going on to come out.

...and I remember thinking the same thing years back.

Without going into all of the sordid details - when I got divorced - it was because after an un-arguably crappy marriage - my ex-wife got into all sorts of deviant behaviors (bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism) - and decided that was going to become her primary focus. After she notified me that she had no intention of stopping - I called foul and filed for divorce.

The only thing was - it put me in a bad position. I did not feel that it was my place to notify the world *why* we were getting a divorce. My sealed mouth put me in a situation where everyone else (who apparently did not respect boundaries like I did) were free to talk about what a horrible person I was for "abandoning the marriage".

So - I remember kinda being in his place...and wondering when people would stop advising me that *I* needed to fix the situation - or that it was *my* fault that the marriage had ended.

The one thing that the whole experience taught me though - is that the truth *does* eventually come out. While it sucked at the time - eventually things did start getting out. After all - she *was* engaging in that behavior. When her new boyfriends started showing up - people started figuring out what might be going on. So - the nonsense being directed toward me lessened.

People started asking "was that going on when you were married?" - instead of accusing. Those types of questions I felt justified in answering.. "Yes. That's why we got divorced." Originally I was the "bad guy" - but eventually things turned 180.

So - my point of view is - the truth does usually come out on it's own accord. It's simply a matter of waiting until that happens - and sticking by your own convictions until it does. That was my experience.

Has anyone ever experienced different? Has the advantage of time (like - I'm talking about years since it's been over...since you can't really look at it when you're freshly going through it) not been to anyone's advantage?

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EZoolander said:

Ya
The only thing was - it put me in a bad position. I did not feel that it was my place to notify the world *why* we were getting a divorce. My sealed mouth put me in a situation where everyone else (who apparently did not respect boundaries like I did) were free to talk about what a horrible person I was for "abandoning the marriage".

So - I remember kinda being in his place...and wondering when people would stop advising me that *I* needed to fix the situation - or that it was *my* fault that the marriage had ended.

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Easyk said:

zoo i am suprised at the subject heading of this post.

As Jesus has stated the truth will allways be revealed.. there is no going around it..

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Autumnleaf said:

I think you can record it if you tell her in the beginning that you will be recording all conversations with her to make sure everyone is clear about what is said.

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