Does Spanking Really Do Any Good?

[forgivenmuch]

MY THOUGHTS.. I TRIED IT .. IT DONT ... I SEEN BAD CHANGES IN MY SON ..SO I STOPPED. IT DOES NOT HELP THE CHILD TO SPANK .. I HAVE LEARNED THAT A POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT IS THE BEST TACTIC. I HAVE ALSO LEARNED ..THAT TAKING SEOMTHING AWAY THAT HE REALLY LOVES AND DOING TIME OUTS IN HIS ROOM LAYING ON HIS BED IS THE BEST FOR MY SON. HE IS 3 YRS OLD. I SPANKED HIM A FEW TIMES.. TO SEE IF THAT WOULD WORK ..BUT WHAT I DUMMY I WAS..IT ONLY MADE HIM WORSE.. HE GOT AGGRESSIVE.. SO I THOUGHT NO .. I CANT DO THAT ANYMORE.. AND NOW HES MY LITTLE BOY AGAIN .. JUST WONDERING YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS MATTER

 

[2lplvr]

I think it depends on the child. Some children respond well to physical discipline done in love while others may need only a raised voiced to understand they have behaved inappropriately. I believe that parents need to be attentive to what works for their child, one method does not fit all.

 

[alaskamolly]

Agreed, and I also think it really depends on the home in general. Some parents spank in anger, in a rage, in a manner not conduscive to learning whatsoever... Whilst other parents spank in a loving constructive manner, and the swats really do produce wonderful fruit in the children. I've certainly seen families that fit both catagories!

I've also seen families who do NOT spank, and some of them have horrid children and some of them have lovely children--once again, a lot really matters on the personality of the child AND the attitude and spirit of the home. Parents who love and care for their children (which includes being diligent to teach obedience) seem to have wonderful children when all is said and done.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

We spank our daughter and we have a well bahaved little girl for it. I don't believe discipline is a one size fits all but spanking works in our family.

 

[LynnMcG]

We spanked our daughter, but haven't had to in a few years so I guess it did the trick. She's an incredibly bright, happy, well-behaved child. Today, a stern word or look does the trick.

Our son does dangerous things, but he's 2 so it's natural for him to test his boundaries. I'm just believing that he will be like my daughter in that I will not have to spank him after the age of 3 and the look or tone of my voice will be sufficient.

While it depends on the child, I think it also depends on the spanking. Some people use planks or belts. We only swatted them on their diapered bottoms. So I don't think it had that great of an emotional impact as much as it re-enforced a stern voice.

We were hit with a belt or wooden spoon as children and still managed to not become serial killers!

 

[bliz]

We have three kids - late teens and early 20s now. We spanked only for outright, in your face defience. We used a lot of other techniques for discipline as well, but we spanked very rarely - one child thinks he was only spanked once or twice. Our kids were generally very well behaved and are growing up into rather nice adults.

My parents used belts, hairbrushes, wooden spoons and ping pong paddles - all of which I remember and all of which I resent to this day.

 

[Melbelle]

Each chid is different, some childeren just need a time out some childeren need a heart to heart shared time where you sit them down and talk about what they did and some need a spanking depends on that child. try what works.

 

[HeatherJay]

I agree with everyone above...it all depends on the child. Mine get spankings for out right, willing defiance. And I rarely have to spank them at all. They're 3 and 6...my 3 year old is testing her limits right now, so she gets in trouble more than the 6 year old...but it's never done in anger, I only swat their bottoms with my hand, and I always reassure them that I love them no matter what and that nothing could ever make me love them less (even if I have to punish them).

 

[HeatherJay]

I was in a Chapters book store last night, when I asked my husband about this issue. Being in an unequally yoked relationship, what we agree and disagree on with many issues such as this becomes extremely important to me.. I like to know we have common grounds on many issues, which we do. He said something to me that I never really thought about, and I think he's right..

First he said that he really doesn't believe in spanking, because that really implies in most people's minds that you spank the child every day for each thing they do wrong, and he doesn't like that. Second, he told me that spanking *can* be effective, but also can be totally useless. People who spank their children every day, the child sees this as a typical punishment for behavior, and spanking thus may be about as effective as sending them to their room, or to bed without desert. But he told me about a friend of his that he knew, who raised a child and never spanked.. except there was a time when the child did something *very* wrong, so very wrong that the behavior had to be stopped now, right now, and for good. And the child was spanked.

The fact that the spanking was reserved for something of serious consequences taught the child that this was an action never to be repeated, and she never did repeat it. She knew "I got spanked, this must be SERIOUS" and thus the situation had a resolution.

I'm glad my hubby said all this to me because it gave me a completely different vantage point to view spanking from. I had already not really agreed with spanking for a couple of reasons, but I think he made a lot of sense when he said this.

Just thought I'd share.

~ ~

I think you're hubby is onto something there. I agree. My kids certainly don't get spanked for everything they do that's against the rules, lol. I WOULD be spanking them daily if that was the case.

They get time-outs for most things (sitting in a designated corner for a designated amount of time)...occassionally, they get sent to bed early if they're really out of control after dinner or near nap-time. They lose priviledges (watching movies or playing Nintendo) for some offenses. I only spank them if they're willingly and openly disobedient (they get a 1-2-3 count to behave and if I get to 3, they get a spanking).

I have to spank them MAYBE a couple of times a month. I think that's pretty good considering that I have friends who I see spanking their kids several times a day. I have really good kids...they're not the little terrors that I sometimes hear stories about.

 

[Andy Broadley]

I'm outa here

 

[tonya]

I feel like it depends on the child..on the situation...some times a swat is appropriate..sometimes talking firmly and sometimes a time-out...I think the jey is to balance what you do because anything overused loses its effectiveness!

 

[Busybee]

Spanking didn't work for my daughter. Like another poster said, I saw some negative side effects from it (she got mean). So I stick with putting her in the corner or sending her to bed....those have longer last punishment effects for her . I also reinforce punishment by explaining to her what it was she did wrong before I carry it out, then after her time is up I ask HER to explain to me why what she did was wrong. Works very effectively and she cries more from that than any spanking I've ever given.

Some parents have to spank though. It just depends on the will of the child I think.

 

[bshaw96]

I have a 3 year old son and have wondered this myself. I think the most important thing first is to make sure you are doing it in love, and not anger. I used to be bad for spanking him as a reflex, when I was angry. All that really teaches is its OK to hit when you're angry, and I saw those behaviors beginning in him. When he got mad, he'd hit. Then it dawned on me, it wasn't the spanking, but how I was doing it. Now, I send him (or his sister) to their room until I cool off. Then before I spank them I explain to them why I am doing it. Then afterwards, we talk about what they did and the consequences of their actions and make sure to hug them and let them know I love them and why they were spanked. This works sooo much better. Any other way, I don't see the difference in that and child abuse. That being said, I still don't think spanking is best for all children. It works well with my daughter, but not my son. He'll even do something and ask "Are you gonna spank me now?". It just doesn't affect him. Timeouts and taking things from him work better, and even sometimes that doesn't. He's definitely my wild child and the one that keeps me on my toes. Good luck, before you know it they'll be teenagers and we'll be begging for these days back