Does she have underlying issues?

[Vasichko]

Ive been with this girl for 2.5 years, great woman but I don't know I am starting to wonder. I actually feel crazy for considering this but she has had this thing of just making a rash decision and dumping me over little issues rather than communicating with me.

An example is we were playing tennis, being the guy that I am after about 45 minutes of losing I just decided to have some fun and blast a home run ball out of the court. I wasnt angry or anything, just joking around.

The next day calls me and dumps me. Yet 2 days later calls me back and says she made a mistake and knows she loves me, and is sorry.

I love the girl as much as anyone can, never treat her bad (she agrees with this), etc. She seems to focus on things like her parents are more religious than mine, she was raised in a small town and I was raised in the city, etc.

So back to the tennis court thing, we attended a wedding a week ago, which her friends said she had been telling people she hopes we are engaged early next year and seemed very happy. Yet as of Friday she told me she has a bad feeling in her gut and isnt very happy.

This is her longest relationship, her only serious relationship, and her longest one before me was 5 months or so. As far as age she is 23 and I am 25 myself.

At this point I kind of feel crazy for wanting to find ways to not let this happen again, but it has happened about 15 times or so previously. If I need to walk I can handle that with no problem, but if I could get her to quit this habit I would want to marry her.

As far as getting along, we dont argue hardly at all, the only problems we have is when she gets in this mood and dumps me for a couple of days then calls back crying about her "mistake" a few days later.

Wait do I do?

 

[SiyoNqoba]

She sounds very immature, and not ready for marriage at all. I wonder if, when she gets married, she's going to file for divorce every day.

It could be that she's just unsure about the commitment she's making, especially if this is her first serious relationship. Perhaps she's getting nervous at the prospect of settling down.

I'm not really sure what you could do. Maybe talk to her? If you do, be really sensitive, and dont spend the whole time bringing her down.

 

[YahsAncientRestoration]

The post above ^^^ was dead on i think! She sounds pretty immature or doubting the commitment. Immature doesnt mean you have to leave her though. Just means grow up with her ! And if she is doubting the commitment just sit down with her explain how you see things and if she is unsure give her a few days to make up her mind. If she decides to stay, it will be better than before now that she is in it with her whole heart.

 

[seehimcoming]

she is not being mature mate...may be you should consider your options

 

[Vasichko]

The post above ^^^ was dead on i think! She sounds pretty immature or doubting the commitment. Immature doesnt mean you have to leave her though. Just means grow up with her ! And if she is doubting the commitment just sit down with her explain how you see things and if she is unsure give her a few days to make up her mind. If she decides to stay, it will be better than before now that she is in it with her whole heart.

Well as far as commitment she said she knows how I feel and doesnt worry about me leaving or cutting it off. I have talked to her, I didnt tear her down at all, I just told her what she needs to do for her to be happy in our relationship or anyone in the future.

A side of me says just let it end, another side says trust that she knows. Then again she dumped me back in April, I had to go out of town for 10 weeks for work, I waited on her to find out what she wanted. Again she wanted me and now its the same cycle all over again.

 

[peanutbutter12]

Relationships aren't games, she needs to understand that and how it effects you as well. I would talk to her and get some strait answers about what is going on. Don't be afraid to be a little forceful about it. She needs to know exactly how serious the issue is, however, at the same time, don't be rude or hurtful. If you can't come to a conclusion and if she can't control herself in this situation, then you will have to make a decision for yourself whether or not you will continue to go on with this happening constantly, or whether to let it end. The thing to remember in this situation though is this: if she continues down the road she is going, then staying with her isn't going to help her get over this. Especially if you continue to allow her to come crawling back after abusing your emotions and trust each time.

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

I think that you have no choice but to sit down and discuss this with her. She sounds like she is having commitment issues. Is there something in her past that is making her afraid to commit. Commitment and love isn't a fleeting feeling. It is something you chose to do, and it's something she needs to consider if she is willing to do. Do you really want to live with this the rest of your life?

If I need to walk I can handle that with no problem, but if I could get her to quit this habit I would want to marry her.

If I'm honest, this comment concerns me. You've been very patient with her, but are also very willing to walk away if she isn't willing to change. Talk with her.

 

[batboy]

She may have underlying issues, as I think everyone does. The way everyone is raised and how they think is different. My advice would be to sit down and talk with her about it and see where that takes you. Sometimes that won't work though, another piece of advice would be to talk to someone professionally. There are a lot of Christian psychologists out there who specialize in relationship counseling. I think everyone should at some point in their lives go see a counselor, the sooner the better. She will probably learn things about herself that she never knew, and likewise things will probably be revealed about yourself that you never knew.

 

[Vasichko]

Well I talked to her and she said she felt like she made a rash decision and wants to work on it. She said she knows that Im the one she wants to marry, she just needs to not get worked up over little things.

I told her that this is the last time Im doing this, no coming back. Next time she does it, I am gone, no matter how much she regrets the decision. As for marriage, I told her we have been together for a while and until I see at least 6 - 8 months of consistency Im not going to think about the word.

As of now we are fine, we had a fun time this weekend. We discussed things about her past from guys that dumped her because of the no sex rule, to why she focuses on how we are not perfect. She always looks for perfection rather than what good things there are about us.

So we shall see...

 

[Vasichko]

With that saying you quoted. "If I need to walk I can handle that with no problem, but if I could get her to quit this habit I would want to marry her."

I was saying in regards to if she can not learn to communicate better, not freak out over little issues, etc.

Im sorry but I am not doing this anymore as far as the breakup and makeup thing. I think Im a pretty nice guy, her friends think so as well.

It is pretty odd when the girl's friends take my side when she dumps me for no reason.