Seems unrealistic, but I'm curious if there are any couples out there where the lady was initially not interested or only saw the guy as a friend. But through persistence by the guy or time, things changed? And what happened?
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Does persistence work?
- Thread starter cloudstrife007
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mina
Brown Eyed girl
- Sep 26, 2003
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There is a fine line between persistence and stalking/ being the scary stalker dude. I think the kind of persistence that works is one where you stay in someone's life and genuinely care about them but don't force meetings or suddenly show up at their house or where they work. It's relaxed and respects the other person. There is no guarantee . Know that it's a risk and you can never force someone to love you or want to be with you simply by being persistent.
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Inkachu
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IMHO, when God has a hand in it, it's not one person falling more or less quickly than the other; it'll happen mutually and naturally, without being forced or manipulated.
If someone isn't interested, no matter how gently they let you down, take the hint. And move on. A lot of people leave the door open ("oh, I'm just not ready for a relationship right now), but if you ask me, that's just a cushion so the rejectee's feelings aren't totally smashed.
Sorry I couldn't give you a happier reply.
And FTR I know firsthand what it's like to be pursued by a guy that you like and care about, but aren't INTERESTED in. It's frustrating, painful, and annoying.
If someone isn't interested, no matter how gently they let you down, take the hint. And move on. A lot of people leave the door open ("oh, I'm just not ready for a relationship right now), but if you ask me, that's just a cushion so the rejectee's feelings aren't totally smashed.
Sorry I couldn't give you a happier reply.
And FTR I know firsthand what it's like to be pursued by a guy that you like and care about, but aren't INTERESTED in. It's frustrating, painful, and annoying.
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lostaquarium
Quite flawed
Yeah I was in that situation. My BF liked me for 4 months without me even suspecting. After that he decided to do something about it, so he pursued me. I didn't really reciprocate because I didn't want to date him - BUT we were good friends and I genuinely cared for him as a friend, so I never told him to back off. After thinking and praying about it for about a month, I decided he was a really great guy and I'd give it a go, so I said yes. After that... well, I've liked him more and more every time I see him, and now I'm firmly in love.
The others are right too - it's a fine line between pursuing and stalking. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some things are meant to be. Only you can decide
The others are right too - it's a fine line between pursuing and stalking. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some things are meant to be. Only you can decide
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josephlau7966
Far East Origin
Yeah I was in that situation. My BF liked me for 4 months without me even suspecting. After that he decided to do something about it, so he pursued me. I didn't really reciprocate because I didn't want to date him - BUT we were good friends and I genuinely cared for him as a friend, so I never told him to back off. After thinking and praying about it for about a month, I decided he was a really great guy and I'd give it a go, so I said yes. After that... well, I've liked him more and more every time I see him, and now I'm firmly in love.
The others are right too - it's a fine line between pursuing and stalking. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some things are meant to be. Only you can decide
i might follow your bf's footstep but most probably am not as fortunate as he was. The girl i like just treats me nothing more than a normal friend. That's why i still haven't taken action to pursue her but i keep on looking for hints when i talk to her, hoping that she is interested in me as well. Until now she know nothing about my feeling to her. I just afraid that i shall ruin our friendship if i let her know......
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lostaquarium
Quite flawed
i might follow your bf's footstep but most probably am not as fortunate as he was. The girl i like just treats me nothing more than a normal friend. That's why i still haven't taken action to pursue her but i keep on looking for hints when i talk to her, hoping that she is interested in me as well. Until now she know nothing about my feeling to her. I just afraid that i shall ruin our friendship if i let her know......
Well my BF didn't actually say anything about liking me until he officially asked me out. In the month that I talked about, he texted and called me quite a lot - not loads, just more than he did before. He was considerate, checked if my exams were going well, etc... Also my mother was quite seriously ill, and he always remembered to ask me about her, which I found touching. He made sure I knew that he was thinking of me and praying for me. After my exam results came out, he took me to a fancy restaurant "to celebrate" - without calling it a date, but there were only two of us. Only a week after that did he ask me officially to be a couple with him, and I said yes
I'm glad he did it this way. If he'd made his feelings too obvious from the start, I would have said no because I didn't like him at that point. But he left it ambiguous. It gave me a chance to get used to the idea.
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josephlau7966
Far East Origin
Well my BF didn't actually say anything about liking me until he officially asked me out. In the month that I talked about, he texted and called me quite a lot - not loads, just more than he did before. He was considerate, checked if my exams were going well, etc... Also my mother was quite seriously ill, and he always remembered to ask me about her, which I found touching. He made sure I knew that he was thinking of me and praying for me. After my exam results came out, he took me to a fancy restaurant "to celebrate" - without calling it a date, but there were only two of us. Only a week after that did he ask me officially to be a couple with him, and I said yes
I'm glad he did it this way. If he'd made his feelings too obvious from the start, I would have said no because I didn't like him at that point. But he left it ambiguous. It gave me a chance to get used to the idea.
well, I got to congratulate him that he pressed the right button in your heart at the right time. I feel that your example can hardly occur in the real world. Normally the girl will turn down the guy if she don't have feeling on him in the first place. No matter what he does, no means firmly no. Anyway, thanks for telling me this. So that I can take it as a reference. I understand that there is a fine line between sincerely concern and scary stalking. Hope mine one considered as the former.
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I do not know if it works or not.
Seems like some are say maybe yes
Some are saying no means no.
Yes sounds good.
If it is no. What does that mean?
I met a woman once from a dating site.
She is getting married tomorrow .not to me lol.
She wants me to be a part of her wedding.
From this experience I thought no could still be a good thing.
Recently I have had another experience where no seems to mean something much more difficult.
Does not seem to be an easy answer to this.
Seems like some are say maybe yes
Some are saying no means no.
Yes sounds good.
If it is no. What does that mean?
I met a woman once from a dating site.
She is getting married tomorrow .not to me lol.
She wants me to be a part of her wedding.
From this experience I thought no could still be a good thing.
Recently I have had another experience where no seems to mean something much more difficult.
Does not seem to be an easy answer to this.
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Footprintsinthesand90
Newbie
My boyfriend, who I'm deeply in love with who I am discussing marriage with seriously at this point was a man that I had absolutely zero interest in. We were casual friends through mutual friends for almost a year. Then....we got closer, and closer, and BAM here we are. Not at all who I planned to be with, or what I wanted, but exactly what I needed and it's really a wonderful, natural, relationship. Deff. a God thing....
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Persistence can definitely work. I know of a few examples of people that have had amazing relationships thanks to persistence. Important though, there is a fine line between persistence and overdoing it. You want her to know you are there for her, that she can built on you, that she can trust you, that you'd be an amazing potential spouse, without being overbearing, and without you making her uncomfortable.
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