You are not looking in the right spot. All those 'women' who are "not interested" are not 'not interested in dating or men'...they are "not interested in being used or hurt again". It is time to quit searching for a sweetheart and just start establishing friendships and see what God can do. If they say they aren't interested in dating, believe them...however, you can still invite people to meet you for dinner 'so that you don't have to eat alone' or go to whatever 'so they you don't have to go alone'. Offer to pay but accept if they want to pay their own way without an argument (because that is what we do when we go out with friends). And be friends. That will help that empty spot.
Yes, these women may come with a lot of emotional baggage...you don't get to be over forty and alone without living some aspect of life that has hurt you deeply. It may be a failed relationship, or an unfruitful search for someone, or death of spouse....so it will take time, but when you are looking for a long-term relationship, it is best to establish it over time and from a friendship. Be patient and be a genuine friend. You may find women that make good friends but you wouldn't want to live with or women who you can't even do that ... but you may also meet a couple women who spark some life in you.
I am a 46 year old widow (of 3 years). I homeschool our two teenagers. I am currently going to school and will be starting my life as a new RN just before I turn 50. Yes, I will always love my husband but I have room in my life for someone else...but it is hard to imagine someone fitting in my very busy, complicated life. I have also been hurt very badly by the one attempt I made to date after my husband died. I wouldn't be surprised if I'd present myself as someone not interested because I am so busy trying to convince myself that I am "okay" being alone since that is what my fate probably will be.
I am sorry because I disagree with those that say don't tell about your talents. I'm assuming that you want an intellectual equal and not anyone who would be intimidated. I personally would find those things interesting and a reason to get to know you better and because you have a "real" life and wouldn't need me to be "your mother". A life with you as a friend could offer me new experiences.
I know what I said before about wanting a 'homebody'...because when I was young, I was tired of men who were so busy being ambitious for "the trappings of life" to prove how successful they were. I wanted to find a man who would value having a family enough to want to participate in that family. Now as my kids are getting older and won't be home so long, I am entering a different part of my life and would be interested in adding some new experiences to it. I am just saying this because I know I am not alone. And as a widow, I have met many women who are very much like me...whether they are divorced or widowed.
I look like a typical single mom. I don't spend much money on myself because I'd rather pay for things like my son's boy scouting activities and my daughter's figure skating lessons. So, I am probably less polished looking than I could. I spend my time either thinking about their school or mine so I might appear spaced-out at times. I may even look a bit tired because I have to do so much alone and don't sleep well. However, underneath that tired exterior is a women who has a medical engineering degree, devotedly cared for her husband through two bouts with cancer, has helped two children survive and grow after the death of their precious daddy, I am a teacher to two kids and carry a 4.0 at school myself. I struggle to dig up money to keep my daughter on the ice because that makes her joyful. I find the money to give my son opportunities that meet his need to be a man. I have to teach and model Christian life to both children. And I volunteer with several groups such as Cub Scouts and a Kids Community Service Club. I am going to be one of those women if asked would say, I'm not interested in dating. It would also be truthful because I don't have time to do anything as frivolous as "dating". I am interested in is finding friends (both sexes) who add to my life and would be very open to a male "friend" to spend the rest of my life with.
Don't give up. Look around at work with different eyes. Offer up friendship in places that you didn't invest as much time before. I think you might be surprised with what you find. Don't judge by outward appearances because there are a lot of very good brains in a hospital setting. I hope to find myself a mindless job soon to help supplement my limited income because it won't require me of me beyond showing up and doing my job. It will have nothing to do with what I am really capable of. Unfortunately, there are a lot of bright single women doing the very same thing because it is what we have to do to survive.
So maybe it is time to go fishing in another pond. The worse that happens is that you might add a few friends to your life while you are waiting to see what God has in mind for you.
Good for you! You are doing something positive with your life. I have been hurt by the opposite sex,also. I have been burnt by so many women,my nickname should be "toast."
However, I am like a boxer. After getting knocked down, I get right back up and I keep going. Yes, I HAVE tried fishing in "other ponds". When I was in the U.S. Navy, I only dated Black women. I turned down many white women when I was in my twenties. While I was in college,I started dating women of other races. In my science classes, I would be the only Black person in my class. Asian and White women have treated treat me the best throughout my adult life.
Yes, I have a full life.
Last Saturday,I met a lady at a Christian Singles' dance. She gave me her number and her e-mail address. I called her on Monday,no response. I e-mailed her on Tuesday. She has not returned my call or e-mail.That is the story of my life.She is an audiologist. I have asked out a pharmacist,a school teacher,a nurse,and another woman who has a lot going for herself. The same result happened. One time,on the way to Hawaii,I sat next to an educated and an attractive women. I asked her for her number. She said,"Why don't you give me your number and I will call you." Later on that night, I met a woman in a club. The woman at the club told me the SAME thing. The next day in Hawaii,guess who called me? Did the SMART lady call me? No,the lady at the club called me. When I picked her up for a date, she told me that she was SICK. I asked her what was wrong. She told me," I am a HEROIN addict!" You see,it seems that only the losers want me.
As they say in baseball,"There is always next year."
Tonight is just another cold winter night with no one to snuggle up to or to hold and to cuddle. I miss so much the soft,warm,and gentle touch of a woman. It seems the ONLY way that I can get a woman to touch me is to go to a massage parlour to get an one hour massage. I have heard so many women my age say that they do not want or need a man. I have NEVER heard a man my age say that he does not want or need a woman. So ,you,see,having a woman just as a friend, IS NOT ENOUGH! It is like when I need a cup of coffee,in order for me to keep awake,while driving 200 miles at night,and someone is offering me ONLY DE-CAFF coffee.! It just does not seem fair,does it? Well.....life is not fair. Jesus said that in this world,we would have troubles. He certainly was not lying.
