Does marriage = successful relationship

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Just a wonderment.

Do you think that if you get married, you have succeeded in your relationship? That now, your relationship has merit, and counts?

Do you think that someone who has married has therefore got a more successful relationship than you do? Have you felt led to believe that if you managed to get married, then you have in some way 'succeeded' relationally?

Just wondering. I just often get the impression from people that a relationship is only successful once that relationship has entered the marriage covenant.

I have dealt with a lot of young unmarried couples that through their actions give the impression they believe that the only way they will be successful in their relationship, is when they get married, and as a result, are desperate for their relationship to achieve that status...

Can't it be successful beforehand? Why/why not?

Sasch

 

[Fatolia]

I don't really have a "girlfriend," but there are a lot of women that I'm friends with, and I expect that my relationships with them are fairing better than many marriages.

 

[lady_of_god]

Do you think that if you get married, you have succeeded in your relationship? That now, your relationship has merit, and counts?

I will say its not neccessarily that you've "succeeded" but rather you just wanted to share everything and this is the next step. There are alot of marriages that are not successful.

Your relationship takes on a different quality in marriage then courting. I'm not sure if i truly understand when you say "has merit, and counts?" but I can say you are expected to take on the responsiblities as a husband or wife by God.

Do you think that someone who has married has therefore got a more successful relationship than you do? Have you felt led to believe that if you managed to get married, then you have in some way 'succeeded' relationally?

I have several friends in marriages that are truly struggling and unhappy. The success isn't in the actually document and cermony of marriage it lies within whether or not you can work through your issues, and if you always have a :

1.love 2. happiness 3. and respect for one another plus a strong spirituality.
If you have those four things to begin in a relationship (among other important qualities) you have suceeded.

Can't it be successful beforehand? Why/why not??

Sure it can be I would hope that before you choose a person to marry that you and the person is where it should be spiritually. If the relationship is rocky to begin with it, those problems will only echo and getting bigger later on in marriage. Thats not to say you won't have problems, but you should learn to deal with problems as they come; So in the future you will have a healthy form of communication.

-Lady

 

[Cherub8]

I was in a relationship which broke, but it was successful nonetheless. Just because a relationship ends does not mean it failed. God uses all situations for His purposes. In my case, we both learned a valuable (albeit very painful) lesson. God is in control.

 

[FaithfulServant]

A friendship can be "sucessful" so why can't courting be successful? I know a couple who was married for a couple of decades, and then divorced. I still consider that marriage successful - just because it didn't last until they died, doesn't mean it wasn't a success all those years. Enron was a success for a while

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Marriage can sometimes be the last nail in the coffin of a relationship that never worked well to begin with.

 

[lady_of_god]

Marriage can sometimes be the last nail in the coffin of a relationship that never worked well to begin with.

good point that is very true.

-Lady

 

[SirKenin]

I guarantee you 100% for sure that marriage in no way equals a successful relationship. I speak from experience.

 

[psteverific]

When I was younger, I used to belive that if I got married, it would signal a sucessful relationship, or more accurately, that I would be viewed by others as having a sucessful relationship.
In retrospect, I think I'm very lucky that I managed to stay unmarried until I met the right woman. With that way of thinking, I could easily have settled, which would have led to alot of hardship down the road.

But, no, I have never viewed the marriage of others as signaling a sucsessful relationship, I'm sure we've all seen our share of bad break-ups. It's kind of a strange double standard I had set for myself... I don't know why I expected others to veiw things differently than myself.

 

[Living Stone]

It seems backwards to me.
Successful relationship = marriage
That sounds more like it.

My step daughter made her relationship work with her bf over a few years that they dated before the got married.

She dated him from 13 and they just married recently. Shes 20 now.

Honestly she did such an amazing job, I use her as my guideline now.
I had never seen such dedication and persistance by a young woman to her love.

Well, until I met my honey going on 2 years ago

Just a wonderment.

Do you think that if you get married, you have succeeded in your relationship? That now, your relationship has merit, and counts?

Do you think that someone who has married has therefore got a more successful relationship than you do? Have you felt led to believe that if you managed to get married, then you have in some way 'succeeded' relationally?

Just wondering. I just often get the impression from people that a relationship is only successful once that relationship has entered the marriage covenant.

I have dealt with a lot of young unmarried couples that through their actions give the impression they believe that the only way they will be successful in their relationship, is when they get married, and as a result, are desperate for their relationship to achieve that status...

Can't it be successful beforehand? Why/why not?

Sasch

 

[InTheFlame]

Hrmmm.... interesting question

I think that marriage is definitely another 'phase' in a relationship... and one that requires many skills to reach and maintain the level of intimacy inherent in marriage. I think it's quite easy to confuse cause and effect and assume that marriage will provide mutual love, respect and intimacy... as opposed to marriage REQUIRING all of those.

I suspect that the above, PLUS society's tendency to hold onto the old-fashioned 'marriage = success' concept (women have succeeded in life when they 'catch' a man, and men get a wife and kids when they've achieved success), causes a lot of people to over-romanticise marriage.

 

[Sketcher]

I will say its not neccessarily that you've "succeeded" but rather you just wanted to share everything and this is the next step. There are alot of marriages that are not successful.

Exactly. A sucessful marraige is one that lasts - "till death do you part." People think of marraige as the finish line - all the divorces today prove to me that it isn't. The only "happy" ending is when you or your spouse dies, and you two have been happily together.

 

[TJMan2050]

I definitly think that marriage does not equal successful relationship, however, the relationship should be and continue to be successful entering and withing marriage. But I also believe that if the relationship isn't succesful in marriage that it can be achieved still, it was you're choice to marry the person, you both need to make the effort to make it work, maybe not as easily as if it was successful to begin with, but yeah. Well I'm not married but I am in a relationship, my first to be exact, so I'm learning a lot, and I still don't know for sure if the relationship is right, but we definitly get along well, and so far have easily worked through the minor issues we've had.