Does it ever end?

I was physically and pychologically abused when I was younger, and still live with my parents who did it to me but I dont' let them bother me any more and I'm not afraid of them but....my startle response seems to be getting worse around people who I know arn't going to hurt me, I CAN'T CONTROL IT!!! do the effects and scars from abuse ever go away?

the older we get the more we can control about abuse. and if you strive for Jesus, you will heal. it takes time for some wounds to heal, but they will heal.

surround yourself with things of comfort and people who will help you. your church family can be there for you if you ask. and most churches have a free counselor who helps you get support and help.

Whenever my startle reflex gets overly sensitive, I realize there is something I am not trusting God for.

The best thing I do is sit with my Bible and browse through the scriptures until God uses one to speak to me. That becomes my new "thought for the week" in a way.

I memorize it and whenever I have fearful thoughts, I remind myself of the life-giving word that God spoke to my heart. The fear is cast out, and I am better after that. Usually that is effective for several months at a time.

The effects and sxars of abuse don't go away. We just learn to accept what has happened and to put it to one side. We may call on our experiences to help us overcome another.

Hope you are ok.

Can I ask a silly question? What are startle responses?

Surviving said:

The effects and scars of abuse don't go away. We just learn to accept what has happened and to put it to one side. We may call on our experiences to help us overcome another.

Hope you are ok.

Can I ask a silly question? What are startle responses?

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That's when you are startled easily - more easily than normal. Things that wouldn't normally make you jump, or flinch, or screech, will suddenly effect you that way. Sudden loud noises make everyone jump occasionally, but to someone whose startle reflex is being overly sensitive, it seems like everything makes them jump, or startles them.

It happens to me when I'm really worried about something and I'm not realizing how much time I'm spending worring. When I see my startle reflex being overly active, I realize the bottom line is: I'm not trusting God to protect me or provide for me or keep me safe. When I put my trust back in Him and lean on Him when I'm afraid or worried, I am able to have peace in my soul again.

fragmentsofbeauty said:

I was physically and pychologically abused when I was younger, and still live with my parents who did it to me but I dont' let them bother me any more and I'm not afraid of them but....my startle response seems to be getting worse around people who I know arn't going to hurt me, I CAN'T CONTROL IT!!! do the effects and scars from abuse ever go away?

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Hi Nice to meet you.

I really do understand what you mean! I was sexually molested for 12 years. I am married now, and even when I know my husband is right there (or anyone else for that matter!), many times when he touches me, or when people touch me, and I'm not prepared for it, I have those responses. Like I said, I even know the people are there, and that they might touch me!

My husband used to get his feelings hurt by that, too, which made it really difficult. I had to explain to him what it was and why it was, so he does understand it now, but I also don't know why it just won't stop! Maybe it is that I'm not trusting God enough, but I hope that's not the case! Maybe it's that I'm not completely healed yet, it definitely doesn't happen overnight..

Maybe that's it... maybe there are things inside that haven't been dealt with, that I'm not consciously aware of...

hmmmm..maybe I need to be thanking you for posing that question!

God bless.....I'm saying a prayer for all those on this board overcoming the effects of abuse

I grew up in various abusive situations, then married a man who was abusive also. After we divorced, I began dating a very sweet man who unfortunately found himself paying for my ex's sins. He would reach up to touch me gently and affectionately on the cheek, and I'd duck like he was about to slap me.

Fortunately he really was a very sweet man, and patient. Gradually I began to overcome my reflex of thinking every touch is going to be painful.

My present husband, unfortunately, has also suffered for the sins of past abusers. Our first big fight occurred when, during an argument I started to leave. It was the middle of the night, and he knew I wasn't safe going anywhere in my state of mind, but the mistake he made was to put his arm across me to try and stop me from getting up from the bed.

Whoa. Big goof. I went off on him like the Fourth of July. I'd learned in therapy and read in pamphlets that one sign of an abusive man is that he will physically restrain her from leaving the room. At that moment he became a culmination of all abusive men, even though that wasn't his motivation at all. Let me tell you, he never did that again, but I know now that I dreadfully overreacted.

I guess one problem I have now is in seeing abuse where there is none. This just about drove my husband nuts and almost cost me this marriage. Fortunately we are both in individual therapy now; he has his own problems, but we are getting through it.

Buh

Everyone gave you great replies, and all I can add is that once we are away from the abuser/s and in time as we learn to confront things that trigger us, instead of avoiding them (this takes time!) we get a thicker skin, and some things don't seem to bother us anymore...or not as bad.
Startle response is very normal and yes is time it does get better, but the timing is different for everyone. With you living in the same home as your abusers this will contribute..even if it doesn't get to "you" anymore..subconsciously it will still sink in to our inner child that felt that hurt and pain when we were going through it.
It seems there always will be a defense mechanism in us, and yes we can turn it ALL over to God, at the same time, we're human, and our instincts kick in now and then.
Maybe a smell, or a sound, has hit subconsciously and if we haven't dealt with that trigger and found something else, something good to associate it with...then we'll go through times where things startle us, due to a memory being triggered in the subconscious.

I noticed you hadn't replied to anyone, and am hoping you've at least read them and are ok.
I'll pray this is so.