Does God really speak on who one should marry?

[Evexchange]

My youth pastor once approached me and said he was getting revelations about me being his wife..more like God had spoken to him. Weeks later some ministers from church said something like that too. I'm not attracted to this man at all, I don't even see myself with him.
Is there a thing like that? If God revealed that to him or them, why doesn't He reveal it to me too? It's really disturbing.

 

[If Not For Grace]

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires" Susan B. Anthony

 

[justlikeThomas]

When God created us, He created us with a few very important things that differentiate us from His other creations (including the animals of the earth and the angels of heaven). Among those are free will and the ability to love.

With these two characteristics comes the free will to love whomever you please. It is Impossible for God to have a plan that includes forcing you to marry someone you do not wish to marry-or else it would contradict the idea that God gave us free will and the ability to love.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

My youth pastor once approached me and said he was getting revelations about me being his wife..more like God had spoken to him. Weeks later some ministers from church said something like that too. I'm not attracted to this man at all, I don't even see myself with him.
Is there a thing like that? If God revealed that to him or them, why doesn't He reveal it to me too? It's really disturbing.

Short answer, no. From your situation, it sounds as if the Youth Pastor and some of the other ministers have spoken to one another and have convinced themselves that this is what God is saying. Be careful.

Longer answer is to use your time of singleness to prepare yourself spiritually to be the best (future) wife you can be for the (future) husband that God truly has in store for you. Read scripture and find out what it means to be a godly wife, and what the characteristics are of a godly husband. Ask the Lord to begin to cultivate some of these characteristics in you, while still serving Him in your 'singleness'. If and when you are to marry, you will be able to discern when is the right time and whom is the right person, because you will have done the necessary preparation.

God bless.

 

[Hetta]

Short answer, no. From your situation, it sounds as if the Youth Pastor and some of the other ministers have spoken to one another and have convinced themselves that this is what God is saying. Be careful.

Longer answer is to use your time of singleness to prepare yourself spiritually to be the best (future) wife you can be for the (future) husband that God truly has in store for you. Read scripture and find out what it means to be a godly wife, and what the characteristics are of a godly husband. Ask the Lord to begin to cultivate some of these characteristics in you, while still serving Him in your 'singleness'. If and when you are to marry, you will be able to discern when is the right time and whom is the right person, because you will have done the necessary preparation.

God bless.

^^ I agree with this.

I also agree with the quote posted by INFG. This isn't the first time I have read on these forums about young women being pursued by men who proclaim that "God TOLD him" that she would be his wife. The whole thing makes me very, very uncomfortable and, yes, I think there may be some wish-fulfillment here.

Do not marry someone you do not love under any circumstances.

 

[Inkachu]

Yes, God can speak to us about who to marry.

Is He going to tell you to marry someone who's inappropriate (like a youth pastor in a position of authority over you) and who you are not only NOT attracted to, but creeped out by the very idea of his intentions? NO.

I'd avoid this man as much as possible. And the fact that others in your church are coincidentally repeating it (I'd suspect he's telling them his fantasies)... would make me question if I should be there at all.

 

[justlikeThomas]

I'm am by no means trying to defend this guy or anything, but maybe he's just trying to be cute or flirty? Or do you think he's actually trying to be serious?

 

[Jupiter Drops]

I get the creeper vibes from him. Don't trust this man. I agree with the statements above about this creepy man. Tell someone about him like your parents and keep them near you. Or better yet, move to another church with a clean record.

 

[ValleyGal]

I believe God can tell us who to marry (like Joseph with Mary or Hosea with the prostitute), but I do not believe this is normal for everyone. The NT talks about being free to marry, only in the Lord. I believe in free will because if we consider disobedience, that would leave a lot of people without a spouse. For example, if God really did tell this man that you are to be his wife, and you are creeped out and say no, then that would mean there is no spouse for him, and if you marry a believer you love, you would be in disobedience. This is not biblical, and would create chaos for people trying to figure out who to marry (is this the one God chooses for me, and what if I miss the mark).

In your situation, if God truly did tell this man you are to be his wife, God will likely tell you as well, as he did with Joseph.

I also believe God works through circumstances, as with Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24. The circumstances were just so, and the union also depended on her decision to go with the servant.

When you are deciding who to marry, pray mostly for discernment - and it sounds like you have discernment with this youth pastor. Stay away from him if he is creepy.

 

[dayhiker]

I'm with those who say if God doesn't tell you then don't consider it.

In my 20's I felt God made it pretty clear that I was to marry this one girl. But God never told her to marry me. I told her if God didn't tell her to marry me then she shouldn't. God never did and later she fell in love with a roommate of mine. God told me to bless them so that there would be negative feelings between them and me.

 

[Inkachu]

Youth pastors should not pursue the CHILDREN they teach. Yes, children. Chances are, this girl is under 18. Even if she weren't, this is a teacher-student relationship. This man is in a position of spiritual and moral authority, and to romantically pursue or even FLIRT with one of his students, is completely inappropriate. This is NO different than if a young, male school teacher were flirting with his student. No, no, and no.

This whole scenario smacks of gross.

 

[Evexchange]

INFG loving that Quote! Good one.

 

[Evexchange]

I'm am by no means trying to defend this guy or anything, but maybe he's just trying to be cute or flirty? Or do you think he's actually trying to be serious?

Serious is an understatement, he's more than serious!

 

[Evexchange]

INFG, JustlikeThomas, dayhiker, valleyGal, Jupiter Drops, Inkachu, hetta, apostolic34 thank you for all your responses! Not gonna feel guilty anymore. God bless

 

[Evexchange]

Youth pastors should not pursue the CHILDREN they teach. Yes, children. Chances are, this girl is under 18. Even if she weren't, this is a teacher-student relationship. This man is in a position of spiritual and moral authority, and to romantically pursue or even FLIRT with one of his students, is completely inappropriate. This is NO different than if a young, male school teacher were flirting with his student. No, no, and no.

This whole scenario smacks of gross.

Haha thanks hun, I'm making 21 next week

 

[Inkachu]

Haha thanks hun, I'm making 21 next week

Well, it's slightly less gross than if you were a minor, but it's still totally inappropriate (IMHO).

 

[Luther073082]

Better questions. . . at age 21 why or how are you still under the authority of the Youth Pastor?

I have to admit I don't understand most protestant churches in this. Lutherans sometimes have a Youth Coordinator who runs all our youth activities and helps the pastor with Sunday school and confirmation. But he's never called a "Youth Pastor" and does not normally have pastorial training and isn't ordained member of the clergy and does not have the authority from the church to perform sacraments.

But people pretty much exit the Youth Program when they graduate from High School.

It's a little creepy but not as much if this guy took over the Youth program maybe when he was 22 and she was 17 and he hasn't really flirted or shown interest until now that she's 21 and is an adult and he's like 26.

 

[ValleyGal]

Hmm...she never said she was under his authority either now or in the past. However, if she ever had been one of his youth, then yes, it would be creepy. The only thing I find creepy is his way of trying to get her to say yes to going out with him - "God told me so."

 

[Inkachu]

She said "my youth pastor" in the OP. That says (to me) that she's in his youth group. Otherwise, I would've expected her to call him "a youth pastor at my church" or something like that.

Luther - some youth groups continue through college age. I'm assuming that's the situation here.

Maybe the OP can shed some more light on the details.

 

[ValleyGal]

Yes, I do understand how that can be a misconception. I call the youth pastor at our church "our youth pastor" the same as I call the pastor "our pastor". Before I became a "we" I would say "my pastor." So I guess to me it's not so much about the wording. The thing that would be creepy is if she ever was under his authority and isn't now, or like I said earlier, the fact that he is saying "God told me so..."

One summer at camp, we had a youth pastor intern from another city. He was 3 years older than me. We have remained friends all these years and I consider him a dear brother. But...neither of us would ever even think of a romantic relationship based on the fact that one summer he was interning as a youth pastor and I was attending the camp where he interned. Even though I was 16 and he was 19 at the time. That would be creepy - although all these years later, he treats me like an equal - sister in Christ and good friend. There is no authority or power issue...but it would still be creepy 30+ years later.