Does God *really* hate divorce?

[Life2Christ]

I know what the Bible says about divorce but is it possible that God hates the motivations behind the divorce and not the divorce itself? So if the divorce leads to more of a communion with God, could He possibly hate divorce? I could understand hating the divorce if the spouses were just bored or wanted different things. Maybe God hates divorce because 1.) Its usually one spouse who decides to divorce (selfishness) 2.) It causes pain to the family 3.) It leads to a difficult life for many 4.) It is traumatic.

I'm trying to sort this all out....anyone want to weigh in? Thanks.

 

[DrFrank]

In light of Jesus' REPEATED teaching on divorce and re-marriage,a better understanding is that God refuses to recognize the legal proceeding of divorce thus leaving Jesus' teaching that couples must remain married "until death do us part" valid.

Mark 10:11-12 (New King James Version)

11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

 

[Life2Christ]

11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

This verse always leaves me stuttering," but..but..but..." Why can't I just accept this and move on?? Its not that I hate the rule or Jesus' words I just wish I would feel comforted by it. These words of Christ are uncomfortable to me (like many of his words are). I understand why Jesus feels hardocre about it, I just wish I had more explanation.

 

[fm107]

I think he hates both, the motives (if they are ungodly) and also divorce itself.

I don't think I need to go into detail about motives because there are so many and you can speculate what they might be.

As for why he hates divorce itself, here are the scriptures which state this:

Malachi 2:16
"I hate divorce," says the LORD

Matthew 19:6
So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

I believe this scripture goes further:

Hosea 3:1
The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

So from these scriptures, we can see that God hates divorce itself excluding any motives for it. Rather he is saying reconcile!

As for the argument of divorcing for the sake of God's affairs, that is no excuse:

1 Corinthians 7:32-34
An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided.

God knows prior to any Christian getting married that, that person's concerns about the Lord will be split with those of his wife. It's natural and God already knows this. But a husband and wife should both try to keep the Lord and his affairs in their life as much as possible.

God prefers this more than sinning:

1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

...................................................................................

God has given us grounds for divorce, but this should always be a last resort. I think Hosea 3:1 really show this.

The ground for divorce are:

Matthew 19:9
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

- Marital Unfaithfulness

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

- The unbelieving spouse (NOT a Christian) leaves

1 Corinthians 7:39
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

- If the spouse dies.


God always looks for reconciliation first and foremost.

But this is not always possible, for many reasons, e.g. the spouse is not repentant of his/her sin, and/or continues in it etc etc.



I hope this answers your question.

God bless.

 

[janny108]

I know what the Bible says about divorce but is it possible that God hates the motivations behind the divorce and not the divorce itself? So if the divorce leads to more of a communion with God, could He possibly hate divorce? I could understand hating the divorce if the spouses were just bored or wanted different things. Maybe God hates divorce because 1.) Its usually one spouse who decides to divorce (selfishness) 2.) It causes pain to the family 3.) It leads to a difficult life for many 4.) It is traumatic.

I'm trying to sort this all out....anyone want to weigh in? Thanks.

Well God has His reasons but I know how much He loves children and divorce pains everyone involved regardless of the cause. It leads to difficult circumstances for all concerned.

 

[xGodsGracex]

I know what the Bible says about divorce but is it possible that God hates the motivations behind the divorce and not the divorce itself? So if the divorce leads to more of a communion with God, could He possibly hate divorce? I could understand hating the divorce if the spouses were just bored or wanted different things. Maybe God hates divorce because 1.) Its usually one spouse who decides to divorce (selfishness) 2.) It causes pain to the family 3.) It leads to a difficult life for many 4.) It is traumatic.

I'm trying to sort this all out....anyone want to weigh in? Thanks.

God's entire message is hard. It is through God's grace why we could be saved at all. Yes he hates divorce, (motives for and divorce), but he also knows people will still go ahead. He said Moses granted them divorce due the hardness of their hearts but from the beginning it wasn't so.

 

[iloveringyou]

I very much liked reading your post fm107. Its very straight-forward and to the point.

 

[Life2Christ]

Hosea 3:1
The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

So does this mean that even though my ex-husband has a girlfriend I am to continue to love him and try to reconcile with him? Or does this mean I am to love him symbolically in my heart even thought we don't speak to each other. Shoots, I need to write a psalm because my heart is full of sadness and confusion.

 

[Life2Christ]

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

So then divorce is ok in this circumstance?

 

[ImperialJohn]

I know what the Bible says about divorce but is it possible that God hates the motivations behind the divorce and not the divorce itself? So if the divorce leads to more of a communion with God, could He possibly hate divorce? I could understand hating the divorce if the spouses were just bored or wanted different things. Maybe God hates divorce because 1.) Its usually one spouse who decides to divorce (selfishness) 2.) It causes pain to the family 3.) It leads to a difficult life for many 4.) It is traumatic.

I'm trying to sort this all out....anyone want to weigh in? Thanks.

I think Janny is right. The biggest thing is that it saddens G-d because he sees all the pain and hurt that divorce causes. We are his lost children and have been separated from our father for 6000 years almost. I think its separation always causes sorrow and pain.

 

[fm107]

I very much liked reading your post fm107. Its very straight-forward and to the point.

That’s very kind words, I cannot take credit for what I write though, my only wish is that what I am saying comes from the Holy Spirit, without him, I know nothing.

So does this mean that even though my ex-husband has a girlfriend I am to continue to love him and try to reconcile with him? Or does this mean I am to love him symbolically in my heart even thought we don't speak to each other. Shoots, I need to write a psalm because my heart is full of sadness and confusion.

Hi Life2Christ,

Once you’re divorced that’s it, you’re separated.

I’m referring to a husband and wife who have NOT yet separated.

This verse speaks of Israel’s idolatry, Israel’s unfaithfulness to God. Instead of loving her husband (God) she was unfaithful and committed adultery by going off and worshipping other Gods.

God is telling Hosea here to go back and love his unfaithful wife just as God loves his unfaithful wife (Israel) despite her idolatry.

For instance, if a wife is an adulteress. It would be easy for a man to quickly become hateful and divorce her straight away. But instead God is saying despite her doing all these things wrong, still love her.

In your case though, you are already separated so don’t get worked up on this verse.

So then divorce is ok in this circumstance?

I’ll explain this verse a little:

Say two unbelievers get married. Then a year later the wife gets saved but the husband remains unsaved. If the husband who is still not saved leaves the wife then she is free to remarry.

 

[foodiepeep]

There's absolutely no hope for me then...I'm a born-again Christian that filed for divorce from my psychologically abusive and neglectful spouse for unscriptural reasons (there was no infidelity). He has absolutely no desire to be married to me any longer, and he no longer lives with me. In fact, I had him court ordered to vacate permanently because of his level of harassment toward me.

The thing is, though, that directly after our initial divorce hearing, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that my decision to file for divorce was a TERRIBLE decision, and I was instantly engulfed by guilt and shame. God showed me that I had done so as a backslidden and hypocritical believer, and that I had been just as cruel and controlling toward my spouse. I poured our the Scriptures incessantly for the last month because I'm certain that I've now lost my salvation because of this deliberate sin on my part.

The awful guilt of my sin will NOT cease in plaguing me. Every second of every day now I bear this horror that God WILL NOT allow me in His Kingdom. I desire so very badly to halt my divorce and save my marriage, but my spouse is immovable in his stance that he WILL be divorced from me- it's what he wants now.

I was desperate to file a motion to dismiss my divorce, to turn back from my sin, but I found out yesterday from the circuit court that I CANNOT dismiss my divorce unless both parties are agreement, as well as the fact that I am not allowed to stop the proceedings under the basis of wanting to uphold my religious beliefs. There are no words to express how incredibly distraught I am that there's NOTHING I can do to alter my choice and follow the law of the Lord as I should. I repent and cry endlessly, but it just doesn't seem to make a difference, which is why I feel God will most definitely is not forgiving me. The guilt is relentless, and I feel I have no hope of his mercy now. I have truly sacrificed my place in Heaven. Hope is so very invisible to me now.

 

[Steffenfield]

Hi foodiepeep.

Sorry for the straightforward question here.

But have you been baptized yet?

It's such an incredible moment that will release you from all the guilt and shame you feel your life is being overflooded with.

I've read all your posts in the past but still don't know how to respond to it all.

It's so sad reading your personal misery that I'm left without words.

All I can say, is that God will see you through this if you are a faithful believer.

God bless dear.

 

[suzybeezy]

God doesn't like divorce, but he will certainly forgive it. We tend to think that EVERY marriage is blessed and seen as holy by God because of what we’ve been taught, but not every marriage is! God does not call holy that which is unholy. The divine standard for marriage is lifelong commitment to one's spouse, and nothing else. Even though divorce was permitted in some cases under the Old Testament economy, Christ made it plain that this was not God's ideal. Both divorce and remarriage, therefore, are extremely serious steps, as both violate the divine principle of permanent union and faithfulness in marriage. But God is able and willing to forgive all sins, including even the sin of getting a divorce. He can make a good marriage and a happy home no matter what the previous history of the people involved may have been, provided that true repentance, proper restitution, and genuine saving faith and sincere desire to serve the Lord now exist in their lives.

As with all things, be prayerful and always seek His guidance.

 

[foodiepeep]

Steffen Yes- I was baptized eight years ago, which is why my fear is so very enormous. Strangely, though, the actual baptism had no effect on me then, I felt no difference afterward in myself. Yet now, following this awful sin I've committed, I positively yearn for Christ, but that's most likely because I know that I've fallen away now from the Lord's favor and there is no hope left for me (as those who cry "Lord, lord..." go unheard).
Hebrews 10:26 and 1 Cor. 6-9 essentially have me totally condemned as far as I can understand. This situation is just so terrible, and I have no idea how to try to even live normally ever again. The guilt and fear I bear over my obviously lost salvation simply will NOT cease.

 

[Johnnz]

There's absolutely no hope for me then...I'm a born-again Christian that filed for divorce from my psychologically abusive and neglectful spouse for unscriptural reasons (there was no infidelity). He has absolutely no desire to be married to me any longer, and he no longer lives with me. In fact, I had him court ordered to vacate permanently because of his level of harassment toward me.

The thing is, though, that directly after our initial divorce hearing, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that my decision to file for divorce was a TERRIBLE decision, and I was instantly engulfed by guilt and shame. God showed me that I had done so as a backslidden and hypocritical believer, and that I had been just as cruel and controlling toward my spouse. I poured our the Scriptures incessantly for the last month because I'm certain that I've now lost my salvation because of this deliberate sin on my part.

The awful guilt of my sin will NOT cease in plaguing me. Every second of every day now I bear this horror that God WILL NOT allow me in His Kingdom. I desire so very badly to halt my divorce and save my marriage, but my spouse is immovable in his stance that he WILL be divorced from me- it's what he wants now.

I was desperate to file a motion to dismiss my divorce, to turn back from my sin, but I found out yesterday from the circuit court that I CANNOT dismiss my divorce unless both parties are agreement, as well as the fact that I am not allowed to stop the proceedings under the basis of wanting to uphold my religious beliefs. There are no words to express how incredibly distraught I am that there's NOTHING I can do to alter my choice and follow the law of the Lord as I should. I repent and cry endlessly, but it just doesn't seem to make a difference, which is why I feel God will most definitely is not forgiving me. The guilt is relentless, and I feel I have no hope of his mercy now. I have truly sacrificed my place in Heaven. Hope is so very invisible to me now.

You do not need to continue as you are. That is tragic. I am not easy on divorce, but the scriptures have not been well understood on this issue. In both the Malachi verse and the NT teaching by Jesus the reasons for such statements were that men were all too easily divorcing their wives, thereby consigning them to a life of degradation. Some were quoting Moses as justification for their actions.

In your situation you were free to divorce your husband, free to remarry and always have been held within God's love and acceptance.

I have put together some information on the scriptures and divorce. If you want to read it you can PM me with an email address so I can send it to you.

Get back into enjoy your Father and your relationship with Him through Jesus.

John
NZ

 

[fm107]

foodiepeep,

God is rich in mercy.

All sins are forgivable but one, and you have not committed that sin.

Deliberate sin is going against what your conscience is telling you to do. I think it is fair to say that many of us have gone against our consciences and done things we knew we shouldn't have done.

Look at Eve, she deliberately disobeyed God, she even quoted to the Serpent what God had told not to do and she still done it.

Deliberate sin doesn't bar you from getting into Heaven. But I do believe it is much worse to do something you know to be wrong.

God may then come in and punish the Christian for this. But the punishment is not rejection:

Hebrews 12:6
because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Satan has you living in fear, you need to realise that.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

It is probably a good thing to feel sadness and guilt when you sin as this shows you that the Holy Spirit in you is grieved.

But when we repent, we can begin to get closer and closer in our relationship with God again.

Of course we should avoid sinning altogether. We should all strive to be perfect and to not grieve the Holy Spirit. It is a daily battle.

.........................................................................................

As for abusive husbands, scripture doesn't give us grounds to divorce under these circumstances.

If the wife finds herself in circumstances she cannot live in any longer, this is what scripture tells us we can do:

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

If the wife believers she has no other choice but to separate herself from her husband then she can. But reconciliation is always in view, if this cannot be achieved then the two should remain unmarried. But separation should always try to be avoided.

Is your husband saved?

 

[foodiepeep]

Thank you for your kindness John...but the Word shouts with such clarity about the fallacy of my sin. I know that my heart and mind are not at ease because they shouldn't be. I deliberately sinned in a way that God HATES. That word is not one found very frequently in the Bible.

I mean, as I've mentioned in other threads, He likens my sin to that of a murderer. I have NO RIGHT to rest in the assurance that I am still saved, because I choose to abandon that in one, hasty lapse of selfish freewill. Send me a message here at CF if you wish, but it would only be useful to someone who had a vice-ful sin, not one like me who did something permanently damaging and evil like I have.

Yes, my spouse was saved as a teen as well. ..And I actually separated from him twice, the second time he even had an online emotional affair, for a month each time, and I returned to him only to receive worse and more extreme abuse, harassment, and threats.

In the past, I had people calling adult protective services and the police on my behalf a number of times too, but throughout my entire seven year marriage, I simply tried to hold out the faith that God would change his heart- but now it's completely stoned up against me. He told me that if I dismissed the divorce, he'll just file again, and now he has a lawyer as well.

My snap decision to file was partially due to the fact that I'm physically disabled, cannot drive, and have a very severe chronic illness. I have only $107 a month in government benefits, and just prior to my awful decision to file for divorce, my spouse had begun to threaten to have the utilities shut off (he told me every day "to get out" and that I "didn't deserve anything I wasn't paying for"...he even once told me he was going to "burn down the house" because I had a habit of tossing my drinks at him because he was saying heinous things about me or my family. He claimed that he would NEVER stop taking care of me financially, but I couldn't even get him to take out the garbage for me or buy groceries when i needed them UNLESS he did it exactly when he wanted to. His usual response to anything I ever asked of him was literally "F-you, I won't..I'm busy. I'll do "x" if and when I feel like it, if I don't, I don't. If you keep nagging me, you'll get nothing, so keep on."

Before he was ordered to move out recently, I hadn't gone a single day when he didn't call me at least one foul name or threaten me in some way. I completely admit that I was incredibly cruel and controlling toward him as well, I controlled what he ate and cooked, and he wasn't allowed to sleep with me because of his unrepentant addiction to pornography. We hadn't been intimate in over two years...things just got worse and worse. I had no idea how to contend with him, no I have no idea how to contend with the terrible consequences I'll receive for being so utterly disobedient to the Lord and my marriage vows. Absolutely nothing eases my fears...I keep praying for a sign, but nothing happens, all I got was news that I CANNOT dismiss my divorce now, and no matter how repentant I may be, I no longer have the option to turn away from my horrible sin. I've never felt a heaver sense of burden or guilt than this- it is endless. Now I just have to face God in all of my awful shame, and try to bear this guilt for the rest of my life.

 

[fm107]

Steffen Yes- I was baptized eight years ago, which is why my fear is so very enormous. Strangely, though, the actual baptism had no effect on me then, I felt no difference afterward in myself. Yet now, following this awful sin I've committed, I positively yearn for Christ, but that's most likely because I know that I've fallen away now from the Lord's favor and there is no hope left for me (as those who cry "Lord, lord..." go unheard).

Hebrews 10:26 and 1 Cor. 6-9 essentially have me totally condemned as far as I can understand. This situation is just so terrible, and I have no idea how to try to even live normally ever again. The guilt and fear I bear over my obviously lost salvation simply will NOT cease.

1 Corinthians 6:9
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Yes those people will go to Hell unless they repent and put their trust in Jesus.

.........................................

Hebrews 10:26
If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left,

This chapter is referring to apostasy. Jews who believed in what Jesus had done but went back to Judaism.

If it did mean Christians then it would contradict this scripture here:

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Because the "we" used here is believers.

 

[Steffenfield]

fm107, you are way to smart for your age.

Thank you so much for your postings. I'm in the same boat as foodiepeep though my wife just thought of us good friends and wanted a break from it.

And yeah, foodiepeep, my heart does break for you.

Please let the good people here help you through this, for you are not at all lost like you think you are dear.