Does "Divorced" matter to you?

[SandyLou]

This forum is slowing down so I thought I'd toss out a few questions on divorce and see if anyone's awake These are non-related questions - answer any or all . . . . . . .

Does the "divorced" status affect your opinion of someone you meet? Would the term "biblically divorced" affect your opinion?

If you - male or female - were considering asking someone out, would this change your mind?

If you had gone out on one date with someone - male or female - and were interested in growing a relationship - when (or even IF) would you want to know the circumstances of the divorce?

If you are divorced - do you feel the need to tell people the circumstances of that divorce?

 

[LadyDJ]

Ok, I'll take a shot at it...

Does the "divorced" status affect your opinion of someone you meet? Would the term "biblically divorced" affect your opinion?

Overall, I don't think it would color my opinion of a person...as a divorced person, I think that would be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. (the exception to that is in the next answer)

If you - male or female - were considering asking someone out, would this change your mind?

The only way the divorce of another person would be a possible issue that I can think of is if I found out that he ended up divorced because he'd committed repeated acts of adultry or had been abusive/violent. I'd have to take the health and safety issues seriously to protect myself and my daughters.

If you had gone out on one date with someone - male or female - and were interested in growing a relationship - when (or even IF) would you want to know the circumstances of the divorce?

I would want to know the basics of the divorce (see above answer).

If you are divorced - do you feel the need to tell people the circumstances of that divorce?

I will and would tell someone the basics of why I divorced my ex if I'm asked. I see no reason not to be honest with someone, especially if I were interested in him...however, none of this is really an issue for me these days, it's highly unlikely I'll meet anyone, nor am I looking to do so.

 

[caitlincares]

I pretty much agree with LadyDJ's answers.

I only have a few things to add...

I do not believe it is acceptable to judge others divorced or not.
I think what is important is that they are sure there is no possibility of getting back with the ex.

My practical side coming out: It would be important for any divorced party to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases if you were going to pursue marriage.

In regard to knowing the circumstances of the divorce: I think if you have an open, honest relationship they will want to share that. But also should be in their own timing. It's just part of knowing them the best you can.

(BTW - this is from someone who has never been married)

 

[SandyLou]

okay ladies - since so far, only ladies have responded. . . . .

When would you feel comfortable asking (in Caitlin's case) or being asked (in LadyDJ's case) about the divorce? (like before the 1st date, 1st date topic, 2nd date, etc)

 

[LadyDJ]

okay ladies - since so far, only ladies have responded. . . . .

When would you feel comfortable asking (in Caitlin's case) or being asked (in LadyDJ's case) about the divorce? (like before the 1st date, 1st date topic, 2nd date, etc)

It wouldn't matter to me when I'm asked as I'd probably be asking fairly early on myself. I see no point in wasting my time or someone else's if the issue of divorce is going to end up being a problem.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Well, then answering SandyLou, since at least one man should... (and knowing that this issue has gone by many times)

I think the question is about who she is today. God does forgive, and there are also those who have been sinned against. If it was a biblical divorce, then there should be no issue. If not, has she repented? Who is she now? How does it affect her life?

There is also the question of the conditions of her life. All things in life have consequences and how we deal with them makes a difference. One who has been divorced bears her own unique burdens. How has God helped her with them?

 

[SandyLou]

Well. That's an interesting response.
Didn't really answer many of the questions. But an interesting opinion. Thanks

 

[caitlincares]

Well. That's an interesting response.
Didn't really answer many of the questions. But an interesting opinion. Thanks

Should I mention you did not answer the questions either.

 

[JohnnyV]

I dont know if it would make a difference or not. On the one hand I feel that it SHOULDNT matter, but at the same time, I would be leary of the fact that I would have to deal with her ex as well, especially if there were children involved.
I guess it would all depend on the person and how I was feeling about her to begin with.
If I did ask her out and we dated, I would want to know about the divorce but I think I would wait for a few dates before I asked.

 

[SandyLou]

*giggle*
Isn't that the FUN of starting these threads?!?!
*giggle*
You get to be the interviewER not the interviewEE

 

[KeilCoppes]

Well. That's an interesting response.
Didn't really answer many of the questions. But an interesting opinion. Thanks

Touche'. Ok...

Does the "divorced" status affect your opinion of someone you meet?
Would the term "biblically divorced" affect your opinion?

It does raise the question of what the conditions were. If biblically divorced, then no issue. If not, then the question of repentance arises.

The wondering also includes her condition - children, ex's, etc. They're part of her and her life and would become part of my own.

If you - male or female - were considering asking someone out, would this change your mind?

Not as a general category.

If you had gone out on one date with someone - male or female - and were interested in growing a relationship - when (or even IF) would you want to know the circumstances of the divorce?

I'd probably want to know while we were still in the acquaintance stage. Going forward before knowing would be unwise.

If you are divorced - do you feel the need to tell people the circumstances of that divorce?

I'm not divorced, but if I were, like other conditions of my life it would be part of my history and present. And since another would be concerned, I would not hide it or the circumstances.

Any better, Sandy?

 

[SandyLou]

so . . . .one of the first questions you ask a woman you meet is if she is divorced? And then the details thereof. And then that determines whether you would ask her out. Hmmm. . . that is interesting. Thanks, Keil. That really IS very interesting. I value your opinions.

 

[KeilCoppes]

so . . . .one of the first questions you ask a woman you meet is if she is divorced? And then the details thereof. And then that determines whether you would ask her out. Hmmm. . . that is interesting. Thanks, Keil. That really IS very interesting. I value your opinions.

(smile) Not at all. On the other hand, I don't tend to meet women for the purpose of asking them out. I tend to meet people as people and get to know them for whom they are, over periods of time. I'm really not a good subject for crucifying on this regard. I'm sorry if you've had pain in this area in the past.

 

[SandyLou]

pain? Me? nooooo. Crucifying? you? noooo.
Confused? - Ahhh- - THAT one I am! *giggle*
Keil, I was really just thanking you for your view & opinions. I know (from another thread) that you aren't into meeting local people or dating. It's okay. I really value & appreciate your input.

Some religions put very strict restrictions on the dating of divorced folks (Keil - our mutual cyberfriend Fritz belongs to one of those). This is a forum for mature Christian singles so I thought I would just toss the question out and try to get some feedback.

Perhaps a few other folks - male and female - have input??

 

[KeilCoppes]

My apologies, Sandy - I totally misread that one and could totally not understand the tone I thought I was reading. I ask your forgiveness in public as I will in private. Please forgive me.

As for local dating, I would look forward to it if I could find the folks! I've met a few folks locally, but they seem hard to come by. :^)

 

[Rand1956]

Does the "divorced" status affect your opinion of someone you meet? Would the term "biblically divorced" affect your opinion?

Nope. People grow all their lives, and I wouldn't feel right making an issue of someone's past. Besides, I don't think it's my job to judge.

If you - male or female - were considering asking someone out, would this change your mind?

Nope again. Doesn't make any difference to me. The current person is more important than the context of their past.

If you had gone out on one date with someone - male or female - and were interested in growing a relationship - when (or even IF) would you want to know the circumstances of the divorce?

After one date? Nah. I wouldn't rush anyone; I'd figure she'd talk when she felt it was relevant. And in some cases, she probably wouldn't want to drag the whole thing up again, which I could understand. I'd be happy to listen, but I wouldn't demand to know all the details. I'd totally understand if she wanted to wait until SHE felt comfortable enough with ME to talk about it.

Randall

 

[SandyLou]

Amusing that only 4 or 5 people have responded to this.
Hmmmmm
COULD that mean no one else would
even CONSIDER
dating a divorced person?

Just wondering because
the thread has gotten a lot of VIEWS
but few responders.
*giggle* Inquiring minds obviously WANT to know! *giggle*
​

 

[caitlincares]

Inquiring minds obviously WANT to know!

Still waiting for the OP to answer the question.

So maybe are the other persons viewing the thread.

Maybe they do not want to share since the OP has not.

 

[SandyLou]

*giggle* CaitlinCares - you're soooooo sweet!
Somehow I don't REALLY believe that all the 180+ views to this point were folks waiting on the edge of their seats for me to respond! *giggle*

 

[SandyLou]

Does the "divorced" status affect your opinion of someone you meet? Would the term "biblically divorced" affect your opinion?

Divorced status does not bother me in the least. But then I am divorced and have been for many years. And until I had been asked a few times, I didn't even understand WHAT Biblically divorced even meant! *lol* Nice (?) to now understand that I am.. . . . I'm thinking that may be a denominational issue for some perhaps.

If you - male or female - were considering asking someone out, would this change your mind?

okay, see above. obviously not. To me, it's about who the person is NOW - not the past. No one died and told me to be the new judge of anyone's past.

If you had gone out on one date with someone - male or female - and were interested in growing a relationship - when (or even IF) would you want to know the circumstances of the divorce? If you are divorced - do you feel the need to tell people the circumstances of that divorce?

If the relationship was growing, then I'm thinking the person would at some point want to share. I would want to know only when the other person felt comfortable sharing.