Does couple counseling really work?

[renniks]

So far I am not impressed. In fact, I would say deciding to do counseling has made things worse. .. it's all about expressing your feelings. The trouble is, once you start that there's no end to it, and it just causes more hurt, and opens all the wounds that you didn't even know existed.
It seems to me there ought to be some rule that we are counseled to start with forgiving everything in the past. Or maybe the problem is, that the counseling I am receiving is not really biblical... not once did they bring up the marriage vows as if they were something non-negotiable.

 

[seeking.IAM]

I don't know how many sessions you have had. If it is a very few, I recommend you stick with it for a while. You are correct that counseling often brings up lots of emotions in ourselves and in the other person. They are seldom comfortable. For this reason, persons in counseling often feel worse before they feel better.

 

[Neogaia777]

So far I am not impressed. In fact, I would say deciding to do counseling has made things worse. .. it's all about expressing your feelings. The trouble is, once you start that there's no end to it, and it just causes more hurt, and opens all the wounds that you didn't even know existed.
It seems to me there ought to be some rule that we are counseled to start with forgiving everything in the past. Or maybe the problem is, that the counseling I am receiving is not really biblical... not once did they bring up the marriage vows as if they were something non-negotiable.

Depends on the counselor, because you have to remember that, even though they may have had some schooling, oftentimes that knowledge does not go beyond their own unique understanding, or their own, what may sometimes be limited, own unique perspective or own point of view, some can see more, some see less, because they are all still only human, just like you and I are, and they may also have certain views also, either political or social, that may or may not be similar to your own views, or ideology, or own unique perspectives or points of view, so you should probably also be asking them some questions beforehand also, to see if they can really even help you, or either of you, etc...

Beyond that, each person in the couple also needs to willing to try some things that are new also, or make certain changes also, or at least try them out for awhile, and see if this changes anything or not also, etc...

Be Blessed.

God Bless!

 

[renniks]

Depends on the counselor, because you have to remember that, even though they may have had some schooling, oftentimes that knowledge does not go beyond their own unique understanding, or their own, what may sometimes be limited, own unique perspective or own point of view, some can see more, some see less, because they are all still only human, just like you and I are, and they may also have certain views also, either political or social, that may or may not be similar to your own views, or ideology, or own unique perspectives or points of view, so you should probably also be asking them some questions beforehand also, to see if they can really even help you, or either of you, etc...

Beyond that, each person in the couple also needs to willing to try some things that are new also, or make certain changes also, or at least try them out for awhile, and see if this changes anything or not also, etc...

Be Blessed.

God Bless!

Well I can't really continue couple counseling at the moment because my wife is currently living in another state. I'm still going by myself I'm not sure it's really helping beyond just venting.. which I can do to someone else that won't charge me for it. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that there isn't anybody that looks at the world from my perspective, lol,!

 

[Neogaia777]

Well I can't really continue couple counseling at the moment because my wife is currently living in another state. I'm still going by myself I'm not sure it's really helping beyond just venting.. which I can do to someone else that won't charge me for it. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that there isn't anybody that looks at the world from my perspective, lol,!

Keep looking, maybe eventually you'll find it, I feel the same way sometimes, lol.

God Bless!

 

[public hermit]

So far I am not impressed. In fact, I would say deciding to do counseling has made things worse. .. it's all about expressing your feelings. The trouble is, once you start that there's no end to it, and it just causes more hurt, and opens all the wounds that you didn't even know existed.
It seems to me there ought to be some rule that we are counseled to start with forgiving everything in the past. Or maybe the problem is, that the counseling I am receiving is not really biblical... not once did they bring up the marriage vows as if they were something non-negotiable.

I think discussing can be cathartic. Most counseling is going to be centered on your thoughts, emotions, experience. Once those things get out not only are we able to unload a bunch of unconscious garbage, but once they get in the air we can see them in a different light. Counseling has its advantages worth the effort, but not following through can be dangerous because you end up opening the wound without giving time for healing. It's painful and takes time, but worth it. Once you get it out, you own it instead of it owning you.

 

[Aussie Pete]

So far I am not impressed. In fact, I would say deciding to do counseling has made things worse. .. it's all about expressing your feelings. The trouble is, once you start that there's no end to it, and it just causes more hurt, and opens all the wounds that you didn't even know existed.
It seems to me there ought to be some rule that we are counseled to start with forgiving everything in the past. Or maybe the problem is, that the counseling I am receiving is not really biblical... not once did they bring up the marriage vows as if they were something non-negotiable.

Many marriage problems are really spiritual problems. Unforgiveness is a killer. It's okay to open up and vent. However, it that's all that happens, nothing is achieved. There must be forgiveness and reconciliation to follow. Unforgiveness is often rooted in pride. "How dare he/she say that to me!" Deal with the pride and the relationship will improve dramatically. Likewise rebellion. They are both the nature of Satan and they are poison to us spiritually.

A good many marriage issues are caused by a lack of understanding of what makes a marriage work. I recommend Mark Gungor, possible the leading marriage counselor on the planet. He is also by far the most entertaining. You can find his seminars on youtube.

If you need help with forgiveness (and who does not?), I suggest that you read this article:

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

 

[renniks]

Many marriage problems are really spiritual problems. Unforgiveness is a killer. It's okay to open up and vent. However, it that's all that happens, nothing is achieved. There must be forgiveness and reconciliation to follow. Unforgiveness is often rooted in pride. "How dare he/she say that to me!" Deal with the pride and the relationship will improve dramatically. Likewise rebellion. They are both the nature of Satan and they are poison to us spiritually.

A good many marriage issues are caused by a lack of understanding of what makes a marriage work. I recommend Mark Gungor, possible the leading marriage counselor on the planet. He is also by far the most entertaining. You can find his seminars on youtube.

If you need help with forgiveness (and who does not?), I suggest that you read this article:

Can you forgive from your heart? - Christian Life Frankston

That's very helpful, thanks!