Does being a single parent scare you away?

[spoede]

Hi, I'm a 29 year old single father of a precious three year old daughter. My question for Christian girls is this. Does this scare you off? Its hard finding nice Christian girls to get involved with.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

No, it doesn't scare me off. Every potential dating situation has it own unique set of circumtances that you have to be conscience of - this one is no different.

 

[spoede]

Well I'm glad some feel that way. I've found so many women that "love" that I'm a great father, but when it comes down to brass tacks, a lot of girls don't want to deal with the other mother, a kid that's not her own, etc.

 

[caitlincares]

That reason alone would not scare me off.

 

[JPPT1974]

That reason wouldn't scare me off either as I have Sunday school friends that are single parents and that though hard it may be, they wouldn't exchange it for the world.

 

[Eagle_Wings]

While I wouldn't be too crazy about having to deal with the child's mother, or any of the other issues that come into play with that type of situation, it definitely would not scare me off. I can guarentee you though, that I would be taking a hard look at it and would have to know that it's what God wanted! Both my older brothers are actually my half brothers from my Dad's first marriage and I have seen firsthand the issues that arise out of that and it's not something to enter into lightly.

 

[VivDaGurl]

Scare me away? LOLZ....Nah...it will not scare me away because I like children myself and I don't mind even dating a single parent. To be a "new" mother to the children is not an easy task but if God were to place me there, I believe He knows that I can handle it. If the woman whom you marry one day is the woman who truly love you, I'm sure she'll be accepting your children as her own. Pray and ask God to lead you there.....

 

[soda]

hm... I'm not sure if it would scare me off. I've never thought about it before.
I think in general it would not scare me off. but... (and here comes the "but") I don't feel like being a mother. I don't know if I ever wanna be a mother. and as long as I don't play with the thought to be a mother, I don't really wanna date a father. if I would want children, I think it would not be a problem. and I think when you fall for someone (even now, that I don't think about children) and you really plan a future with this person, it doesn't matter if he's already a father or not.

I think, that's what I think about that.

I have been on a date with this cute guy a few days back. and in some way he seemed a little bit shocked when I told him that I've never had a boyfriend. would that scare you off?

 

[AveMaria]

I have a firm rule to not date anyone with children. Primarily because I have absolutely no interest in having children, I don't particularly enjoy interacting with them for longer than an hour, and I figure I'm doing everyone involved a big favor by preventing problems before they happen.

 

[wvmtnkid]

It wouldn't in itself scare me off, but I would want to know the reason he is not with his wife anymore.

I am involved with someone now that has two small boys. We are not in a serious stage as of yet, but it is in the back of my mind, if the relationship does become serious, BOOM!-instant family for me. I really would need to know what his parenting style is and how that matches with my own. Granted, I will not be the children's mother, but I will be a part of their lifes. It's a big step to take, but I wouldn't necessarily write someone off because they have children. To be honest, part of what makes the current fellow attractive to me is his love and devotion for his children. It shows me that if you are someone that he loves, you are special to him and he'll do whatever he has to to take care of you.

 

[Stanfi]

It used to, but it doesn't any more. I came up with the theory that if she had kids, her biogical clock would not be going tick, tick, tick. And she would not be in a panic to get married and have kids.

However, I recently learned that some of them miss the concieving portion, and want to get re-married a.s.a.p. for that.

 

[Justin04]

heck no! single moms are hot!

 

[Niels]

I'm kind of surprised how many women have happily replied that it would not scare them away... when based on what I've read in other threads, less weighty things obviously would.

In my opinion, this ranks right up there with the tendency for some women to be more attracted to married men than single men, other things being equal. Perhaps the thinking is that a man who's married, who has made love to other women, or has already sired children is, by default, more of a man? If so, I disagree. Sorry if this offends other members (I was hesitant to post for this reason), but that's what I'm reading into it.

Or maybe it's just that most women love kids... in which case, maybe I should borrow my nefews when I go to our church's 20s-30-s group.

Yes everybody has a right to his or her own views, and this is a grey area... but personally, a single mom would 'scare me away.' If only because she's at a different life stage than I am. Were I a single father (or perhaps divorced/widowed), then a single mother would not 'scare me away.'

 

[fishstix]

I would be friends with a single parent, but I likely wouldn't consider dating them as I really don't think I would be a good parent at this point in time. Their kids would deserve someone who wants to be a parent already.

 

[bostonlass]

Well I'm a single mom so I'm pretty scarey myself. When I decide if I want to go out with a man with kids though, the kids aren't really the factor. I'm more concerned with why the mom is not around. Is the man divorced and if so why. If he just "drifted" because the two grew apart it would give me reason to really question it. If she left him or cheated on him then I wouldn't have cause to not date him. The kids would be friends with mine so that would be cool, not a hindrance. Heck I have two , what is one or two more! lol

 

[VeryTiredGirl]

It wouldn't just scare me off; it would be a deal-breaker. I'm not good with children, and thus it wouldn't be fair either to me or to the father with the children for us to date.

 

[BeautyForAshes]

I don't consider a man with kids "more of a man" (because then that would make me less of a woman because I don't have any and I'm not. ). I was one that said it wouldn't be an issue and it really wouldn't because I do love kids (and they love me for some reason lol) and plan to have a few, Lord willing.

But of course, as with any potential dating situation, I would like to know the reason behind the divorce (as others have stated) but to be honest with you, I also ask single men "why are you single" or"why did your last relationship end" too. I think that's why for me, I believe that every dating situation will have its "moments", but it all depends on how each person handles it.

Not to hijack the thread, but I have a friend that is a single parent and one thing that bothers me about his current wife is the fact that they treat the children differently in regards to discipline, and I don't think that's right. For example, when her son (from a previous marriage) does something that warrants discipline, she won't allow him to punish the boy, instead saying things like "that's my son - only him or his dad can punish him" and stuff like that.

Ok, maybe its just me, but that's not right. In a marriage, but I will consider kids (regardless who birthed them) as "mine" and everyone will be treated as such. No one will get special treatment.

 

[Serving4Christ]

NOT LOOKING... Preface

What about 3 kids? I know that would have to scare some off! Spoede, you definitely have the advantage

 

[wvmtnkid]

I don't consider a man with kids "more of a man" (because then that would make me less of a woman because I don't have any and I'm not. ). I was one that said it wouldn't be an issue and it really wouldn't because I do love kids (and they love me for some reason lol) and plan to have a few, Lord willing.

But of course, as with any potential dating situation, I would like to know the reason behind the divorce (as others have stated) but to be honest with you, I also ask single men "why are you single" or"why did your last relationship end" too. I think that's why for me, I believe that every dating situation will have its "moments", but it all depends on how each person handles it.

I agree! This is what I was going to say, but Beauty beat me to it and said it probably better than I would have.

I don't look at a man with children as "more of a man" just because he has been married or that he has children. Actually, it makes me take a harder look at them because I want to know why he and his wife are no longer together. I want to know if there are things about him that contributed to the divorce that would come into play if I were to get involved with him.

Now this makes me wonder if men look at women who have been married and have kids as "more of a woman" than a single woman who hasn't been married and doesn't have kids?

 

[bostonlass]

Not to hijack the thread, but I have a friend that is a single parent and one thing that bothers me about his current wife is the fact that they treat the children differently in regards to discipline, and I don't think that's right. For example, when her son (from a previous marriage) does something that warrants discipline, she won't allow him to punish the boy, instead saying things like "that's my son - only him or his dad can punish him" and stuff like that.

Ok, maybe its just me, but that's not right. In a marriage, but I will consider kids (regardless who birthed them) as "mine" and everyone will be treated as such. No one will get special treatment.

This can be trickier than it seems.....I was engaged to a man and I think as soon as I had the ring, he thought it was his right to start disciplining my girls. We had a few discussions about it but apparently not enough. His actions resulted in our breaking up. He came from a very very strict family and I did not. My ex and I have the same style of parenting because we are constantly in communication about it and agree on things ahead of time. My ex fiance, however, decided things should change and his style was much harsher than mine and my kids ended up hating him for it and I didn't care for it either.

I'm also on the opposite side of things since my ex husband got married to the woman he left me for and she takes care of the kids whenever they are over his house. I was very resentful at some things she did, such as punishing the kids a bit too much for things I didn't think were bad behavior incidents. I called my ex husband up when I got wind of it from the kids and we set some boundaries (after much yelling of course) and she has to go by our wishes.

It's really not as easy as coming into a family and being able to discipline the kids.