Does Anyone Else Have This Challenge?

[WashedClean]

Hi all,

Something has been coming up a lot lately that has been bothering me...

My husband is a wonderful, moral man, even though he's not a Christian. However, he jokes around a lot sexually. Nothing degrading toward me or even other specific women, but it seems like he can turn anything into a sexual innuendo. He only does this in front of me, not other people. He never embarrasses me with family or friends. However, it's starting to get really old. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

He also uses profanity quite a bit. I used to be the "chiefest of sinners" in this area. In fact, I would say that I was the one who got him started. So I guess I have to live with it for now. I don't want to be condescending or pious about it. There are a couple of words that I've asked him to stop using, and for the most part he has.

Anyone have any exerience with this? What other challenges have you had along these lines? Thanks in advance for the advice and support.

In Christ,

WashedClean

 

[HMM1]

Washed Clean,
Oh yes! I have been in your shoes from day to day! W/ the sexual inuendo thing I usually just ignore it and bring up something else like that his mom called or something about the kids that usually freaks him out to have to change gears that fast. I think having the kids around stiffles his remarks a little more than before, same w/ the swearing. He generally doesn't say anything in front of them that he doesn't want them to say. When it's just he and I...it's a little trickier. I have made it clear to him that swearing offends me and that I consider it a "strong expression of a weak mind" and try to find an alternative vocabulary word for him. If/when he does swear I usually leave the room (if I can) and lately he's been following me and apologizing. I don't know if these methods will work for you but they're doing ok for me. I also used to swear and so he was curious at one point why i cared now. I simply explained that I believe swearing is not pleasing to God and my goal in life is to please Him and that's it! He hasn't asked me that one more that once
Peace,
Heather

 

[JewelInHisCrown]

Hi WC!!

I too have this problem! You are not alone. My husband's swearing is quite atrocious and it drives me insane. I have asked him to stop saying those words. I think I'm going to borrow your saying if you don't mind, "strong expression of a weak mind" and Heather's "not pleasing to God". I like both of them. I usually tell him how it is just so unattractive and that I am a Christian and don't believe in using the words. I asked him not to say them in front of me. He places blame on his co-workers who "always talk like that". Then I use the old saying my mom used to say - "if they jumped off a bridge would you too?" LOL! The F word drives me insane. He uses that one the most. I told him not to say them in front of me because each time he does he is disrespecting me and God. One time I got so angry while we were driving I actually pulled over and demanded that he get out of the car cause I was so sick of it. He said 3 curses in two sentences. Well needless to say, I didn't leave him on the side of the road, but I think he finally knew I meant business and didn't curse in front of me the rest of the drive. Now only if I could do that with him all the time.

"Dear Lord, please help our husbands learn Your Peace and help them bridle their tongues and speak only words pleasing to You, I ask this in Jesus' mighty name" Amen!

Blessings to all of you,
Jewel

 

[WashedClean]

Thank you Heather and Jewel for your replies. It's good to know I'm not alone.

Actually Jewel, both of those sayings belong to Heather and I like them too. Thankfully he never takes the Lord's name in vain. I couldn't bear it. But the other stuff is still offensive.

I'm afraid if I left the room or called him on it, he would just accuse me of being "holier than thou" and pious. He's known me for 14 years and for 11 of those I was pretty bad with the profanity. I still slip once in a while .

I just keep praying that if I stop using it, it will eventually rub off on him too. He's not around too many other people, so with God's help, I will do my best to set the good example. But Heather, your approach sounds great. And if he's following you out of the room to apologize, then all I can say is Praise God!

I'm sure to most people this would seem like a petty issue, but it's really wearing on me. Plus I think it just shows how different we are now. Sometimes it worries me that I'll never see a change in him. But then I remind myself that all things are possible with God!

In Him,

WashedClean

 

[desi]

You could always play dumb and let such innuendo or cursing 'innocently' slip out of your mouth at a time where he would be mildly embarrassed by it. That way he will realize his conduct affects you and he may try harder to curb it than if you nag him about it.

 

[snoopy2]

Hello All,

First of all, thank you Washed Clean for getting this forum started. It is so good to know that there is a place to go where people understand where it is you're coming from.

Anyhow, as far as dealing with the cursing and sexual innuendo - I have to admit that I really am not the witness I should be in these matters :o. No matter how I try, I have not yet broken the habit of cursing like a fish-wife when I am really angry, and it is something that I have prayed and prayed for God to change in me. That's not to say I go around using expletives constantly, but when the straw breaks the camel's back I can sound as common as any unbeliever (in fact, I know many unbelievers that are much more refined!). Hence, I then become hypocritical when pleading with my spouse not to curse and swear so often .

As far as the sexual innuendo, I have to admit that yet again I have not been able to totally crush my risque sense of humour. Regardless of how much I don't want to, I cannot stop myself being amused at certain sexual jokes and innuendo - nothing outrageous, but nonetheless risque. Is there any hope for me??!!!

 

[WashedClean]

Welcome to this forum Snoopy2! You too Desi, it's nice to get a man's viewpoint too.

I hope and pray you will find encouragement here. Things have been a bit quiet lately, but I think they will pick-up in the new year.

I know what you mean, Snoopy, when I get mad I still swear sometimes. I was 34 years old before I became a Christian and for most of my adult life I swore like a sailor. I'm not proud of it, but I was dead in my sins. Praise God for delivering me! Of course, I'm still a work in progress... :o

I like your suggestion, Desi, of giving him a dose of his own medicine. But I don't know if it's in me. Knowing my husband, he would call me a hypocrite. Not in a mean way, but neither one of us lets the other get away with too much .

I wish everyone here a very Happy and Healthy New Year!

In Christ,

WashedClean

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

I don't cuss often and don't joke about sexuality. It never grew on me and irritates me when others do. I "had" a friend who used to do this and it drove me nuts. Men commonly do it, I don't know why.