I grew up in a Methodist church and went to a Charismatic Retreat recently. I did not like the Methodist church that I grew up in as the youngsters my age had mostly left the church, and those around my age...I had no affinity with. So you can say that I went for the retreat after a long absence from church/God - hoping to find God again.....
Anyway, the thing that impressed me about Charismatics is the way they praise and worship God. I really think that their way of praise and worship is the genuine way --> The enthusiasm and outpouring of love for God with open arms will touch anyone who attends such sessions. If I'm God, I'll be so touched and impressed by these people worshipping and praising me!
However, the things that bugged me were the tongues emphasis and the Baptism in the Holy Spirit. It was preached that the tongue is the threshold of all spiritual gifts, once you had it, all other gifts are released. Then again, the speaker said that if you don't receive the gift of tongues, you will still receive other gifts. Now....ain't that contradictory?
The prayer-in-tongue sessions were new to me, and they also had prophesy sessions that were new to me as well. We would be raising our hands up and trying to "lay" our hands above others' heads during these sessions to try to give them the power to pray in tongues or to prophesize. Of course, during these times, most of the people around me would be speaking in tongues! Also, during these times, the word "Peace" keeps going through my head.
During the highlight of the retreat, which was the Baptism of the Holy Spirit, we had a group of old Charismatic Christians to come to our retreat. We sat in rows and it began. The speaker kept telling us to relax and sit in any way we like, but I kneeled because I felt I had to! I think that I was the only one that kneeled there! But why must I kneel? Come on, hello, this is the Holy Spirit and God's Presence coming before u, and before this majestic presence, of coz as a sinner, should we not kneel coz we are so unworthy and sinful? Anyway, by kneeling, I could not relax obviously but I chose to continue coz I felt that it was the correct position to be in.
I heard tongues began around me and I continued saying "Hallelujah" and praising the Lord. The speaker always tell us to say "Hallelujah" fast to get our tongue gift....don't ask me why. I waited nervously for my turn to be "laid hands upon", and then a woman came to lay hands on me, telling me to "receive the Spirit". Nothing. I did not speak in tongues. Anyway, we were all told not to open our eyes, so I do not know how this woman looked like. Then, I began hearing laughter and crying around me, but I did not open my eyes. After some time, another woman came to lay hands on me again, but still to no "evoking of my Holy Spirit". By the time the whole thing ended, my legs were so numb due to the shortage of blood supply, I sat on my butt there for a long while looking drained. Around me are people talking in tongues, laughing, crying. Behind me, the Indian guy seemed possessed and he was shaking vigorously as he laid on the ground. The other older ones had to lay hands on him to help him. It was quite serious as his belly was shaking like crazy along with the rest of his body. A old guy was kind enough to come up to me to ask me if I needed help, and he helped me up. During the debrief for this baptism, people described being taken away by angels and trembling on the ground. There was also laughter and crying. A guy saw the vision of the devil. Anyway, after everything, I did not feel anything and I wondered why. Before this, I had prayed to God asking that if this tongue thing and baptism of Holy Spirit thing were the correct way to Him, I hope that he would open my mind, heart and soul to these experiences. But I felt nothing during these times, and did not gain the gift of tongue. Most importantly, I think that it was because I did not want the gift, as I was not sure if this path was the correct one to take.
After the retreat finished, I went to do research on the Internet and also read the Bible to look for answers. It seems to me that Corinthians did tell us that we should seek the gift of prophesy rather than tongues, as prophesy edifies the church while tongues edifies the self. If we were to follow the path of Jesus, shouldn't we put others before self, and seek something that will edify others rather than self? Of course, I'm not saying that edifying self is not good, but until now, I still don't want the gift of tongues. You see, what's the point of praying to God when you don't even know what you are praying about or for?
The older people at the retreat told me that when we pray in tongues, our Holy Spirit is praying for the needy and poor elsewhere. Yet, what's the point of letting the spirit do the talking when you can do it? If you don't understand what you are praying about, everytime you just talk in tongue and let the Spirit "think" for you, won't that cultivate only the soul and not the mind? The Bible did state that praying/speaking in tongues only cultivates the soul and not the mind. Without the cultivation of the mind, we will be useless Christians. Why? So what if we are so cultivated in our souls but not our mind? We do not force ourselves to think as much anymore, and that will cause us to be unable to understand God's Word and Life itself, because our minds are not cultivated enough to understand them. If there is no understanding, how can we be instruments of God to help Mankind? How can we understand our purpose on Earth, and what do God want us to do to help him save the sinners? I've constantly searched for answers, and until now, I'm still in doubt.
Just as Paul taught with questions, allowing people to see for themselves the answer, it is also done in 1 Corinthians 14:36
