Doctors, Vets, and the use of morality

[Jo555]

I've been caregiving for some time now, including for fur babies. One of the big issues I've had to deal with while caregiving is doctors and vets looking down on me for my decisions that did not line up with their morality. In my "less confident" years regarding this topic, it made me feel like crap and a horrible human being, and led to serious bouts of depression, and I do mean serious, like "put an end to it" depression.

Now, I know that they are just contributors to a condition I was already in, feeling guilty for not being God and knowing it all ... And more can be said on that.

With much seeking the Lord on this topic, I've grown much in this department and learning to forgive myself for not being Him.

I've wanted to write a short book on this topic because each of us, in one way or another, will most likely come across this topic in life and it involves serious decisions that can impact another's life. Some may not have any issues with it, but for those that do, hope it will help.

So the topic I'm looking to explore is,

Is it ok for a doctor or vet to share their moral code with you?

Is it ok for a doctor or veterinarian to try and impose their moral code on you?

What would be a good way to handle it, if you run across it?

 

[essentialsaltes]

Doctors and vets have a professional code of ethics that establishes standards for care. It's probably their duty to share that, particularly if they see something that doesn't line up with these standards of care.

Their moral opinions on drug use or cheating on taxes should be kept to themselves.

 

[Jo555]

Doctors and vets have a professional code of ethics that establishes standards for care. It's probably their duty to share that, particularly if they see something that doesn't line up with these standards of care.

Their moral opinions on drug use or cheating on taxes should be kept to themselves.

I don't even see an issue with them sharing their own personal opinion as long as it is done without judgement.

Yes, is my reply to my first question. It's ok, as long as done without judgement.

No is to the second, unless there is abuse involved, and that can be a subjective opinion so would help to have an established parameter.

The third question, I'll share how I've handled it, but no time now.

 

[Jo555]

Ok, so this reply will come in portions as I have quite a bit Id personally like to share on it. I'll start with this:

With the exception of when we are children growing up, we are all personally responsible for how we feel and think, etc. We can't point the fingers at others, but we most definitely can understand the role they have played on how we feel about ourselves. They are not innocent bystanders when they are off.

We can also grow in our understanding that we should not give control of our feelings and well-being to anyone other than God and how He would connect us with humanity.

Yes, people will look down on us for not sharing their moral and ethical values. And, if we are honest with ourselves, we have done it too. But when we know better we are accountable for what we know and we can do better.

So some may say why do you care about what others think?

In this thread this isn't about that per say. It's more about the ills of taking on others opinion of us, especially in the role of a caregiver. And where it comes to caregiving, or at the least when we begin, it can represent an extra challenge because the feeling of inadequacy and feeling bad for not being able to do more can already make you hard on yourself. That's our shortcoming and responsibility, but it doesn't cancel out others responsibility and accountability.

So we need to get to a place of growth that others judgements do not negatively influence us. And if it does negatively influence us, this works to reveal where we still need growth.

I've come a long way on this journey as a caregiver. I've never allowed a physician or veterinarian to sway me one way or another if it didn't feel right, but I've allowed them to make me feel like crap in the past because my own unsureness of myself. And, that just made things worse. It's led me through depression, and even at one time in my life made me think of doing something stupid to myself, but I knew who to turn to, God, and, let me just say, as the saying goes, I've come a long way baby. No physician or vet can make me feel like crap again.

The devil is a liar!

So we do know at times abuses do happen and such, but if we know that is not us, we shouldn't allow others to pile on the challenges we are already facing in feelings of guilt, etc.

All that to start with saying, while I go into this topic, I will be sharing what I believe are mistakes in this area in the medical and veterinary field, but we have to realize we are all learning and growing and need to first understand our responsibility in our own well- being.

So, if I haven't lost you already, there should be good things to come. I pray I can do justice to this topic near and dear to my heart.

 

[Jermayn]

I've been caregiving for some time now, including for fur babies. One of the big issues I've had to deal with while caregiving is doctors and vets looking down on me for my decisions that did not line up with their morality. In my "less confident" years regarding this topic, it made me feel like crap and a horrible human being, and led to serious bouts of depression, and I do mean serious, like "put an end to it" depression.

Now, I know that they are just contributors to a condition I was already in, feeling guilty for not being God and knowing it all ... And more can be said on that.

With much seeking the Lord on this topic, I've grown much in this department and learning to forgive myself for not being Him.

I've wanted to write a short book on this topic because each of us, in one way or another, will most likely come across this topic in life and it involves serious decisions that can impact another's life. Some may not have any issues with it, but for those that do, hope it will help.

So the topic I'm looking to explore is,

Is it ok for a doctor or vet to share their moral code with you?

Is it ok for a doctor or veterinarian to try and impose their moral code on you?

What would be a good way to handle it, if you run across it?

1. Yes, it's okay for a doctor or vet to share their moral code.

2. No, it's not okay for them to try to impose that moral code on you.


3. If I were in that situation, I would begin by affirming their expertise. I’d let them know that, as someone with limited medical background, I place great trust in them when it comes to medical care. However, when it comes to moral decisions, I would kindly let them know that I’m willing to listen, but that my moral standard is based on God's Word, and I will be evaluating any moral advice in light of that.

If they tried to pressure me or make me feel guilty, I would politely say, “I understand your position, but I do not wish to discuss this any further.” If that didn’t work, I would request a different provider.

Thank you for sharing this deeply personal struggle. Caregiving often places us in incredibly difficult situations, and we’re bound to make decisions that we later question. Some consequences are small, and some are heavy—but God knows the intentions of your heart. It's such a blessing that you’ve come to the place where you understand you don’t have to be all-knowing. That was never meant to be our burden. Instead, we’re called to lean on the One who is all-knowing.

Lastly, I’d gently encourage you to consider speaking with a Christian counselor or psychologist, especially when those feelings of depression arise. If the thought of “putting an end to it” ever returns, having a support system and practical resources in place can be lifesaving. And above all, keep turning to God in prayer and Scripture. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and delights in walking with you through every valley.