Do YOU want to get pregnant 5 minutes after the wedding?

[Inkachu]

It is a very accurate way, though. As you said, we all start out like that.

It's also accurate to say that they're small, cute, cuddly, adorable, funny, fascinating, charming, endearing, and amazing. Focusing on a few perceived negatives is what I find sad, when there is so much positive to be found.

 

[Inkachu]

Ok so maybe God needs to work on that with me
The question is do I want him to?

Don't worry inkachu you'll probably become my married cf BFF I think you're cool and I LOVE lumpy space princess.... Although it's kind of hard not to read ALL your posts in her voice. XD

ROFL I don't know how I didn't see this post until just now! LSP is so wickedly awesome, there just aren't words for it lol. My family begs me to do her voice all the time, too And thanks for thinking I'm cool lol. *adjusts her Nerd badge*

 

[Thunder Peel]

Marriage is just like any other part of life: people will always be pressuring you for what's next. When you're single they want to know when you'll get married. Then when you're married they want to know when you'll have a kid. After that kid they want to know when the next one will come along. Then it's questions about your kids' school, then their jobs, then when they'll get married, and on and on. People are pushy and annoying.

Do what you feel God is calling you to do. I know many wonderful, loving Christian couples who never had children and still served God in great ways. Neither path is better or worse than the other, just as singleness and marriage both have their advantages. My wife and I don't have kids and aren't looking to anytime soon; we're taking our time and growing together. Enjoy the season you're in and use that time wisely.

 

[LovelyWife3]

This is a good question one that I have been struggling with for a couple of months. I have been married for almost 8 months and my dad is baby crazy, but my husband wants to wait about 2 years before we have kids so we can travel and have more time to have "alone time". I can understand the pressure but if you both want to wait there is birth control and other methods (Front Page) this is a really good Christian website about sooo many topics related to sex. I love kids and I have wanted kids for a long time but in the midst of school and work I don't mind waiting to have kids. I have a friend that got married and had a baby right away and then I know other people from church that have been married 2-3 years and they have not had kids yet and they are buying their 1st home and they seem happy. Long story short try not to let the pressure rush you into a new season that will have a huge impact on your life. It is ok to wait to start a family. Many blessings

 

[Niffer]

We waited almost 4 years, and I'm glad we did.
Don't feel pressured...no one will be disappointed if you don't keep within THEIR timeline of when YOU should have a child.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

^Thats our plan. Wait a few years. Let life settle down first and take it from there. Just because your married doens't mean you have to get pregnant that day. Enjoy some time as a newly wed because you won't have time to do that if you have kids right away. Marriage as it is can be an adjustment for months if not years (for some).

 

[Velvetyrabbit]

It's very amazing to me the lack of respect for matrimonial privacy society seems to lack. I am asked similar questions all the time. It's just hurtful. We do want children, but we don't have a say, we can't exactly will a child. In my book it's ok to ask if you want a child but to ask when, when is not something that a man or a woman can fully control even if they want to

 

[LinkH]

Malachi does talk about a 'godly seed' so that's one purpose of marriage. But right out of the gate, my wife and I decided to try to hold off on having kids for a little while to spend some time together. We lived in Indonesia where it is the custom to try to get pregnant the first year of marriage, or else people think something is wrong with you.

I worked in an office and they have office boys over there. One of them wasn't a boy. He was middle aged. His job was to wash the dishes in the break room, make photocopies, etc. But he sat in the break room by the water cooler a lot of the time. When I'd go in there to get water, he'd say, "Sudah disi belum" which translate, "Has been filled with contents yet or not?" except it's not gibberish in Indonesian. He had to explain what he meant. he was asking if my wife was pregnant. He'd ask me that over and over. Other people in the organization would, too, not usually the ones I'd see everyday, just the ones I'd see by the elevator that I'd met or worked on some project with.

It's was slightly annoying at the water cooler, but I just realized they had babies the first year of marriage if they could. After a while people stopped asking. I'm not sure if the guy at the water cooler did. But one day a woman I hadn't seen in a while, from my wife's people-group, asked if there were any 'good news.' I said no to my wife being pregnant, but realized she was late, so maybe that was the case. I went home wonder if she were pregnant, and she was. We waited over a year and a half before we got pregnant. At that point, we were trying. We just keeping up the normal active pace of our activities without doing anything to prevent pregnancy.

But when I got married, I was so happy to get to be married to my wife, I wasn't really focused on having children that much. But at 23 or 24 a woman usually is still in that peak range of fertility. At that time, I probably would have been cool with just being married. I guess I wanted children, but it wasn't that urgent, but after over a year together, we decided to try.

For the other three kids, we weren't trying to have kids, but we weren't using the more effective methods of not having them because we either didn't like the method or had ethical qualms that hormonal birth control could cause abortions, not to mention weight gain and whatever health consequences that you can get from taking hormones taken from horse urine or wherever they get it.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

We discovered that children were not to be for us. After a couple of heartbreaking losses, we decided the best choice for us was for me to go ahead and have the hysterectomy that had been recommended before our last loss. It was hard to break the news to my parents but...well...that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

I DO take exception to the few who have stated that I don't have a "real" marriage because we have no children.

 

[Rudolph'sClarice]

We are childless and have been happily married for 25 years. We both like it being just the two of us. I was 23 when we got married and wasn't sure if I wanted children at that time. I waited for my maternal instinct to kick in. It never happened. We did talk about adopting a few years ago but decided against it. I realized I was infatuated with the idea rather than the reality.

 

[Soulwings]

My husband and I have been married for 7 years this year, and we knew prior to getting engaged that kids weren't for us. Did I go through a phase where I wanted kids? Yes, I did. But then I talked with my mom some about it, and she talked about how exhausting children are (we both have similar autoimmune illnesses that cause fatigue levels to be higher than in people without autoimmune probs). And realized that although yes, I like kids well enough, I'm grateful for the relationship my husband and I are able to have without kids and the things that we can do without kids.

Do I think kids can be a blessing? Absolutely.
Do I believe that the main/only purpose of marriage is to procreate? Absolutely NOT.

I did go through a period, too, where all of the "baby spam" on social media got to me. But now I'm mostly over that, too. I'm not entirely sure what helped me stop being jealous of the moms I know, except for realizing that I really do enjoy my life right now and that I don't need to have children in order to feel as though my life has any worth. (I'm not saying that a lot of people feel that way, but I do know of some people who feel that way.)

What I dislike, however, is how persistent people at our church are in asking my husband and me about when we're having children. Honestly, it's none of their business. Asking once, perhaps, but asking any more after that is just rude, IMO.

So my advice, I guess, is what others in the thread have said:
1) Be on the same page as your fiance/husband re: kids.
2) Don't feel as though you have to have kids just because people say you "should."
3) Also, my $0.02 -- know your reasons for wanting kids. I mean, that sounds weird probably, but some women I know feel like they're not a "real" wife or a "real" woman unless they have children, etc.

 

[OceanPoet87]

To echo the above comments. It is extremely important to thoroughly discuss this with your fiance(e) before you get engaged (or at least during PM Counseling). A decision like that should never be unilaterally enacted without talking it over (and hopefully praying) with your husband or wife. Biblically there is no right or wrong way whether to have children or not. God does see children as a blessing and I think caring for a small child teaches us about the Father's love and humility. That said the decision should be between the two of you and not due to peer pressure. If you both agree not to have kids, then that is your decision. There are forms of prevention that will not kill a baby. Abortion is murder, but other planning (and condoms) can help. We did not want a honeymoon baby, but we are trusting in God's timing for when He gives us a baby. We have been married a little over a year and aren't trying nor preventing. We know we want kids, but our big disagreement lies in the future with the number of kids (I 2, she 4). That said, we both agreed for her not to take fertility pills and I not to get a vasectomy without the other's knowledge / discussion.

Before we got married I would always ask a newlywed couple about a baby, but then I stopped once I saw how annoying it was for us.