Do you parent baby #2 differently?

[Green Orchid]

The effects of what we did with #1 still carry over to today (and he's 6 now) and I don't think I realised that would happen when he was a baby!

I'm curious to find out what you mean by that.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

LOL! Each one I get less dogmatic. I am open to doing whatever works best with the least amount of effort. With some of my subsequent children- I'd never have gotten any sleep if I refused to nurse them in bed. LOL! Others really preferred their own sleeping space. I am an avid baby wearer, but one of my kids as a baby HATED to be slung- and there weren't Moby Wraps and mei tais and stuff around yet.

I'd caution against the "gain independence faster as a good thing" notion. It's really important for young ones to be securely attached--because that fosters healthy interdependence, rather than independence, which yields to difficulties later.

Meh- some kids are ready to take that attachment and bridge out quickly, others need to keep returning to get filled up. It really mostly depends,(all other things being equal) on how the kid comes wired.

My personal advice- is ditch the books after you've read about all the different tools available to you. Dig deep to really know yourself and your children and to address and work on the defects and wounds in your own character, be open to changing course depending on what's working for your family as a whole, and don't get caught up in a "right" way of parenting. The "right" way for you, is what nurtures the most people most of the time--and that's going to look vastly different from family to family, since each family is made up of unique people in unique circumstances.

I think parenting books can be a great source of information, especially for those who are trying to do something different from their own upbringing, but I think they can also be a huge detriment, because people forget that there aren't any CC or AP or whatever police coming to their house if they "stray", and get locked into patterns whch aren't working for them and racked with guilt.

 

[heart of peace]

Oh yea, I've learned that now after finding my maternal instinct. With my son (he's my only --- for now, God willing), I couldn't find my inner voice as mom in the beginning, so I did what had helped me survive in life til then, I parented (lived life) based on my intellect over my instinct. I don't plan on following any one person's method of parenting strictly ever again, I only did that back then because I could not hear my instincts speak to me. Now that I have found my maternal 'voice', I am in a much better place. I love my books still and will very much incorporate what it is I have read along the way with my next one. These are things, though, that really vibe with me on the inside now (in my heart and soul and not just my mind).

I really really want to avoid the nursing in bed though for personal reasons.

 

[Assisi]

I really really want to avoid the nursing in bed though for personal reasons.

We may have different reasons (I don't know) but I can agree with you on this one. It's not something that works for me, and I have my reasons. I think it's okay to say, 'this is the kind of parent I am' and wear the consequences.

Shannon - I love reading your posts. You are such an inspiring mother.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Oh yea, I've learned that now after finding my maternal instinct. With my son (he's my only --- for now, God willing), I couldn't find my inner voice as mom in the beginning, so I did what had helped me survive in life til then, I parented (lived life) based on my intellect over my instinct. I don't plan on following any one person's method of parenting strictly ever again, I only did that back then because I could not hear my instincts speak to me. Now that I have found my maternal 'voice', I am in a much better place. I love my books still and will very much incorporate what it is I have read along the way with my next one. These are things, though, that really vibe with me on the inside now (in my heart and soul and not just my mind).

I really really want to avoid the nursing in bed though for personal reasons.

I just wanted to add that in my experience, finding one's maternal voice is an ongoing process. Each new child leads you deeper and further in and stretches you in ways you've never imagined. It's as though each child adds another pitch to your voice, another layer of complexity. I guess I am just saying to stay open to the idea that though these things vibe with you right now, they might not as your experience of motherhood grows--just like co-sleeping for you--your experiences have made that something which you before had wanted to do, but now do not. Given the right set of extreme circumstances, it's very possible that you would again change your mind.

I hope this isn't coming across as argumentative (and I have only chosen co-sleeping because that's an example which you gave...I am all for everyone sleeping wherever everyone feels they needs to be). I am really just trying to pass on -not my wisdom- but my experience.

Oh and in the name of experience--get you a Moby Wrap for those early in-arms months, being able to wear babe over two shoulders is way more comfortable than sling style!!

 

[Stan53]

We did it different big time. Baby 1 we reacted. Baby 2, we trained. Baby 1 we didn't co-sleep, baby 2 we did. Baby 1 wasn't in a sling much, baby 2 hardly spent any time out of the sling/wrap/arms. Baby 1 was started on solids at 5 months, baby 2 was exclusively breast fed until she showed an interest in solid food. Baby 1 was placed in high chair at meals times, baby 2 sat on some one's lap at meal times.
Which was the better more contented baby/toddler? Baby 2 who is now 2.
I might add, that baby 1 is now as happy and contented as baby 2 now. Baby 1 is now 5 and starts prep this year.