Do you know....?

[hpnotiqpnk]

My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 18. My family was totally against us being together because of his thug reputation. Even though he would hit me, , I still rebelled against my family to the fullest. At age 18 I got pregnant. Being raised in a christian home I wanted to marry for the sake of the child. I asked him to marry me at 18 years old. Well, the abuse didn't stop but it wasn't like brutal, but i would have bruises and scars. One New Years i had 8 staples put in my head from a domestic dispute . We were both carried to jail. Through all that we had another child. 3 days before the baby turned one month old he got locked up and was sentenced to jail until 2012. When he got arrested the police called my grandmothers house to tell her that they had found her check book on his person. My mom and aunts and others in my family were furious because even though we had our problems we're still husband and wife so they were trying to welcome him into the family. That will neer happen again. My grandmother was in the hospital at this time and died about a month later. I'm 22 these days and i know that I am not in love with my husband at all and I don't want to go back to the old days. Is it wrong for me to want a divorce from this man?

 

[Man-Doo]

I'm going to go out on a limb here at the sake of the those who are much wiser then I am. I honestly believe that If this man is not a christian and by his conduct I would gather that he isnt, i believe you have the right to protect yourself and your children. I would also say that If the continued relationship to this man is going to hurt either your childrens or your walk with the Lord then I believe you have the growns for divorce. I dont claim to be an expert on this matter but from what I've learned this the impression I've gathered. I'll be praying for you and may God pour his blessing on you...

 

[Avaya]

Since he is to be in prison till 2012, I'd not ask for a divorce right now. See if his incarceration will rehabilitate him. Stay on your knees in prayer for him, for your kids, for your marriage and see what miracle God has in store for your family! When he gets out, if he is still abusive toward you, then I think that's the time for you to consider your options - divorce or not.

 

[heartnsoul]

I'm going to go out on a limb here at the sake of the those who are much wiser then I am. I honestly believe that If this man is not a christian and by his conduct I would gather that he isnt, i believe you have the right to protect yourself and your children. I would also say that If the continued relationship to this man is going to hurt either your childrens or your walk with the Lord then I believe you have the growns for divorce. I dont claim to be an expert on this matter but from what I've learned this the impression I've gathered. I'll be praying for you and may God pour his blessing on you...

I agree with Man-Doo. Time to move on with your life. Please also consider getting counseling for yourself and take a couple years off from dating. Take the time to draw closer to God and maybe join a good church to learn what is a healthy and godly marriage. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Is it wrong for me to want a divorce from this man?

No, its not wrong to want a divorce in such a situation anymore than it was wrong for Jesus to ask God to let him live before he was crucified. You are in a tough spot and you know the right thing to do and what you want to do aren't necessarily the same thing. Love your husband and be the best wife you can be.

 

[Mirelys]

Just wanted to make sure you know that this thread's twin in the main Marriage Ministry forum had a lot of replies. Some of it is debate, but a lot of people are praying for you and had good advice.
Just wanted you to know, in case it gets hidden several pages back before you see it.

 

[archigeek]

Are you wrong to divorce this man? No. Get down on your knees and thank God that he has been incarcerated till 2012, then get on your feet and go start the paperwork.

Oftentimes we get the idea that we shouldn't divorce because it is wrong in the eyes of God. I was raised to think that myself, but there is nothing wrong with you leaving your wife-beating, grandma-robbing thug of a husband. Dump him like the trash he is and move on with your life.

Allowing him to continue to abuse you is wrong, allowing him the oportunity to do the same to your children when he has the chance is wrong. Divorcing him is not wrong.

 

[archigeek]

One more thing to reiterate what Heartnsoul said: Do get councelling, go to church, and take time to heal. You posted that in part you married him to rebell against your parents. YOU need to come to grips with those emotions if you haven't already. A good councellor will help you learn about yourself and you will be a stronger person for it.

I don't know your family, but if it's possible, try to work to improve your relationship with them. One of the most wonderful by-products of my own divorce is that I have gotten to know my father like I never did before. I may have lost a wife, but I've gained a new understanding of my dad, and I cherish greatly.

Peace be with you.

 

[soblessed53]

Since he is to be in prison till 2012, I'd not ask for a divorce right now. See if his incarceration will rehabilitate him. Stay on your knees in prayer for him, for your kids, for your marriage and see what miracle God has in store for your family! When he gets out, if he is still abusive toward you, then I think that's the time for you to consider your options - divorce or not.

I agree 100%! Please remember that God HATES divorce! Put this in God's hands, ask God to lead you to a a church that He loves and that will become your wonderful,loving,supportive church family. Determine to become as close and obedient to God as you can and then trust Him to work out your life. I will pray for you as well. Just please,please remember that God can, and often does use seperations for reconcilliation,but no Christian who wants to truly be in God's will is going to rush out of the house today, and tomorrow see the divorce lawyer! God Be With You and Bless You.

 

[archigeek]

Even though he would hit me,

Well, the abuse didn't stop but it wasn't like brutal, but i would have bruises and scars. One New Years i had 8 staples put in my head from a domestic dispute.

When he got arrested the police called my grandmothers house to tell her that they had found her check book on his person.

...Is it wrong for me to want a divorce from this man?

I'm sorry but I disagree with what others seem to be saying, (that you shouldn't get a divorce). You've been put in the hospital, you've had to deal with beatings brutal enough to leave bruises and scars, and he's stolen from your ill grandmother. I just don't get it. Sure God hates divorce, but God also hates wife beating and stealing from dying old women.

I do agree that you should get involved with a good church if you aren't already and that you can find solace there, but that is where my agreement ends.

Lets play out the hypothetical situation: you don't file for divorce but start communicating with him in jail. If he's still a bad man, he's going to lay on the honey thick because you are going to be it for him. Believe me, no one else is going to be calling. If he repents and turns into something better, how are you going to know he isn't just doing the above and lying to you?

I think he's had all the second chances he deserves, at least from you. You on the other hand have just been given one. If I were in your shoes I'd not wait till the scars from the last beating have faded. I'd get a divorce and quickly.

Then, start focusing on your family. You rebelled against yours hard enough to marry a thug. You need to reach out to your parents with an olive branch, (assuming that you didn't marry the thug because your father was a thug too). And then there are your two children. Start building a life for them. Someone else can take on the responsibility of rehabilitating the thug.

 

[Svt4Him]

You have every right to divorce and God will love you and bless you in what you choose. God cares more about your health and safety than He does about your marriage. Honestly get out.

I agree 100%! Please remember that God HATES divorce!

God does not hate divorce, God hates putting away, which is totally different than divorce.

[font=Verdana, Arial]Divorce in the New Testament

In the Greek New Testament the verb translated ?to divorce? is apoluo. The root meaning of apoluo is ?set free, release, pardon,? or ?let go, send away, dismiss.?5 One of the most frequent usages of apoluo in the New Testament is in the sense of setting someone free. It is used of the releasing of Barabbas (Mark 15:15). It also appears when Agrippa said that Paul could have been set free if he had not appealed to Caesar (Acts 26:32). When the writer of Hebrews said that Timothy had been set at liberty, he also used apoluo (Hebrews 13:23).
Apoluo is also translated as forgive (Luke 6:37). In Luke 2:29, when Simon saw the child Jesus and prayed, ?Now lettest thou thy servant depart,? the word translated ?depart,? signifying death, is apoluo.
The noun form used in the New Testament, divorcement, is the Greek apostasion. It carries with it the idea of relinquishing property after sale, of giving up one?s claim.6 Apostasion comes from the verb aphistemi, which literally means ?to stand away from.? The verb carries the idea of leaving, forsaking. A closely related word, apostasia (from which we get our word apostasy) is used in Acts 21:21, where some said that Paul taught the people to forsake Moses. It also appears in 2 Thessalonians 2:3, where Paul said the falling away would come before the second coming.

The New Testament equivalent of the bill of divorcement (sepher kenthuth) of Deuteronomy 24:1 is biblion apostasiou. This literally means ?a book of separation, dismissal,? it appears in Matthew 19:7. Apostasion also occurs in Matthew 5:31.

In the New Testament both the verb for ?divorce? (apoluo) and the noun (apostasiop) continue the Old Testament concept of complete dissolution of the marriage bond. In both Testaments the meaning of divorce is clearly more than putting away the wife with separate bed and board. It is granting freedom for the party to marry again.
Neale Pryor. Divorce ? It?s Meaning. Your Marriage Can Be Great. Thomas B. Warren, Ed. (98-104).[/font]

 

[whimsyjean]

I wouldn't get back with this man unless he makes a true conversion to Christianity or somehow can prove he's changed. Please don't let him have another chance to hurt you.

 

[Febe]

As he has beaten You, I say RUN now, when You can!
Get a new life - without violence!
I do not suggest a new marrige - because You have a husband alive...
But why on earth should You have to live with him?!
Pray for him - but do not live with him!
Your responsibility now is the children...