Do you keep non-Christian friends?

[LovebirdsFlying]

I've been trying to remain friends with non-Christians, thinking that if I drop them, I'm never going to win them over. But after years and years, conversation upon conversation, it's becoming apparent that some are going to persist in their non-belief. Associating with them brings me down. Whether they are family, real-life friends, or online-friends, it just discourages me.

I have a neo-pagan daughter, for example, who practices polyamory with both sexes, including male cross-dressers. (Please don't anyone go down a bunny trail on that issue. Homosexuality cannot be discussed here in Christian Advice. This is only an example of the problem, not the entire problem itself.) She chooses her friends and sexual partners among the local mentally ill homeless population. She knows the gospel. I raised her in church. I'm not going to disown her, but we had to ask her, although what she does in her own home is up to her, please don't bring that lifestyle to our house. We don't want to fail to reach out to those in need of the gospel, but I'm talking about people who have heard the message, time and again, and reject it.

In addition to my daughter, my family is rife with people who hold the belief that all paths are valid. They put Buddha, Mohammed, and Deepak Chopra all on the same level with Jesus Christ. They will talk about the Bible as far as "God is love" or "love thy neighbor" goes, but to them, any new age philosophy book is just as sound as the Bible is.

On my Facebook page, I casually commented that I hide posts from people who throw a lot of profanity in, or post a comic strip or other image that has excessive profanity in it. I don't report them. I don't unfriend them. I merely hide the post. This garnered a response from one who has been a friend for years, who says she is not offended by any kind of language, but she finds it highly offensive when people post daily Bible verses. Do I want to be friends with someone who is offended by the Word of God, but not by taking His name in vain? Here again, this is someone who rejects the gospel, not one who has never heard it.

I had always thought that we must be friends with non-believers in order to win them. Am I misguided?

 

[ChrisHolland619]

How can you emit Christ's love to nonbeleivers if you disassociate yourself from them?

We are to be a light in the darkness, not a light in the light.

Christ associated with sinners.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

How can you emit Christ's love to nonbeleivers if you disassociate yourself from them?

We are to be a light in the darkness, not a light in the light.

Christ associated with sinners.

That's what I've been thinking all this time, and it's not done a bit of good. I have not led one soul to the Lord by being their friend, not even my own daughter.

Christ associated with sinners who turned from their ways and followed Him. The rich young ruler who would not--Christ watched him walk away. I am talking about people who, years later, still do not accept Him. And my question is, how friendly do I need to be with them? Best buds?

What is being expected of me is to take an attitude of: "Act however you want around me, it's OK, you're my friend, I don't care what you do. Oh, sorry--did my quoting the Bible offend you? Very well then, I'll shut up." It's OK that I'm a Christian, as long as I don't talk about it. Is this what Christ expects of me too?

 

[Judy02]

It is the Holy Spirit who convicts people and who draws people in and saves us

Believers are just his instruments, we are not to be doing it in our own strength.

I would probably advise, personally that it seems this is wearing you out physically and emotionally. Maybe take a step back, and find other people to spend time, if you are finding these other people draining? God may have another way in mind, if these people are to be saved.

I just wonder if you are placing too much of a burden onto yourself. It is God who saves, in his way and his own timing, and that's not always in the way we might think or assume it must be done

I hope that helped.

And I do keep non Christian friends, providing they are not really intense and militant in opposing what I believe.
Same probably applies to some Christians here though as well

 

[Emmy]

Dear LovebirdsFlying. True friends have very much in common, and what do we have in common with Non-Christians? We live in this world, but we are not of this world. We are followers of our Saviour Jesus Christ, what do non-Christians follow? Jesus told us to love all others, friends or not friends, be kind and considerate, use friendly words and encouraging smiles, to show our selfless love, with no conditions tagged on. Be friendly and helpful neighbours, but share your love and care with men and women who enjoy following Jesus. I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Emmy, you bring to mind the following Scripture. (Note: Although I use the HCSB in daily study, when quoting Scripture to others, I like to use the KJV. That way, not even the most hardcore traditionalist can accuse me of using the "wrong" version. )

II Corinthians 6:14-18

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,

18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.​

Thank you, God, for using Emmy's words to bring that to my mind.

Yes, Chris, we are a light into the world. But that doesn't mean to be friends with someone to the point where I have to allow excessive profanity, drug use, sexual immorality, and worshiping other gods to be done in my presence, all in the name of "tolerance" and "being their friend."

Thank you, Judy, for your words of encouragement, and the reminder that I don't try to save anyone, myself. All I can do is be a light. If they want to keep their eyes closed when it shines, I can't help it.

 

[Jase]

Most of my friends are non-believers or liberal/moderate Christians. And in my experience, I've found them to live by the teachings of Jesus (compassion, love, dignity, etc.) far better than those Christians who are so vocal about their supposed righteousness and superiority over non-believers.

So if Christians are supposed to be the light of the world, they aren't doing a very good job, because I usually see darkness among them.

Obviously we all have our own convictions. If you feel uneasy being friends with those who share different beliefs with you, don't be friends. I, however, could not be friends with most Conservative Christians.

It's all subjective experience.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Jesus also talked about repentance, obedience, and hell, sir. Not just love and compassion all the time.

Edit, sorry, don't mean to sound so abrupt. But it triggers me because it's so similar to my family, with their "all paths are valid" philosophy. They'll quote Jesus as long as He is saying "love thy neighbor," but not when He says "I am the way, the truth, and the life." And certainly not when He talks about repentance from sin.

Must say too, it's not just a matter of them having different beliefs. I've put up with that for years now. It's them doing such immoral things, right in front of me, and expecting me to hold my tongue or else I'm intolerant.

 

[Jase]

Jesus also talked about repentance, obedience, and hell, sir. Not just love and compassion all the time.

Edit, sorry, don't mean to sound so abrupt. But it triggers me because it's so similar to my family, with their "all paths are valid" philosophy. They'll quote Jesus as long as He is saying "love thy neighbor," but not when He says "I am the way, the truth, and the life." And certainly not when He talks about repentance from sin.

Well, I'm not going to get in an argument. I don't believe in an eternal hell, but I'm Messianic, so my theology is more in line with what I believe the Jews would have believed before the Church got involved. Repentance is certainly important, but Jesus said the entire law is summed up in 2 commandments. Love God, and love your neighbor. If you follow them, you will automatically be following the rest of the law. And I don't see those practiced too much in modern day Christianity, especially the "love they neighbor". I see lots of judgment, condemnation, and self-righteousness instead.

But that's my personal experience. Obviously not everyone has the same experiences.

Must say too, it's not just a matter of them having different beliefs. I've put up with that for years now. It's them doing such immoral things, right in front of me, and expecting me to hold my tongue or else I'm intolerant.

Well, morality is largely subjective. But, have you talked to them and politely said, "I find this behavior to be inappropriate and would appreciate if you would not do it in front of me?"

You can be tolerant without approving of certain behavior. It's when people expect others to conform to their beliefs that tolerance vanishes, and self-righteousness enters the equation.

 

[Sailor_A]

I think you can treat all people kindly but you can not be "friends" with all people. A friend is someone you usually wish to be with, who you share interests and a bond with. I am not friends with many Christians and non-Christians because we do not click. They stand for things I can not possibly agree with or accept or even tolerate or we simply share little interest in one another. Being polite and cordial can sometimes be enough. How you live, behave and treat others can tell more people about your faith than a forced friendship.

There are non-believers who you can be friends with because belief isn't the deciding factor. You love and enjoy to be around them. They don't try to compromise your faith because they love you also. Don't over think it.

 

[hedrick]

Even Paul, who takes a somewhat harder line on disfellowshipping than I think Jesus would, says you should not associate with *Christians* who dishonor Christ's name by their actions. He says specifically that this does not apply to non-Christians. 1 Cor 5:10.

Jesus' seemed quite willing to associate with "sinners." Indeed that seems to be one of the things the Pharisees had against him.

Jesus wanted us to love our neighbors. I don't see that he said that love should be contingent on their conversion. It's great to want your friends to know about your faith. I think that's a basic Christian responsibility. But I think if your friendship is just an opportunity to convert people, or if you reconsider it when they don't convert, that's going to color your approach to them, and probably undermine your witness. The Reformed tradition (of which I'm a part) sees conversion as something the Holy Spirit does. Our responsibility is to witness, not to convert.

I don't see that there's anything wrong with your approach to your daughter, nor with wanting your Facebook activity to be free from profanity. I had the same issue with a teenager who tended towards profanity. I stayed with him, but another adult unfriended him, and I thought that was perfectly defensible. (He has since cleaned up his act, I'm glad to say, and in fact is teaching Sunday School with me.) I think non-Christians have every right not to be confronted with daily Bible quotes, just as you have every right to post them. In your situation I would probably stop. There are plenty of places Christians can get daily quotes. But I don't think you're obliged to. I just think it's probably better to maintain your relationship with your non-Christian friends.

 

[Judy02]

Thank you, Judy, for your words of encouragement, and the reminder that I don't try to save anyone, myself. All I can do is be a light. If they want to keep their eyes closed when it shines, I can't help it.

I'm glad you found it helpful Matthew 11:18 I thought hopefully might also help at the moment.

I agree with Sailor too. You are naturally friends with people whose company you enjoy, which isn't automatically Christians vs non-Christians. And I've met people from both camps I like and dislike

You're not naturally friends with people you find draining emotionally.

Anyway, I'm not here to have an argument. I'd rest in God's presence right now, and try and find out how he wants you to use your time. You're right, you can be as sincere a Christian wherever you go, commit to God how others will respond. God's yoke is easy and his burden is light, he does not want you to be emotionally drained like this

 

[ChrisHolland619]

I think there should be some sort of a separation when you get saved, I mean, you are a new person. Old habits die. You enjoy new things, new people, one would dare use the word "different" things.

You used to enjoy sinful music, friends, habits, entertainment, etc.

You now enjoy godly music, friends, habits, entertainment, etc.

So yes naturally, you should separate yourself from old friends that have sinful ways, lest you get caught up in them. But to competely cut yourself off and ignore them? No, I do not think so.

By separating yourself in that manner, you are letting them know and realize that you ARE different. Then they see the light of Christ through you. If they want to hang out, make it on YOUR terms. You don't go out to the bar with them like you used to, instead maybe they'll come to YOUR place for a movie night. But nothing more. Let them know there are boundaries and things you are not willing to do. And if they ask why, simply tell them. They'll think to themselves, "well, something has changed him/her. I wonder what?" Maybe they'll ask, and you can share the gospel of Christ.

That's how you let people know that your'e different from them. Because you ARE different now.

 

[Judy02]

Our responsibility is to witness, not to convert.

Agreed

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I am benefiting from the counsel here. Thank you everyone.

It was helpful to say to make hanging out, on MY terms, that I don't have to allow certain things to be done around me. My daughter and one of her partners were here today and wanted a ride out shopping. They also hinted that they hadn't eaten today. (They are on government assistance and spend their money on marijuana.) My husband provided the ride and a few groceries, but when my daughter had called asking to come over, he made it clear that her partner was not welcome to come to our house in drag. In my opinion he acted correctly. When she was here, she made a comment about how he cannot feel like himself because he's wearing male clothes, but I thought inwardly, "Well, waaah. It's our house." As it turned out, when they went shopping, one of my husband's co-workers happened to run into them, and my husband later commented to my daughter that if the partner had been in drag, he'd have never heard the end of it at work.

Daughter plans a talk with us tomorrow in which she wants to tell us that we have to accept that man, as he is, because he's going to be part of her life. Well, to me the drag is the least of it. He's also a pothead and a mooch, and has the IQ of plant life. Just because he's going to be part of my daughter's life, doesn't mean he has to be part of mine. (Does it?)