Do you find it discouraging?

[Stanfi]

I've been reading through some posts. I see several people who make statements that they have been praying for God to send them someone special. Many for quite sometime. This is obviously a need in their lives. I mean the Bible itself states that it is not good for man to be alone. Yet, these prayers go ananswered. I myself, find this to be rather discouraging. The Bible also states that God will supply our needs, yet for some many this request goes unfufilled. I really do not understand why. What are your thoughts?

 

[msjones21]

I feel discouraged at times. I feel that God presents an opporunity and it doesn't pan out or nothing presents itself at all. Like tonight I accompanied my father for a job interview for our company and the guy we interviewed is 21, attractive, very strong Christian and he's had the same girlfriend since he was 18. I keep wondering where I'm going wong. I mean, I am trusting in the Lord but sometimes it gets lonely with no one to share your life with.

 

[remy]

I was discouraged until I recognized my weaknesses.

 

[msjones21]

I know my weaknesses and that is why I am praying that God will give me the wisdom to guard my heart against the wrong guys. My weakness is to fall too soon and too hard. God wants nothing but the best for me so I have to prayfully keep myself from "settling".

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

I think that God will open oppertunities for us to find that special person. We still have to do the work, invest some time in the relationships to really know if God has intended us to be with that person. I have lately been able to discover very quickly if I think a girl is the one or not, can spend 10- 15 minutes talking and figure it out. If she is... Great, if not... then continue to persue only a friendship.

 

[Echoes Peak]

I've been reading through some posts. I see several people who make statements that they have been praying for God to send them someone special. Many for quite sometime. This is obviously a need in their lives. I mean the Bible itself states that it is not good for man to be alone. Yet, these prayers go ananswered. I myself, find this to be rather discouraging. The Bible also states that God will supply our needs, yet for some many this request goes unfufilled. I really do not understand why. What are your thoughts?

I don't believe these prayers go unanswered, but I do believe God waits until the appropriate time. With everything else, He has a reason why things happen when they happen. For example, it is simply possible that you've already met the person you are to marrry. However, while YOU may be ready, they may not be yet at the point where they can handle that kind of commitment. So it may not be a matter of your situation, it may be a matter of their situation. I know two people who started dating when they were teenagers. They stopped dating each other, dated other people, went through the period of bitterness and dislike and somewhere along the way got back together after seven years of this and got married.
Regardless, this period of "waiting" doesn't have to be all bad. I used to get caught in this special person until I personally started thinking about marriage and all that entails. I realized for me, I have alot to do before I give someone else that kind of commitment. I'm the traveling kind and move at the drop of the hat-guess, I'm not yet ready to be "tamed".

 

[Stanfi]

I am thinking more in terms of people in their 30's and even 40s who have never been married. They are obviously wanting someone, and you can tell it is a strong desire. I find it hard to believe they have the 'gift of singleness" since they do have a desire to be with someone. I also find it hard to believe that God will give someone a desire like this that he does not intend to fufill. It is just hard for me to understand, why God allows some to suffer in their loneliness for such a long time. When they are seeking God with everthing they have got.

 

[Stanfi]

I know my weaknesses and that is why I am praying that God will give me the wisdom to guard my heart against the wrong guys. My weakness is to fall too soon and too hard. God wants nothing but the best for me so I have to prayfully keep myself from "settling".

msjones,

For a gal your age you sure have got a lot of wisdom. I learned this one the hard way... more than once. Don't EVER EVER EVER give your heart to someone who does not derserve it, will not take care of it, or does want it. Why? because once you trust them they will throw it on the ground, and jump and down on it. Trust me.. it hurts for a long time. Be careul.. GUARD YOUR HEART!!!

Ok, now back to the orginal topic.

 

[Grommit]

I wonder… of those who are eagerly waiting for their ‘lover’ to arrive, how many of them are seeking the lord first and foremost, (even more so than their mate), and are truly 'in tune' to his will and thus able to be blessed by him in this and other regards? I can't help but notice most of those around me who seem to be desperately seeking a partner spend WAY too much time trying to devise a solution to appease their loneliness and not enough time elsewhere growing their relationship with the lord or putting their efforts towards some other need/goal that’s more immediate and beneficial to them and to others. I’m sure I’ll be the unpopular one for asking this, but, if you are one of those who are desperately seeking a partner, ask yourself, have you REALLY put God first in your life before all else? If yes, does that mean you would be content if God decides it’s best for you to be single for the remainder of your life? Would you still love him and desire to grow in him if he decided that for you? Seek him first and all other things will come in time; his time. There are moments where I wonder if people just want God to give them a mate but have yet to give themselves fully to the lord, or, maybe they are seeking God but for the wrong reasons/motivations and thus miss out on the most important and fulfilling relationship of all. It’s just a thought…



As for the older crowd, yeah... it's sad to see them being alone especially since the older singles I know seek God above all else and are very content and happy with what they have yet I know they still feel that sharp sting of loneliness and it makes me wonder why God doesn't provide for them. I guess he knows best and we should trust in that, but, of all the people I see who are truly needing and deserving, why do they have to be single?!?! *sigh*



As for me, I have found myself blessed in a pleasant situation but it’s not a guarantee. If it is meant to work out then it will, if not… Well, I decided I'll just be single for the rest of my life unless and until some woman walks up to me and smacks me in the face and says, "Hey, God said you were looking for me. Well, here I am." (or anything along those lines). At that point I'll be good to go. In the mean time I choose to focus on building my relationship with God and to seek out the many wonderful things there is for me to do and experience right now that will help me become a more valuable and rewarding husband for my future wife, (if I am to have one). We’ll see…

 

[Donny_B]

I am 43 and never-married, and would like to marry the right person someday, but still at 43, am not desperate enough to rush in to a huge mistake. I am so used to being single, that I don't really think about it that much. I would think after being single for so long, being married would take a lot getting used to, such as having to compromise on everyday things you take for granted.

 

[mina]

I think it's in God's perfect time, not ours. He sees the big picture and how all these unconnected parts fit together. Maybe He's protecting you from something serious by having you single right now, I don't know, but there is a reason and purpose for this time. God is not purposeless. Many times I have to fall on my face before Him and just say I don't understand your ways, forgive my unbelief and help me to trust You in every moment. If He never brings a person into your life, then know that there is a definite reason for that. Ask God to meet you at your discouragement and be honest with Him. But never stop seeking HIm.

 

[wonder111]

I don't know why, but for awhile i was really thinking I was ready to find 'the one' and as I prayed about it, God truly was telling my NO! I feel like I still have to grow in my relationship with Him first. And to be honest, I can't imagine anything better! If God is love than looking for it outside of Him is not going to match the real thing. I can totally understand the family bit, and wanting companionship, but I feel like God has taken the desire I had for so long away from me

I should also mention that my original desire for 'the one' was a mind desire and not in my heart, if that makes any sense. I think it was more, "well it's getting time to get married, everyone else is doing it" lol

 

[Durelen]

I am thinking more in terms of people in their 30's and even 40s who have never been married...

Lol I figured you were referring to us old folk. Anyhoot such desires come and go. It’s only when you slow down does it catch up. I suppose if I were in any serious pain I’d go sign up at Christian Café or some matching service as that. I don't think it would be hard for me to seek and find a wife if I threw myself into such a quest. Seriously though, there are positive things to being single for so long but of course that is up to the individual. Anyway, there is no way someone could be in their 30's or 40's under normal circumstances in such a position as you are fully refering to.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Some good thoughts so far. Why am I still single? I wish I knew the answer. Part of it is that I had a lot of growing to do. I had a lot of maturing to do, not necessarily "age" maturing but maturing in my faith and relationship with God. I think I still have a ways to go in that area. But I agree with whoever said that perhaps you have to come to the place in your faith where you say to God "Ok God I trust you enough with this that if I am to be single the rest of my life, I will because you matter more to me than my marital status." I guess there are alot of desires in my life that may never be fulfilled. I desire to retire tomorrow. I desire to live on the beach in a cozy beach cottage. I desire to eat chocolate everyday and not gain weight. I desire one day to be married and have children. I guess what I am trying to get at is that I have a lot of desires, but I may not have them all fulfilled because if I trust in God, I have to trust that He sees the big picture and He knows which of my desires will result in the best for me. Which desires will result in the plans that He has for me. My desire to live on the beach may not result in accomplishing something He may have for me to do in my life. Likewise, my desire to be married may hinder something He has for me to do. I don't know. I certainly hope not. But I have to trust Him in this area. Granted, some days it's hard, and some days I want to behave like a child and pout that I am not getting what I want. And trust me, I do that some days! But, in the end, it all comes back to who we serve and who is Lord of our lives. Who do we trust we end?

 

[Stanfi]

Anyway, there is no way someone could be in their 30's or 40's under normal circumstances in such a position as you are fully refering to.

Impossible? Can you further explain? Because I see people who live Godly lives and have been trusting God to send them someone, and it has not happened. They have such a strong desire to be with someone, yet feel that the best years of thier lives are passing them by. I talked with a woman a few months ago who fit this description. It was clear that this was really a hurting wound in her life.

 

[Stanfi]

Some good thoughts so far. Why am I still single? I wish I knew the answer. Part of it is that I had a lot of growing to do. I had a lot of maturing to do, not necessarily "age" maturing but maturing in my faith and relationship with God. I think I still have a ways to go in that area. But I agree with whoever said that perhaps you have to come to the place in your faith where you say to God "Ok God I trust you enough with this that if I am to be single the rest of my life, I will because you matter more to me than my marital status." I guess there are alot of desires in my life that may never be fulfilled. I desire to retire tomorrow. I desire to live on the beach in a cozy beach cottage. I desire to eat chocolate everyday and not gain weight. I desire one day to be married and have children. I guess what I am trying to get at is that I have a lot of desires, but I may not have them all fulfilled because if I trust in God, I have to trust that He sees the big picture and He knows which of my desires will result in the best for me. Which desires will result in the plans that He has for me. My desire to live on the beach may not result in accomplishing something He may have for me to do in my life. Likewise, my desire to be married may hinder something He has for me to do. I don't know. I certainly hope not. But I have to trust Him in this area. Granted, some days it's hard, and some days I want to behave like a child and pout that I am not getting what I want. And trust me, I do that some days! But, in the end, it all comes back to who we serve and who is Lord of our lives. Who do we trust we end?

wvmtknkid,

You have a good point, but I think you are comparing apples and oranges. God's word said it was not good for man to be alone, and he insituted provisions for this. However, he never said it was not good unless you live on the beach, or that it is not good unless you retire early. I think this is crossing the lines between wants and needs. His word says that he will supply our needs, not make us spoiled brats. In fact retiring early and living on the beach could just result in laziness, and eating choclate everday would be gluttony. See what I am saying?

 

[Stanfi]

I was discouraged until I recognized my weaknesses.

Then what did you do?

 

[Stanfi]

I am 43 and never-married, and would like to marry the right person someday, but still at 43, am not desperate enough to rush in to a huge mistake. I am so used to being single, that I don't really think about it that much. I would think after being single for so long, being married would take a lot getting used to, such as having to compromise on everyday things you take for granted.

Has this always been your view, or is it just something that you have accepted as you have gotten older?

 

[wvmtnkid]

wvmtknkid,

You have a good point, but I think you are comparing apples and oranges. God's word said it was not good for man to be alone, and he insituted provisions for this. However, he never said it was not good unless you live on the beach, or that it is not good unless you retire early. I think this is crossing the lines between wants and needs. His word says that he will supply our needs, not make us spoiled brats. In fact retiring early and living on the beach could just result in laziness, and eating choclate everday would be gluttony. See what I am saying?

Then we have a difference in opinion over wants and needs. God's Word does not also indicate that He guarantees a spouse for every person. Perhaps providing a spouse for every person could result in something equally not good for us as laziness or gluttony, but we are not aware of it because we can't see the big picture. Perhaps by not getting married, He is saving us from a huge heartache down the road that we could in no way anticipate. We could keep guessing forever. But neither you or I have the mind of God and know exactly what His plan is or know why He does what He does. His ways are not our ways. One of my favorite proverbs is "Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" because there are just some things out there we will never be able to explain, and may never know until we can talk with God one on one, in heaven. But if we allow ourselves to dwell on such matters, we are looking at the proverbial closed door and missing the open windows He has provided.

 

[wonder111]

hey wvmtnkid!

I have to agree with you. That's one of my favourite verses as well "lean not on your own understanding" sometimes you just have to have faith and lean on God instead