Do you ever....

[beetlequeendiva]

Do you ever need answers regarding your abuse? I was sexually abused as a child by 3 different men - one for several years, and I don't have answers as to why they did that - and I probably never will. For a long time my inner child, Victoria, wanted those answers and she took me over!!! I behaved like a little girl because as a little girl I needed those answers. Now as an adult I would love to know why they did that. Does anyone else struggle with this?

 

[mesue]

I still do.
My abusers knew the hurt and pain.
I want to ask "But why did YOU have to to it to me?"
I didn't do it to my kids, I was able to break the cycle.
Why couldn't they?

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I will never understand that. my inner child has a name although it's my name. my name is victoria but i get caled vicki. most people named my inner child victoria because she's part of me but not all of me!!! it's kind of complicated

 

[Truly Blessed]

Hi beetlequeendiva ;

I had also struggled with why and why me for a long time. The only thing I could come up with is that they are sick people. And that God is going to use this some how to his glory. Which has happened because I try to help others to the best of my ability and of course I wind up sharing God also.

Yes, I have also felt the inner child inside, part of, but not the whole of me. It seemed whenever I would get hurt that is where I would go. Honestly, I no longer consider it two different type of identities (for lack of better word). Today, I am one, whole, complete, no separation. When I cry, feel sad, afraid, or whatever its from the whole person. I still get teary eyed when people share and would like to hug their pain away. I am no longer defenseless, I am not the little boy who cant protect himself. I can protect all of me. He merged back into me as one. I can play like a kid and I can be mature like an adult. I hope you dont take anything I say wrong or are not offended at what I said.

Peace and a

hug to you.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I don't know sometimes my inner child just wants somebody to love her, and she comes out but most of the time "we" are one person!!! Truly Blessed, I am not offended by anything you said, you are one of the people who understand all of what I said!! Thank you for your reply

 

[AnointedPoetess]

Hey vicki.. i totally understand about the inner child and love issue.. i do thro that too, and it is hard but i just ignore it.. or stuff it which doesnt help but i dont see any other way out.. it hurts alot..

 

[beetlequeendiva]

Crystal - i know it hurts alot!!! I am glad that my inner child merged mostly - it scares me when I lost control and she comes out.... i don't have control over that and that's a bad thing for me...

 

[ZACTAK]

I struggled for a long time to understand why my dad verbally and mentally abused me. I just couldn't understand, and I couldn't understand why God had put me in such a situation... but as I have learned my dad also went through it, and as many people do, he was continuing the cycle. But I am going to break that cycle!

Today, I realize that God put me there so that I could be prepared for the plan He has for my life. I have to be honest, going through so much pain for so long, I have grown to have a big caring heart. I hate to see people crying, even if i don't know them, I give helping hands to friends and family even if I don't know them too well. I am going to school to work with at-risk teens to help change their lives for the better and give them a role model to look up to that I lacked growing up. God had me go through that so I can relate to those individuals and show them that you can go through these types of things and still have a successful life. God has given me a lot of answers....I consider myself very lucky as I know others who don't know why they were put through abuse.

There are people who I wish could understand what I went through and people I wish I could talk to without the fear of judgement or the fear that someone is thinking I am making it up for attention or hiding behind it, because the abuse defines a lot of who I am. And that is one of the reasons I am glad that Erwin created this site, for once people I can relate to and talk to!

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I think anyone who thinks you're making it up needs their head read - there are very few people who make these things up and generally it's obvious that they are. You're abuse is obvious in the way you feel. I too wish there were more people who could understand what I went through but at the same time I'm glad that so many people don't because it means that they haven't been there!!!! I think it's great that we have this part of the site because it means we can find some people who unfortunately/fortunately know how we feel!!! Love you all xx