Do We Have to Forgive? What if I don't want to?

[seeker2122]

Jesus teaches us that we should forgive others just as God has forgiven us. If we don't forgive others while God has forgiven you, then you will be going against God's teaching.

So I was just wondering, do you think there are any situations or sins you feel like you can't forgive others for and don't have to? Would God be pleased or fine with you not wanting to forgive someone of their wrongs against you? Do you have to forgive as a Christian?

Here is an example among many.
I saw the court proceedings of the case of the US gymnastics girls who were sexually abused by the team doctor or the US program doctor. Years later it came out and went to court and they found him guilty and he was sentenced to like life or something. But in the court, each girl had a chance to read their hand written letter out loud to that doctor so he can hear everything they wanted to say to him. They were obviously hurt and traumatized and even though it happened many years ago, they were reliving it saying everything they wanted to say to him for their own closure or healing I guess.

But one thing I noticed was how all the girls except one of them didn't forgive him. They said they hope he lives out the rest of his life behind bars to think about what he did wrong and how he hurt them. One even said I will never forgive you.

When I heard that, I thought to myself, by not forgiving him, she's hurting herself. She's holding in the pain and it will eat at her all the days of her life until she can find it within herself to forgive him. So no matter how heinous the crime, do you think God still wants us to forgive our transgressors?

Is it wrong if we don't?


There is another case with Jeffrey Epstein and one of the victims said she was so upset and hurt when she found out Jeffrey took his own life while in prison waiting for the trial to begin. It was as if he escaped again and now he'll never be brought to justice and the girls (victims) described how it felt like he hurt them again by getting away before going to court. They lost their satisfaction of wanting to see him prosecuted and because they haven't forgiven him, and he's now dead, it's as if they are now left with the pain to bear in them forever. I thought to myself, all you have to do is forgive him to let him go and let yourself free from the pain. Instead by not forgiving him, and now never getting the chance to see him get prosecuted and brought to justice, they'll live with that pain even more.

 

[Freth]

Jesus said this about not forgiving others.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Jesus teaches us that we should forgive others just as God has forgiven us. If we don't forgive others while God has forgiven you, then you will be going against God's teaching.

So I was just wondering, do you think there are any situations or sins you feel like you can't forgive others for and don't have to? Would God be pleased or fine with you not wanting to forgive someone of their wrongs against you? Do you have to forgive as a Christian?

Here is an example among many.
I saw the court proceedings of the case of the US gymnastics girls who were sexually abused by the team doctor or the US program doctor. Years later it came out and went to court and they found him guilty and he was sentenced to like life or something. But in the court, each girl had a chance to read their hand written letter out loud to that doctor so he can hear everything they wanted to say to him. They were obviously hurt and traumatized and even though it happened many years ago, they were reliving it saying everything they wanted to say to him for their own closure or healing I guess.

But one thing I noticed was how all the girls except one of them didn't forgive him. They said they hope he lives out the rest of his life behind bars to think about what he did wrong and how he hurt them. One even said I will never forgive you.

When I heard that, I thought to myself, by not forgiving him, she's hurting herself. She's holding in the pain and it will eat at her all the days of her life until she can find it within herself to forgive him. So no matter how heinous the crime, do you think God still wants us to forgive our transgressors?

Is it wrong if we don't?


There is another case with Jeffrey Epstein and one of the victims said she was so upset and hurt when she found out Jeffrey took his own life while in prison waiting for the trial to begin. It was as if he escaped again and now he'll never be brought to justice and the girls (victims) described how it felt like he hurt them again by getting away before going to court. They lost their satisfaction of wanting to see him prosecuted and because they haven't forgiven him, and he's now dead, it's as if they are now left with the pain to bear in them forever. I thought to myself, all you have to do is forgive him to let him go and let yourself free from the pain. Instead by not forgiving him, and now never getting the chance to see him get prosecuted and brought to justice, they'll live with that pain even more.

We can forgive but we do not have to forget. This is an interesting blog on forgiveness from a mental health point of view.

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

Forgiveness and letting go can lead to healing and peace.

www.mayoclinic.org

Blessings

 

[Grafted In]

If you are saved, you will just live a miserable life.

 

[timothyu]

They said they hope he lives out the rest of his life behind bars to think about what he did wrong and how he hurt them.

Wonder if they want God to do the same for them, because He will. Actually that is why we are all here.

 

[timothyu]

We can forgive but we do not have to forget

If you haven't forgotten you haven't forgiven UNLESS what is remembered is solely a personal lesson learned.

 

[tturt]

"But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt 6:15

 

[Maria Billingsley]

If you haven't forgotten you haven't forgiven UNLESS what is remembered is solely a personal lesson learned.

It is impossible to forget that someone has killed one of your loved ones. But you can forgive. Let us reason. Blessings.

 

[rturner76]

So I was just wondering, do you think there are any situations or sins you feel like you can't forgive others for and don't have to? Would God be pleased or fine with you not wanting to forgive someone of their wrongs against you? Do you have to forgive as a Christian?

I think this command is meant to help us. When we harbor resentment, it just eats away at us. We spend time dwelling on the incident and can't clear it out of our minds causing us stress and more anxiety. If we are able to forgive, we cut the ties between that person and us. We become free of resentment and invasive thoughts about the person we should forgive. My Priest said something enlightening, that sometimes we need to forgive the same person again and again because even though we have forgiven we haven't forgotten. We are not required to forget. I mean how could you? But I think that forgiving over and over when you are capable does reduce agitation, stress, and resentment. Resentment is a real heart killer IMO so I do my best to forgive.

Still, if someone raped or killed one of my loved ones, I imagine it would be very difficult to forgive it. I would want to avenge the loss but it's up to God to punish wrongdoers, not us. That is one way I frame my mind to forgive and let go is to think "God will provide justice" as he is a just God. If one believes that, it can aid in letting go of hate and anger.

So, I look at it as it can help us let go of our burdens but how can we let go when something so heinous has been done to us or our loved ones? I can see why the dilemna.

 

[disciple Clint]

Jesus teaches us that we should forgive others just as God has forgiven us. If we don't forgive others while God has forgiven you, then you will be going against God's teaching.

So I was just wondering, do you think there are any situations or sins you feel like you can't forgive others for and don't have to? Would God be pleased or fine with you not wanting to forgive someone of their wrongs against you? Do you have to forgive as a Christian?

Here is an example among many.
I saw the court proceedings of the case of the US gymnastics girls who were sexually abused by the team doctor or the US program doctor. Years later it came out and went to court and they found him guilty and he was sentenced to like life or something. But in the court, each girl had a chance to read their hand written letter out loud to that doctor so he can hear everything they wanted to say to him. They were obviously hurt and traumatized and even though it happened many years ago, they were reliving it saying everything they wanted to say to him for their own closure or healing I guess.

But one thing I noticed was how all the girls except one of them didn't forgive him. They said they hope he lives out the rest of his life behind bars to think about what he did wrong and how he hurt them. One even said I will never forgive you.

When I heard that, I thought to myself, by not forgiving him, she's hurting herself. She's holding in the pain and it will eat at her all the days of her life until she can find it within herself to forgive him. So no matter how heinous the crime, do you think God still wants us to forgive our transgressors?

Is it wrong if we don't?


There is another case with Jeffrey Epstein and one of the victims said she was so upset and hurt when she found out Jeffrey took his own life while in prison waiting for the trial to begin. It was as if he escaped again and now he'll never be brought to justice and the girls (victims) described how it felt like he hurt them again by getting away before going to court. They lost their satisfaction of wanting to see him prosecuted and because they haven't forgiven him, and he's now dead, it's as if they are now left with the pain to bear in them forever. I thought to myself, all you have to do is forgive him to let him go and let yourself free from the pain. Instead by not forgiving him, and now never getting the chance to see him get prosecuted and brought to justice, they'll live with that pain even more.

The healing and the forgiveness go hand and hand, I cannot completely forgive until I have completely healed and I am not completely healed until I have completely forgiven.

 

[seeker2122]

Wonder if they want God to do the same for them, because He will. Actually that is why we are all here.

Agreed. But I also wonder if there is a limit. There shouldn't be but it seems like the general public aren't willing to consider forgiveness an option for certain crimes versus others. I won't mention the specific crimes but I'm sure anyone here could guess what I'm talking about as the ones that seem like people would never forgive even though they should.

 

[seeker2122]

The healing and the forgiveness go hand and hand, I cannot completely forgive until I have completely healed and I am not completely healed until I have completely forgiven.

Hmm...this one I'd have to question. I don't believe you have to be completely healed in order to forgive. God still wants us to forgive even if we are not healed and still hurt or broken from it. Usually healing begins AFTER you forgive. The reason why I say this is because some things that happen to you can never be fully healed at least on this side of heaven. You'll never be the same but it doesn't mean you can't move on and forgive and love again....but some things that happen will leave you changed forever, even after forgiveness. We'll only be completely healed once our flesh dies and we enter heaven in our heavenly bodies.

 

[timothyu]

The concept is for us to realize we are all guilty of sin and are just as capable as the next person of committing horrendous sins if our lives had been influenced in the same ways. There but for the grace of God go we.

 

[NBB]

The grace of God cannot work properly if you don't forgive, so on top of the harm that person did to you, you are going to stay bitter and don't receive from God because of that? no way, just forgive that person at all costs.

 

[oikonomia]

Jesus teaches us that we should forgive others just as God has forgiven us. If we don't forgive others while God has forgiven you, then you will be going against God's teaching.

I assure you. You will eventually forgive everyone who has offended you.
We as Christians may do so by His grace in this age.
Or we will learn to do so in the next age of the millennial kingdom while some are saved and are rewarded and some are disciplined.

But we WILL forgive one way or another.

So I was just wondering, do you think there are any situations or sins you feel like you can't forgive others for and don't have to? Would God be pleased or fine with you not wanting to forgive someone of their wrongs against you? Do you have to forgive as a Christian?

I would advize that you SPEAK the word in faith, knowing that you are weak.

"Lord Jesus, I forgive that person from my heart. Lord help thou my unforgiveness."

God will honor this. The sufficienct grace will flow in because only He has that power to forgive such.
Speak the matter in faith. He knows your heart. He knows you REMEMBER how it FELT to be hurt.
Mostly, unforgiveness is the just our REMEMBERING how it felt to be injured.

We are very sensative when WE are offended.
We are far, far LESS sensative when we do the same to OTHERS.
And we ALL do.

Here is an example among many.
I saw the court proceedings of the case of the US gymnastics girls who were sexually abused by the team doctor or the US program doctor. Years later it came out and went to court and they found him guilty and he was sentenced to like life or something. But in the court, each girl had a chance to read their hand written letter out loud to that doctor so he can hear everything they wanted to say to him. They were obviously hurt and traumatized and even though it happened many years ago, they were reliving it saying everything they wanted to say to him for their own closure or healing I guess.

We are mainly concerned with Christians, I think. And a Christian should know that noboby is getting away with anything.
Since we know that the offender will stand before God to give an account for what was done, that too gives the Christian grace to
forgive. Forgive is not to overlook. It is to leave the matter of the balancing of the scales of justice with God.

"Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine; I will repay." (Rom. 12:19; Deut. 32:35)

Our forgiveness as Christians is grounded in the realization that God cannot fail to balance the moral scales of the universe.
We should speak forgiveness from our heart by faith. We stand not with our feelings but with the truth. Accounting for sins is the business of God.

Once again, the Lord's teaching is that we be forgiven our trespasses even as we forgive those who trespassed against us.
We recall quite WELL when others offended us. We do not realize we have offended others.
So forgive your enemies. And pray for their salvation.

But one thing I noticed was how all the girls except one of them didn't forgive him. They said they hope he lives out the rest of his life behind bars to think about what he did wrong and how he hurt them. One even said I will never forgive you.

My replies here were in view of how Christians should do. Men and women need to get The Forgiver - Christ, into their innermost being.
It is hard to advize the unbeliever on this. The BELIEVER has hope because the grace and power to forgive and forget is with this Perfect One who lives in our spirit. That is IF we have received Jesus as Lord into our heart.

When I heard that, I thought to myself, by not forgiving him, she's hurting herself. She's holding in the pain and it will eat at her all the days of her life until she can find it within herself to forgive him. So no matter how heinous the crime, do you think God still wants us to forgive our transgressors?

Is it wrong if we don't?

Until an unbeliever comes to realize HOW MUCH they too have been forgiven by Christ, they will not have understanding or ability to forgive and forget in the manner the Lord teaches.

We will be judged by God in one of two places: Either at the great white throne of God when books are opened of the record of all we did, Or at the cross of Calvary when Jesus was judged by God on our behalf.

These days, I open many of my prayers like this: "Lord Jesus, have mercy on all my enemies."
I often practice to begin my prayers to the Lord in this way. That is because I see, essentially no one is getting away with anything.

I am over 70 and have many occasions of both being the offended as well as the offender.

 

[oikonomia]

A song from Romans on not avenging yourselves.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Unforgiveness is a great blight on a Christian's life. God has forgiven us much more than any person has done to offend us. We have no right to withhold forgiveness and God will hold us to account. If anyone is keen to lose all the blessings of being saved, by all means cling to unforgiveness. Soon it will turn to bitterness and resentment. That has consequences for health as well as poisoning relationships.

 

[Shodan]

C. S. Lewis wrote about the passage where Jesus tells us to forgive, not seven times, but seventy times seven times. What Lewis found hard was that he had to forgive the same sin, over and over again. Until. late in his life, Lewis was comforted to find that he had, actually, forgiven someone who had badly mistreated him in his school days.

I have faith that God forgives me, even if I don't feel forgiven. Likewise I can have faith that I have forgiven others, even if I don't feel like I have.

The other thing is that I might be forgiven, but still have to suffer the consequences of my sins. Maybe I got drunk and crashed my car. I am forgiven, but I don't get my car back. And I might still have to go to prison for drunk driving.

IOW "I forgive him, and I pray that he comes to repentance before he dies in prison".

Regards,
Shodan

 

[Rescued One]

Forgiving helps us! Prison is a good place for people to think about their sins and to protect innocent people from them.

 

[seeker2122]

I agree with most responses, but I fear the majority of the world disagrees with us.
I realize it is the world so it doesn't matter, only what God says matters.

But then why do we celebrate all these victims of crime as brave and amazing human beings for coming out and sharing their story but NOT forgiving Jeffrey Epstein or Dr. Nasser .....I don't get it. When we see them share their testimonies and they say, "I hope you will remain in prison for the rest of your life so that you can think about what you did" the world applauds them. Shouldn't we be saying, "I hope you will get treatment and rehabilitated so that you can redeem your life?" or when they say, "I will never forgive you for what you did to me and my family" and the world cheers them. I'm thinking to myself....uhm.....why? She should be forgiving them and then we could actually applaud her for what an amazing step forward she took in life. Just in my thoughts.