do we have the right to expect gratitude from others?

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

my understanding of the scripture is that everything we have are from the Lord. Hence we are merely stewards, not owners. And we are blessed to be blessing to others.

for example, recently I am reading this book written by Joyce Meyer. in the book she was talking about how she is currently helping out one of her aunt by supplementing the woman's income, which I thought is great. Anyway, she talks about she had a disagreement with her aunt over how her aunt is being cared for, and she felt angry with her aunt because she felt she has done so much for the woman ( she did repent in the end and took the initiatives to apologize)

And for me, this is the problem, many Christians, when helping people, seem to have this " you owe me now" mentality. It is like I did this and that for you,
but if you think about it, if God did not give you and I blessings, would we even have the resources to bless others? and aren't we meant to be a good steward in the first place anyway?

I guess in most incidences, this " you owe me mentality" is pretty harmless, but in a lot situations, it can actually become abusive. Often people who done something for others will result in thinking, whether overtly or subconsciously, that they own the other person in one way or another, and if they and their family abused or take advantage of the other person, that person just have to take it, if they stand up for themselves, then they are being ungrateful?

what do you think?

 

[EazyMack]

In no way is it limited to Christians.

But it's a good point... give without expecting anything in return. That's what Jesus did.

 

[saved24]

No one owes us when we do something good. We do not give to receive. It is disappointing though when you help out a person a lot or their children, and then they charge you for something instead of doing it for free.

One guy gave me a good price though to put up a satellite dish I used to have, and then came and told me one guy was so happy with his work they gave him extra money. Therefore he said he would charge me the extra money too. And this to someone I lent their child a $50 item for a camping trip and never got it back. That was so annoying, but we lend and do not expect to get it back.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

No one owes us when we do something good. We do not give to receive. It is disappointing though when you help out a person a lot or their children, and then they charge you for something instead of doing it for free.

One guy gave me a good price though to put up a satellite dish I used to have, and then came and told me one guy was so happy with his work they gave him extra money. Therefore he said he would charge me the extra money too. And this to someone I lent their child a $50 item for a camping trip and never got it back. That was so annoying, but we lend and do not expect to get it back.

yes, I see what you mean

to be perfect honest, even though I know one should give without any expectation in return, when you do something nice for someone, it is normal to wish you would get something in return as the sign of their gratitude.

but I have been through some stuffs for me to know those kind of expectation, if left unchecked, could turn into something really ugly

so I don know, I think in end of the day, love does not have an agenda, it is easier said than done, but I think that is what we should all be aiming for....

 

[Yoseft]

I know it hurts.

Each day in my work place, by His Grace I go above and beyond as an example.

This is how I was raised and He molded me that way.

I take care of over 900 computer systems, and perform many many
other tasks to serve people.

Sometimes no thank you, or a slight instead for pouring ourselves out hurts.

But I have learned in fear and trembling, to willfully forgive and ask a Blessing
over those that sometimes offend.

Sometimes / maybe most my mind, my emotions are the opposite
of forgiveness.

But I speak it out loud. I decree it (by myself) from my mouth
Father I forgive them, and Bless Them!

I will to forgive and speak it out. I try with all my being to let it go.

I do not want unforgiveness and a root of bitterness to be in me.

As many times as HE has forgiven me, I must forgive others.

No I do not always expect gratitude, just doing what is right.

I know it hurts when others forget your good works and then even slight
you, but we must Bless those that offend, and forgive.

It is HIS Way.

Yosef

 

[Autumnleaf]

No. Expecting people to feel a certain way is putting how we feel into something we have no control over.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

I know it hurts.

Each day in my work place, by His Grace I go above and beyond as an example.

This is how I was raised and He molded me that way.

I take care of over 900 computer systems, and perform many many
other tasks to serve people.

Sometimes no thank you, or a slight instead for pouring ourselves out hurts.

But I have learned in fear and trembling, to willfully forgive and ask a Blessing
over those that sometimes offend.

Sometimes / maybe most my mind, my emotions are the opposite
of forgiveness.

But I speak it out loud. I decree it (by myself) from my mouth
Father I forgive them, and Bless Them!

I will to forgive and speak it out. I try with all my being to let it go.

I do not want unforgiveness and a root of bitterness to be in me.

As many times as HE has forgiven me, I must forgive others.

No I do not always expect gratitude, just doing what is right.

I know it hurts when others forget your good works and then even slight
you, but we must Bless those that offend, and forgive.

It is HIS Way.

Yosef

I can understand the need to feel appreciated, I am like that too.

but as Christian, it is important to remember our feeling does not always align with what are objectively right and wrong.

for example, when we are getting paid to do a job, the understanding is employers expects us to do a good job in exchange for our salary, they don't really have any obligation to thank us for doing something they are paying us for.

 

[seeingeyes]

my understanding of the scripture is that everything we have are from the Lord. Hence we are merely stewards, not owners. And we are blessed to be blessing to others.

for example, recently I am reading this book written by Joyce Meyer. in the book she was talking about how she is currently helping out one of her aunt by supplementing the woman's income, which I thought is great. Anyway, she talks about she had a disagreement with her aunt over how her aunt is being cared for, and she felt angry with her aunt because she felt she has done so much for the woman ( she did repent in the end and took the initiatives to apologize)

And for me, this is the problem, many Christians, when helping people, seem to have this " you owe me now" mentality. It is like I did this and that for you,
but if you think about it, if God did not give you and I blessings, would we even have the resources to bless others? and aren't we meant to be a good steward in the first place anyway?

I guess in most incidences, this " you owe me mentality" is pretty harmless, but in a lot situations, it can actually become abusive. Often people who done something for others will result in thinking, whether overtly or subconsciously, that they own the other person in one way or another, and if they and their family abused or take advantage of the other person, that person just have to take it, if they stand up for themselves, then they are being ungrateful?

what do you think?

I think you're spot on.

When we give, we need to give freely.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I don't know but she may have felt more was "owed" her based on the fact that it was a family member she had cared for.

For one thing, we have more of a tendency to think family "owe" us for what we do for them. (I'm not saying it's right, only that it's common.)

And for another, she probably cares about her aunt, and since she is caring FOR her, she may also expect to have some say in the care. That is pretty normal. Again, maybe not exactly right, but normal.

It does carry over into other situations though. I've seen people help out someone who is needy, then get upset when that person makes some decision they don't agree with. Especially if it could be seen as wasting resources. It's a fairly common scenario on TV shows even, it happens so much in real life.

But no, I don't think we should feel as though anyone is obligated to us or that we "own" anything of their decisions, etc. because we helped them. We should give with no strings or obligations attached, if we want to give.

 

[parsley]

perform many many other tasks to serve people. Sometimes no thank you, or a slight instead for pouring ourselves out hurts.

The more responsibility you take on, the more people perceive you as the source of their problems. Even if it is in a voluntary capacity.

In Joyce's situation, there was probably no easy way of handling it. People know she has money, so if she doesn't give some to family, it can appear insensitive. But her personality is brassy, blunt and open, so there's not a natural way for her to make suggestions and not offend. (Sorry Joyce.) If it weren't over money, people would just say, "Oh, that's Joyce." But since they have accepted her help, there is an added sense of obligation.

One odd thing I have found -- sometimes I will help and people get annoyed that I want to. Usually these are little things, but people don't want a friendship where they are viewed as incapable of handling everything, so when someone starts washing the dishes or loaning a book, some people get very flustered.

I have found myself react the same way -- someone baked something for me and I felt obligated to return the favor with the dish, which I didn't have time to do then.

Our perception of others' need is sometimes not a need others want help with.

Bigger things have been offered me, and I knew others in the situation would retaliate in jealousy, so I turned down the offer. Better to sleep well and stay at peace with one's neighbors and family.

Great topic, thanks for bringing it up.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm not really sure how to respond to this. I'm someone who thinks that people should treat each other with at least basic civility and decency, and that would include gratitude or thanks when you do something for someone. But do I think the other person "owes" me something in return, like a favor? No. I wouldn't even say that they "owe" me thanks, because it's not a matter of debt vs payment, it's just a matter of basic manners. So, yes, I expect gratitude when I do something for someone, but it isn't because I feel like I personally deserve it, it's because I expect people to be polite and treat each other with decency. Sorry for being all convoluted, but that's how I see it.

 

[Billy Bayou]

Remember what Christ said in Mathew 6:

6 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

This applies to all acts of kindness. What we do for anyone on earth is like we are doing it for Christ. We may not get recognized for it here on earth but will be rewarded in Heaven. We shouldn't do things with a reward as our goal. We should do them to be like Christ.

 

[Scott1979]

I learned the hard way that you shouldn't even expect a thank you when you do something for someone else. In some cases I guess that is even to much to ask.

 

[Khasilooluv]

When we give, we need to give freely.

Perfect and simple answer.

Although it's nice to be appreciated, we should definitely give without expecting anything in return. Because most of the time, you might not get anything in return and then no hard feelings right?

If I expected something for all the gifts I actually give out, I'd be one unhappy girl.

 

[parsley]

If I expected something for all the gifts I actually give out, I'd be one unhappy girl.

(-;
If I expected to get back all the things I loaned to people, I might spend a week knocking on doors to get them back.