Do not want to tease

[JussiOlavi]

My mother used to suffer of bipolar order and of schizophrenia. I would like to tell a true story from my life concerning me and my father and my mother. Those years were 1968 - 1980.

But I do not like to but a burden on anyone's shoulders and I'm a little bit afraid that there might be people who may accuse themselves because of my writing. The story has good things and bad things. Good thing is that my mother became a believer(= found Jesus) and she died in the age of 89 still being a believer. So I'm asking the opinion of the people should I write or not write?


EDIT:So it is now there already written in this chain.

Little real story

 

[RobertMerton]

write.

it is good and healthy to express yourself in a constructive matter
be it feelings, concerns, stories and such forth

 

[JussiOlavi]

I'm just having rhinitis and fever. And I do believe that I will have time to write the story I mentioned during next coming days. I hope it will be short but expressive enough to touch peoples hearts.

Waiting to get some more comments.

 

[SinkingShip]

I'd agree that you should write it. The truth has a habit of wanting to be spoken and heard.

 

[Laurilee]

Would love to read it!

 

[nautical999]

i would love to read it too. Please write it. It could help others.

 

[Alive again]

Write on!

 

[JussiOlavi]

I have began to write it. There is about thirty rows written already on my computer. I'm trying to write also about my feelings and the right expression. Well I'm a Finn and I have to think in English but I do not know all the expressions in English. I hope Jesus helps me to get it touching enough and short enough and interesting enough so that as many as possible will read it. Pray for this writing project.

How rich is the world and we just take one tiny part of it during our life.
How great is our Lord and Saviour Jesus and we just get to know him only a little during our life.

 

[JussiOlavi]

Little real story

When I was born, 1962, my parents were living in Aanekoski. It's a small urban district in the middle Finland. My father was working there in a paper mill as a foreman. My father got a better working place from a fiberboard factory situated also in small urban district called Karhula. So year 1964 in January we moved to live there in Karhula and I was two years old.

The place, where our house was, had very nice area around. The park with trees and few well kept lawn fields. Many children was living in that community. So I had a lot of friends though they used to be two to 10 years older than I. Years went by and the time for me to go to school came nearer. I have a memory visiting a mental hospital to see my mother during that time for the first time but it's quite weak.

Well I think the year was 1970 we were having a holiday trip to north of Norway. Those days people in Finland used to travel trough Finland during summertime and sleep the nights in a tent in camping places. We had had a nice trip to Norway and when we were coming back my mother was acting strange. She forced my father to stop by many Churches. One moment we were sitting with my father in our car and my mother was meeting the priest of the local church we had stopped by. Father said ”This has been going for years”. I asked ”what?” My father asked ”Don't you remember your mother being in mental hospital and her strange behavior?” I said ”No”. Then my father told me everything that I did not remember of that time. Afterwards it has became back in to my memories and I remember the room for visitors were we met my mother in that hospital. Somehow I had pushed those memories out of my mind.

After this holiday trip my mother's symptoms went worse. She began to stay awake longer to the night. She looked horror movies from TV. She borrowed books telling stories about conspiracies, for example Watergate scandal. Also many books were scientific. Finally everything began to mix in her mind. The reality and the imagination started to change places. I do not remember the amount of treatments my mother had to go trough but the last one I remember. It was in the year 1979. The ambulance men came to our house to fetch my mother to a new hospital where she had never been before. My mother started to run away from the men. She ran to our dining room, a room that was used during special times like Christmas and birthday parties. I felt very bad seeing these strong men heading from both sides of the room towards my mother. It was a horrible sight seeing my mother being trapped there in the corner of the room and tears were falling along my cheeks. Finally she surrendered and was willing to go to the ambulance. After she came back from that hospital she was no more my mother because her personality had disappeared and she did not have her own will anymore. She was living almost like a robot doing what my father asked her to do.

During my mother's misbehavior time I had to confront situations I could not handle. I remember when I was at the age of nine that I ran to upstairs crying and thinking why my mother is insane. Many times when we were meeting relatives my mother started to speak odd things and everyone around acted like there was not happening anything strange. I had to be ashamed many times because of my mother. Once at the age of thirteen I was meeting other children and began to argue of something with a fifteen year old girl. The girl asked me ”who says so?” and I said ”my mother”. This girl said ”but your mother is mad”. All the other children around me were hearing this and this struck me deeply.

When my father died my mother told me about the time when she became a believer. It was before her last treatment 1979. She had been in physical healing group and they did gymnastic exercises where they read the Bible in the end. She said that she realized that God is everywhere and not staying behind the walls of church. I asked her why she had not told it to me earlier and she said because my father had forced her to stay silent about it. Because I had given my life to Christ in 1997 during Christmas I asked if she does believe in Christ. She said that she believes Jesus is the son of God. My father died autumn 2001 and my mother 2007 summertime - at the same day died one of my cousins on the behalf of my mother. Just before my mother died I visited her many times in an old peoples home where she had been staying after my father died. Usually I sang psalms and read the Bible two to three hours to her. Once she said to me ”you are very good boy”. I said ”no mom – Jesus is good”. She said ”You are a very good boy”.

Although everything this - I honor my father and my mother.

Mr. Jussi Rautanen

 

[hisbloodformysins]

My mother used to suffer of bipolar order and of schizophrenia. I would like to tell a true story from my life concerning me and my father and my mother. Those years were 1968 - 1980.

But I do not like to but a burden on anyone's shoulders and I'm a little bit afraid that there might be people who may accuse themselves because of my writing. The story has good things and bad things. Good thing is that my mother became a believer(= found Jesus) and she died in the age of 89 still being a believer. So I'm asking the opinion of the people should I write or not write?

So it is now there written in this chain.

Little real story

the scary thing might be digging into those experiences... that is what keeps me from writing about my experiences sometimes. I read a book that encouraged writers to write the truth, the ugly truth... the truth they don't want to tell.. that those make the best stories.

 

[jacks]

That was a wonderful story, thank you for sharing. It is the suffering of our loved ones that is hardest to bare. It sounds like she loved and appreciated you to the end. God now holds her safely in his loving arms. Only Christ can give us who remain the strength to endure. The Lord is with us all.

 

[helpneedednow]

i would write if it helps you. expressing yourself is the best medicine and whether it is all good or bad, it doesnt matter. maybe you will help someone else with their problems or they will be encouraged to write. you may save a life which would be the most beneficial thing you could possibly do on this planet.

 

[JussiOlavi]

It's already written in this message chain.

Be blessed!